Dear All,

After waivering for quite some time, i've decided to close my blog.. many reasons why.. but its probably cos of my emotional attachment to this blog and of course time.. i love the fun feature of having a tag board esp the smiley faces, bowling being my favourite.

this blog.. to me.. marked the beginning of my journey of turning back to God.. cos if u read my Jan 2004 posts.. it starts of with me struggling after my break up.. days that i cried day and night..many valuable lessons learnt.. this blog will always be here to remind me of what God has shown me.. His great love,grace and mercy.. as human beings we tend to forget.. tat's why we have journals.. to remind ourselves of our past.. :) of cos i still hv my diary.. but blogs.. allows me to share part of my journey with other pple as well.. i will still pop by cos i love the convenience it gives me to link up with others...

meanwhile, i will be updating on justshawna.multiply.com
multiply allows me to share so much more... my photos, my market, and of cos a journel as well. its jus a platform and of course there are many other similar programs out there.. but being an IT idiot, it really makes things easier for me when its so user friendly!! :) here's the best part.. multiply allows me to have confidentiality.. :) i hate it when pple misunderstands what i write.. an issue that i'm still dealing with. Cos i know ultimately, its only God that will be in control. but yah.. on my part.. i'm learning to be careful with who i share information with.. :)

Friends, here's a favour i ask of u... whenever in doubt of me and my actions.. ask.. ask me plss.. cos when u ask.. i'm also being reminded of what i am doing? will it be for a selfish desire or is it really what God wants...

See u later, alligator......

i suppose my friend is right to say that blogs may be a little impersonal.. but same goes with smses, msn chat and irc chats.. its all the same i guess. i think it all depends on how much one shares.. but then again.. u wouldn't know for sure that its all real yah? ;) interesting.. for me.. i love reading other's blogs.. and yes.. sometimes, it does provide insights to the person's thoughts, other times, jus what that person loves doing. but we should never let it be a barrier to the real communication, interaction with how wonderful the real person is.

so yes.. i went on a retreat with my dad to kukup 龟咯, malaysia. its was actually my aunt 大姑 who invited us as her church (Glory Joy Christian Church 荣乐基督教会) was organising it. my grandma used to attend this church before she passed away.. so my aunt accompanied her back then.. and till date, she herself still attends the church. its a mandarin service. the church actually started off and eventually bought over a bungalow in sembawang.. but apparently, some of the residents complained.. so they could no longer hold the service there. currently, they rent the rooms at the Boy's Brigade every sunday. its a small congregation.. but i found it really warm and cosy. cos everyone knows each other.. its quite an experience to be in a small church.. and singing mandarin songs. singing mandarin songs.. brought me a diff perspective of God's love in one of the songs.
耶稣爱我，耶稣疼我 i never thought of God as a doting father.. and it really touched my heart..
so on the trip, there were hardly any young pple.. mostly oldies.. :) they're so cute! sometimes, oldies can misbehave as well. quoted from my aunt. :) its so true.. and they're all still so young at heart. yes.. physically, they may be slow, all wrinkled up.. but their heart.. only God knows. so sweet, warm and caring. i sure hope my dad would go.. cos with my aunt already there, it might be easier for him.
everytime i meet my aunt, she would remind me so much of grandma. as if she's a splitting image and it would make me tear. don't ask me why.. cos i don't know why either. :) and it was nice to know that some of these very same pple were friends with my grandma, who cared for her though she may be reserved.. these are the pple that will come and pay house visits when u miss church.. these are the pple i've seen in my childhood.. whom i've always wondered who they are.. and why they always bow down their heads to pray and always end with an Amen. the very pple.. who made me wonder who they are praying to.. and now i know.
oh and guess wat.. they even sang songs in hokkien and cantonese.. hehe.. well at least i can tell u i can sing one song in hokkien now. ;p
真正好，来信耶稣真正好。。。
refreshed.. and renewed. humbled by the different pple i've met.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! i can't believe i screamed at my dad!!! so frustrated with Nokia.. so anxious to give him the phone.. yet he complains it doesn't receive chinese letters.. sigh..
i went down to Nokia, trying my luck today to see if my 7650 was ready for collection. so when i say try my luck, it means i didn't bring my battery along to try. to my surprise, it was ready for collection when they called my name MR Liu Xiaohui. geez.. do i look like a MR? so yah.. i didn't have to complain to anyone.. cos i got my phone. so i told them no one called me at at! its been more than 2 months and no one called me to collect! oh well.. i'm jus happy i got my 7650 back. so i asked them since i didn't bring my battery, can i bring home to try and bring it back if it still doesn't work at no charge. the guy said ok. i have till the end of the month. k satisfied.. i paid $26.25 and went home.
sigh.. but then.. i guess u can sorta guess ... i couldn't even turn on my phone! and it doesn't help when Dad just keeps nagging at me! nagging that i was so naive not to test my phone! already told him i was trying my luck!! then yah.. that's when i screamed back.. it was my own choice to bring it home without testing and not Nokia's fault. i know dad was hurt.. cos after the scream.. he kept quiet.. sigh.. i hate it. i should have locked myself in the room to test the phone.. then i wouldn't have screamed at him. :( now.. all i can do is say sorry..

with regards to 7650. i'm not sure if i shd give up on Nokia.. sigh.. so tired. and i hate scolding pple.. i hate it..

Pass on the Musical Baton..
passed to me by Jean

I am proud to present my musical influences currently running on my pc :

Total volume of music files on my computer:
195MB, 43 files heh.. all burnt away already ;)

Last CD I bought was:
Reflective moments of praise

Song playing right now:
童话 - 光良

Five Songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
1) I Need you - Sonic Flood
2) Gone - Switchfoot
3) God is Moving - United live
4) Welcome Home - Shaun Groves
5) Mission 3:16 - Carman

Five people whom I'm passing the baton:
Weifen
Aletheia
Drey
Melvin
Linda

heeeeeeeeee.... oh well.. i wonder how i wonder why..

so yes... have i mentioned what cute colleagues i have? as if they are in a team to compliment each other. so much that i can learn from my executives.. but learning is one processing.. absorbing it and cultivating it is another.. oh boi.. if i ask too many repeated questions, i become very irritating!!

there's this lady in my dept.. she's real nice.. and she's crack lame jokes as well! lol.. is there a connection with being nice and lame? oh well.. i love lame jokes.. it provides comic relief. :)) and everybody loves her. the others are very meticulous.. and very hardworking!! wow.. and being meticulous is very important with what i'm doing now! how? mus learn on the job.. and hopefully i will get better at it. then u will slowly see my room's mess change.. lol. i hope.

I need you by Sonic Flood

You know who I am inside, You know when i lie
You can tell when i'm amazed, you can see my faith
You know when i don't believe, you know when i'm free
You can tell when i'm in love, you know i'm in need.

Love, i need love, you are love i need you.....
Love, you are love.. i need love.. i need you...

You know all my deepest fears, you know when i'm scared
You can read my empty page, you can feel my rage
You're aware of when i dream you see when i breath
You can tell when i'm in love, you know i'm in need...

We need you we need you father,
i know we need you father, much more than any other..
your love brings us together, we need you, we need you....

music is the key to open the heart to see Jesus.. music opens our eyes..
its all abt our worship...

sigh.. i'm in need...

you didn't have to use the word crucify..