TRUMPY THE CLOWN

Trumpy the Clown

“I’m running for President. Ha, ha, ha!”

Available for parties, Bat Mitzvahs, roasts and debates. 

Trumpy will insult you, your family, your ancestors and everything you hold dear in life. You’ll be rolling on the floor with laughter.

“Trumpy is the bee’s knees.”

-Old white guy from Iowa

“Everyone should vote for Trumpy.”

-Old white guy from Ohio

“He hates everything I hate. He’s amazing.”

-Old white guy from Wisconsin

Trump’s Not Talking to You

I’m getting so tired of the never-ending stream of articles with titles like: Republican candidate A said B and may have ended his chances for the presidency.  Not only does it not matter what Republican candidates say to their base, the more outrageous and in your face it is, the more supporters love it. They worship Trump exactly because he’s a loudmouth moron who makes liberals apoplectic every time he opens his mouth. It doesn’t matter what he says. If it pisses off John Stewart or Obama, it’s cool.

This is what the Republican Party has devolved into, a tribe of troglodytes who dwell in mental caves, cut off from reality, shouting the most insane things they can dredge up to get the attention of the rest of the tribe. Despite all of this, or perhaps because of it, the media gives them a huge megaphone through which they can rant. And liberal news outlets like Salon and The Huffington Post can’t seem to get enough of Trump either. Just go to those sites and count how many stories are devoted to the Donald. Is he really worth all of the time and energy?

No Republican is going to drop out of the race for saying something stupid. They’d all be gone now if that were the case. While you and I might throw up a little in our mouths listening to Donald and the Trumpettes orate from a parallel universe, it’s music to the ears of the faithful.

The Republican Clown Car Bound For Washington Has a New Passenger

The Buffoon Brigade of Republican candidates running for President increased by one over the weekend as the first-term Florida Senator Marco Rubio selflessly offered his un-asked for services to the country. During his announcement to donors, he said that there is a real choice in this election between the past and the future. I assume he considers himself the future, which can be chalked up as the first ludicrous statement of many, many to come during his campaign.

As a Tea Party zealot, you don’t have to do any research at all to know what Rubio stands for: Tax cuts for the wealthy; war everywhere; privatize everything; demonize gays, blacks, immigrants; theocracy, anti-science, etc. There is no meaningful difference between Rubio and Cruz and Walker and Carson when it comes to their political beliefs. They all want to turn back the hands of time to some golden era of American conservatism that never really existed.

If any of the current Republican candidates wins the White House, it’s match, set, game over for America. These are people who believe the world is literally going to end soon, so who really gives a shit about anything anyway? In fact, there are those among their ilk who want to hasten in the end times and are willing to take drastic action to see their delusional prophecy fulfilled. Tell me again you want this person to have the codes to our nuclear weapons.

It remains to be seen how badly Americans have lost touch with reality and common sense. Will they send a certified lunatic to the White House? Stay tuned.