Post Christmas Post

This has been a tender and memorable Christmas. Some good friends in our neighborhood lost their son to Duchenne Muscular Dystrophe last Sunday, 4 days before Christmas. This past month - as it became apparent that he would be passing soon, and especially this past week, there has been an outpouring of the spirit and fellowship in the neighborhood. We found out about his passing together as a ward when the Bishop stood up at the close of the Christmas choir program during sacrament meeting and announced that he'd just received the news. He then delivered a powerful testimony of the Savior, of Christmas and pronounced a blessing upon all of us. This experience has helped us to focus even more on the very real power of Christ's atonement and resurrection, and to follow Alma's direction "to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and...mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort." (Mosiah 18:8-9) In doing so, we have grown closer to each other and to the Savior. This is the miracle of Christmas. We have seen it in action this Christmas. I will never forget it.

We have also made some wonderful memories:

Making popcorn balls to give away (and eat!) with my Grandma Tiede 

(aka "the Popcorn Lady of Gila, New Mexico").

A miraculous evening out with the youth in our ward, buying sub-for-santa gifts for kids from the Angel Tree. Here we are with our group. (We had 5 other groups just like this one at different stores. Each of us buying for a different child.) I thought there was no way we could get all the things we had picked out within our budget, even though Brother Lassig admonished me to have faith. But when Devin the checker found out what we were doing he hooked us up with every discount in the book (and probably off the book). Like an episode of Extreme Couponing we watched in suspense as the total added up until he entered that final discount. 

We ended up 50 cents under budget, and a loud cheer erupted from check stand 9. Devin said it was the best thing that happened to him all day. I think it was probably the best thing that happened to all of us that day too. 

Doing some good in the world.

Making pomanders with Grandma Jacque. One of my favorite Christmas traditions!

 Christmas Eve dinner with most of the Melton clan (we so missed our Michigan Melton's!). 

Look how far little Paxon has come in just a year! What a miracle he is to us.

Watching Abner yawn his way through his preschool Christmas program.

A little video of the action. I love how Abner starts bellowing after Ms. Sandy's 2nd prompt to sing louder. In his defense, she only said louder, nothing about rhythm or articulation.

Rudolf from Angie Melton on Vimeo.

In the spirit of Christmas, I forgave Abner (after I had a little melt down) for doing this. 

2 days before Christmas (yes, that's sharpie -- and yes, Santa somehow overlooked this giant indiscretion -- among many that day).

Christmas morning magic.

This year I did something different. The kids would get 3 gifts each (besides something from Santa) representing the gold, frankincense and myrrh that the wise men brought to the Christ child. Gold would be a gift of wonder (something they wished for), frankincense - a gift of meaning, and myrrh - a gift of usefulness. This helped me to focus and simplify my gift-giving. It made the giving more personal and love-filled for me, as well as directing our thoughts back to the meaning of Christmas. I'm making this our new tradition.

(Somehow I missed getting a picture of Grace -- sorry Grace.)

 A quiet candlelight dinner on Christmas with our kids.

Christmas Day brought another gift of wonder for us (especially the kids): SNOW!!! It made everything so beautiful. There was a short time on Christmas when Mike and Jessie had taken the dog for a long walk, Abner had fallen asleep, and the other kids were quietly playing in the basement -- and I had the living room to myself, the Christmas tree, Christmas music softly playing, soup simmering in the kitchen and snow coming down out the window. I sat by myself on the sofa and just soaked up that perfect moment.

The next day we struck out with the Melton's for a short sledding excursion to the little hill by our old house...perfect for the little boys. Hot chocolate and conversation at our house after.

We spent a cold - but beautiful - night out at Temple Square with the Las Vegas Melton's and Grandpa Howard. It was so nice to spend this time with them.

Mike arranged for the brothers Melton (and Val and Pax and Grace and Grandpa) to go to a Jazz game together. Tim wore his John Stockton and Karl Malone socks.

Here is a clip from the Sullivan Christmas Eve nativity. To me, this is Christmas. I am so grateful for the gift of Christmas.

DSCN7210 from Angie Melton on Vimeo.

Emergency Averted

Today, at church Mike was summoned out of Sunday School by Sully's Primary teachers.

 I was in a meeting when all this went down and couldn't answer my phone. But this was the blow by blow (pun not intended) from Mike in text:

Awesome.

A Night Out with a Couple of 1st Graders

The Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert is notoriously hard to get tickets for. They offer tickets for only 3 performances, plus an abbreviated Sunday morning sampling. When I heard who the guest performers were going to be this year I so wanted to get tickets. Usually children under 8 are not admitted to these performances, but, under the circumstances, they opened this year's concert to  children as young as 5. I thought Sully would love it. I put the word out among family members to put their names in the lottery to see if any of us could score these coveted tickets. Out of 7 or 8 lottery entries just one, my mom, came away with tickets, which she handed over to us. THANKS MOM!

We invited Sully's cousin Tom to join us for the evening.  Traffic was a mess and it took us longer to get downtown than we hoped. Parking was 4 blocks away from the Conference Center, and we were going to have to scramble to make sure they didn't give away our seats to standby. I held Tom's hand as we all made like super heroes and ran the 4 blocks. I had been getting over a cold, and by about block 2 my lungs were burning. I told Mike that we would have to slow up, but they all wanted to keep running. Tom was disgusted with his running partner, and asked Mike if he could hold his hand instead. (ha ha ha ha)

By the time we lined up to enter the Conference Center I could not stop coughing, and I kept on coughing all night off and on. 

The concert was so much fun. My favorite part? When organist Richard Elliot did "The Twelve Days of Christmas" with the Count. Mike says he almost cried when the choir did the Polish carol "Infant Holy, Infant Lowly". My emotional moment came when Santino Fontana and the Muppets sang "Sing a Song" -- don't know if that means I'm less sophisticated, but that song holds a lot of childhood memories for me. 

Thanks everyone who threw their names in the hat for us to try to help us get tickets. 

It was a magical evening!

Restitution

Recently, Noble tied our not-so-little puppy to one of the dining chairs. Which resulted in this...

I was out of the house when the incident occurred - and Noble called to give me a heads up, hoping to dissipate some of the looming wrath. He told me that the wall had been "dented". When I returned home and saw this gaping hole I admit that I lost my head and YELLED. I really yelled. It had been a stressful day already, and this little crisis seemed disproportionately dire in the moment. A penitent Noble promised he would fix it. I was more than a little doubtful. I assumed this was going to cost a lot of money and/or time, plus how would we ever match the paint?
When Mike got home (and I had calmed down) I rehearsed for him what had happened. Mike assured me that he could fix it, and that he and Noble would take care of it. So a few days later they got to work...

Thanks to YouTube, the paint lady at Lowes (with their genius paint-matching computer), and Mike's can-do attitude Noble has learned an important lesson and my wall has been restored to a nearly pristine state. Also, all those other dings and scratches that have accumulated over the years and needed to be touched up? Bonus. So, in a way I can thank Noble.

This is Christmas

It's that time of year. I have been thinking a lot about Christmas and the Christmas spirit. When I was a kid I never had a problem feeling the magic of Christmas, or hope for the future. This is  not surprising, because like a lot of kids I didn't have much stress. For most of us something happens in adulthood when the realities and burdens of life elbow their way in, especially when those realities are unrelenting for extended periods of time, and take center stage. It's not always easy to let ourselves be light-hearted. Sometimes the best we can muster for Christmas is a weary and momentary withdrawing from our worries, a quick, breather from the weight of living. But the truth is the magic is not just for children. Those grown-up burdens and struggles are the key to unlocking the purity of Christmas in our hearts again. Because they help us learn to rely on Christ. This mortal life is not something we can always control; everything we struggle to obtain or overcome is temporary. What matters is that we come to know and love Christ and love each other.

I wanted to share a story that my dear friend Jenn Andrus Wheeler related of her own experience. Mike saw it on Facebook yesterday and read it to me last night. It brought me to tears -- and brought gratitude and joy to my heart. I asked her if I could share it. I hope you all feel the joy of Christmas this year.
______________________________________

Merry Christmas to you all! We were challenged to "Share the Gift" of Christmas at church today, so I am. I hope you will all enjoy the video on lds.org, and I wanted to share a memorable Christmas I had quite awhile ago now...it'll probably end up being a short story. Please bear with me; it's worth it.

I've shared bits and pieces of this story with many people whenever I felt it was needed. However, while I was going through this period of time, I did not share what was going on...and when I did, it was only small bits and pieces with a very few people. I had decided a long time ago to try and be positive as best as I could because I didn't want to be a Debbie Downer (no offense to any of you named Debbie  ). I share this with you because this is the Christmas I feel I came to truly understand what Christmas is all about.

It was the fall/winter of 2004. We had been living in a small 126 yr old home called the "Love Shack." Josh was told it was called the love shack because your wife would really have to love you to live there  We moved in to this home in the summer of 2004 because at the time, it was all we could afford...our other option was a tent. Josh had a job, but the business was struggling...they kept promising to pay him, but they were 2 months behind. The company ended up going bankrupt, which meant Josh was now out of work, and we were totally out of money (this was in October). Josh had also been struggling with deep depression for several years...although I didn't fully understand that at the time because depression was not something I had experienced up to that point. I went back to school that August to work on a masters degree in speech language pathology thinking if I had to work, this would be a good "mom" job.

To help you better picture this "lovely" home we lived in...it had 1 bedroom (yep, we all slept in the same room...the kids' bunk bed was right next to our bed, and they'd jump off the top bunk onto our bed thinking this was a great indoor trampoline), a tiny living room (it fit our couch and TV), a small kitchen that didn't even have enough room for a dining table (so we used TV trays in the tiny living room), and a bathroom that had been added onto the house 60 years earlier that was sloughing off the shoddy foundation; it was like walking into a fun house - everything was slanted, and when you showered, you'd better make sure you had good footing. We joked that we could sit on the couch, answer the front door, and flip the eggs on the stove at the same time (I kid you not...it was that small). The roof was is great need of repair...Josh had fixed the leaks with lots of tar and a few shingles. The outside was falling apart too. We felt the house looked like we felt...our life was falling apart, and so were we. To make matters worse, the furnace didn't work. We had 1 little space heater to help warm up whatever room we were in at the time.

Josh had been talking to his uncle Joel about moving to CA to help him start up a teak furniture business in Buena Park for close to a year. That October, Joel asked Josh if he'd like to move out and help start up the business. Josh JUMPED at the opportunity. This was the first glimmer of hope I'd seen in his eyes in about 3-4 years.

That November Josh went to Thailand for 2 weeks with his uncle and his uncle's business partner, Ray, to buy more furniture. When they got back, Josh was gone another 1-2 weeks helping move furniture. While they were there, our car broke down and needed $8000 worth of repair...we opted for having only the mandatory repairs done to get the car running for $3300 knowing more repairs were needed soon. Josh would not start getting paid for working for his uncle until the end of December.

We had no money for Christmas gifts...yet, feeling like we wanted to give our kids a happy Christmas, we went ahead and bought a couple of small gifts (thanks to VISA). The bills were piling up, and I was experiencing depression myself.

To top this all off, the kids and I woke up to ice inside the house several days in a row while Josh was gone,and we came down with colds.

Despite our difficult circumstances, life seemed to be going on amazingly well for all those around us...Christmas festivities and lights were all around us, we were surrounded by family who loved us, and this was a joyous time of the year...and we were very good at putting on a positive face and doing our best to enjoy the season, but the reality of the situation was I felt very little joy or light in my life at that moment...and I felt very alone despite being surrounded by loved ones.

I had a major melt down while Josh was gone. I simply could not live like this anymore...I thought I could for a long time...after all, others were worse off than I was. We at least had a roof over our head, clothes to wear, and we had food to eat. I came to realize it wasn't the lack of material goods that I was really struggling with...I was losing hope, and this was a first for me.

I knelt down on my kitchen floor while my kids were playing in the bedroom and began pouring my heart out to God. I found myself saying I would do whatever He wanted me to do if He would just make things better. As I sat there for awhile, I felt a peace come over me that is difficult to explain...a love that is tangible yet invisible to the eye. That was the gift I needed at that very moment. While new clothes, a big home with a furnace that works, reliable cars, and gifts under the Christmas tree are wonderful...they do not compare to the light, love and peace that come from Christ. I felt hopeful that things would get better...and they did; our life improved dramatically over the next few years. Whenever I have turned to Christ throughout my life for help, comfort, guidance, and peace, He has never let me down.

Christ has held me to that promise to do whatever He asks, and it's been difficult at times, but I've learned over and over that I'm always blessed with more than I ever give.

Whenever the kids and I talk about which Christmases they remember most, this is top on the list. Because they each only got 2 small gifts, they still remember what they got...and they thoroughly enjoyed playing with those toys. We moved in with Josh's parents for the month of December before we moved to California, and the kids loved spending so much time with their grandparents and cousins too.

Because God loves us, He did give us the gift of His son. I believe in Christ. I believe that He is our Savior. I have hope for a better world because of Him. Truly, He understands us and all that we're going through because He has experienced it.

So, if you find yourself struggling this Christmas or at any other time, I encourage you to simply get on your knees and pour your heart out to God, our Heavenly Father, and ask for His help. If you do, I know you'll feel His love and Jesus Christ's love for you...just like I have. Love has a remarkable way of healing us and helping us move forward no matter how difficult our circumstances may be. I have learned for myself that their love is truly unconditional...no matter what we've done, they still love us. They allow consequences to follow our actions, but their love for us never waivers. While this may seem difficult to believe...it's true.

I hope that you'll each search for "the Gift" this Christmas season, and my wish is that you'll all find it. I hope that this Christmas season is one of your best!

I love you all and am grateful for the influence you've had in my life.

Jenn

Bryce and Grand Back to Back

We decided when the kids had some time off from school this Fall we wanted to visit Bryce Canyon. I also really wanted to take them to the Grand Canyon, but we weren't sure that we'd be able to fit both. Luckily, it all worked out. It was awesome. 

The first evening there we took a short hike to the Queen Victoria's Garden via the Sunrise Point trail. 

Thor's Hammer on the trail to Queen's Garden.

The evening light was so beautiful.

After our hike we decided to go to dinner at the highly recommended Bryce Canyon Pines. We know we have a big family, but we were reminded in a big way of how unconventional that is. We ended up having to wait an hour an a half for an 8-person table, and then the entire time we ate, all the European tourists seated around us stared continuously. I had to smile.

The kids were extraordinarily well behaved considering we didn't get to eat until 9:00 PM.

We stayed that night at the Bryce Canyon Grand Hotel, a sister hotel to Ruby's Inn at the park entrance. We'll stay there again.

One of our favorite hikes in Bryce was the short double trail called Moss Cave. One spur of the trail heads off to a really cool window formation. The kids would have spent all day playing there if we'd let them.

We left Bryce late in the afternoon after seeing more of the park. We headed south to St. George along THE MOST BEAUTIFUL STRETCH OF HIGHWAY I HAVE EVER TRAVELED. The part of highway 89 that runs down through Hatch along the Sevier River, then cutting west on highway 14 to Duck Creek and past Cedar Breaks. Heaven must look like that.

We spent that night at Mike's parents' house in Washington. The next morning we struck out for the North Rim with Mike's dad coming along for the adventure.

I don't think I have ever been on that road before. It was eerie driving through Springdale and Colorado City. Those places are just unsettling.

We stopped in at Jacob Lake before we entered the park and Grandpa bought one of their famous cookies for each of us. If you go to the North Rim, I definitely recommend a cookie from the Jacob Lake Gift Shop.

 The Grand Canyon in the fall is extra spectacular. The scope of it boggles the mind.

 Mike strategically sent me away so he could  take this picture. I almost break out in a sweat still just looking at it. I was so jittery with the kids all day whenever a ledge was in sight - even with a hand rail and chain link. I don't handle cliffs very well.

On the way out of the park we had to stop to let a large herd of buffalo cross the road.

We drove back to St. George that night thoroughly awed by the wonders of nature and God's power.

 We spent the next day kicking around St. George. We visited Judd's Store, an old mercantile store that now serves soups, sandwiches, ice cream and a wonderful array of sodas.

Sipping my Leninade

On Sunday we went to church with Mike's mom and dad and then got back on the road for home. We got back late -- but fully refreshed.

So glad to have been able to spend a week away from it all, enjoying the people I love most and unwinding in nature.

Change Keeps You on Your Toes

Hi again. It's a been a while.
As I lay in bed last night at the end of another busy day I thought about updating the blog, and then thought something like,"No rush --- no one's holding their breath waiting for our latest news." But then I thought, "If I don't write it down we won't remember these things. I need to update it." I will try to be better about keeping a record.

The past few weeks there's been a familiar change in the air. My locust tree out the front window has started to turn gold. It's a little taller than last year, like my kids (a LOT taller in Noble's case). With the change in the season this year have come a few other important changes.

Speaking of the change of the season...

We took a breakfast hike up Yellowfork. River loved it! (He loved it so much he got giardia  from the stream he was drinking from. No kidding. He spent 2 full days the next week throwing up and having diarrhea. The vet helped got him back on track... G.I. track. Now we know that a young puppy's stomach is considerably less resilient than older dogs. Live and learn. 

Sully enraptured by nature.  He kept yelling stuff like: "Nature is waiting! I feel the nature!! There's so much nature just waiting for us! Wow! Nature is getting so awesome!" 

Abner with his "mustache stick"

Big Change #1.
Four of our kids started at the new Montessori charter school near our home. Everyone has been over the moon about it. The method, the atmosphere, the new friends, the gourmet lunches...

Everyone, that is, but Tillman.

We didn't make the decision to change schools lightly. We had been involved with our old school for 10 years, but felt in the last few years that things were changing. When the option of enrolling at this Montessori school presented itself in the spring we thought a lot about it, prayed and felt right about it.

We knew it would be really different for all the kids. And we knew that Tillman is the one that has struggled the most with change in the past. When we moved to this house Tillman cried every day for weeks, and begged us to move back to our old house. Eventually he got over it.
Tillman is also a kid who likes to have every detail laid out. He wants to know exactly what to expect. So we knew it would be an adjustment for him. We just didn't understand how MUCH of an adjustment. A few days in he started to complain that it wasn't like his old school, that he didn't know the kids. (It didn't help that he and Grace and Sully had to miss the first day of school because they had strep.)  Day by day he escalated the situation. He went from whining about it after school, to crying in the bathroom at school, to calling home sick, to leaving school without telling anyone and walking the 2 miles home across Bangerter Highway.

That was a nightmare day for me. Luckily he wasn't hurt, luckily the police were not involved, luckily everyone was able to get in touch and I found him by chance before they were able to ,get a hold of me by phone (I would have freaked out). Lucky all around.

After asking him (in a very loud voice, I'll admit) what on earth had happened that would cause him to leave school like that (and hearing the same stuff: "it's different from my old school, I don't like it, I don't know the kids", etc.), I made it clear that that kind of stunt was COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. Then I drove him back to school, had him apologize to the director and his teacher, and checked him back in for the rest of the day.

The thing with Tillman is, he has a stubborn streak sometimes, so this has been exhausting. He gets into a panic cycle and then there's no stopping him until he finds a way to reboot. He needs to change the way he thinks about it...but he is unwilling. He has let his anxiety grow beyond any reasonable response to the point of desperation. His siblings are totally confused by the whole thing. I've heard them shushing him in frustration when he starts to get anxious, afraid that he'll spoil everything for them in their new-found Shangri-la.

He insisted that if we let him switch to a classroom where he knew a couple of kids he would be fine. After a series of meetings with his long-suffering teacher, the director and the school counselor we agreed to change him to a different class (not the one he wanted), and made it clear that if he chose to switch classes he was responsible to make it work. He agreed, and chose the new classroom. At first it seemed to be the reset button he needed for his negative thought cycle. Since then it's been mostly better, but we've had a few tough days lately. So we will keep on working with him. I don't know that there's a magic approach that will make him want to change his attitude, but I sure hope he figures it out soon.
That kid. We have been learning a lot about him in the process. We are also learning a lot about agency.
That was a long story.

Big Change #2.
Jessie comes of age.

 Jessie started high school, got asked to Homecoming, turned 16 and got her driver's license all in less than a month (and our auto insurance doubled).  BIG changes.

Her friend from the neighborhood (son of Kris Kemp - for those of you who share my history) dressed up like Napoleon Dynamite, his little brother dressed up like Pedro - they pedaled over with Napoleon on the pegs to give Jessie a delicious pie and this drawing of Jessie. "There's a lot more where this came from if you'll go with me to Homecoming." And then rode away again. It was classic.

Her 16th birthday was magic. A few days before the big day one of her friends texted me and wanted to set up a surprise birthday party. I kept her occupied that day with a pedicure (her first!), and later that night Mike and I took her to dinner at India Palace while the invited guests arrived at the house and set up for the surprise. She claims she had no idea, but I'm not so sure.

On Sunday (her actual birthday) we thought we would just have a quiet family dinner and invited the grandparents over for cake after. Didn't turn out that way. Her good friend from next door filled her bedroom with balloons while we were at church and then brought over this DELUXE Captain America (Jessie's favorite super hero) cake. W-O-W! 

Earlier in the day we had been looking at old scrapbooks, and we were laughing about how when Jess was little every member of our families came to every birthday party (a consequence of being the oldest and only grandchild/niece for many years), and how that was definitely a thing of the past. When it came time for cake that evening however, along with both sets of grandparents, a steady stream of Sullivan family (all 5 of my siblings and their kids) filed through the door. They all happened to be over at Sullivan's before that and so they came to wish the birthday girl many happy returns. What fun!

Big Change #3.
Noble's big reveal.

Noble got his braces off last week. He was actually supposed to have gotten them off almost 2 weeks before that but some how we totally spaced the appointment. We have to be the first people in the history of braces to actually forget about the appointment where you get them OFF.  Unprecedented.
He can't stop smiling.

 Big Change #4.
Mike has a doppelganger!

Mike has River trained to sit, stay and come. Pretty good for a 10 week old. So far however, the potty training is largely unsuccessful, and he barks a lot, and has started something called puppy nipping (a  normal phase where a puppy tests his place in the pack by challenging everyone). We are working with him to nip it in the bud...more nipping. ha ha ha.
But the thing is, it scares the kids - and makes me frustrated. Why did we need a dog?
At least he's cute. Both of them.

Dolphins and Dogs in Training

In August Grace, Tillman and Sully did a session of swimming lessons at Debbie's Dolphins swim school. It's a small back-yard pool operation...the kind of thing I've been looking for since the Shinsels retired and we could no longer take from them. I had heard lots of good things about how effective she is, as well as a warning about what a tough-mother she can be. It was all true. She definitely runs a tight ship --- with both kids and parents. But at the end of the session my kids had made really great progress and loved to swim more than ever. We'll be going back next year.

This week Mike's wildest dreams came true. His new Wirehaired Pointing Griffon puppy arrived from Idaho. We named him River (finally breaking away from the planetary themed pet names). I could have done without a dog for a while, but Mike has a soft spot for dogs. He convinced me with his argument that the little boys needed a dog to grow up with like the older kids had. I made a list of required traits: a dog that doesn't shed, smaller than a Lab (and not as loud),  gentle with kids and new people (knowing that the entire neighborhood would consider him their dog), and Mike wanted a hunting dog. He did his research, settled on this breed, and found a breeder in Idaho with a new litter.

We realized that while we have owned dogs in our lives, neither of us has experience in raising a dog from such a young age (8 weeks). We've been reading a lot, and watching YouTube.

How goes the training? River cried a lot the first night. But Mike was Johnny-on-the-Spot, springing out of bed whenever he heard River crying in the night, rushing him outside to relieve himself. I joked that Mike was better about getting up at night with the puppy than he had been at getting up with our babies. He admitted it -- but said, in his defense, there was not much he could do to meet our babies' needs, which was a good point.

 River sleeps a lot. Like all babies.

Since our backyard is not fenced, and he's too young for the shock collar, we can't just turn him loose outside. So, for now we are working on house-training. He spends almost all his inside time in a pen, and then we take him outside whenever he shows signs of having to use the bathroom. He's learning. And as with my potty training of Sully and Abner, I am grateful that this house is mostly tile and laminate flooring. It makes things less stressful.

And someday he'll look something like this... pretty cool.

So, while I didn't initiate the search for a new dog, and the puppy training can be frustrating, I am excited for this new addition. It's different having a puppy around. They are so fun and filled with wonder and curiousity, it makes everything fresh. I miss Jupiter, but it's really nice to start again. I smile when I think about what Jupiter would think of this new little guy. I wish they could have met.