Denial tentang kebosanan. Ego, kau tau?

Nak cakap bosan, tapi tak nak dan tak boleh nak cakap bosan. Kerana kebosanan itu adalah suatu keadaan untuk seorang yang tidak kreatif. Dan sebagai seorang yang kononnya sudah (penat) belajar tentang kreativiti dari segi psikoanalitik dan perkembangan kanak-kanak (dan manusia); seharusnya lebih bijak menangani dengan keadaan sebegini.

Sewaktu di bangku sekolah dahulu, aku sering merungut kebosanan. Dan aku juga sering kunci diri dalam bilik melayan kepala sendiri. Sekarang pun lebih sama, cuma bezanya, dulu lebih impulsif dengan buah pemikiran. Sekarang ni, buah pemikiran di atas buah pemikiran yang lain. Dua aras pemikiran yang berbeza. Mungkin juga lebih. Macam Inception.

Sekarang juga berbeza, sebab dah (kononnya) anak dara (tapi otak macam budak kecik lagi) - patut tolong di sekitar rumah.

Aku lebih rela berjelaga dengan teori-teori untuk penulisan akademik lah macam ni.

Mungkin patut habiskan buku-buku yang sudah bermastautin lama di rak-rak aku tu. (Dan serbu jualan murah Serigala di Serdang).

Dah, penat mengomel. Rajin kau melayan eh?

Pesta buku bulan lepas di Whistable Castle, Whistable, Kent.

Peralihan.

Sebab rindukan United Kingdom dan juga,
sebab masih malas untuk mulakan penulisan (kalau boleh menulis).

Represent!

Okay, saja. Tengah baca Freud, Narcissus dalaman jadi dominan kejap.

Apa-apa hal, Represent! RUN USJ all the way from England.

Tiba-tiba rajin update, senyap lah.

Going Places: Something To Tell You (2)

By VQ1015 Classic

By Canon (I dunno what model).

Oxfordshire, United Kingdom.

"I find careful patterns on the snow," Snow Patrol.

I'm on a train to the metropolis in the middle of nowhere where when I look left, or right, there is snow everywhere. My world at this present state, is covered with white miracle. And well, Vampire Weekend singing 'Run' to me:

"We mostly work to live, until we live to work. She said, "You know there's nowhere else to go". But changing roles, it struck me that the two of us could run... Cause honey with you, is the only honest way to go. I could take two, if I could ever really know. Cause honey with you, and a battered radio" Vampire Weekend.

It struck to me just when I sat in between strangers, and if I were to go to the loo, who would I trust with my (general) personal belongings like my book?

And so happens, I suspect a stranger near me is from homeland. Would I strike a conversation, and assume trust?

If I were to trust this fellow (assumed) Malaysian, would it be because of our common nationality/ethnicity? Wouldn't I then be in some way, ethnocentric?

An elderly lady next to me, whom I've talked generally to, is reading a book. By some manner, she should be containing, warming and in a way, more trusting. But why, isn't my psyche/gut/impulse telling me she is the more trusting candidate?

(Is it even right to call them candidates for Trust?)

But those are the more general stuff, like material possessions that can be replaced.

What about matters of the heart and the immaterial parts of you? To whom do you trust them with?

And if so, how did the assumed trust begin?

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Snow Day/London Calling.

School was out. We had snow day.

Autumn in London. Because London is London,

and I miss the city.

And I have lost my words.

Going Places: Something To Tell You (1)

Nottingham Games Malaysia @ Nottingham University &

Nottingham City.

Who was that said that Love conquers all?

One of the motives to go as far as the Northern Hemisphere, was to experience my favourite musicians live. But apparently, the upcoming gigs of Camera Obscura is in Athens.

And I got a stack of books, I didn't read a thing. Maybe I'm just sitting, waiting for the birds to sing.

Pun intended.

Northern Hemisphere.

(Pictures taken by lomo camera)

They say, when you have tasted Perfection, Life would be hard. Have you heard?

All I needed was a little kick and push. A beautifully written song. A piece of poetry. A well-composed musing.

Suddenly, my attainable blue flower is within reach again.

And every time the perspective comes,

you are the bluest light.

Some Kind of Revelation

Like many, I have this strong urge to see the world. It may seem like a cliché that one wants to travel and see the world. On the surface, you would not see the connotations of this urge. Intrinsically, I feel as if it is a calling. A some kind of revelation. Especially these countries below:

Germany. Das Land der Dichter und Denker.

Above is a picture of the Berlin Wall that separates the East and the West. In 1989, the wall was demolished. JFK, then the President of United States uttered, "Ich bin ein Berliner!". Personally, the Berlin Wall has become somewhat a subconscious drive. Probably it is because after I heard Ben Gibbard singing about it in 'Crooked Teeth' which I thought it was brilliant. I need to go and see the Berlin Wall for I need to reconcile what has been segregated before. I need to synchronize the heart and the head.

Of course, to visit München and other parts of Deutschland. To even trace Freud's footsteps and to see what the country has become after the Third Reich. And Nietzsche! The Romanticism period in Germany where the artisans and melancholics yearn for that distant thing. And the Kulterkampf, because right now, my country land is at the state where we are in between cultures. Much like how she used to be di pertengahan jalan perdagangan, and her location di garisan khatulistiwa. And we get caught and confused.

Mama says, "Kak, nanti kau pergi Germany, kau pergi lah cari Özil, suruh dia kahwin dengan kau".

You see, I'm a girl with purposes.

Greece.

The ancient Greek city. I have been wanting to go to Athens ever since I was in school. It's a symbol of civilization! I want to walk the footsteps and paths of the great philosophers. The city where Metaphysics, Political Philosophy, Ethics, Logic, Aesthetics, Epistemology, Theology etc are born. The lot of Hellenistic philosophers. The place where you can only imagine Greek mythology, the oracle were materialized ancient years ago. The footsteps of the Sophists, of Plato, Socrates etc.

Russia.

I myself am not sure why would I want to visit Russia. But when I was a little girl, I had this feeling that Russia was an odd country. At least socio-politically. But I want to feel the extreme weather of Siberia. Walk the streets of Russia and feel skeptical about the place. With KGBs all over. Hah!

But I guess mostly because of Tolstoy, Doestoevsky, Vladimir. And of course, live up to Marxism.

Pakistan.

Despite its catastrophe, and may the souls be blessed in this holy month of Ramadhan, I have this urge to go Pakistan. Visit Karachi, Lahore and Islamabad. See what's life for them.

Listen to the locals tell stories on their former leaders, and how life could have been better. How poverty affects the little undernourished souls. How education could pave differences, and how political correctness should have benefited the many, not the few.

And to pick up some Urdu.

Turkey.

I fell in love with this place after reading Orhan Pamuk's Snow. It won the Nobel Prize, so just that says so much. But mostly Turkey, because it bloomed after the Ottoman empire. Which was followed by Mustafa Kemal Atatürk, the father of Secularism in Turkey. It's not that I'm in favour of Secularism neither am I against it. It's just something about Secularism that's fascinating. It's an Islamic civilization. About how Muslim women were (are?) not allowed to cover themselves with the hijab in universities and what not. I mean, I have a feeling this particular country has lost that pragmatic fine line along the way.

There's just something about Turkey that's calling me.

And did you know that Özil is half Turkish?

It all boils down to Let's Get Out of This Country by Camera Obscura.

Okay, kembali ke dunia nyata. But it is so much fun in the head.

Dear Stranger,

The stranger on the train.

Have you ever wondered why it's possible to have the deepest
and most profound conversation with someone you've only just
met. The man on the train. The woman on the plane.

It's often while travelling, and it happens rarely. But when
it does, it can be remarkable.

You confide in each other to an amazing degree. It's somehow
easy for you to see one another's Big Picture.

Perhaps it's because you know you're unlikely to see one
another again. Maybe it's that you've got the other person's
undivided attention for quite a long, but finite time.

Whatever it is, there's something really powerful about this
idea of safely exchanging confidences with someone you don't
really know.

Written by Jon (Moodscope team), from a daily Moodscope e-mail dated July 14, 2010.

I just like the idea how I thought of this on the same day, and then there's the e-mail. And of course, because I love Deeper Conversation. Only because I love to dissect one's heart and soul - is that even ethical?

Also, it is because it helps you to see the World and Life.

I want to see the world and be nomadic in between twisted liberal and moderate perseverance of conservative ideologies.

Turn my head.

Nak hilangkan diri, boleh?

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