On Space Station Alpha, Part VI

The two torpedoes raced to the station. They grew brighter and brighter as they grew closer and closer.

“Oh man…” Hudson stared at the ordinance coming straight at us.

“This is going to suck…” I added.

The torpedoes exploded in a bright flash. I winced and turned away. There was a moment where I expected to feel the explosion or get sucked out into space, but nothing happened. I turned and looked back out the window and I saw another ship shooting past. Energy bolts lanced out from her cannon straight at our assailant.

“Look there,” Major Rocksun pointed. “Who is that?”

“That looks like the Pegasus Elite!” I shouted out. “It’s Jan the Intergalactic Aviator.”

“Game… not over?” Hudson asked.

“We are truly indebted to her for her actions here,” Queen Galacta said.

The attacking craft quickly maneuvered away from the Pegasus Elite and the two ships quickly locked into a dangerous dogfight. They arced and turned and twisted around each other

“Go get ‘em, Jan!” Hudson shouted.

“They’re heading into that asteroid field!” Major Rocksun called out.

“They’re circling that big rock!” Hudson added to the play-by-play.”

“It looks as if they have the angle on Jan!” I said.

“Look out, Jan! Look out!” Queen Galacta couldn’t help but to get into the fight as well.

The aggressor fired several shots at Jan’s ship and an explosion flashed through the darkness. We couldn’t see the Pegasus Elite anywhere.

“Is she…?” Queen Galacta asked.

“That explosion…” Major Rocksun shook his head. “Too large for just a rock.”

On Space Station Alpha, Part V

The facehugger launched itself right at me. It was barely inches away from my when it exploded in midair. Acid blood rained down on me as I attempted to dodge the splattering goo.

“Ow ow,” I grimaced as I pulled the shirt off me and threw it to the floor. I stood there in my t-shirt and watched the acid-splashed one sizzle on the desk. “Nice.”

“I didn’t have to shoot it,” Major Rocksun said with a slight grin.

“No, thank you,” I replied. “I appreciate it.”

“Uh… little help?” Private Hudson was still stuck fast with the Xenomorph resin. I dashed over to him and started pulling the goop off his arms.

“Why don’t you get your crotchal area,” I suggested.

“I got it,” he grunted as he pulled the stuff off him.

“You OK?” I asked. “I expected you to be freaking out right now.”

“Well I was,” the private admitted. “But then it was like my brain just shut down. It didn’t let me think about what was going on or let me get scared or nothing.”

“Interesting.”

“Hey, maybe I’m not scared of giant space bugs anymore,” he said eagerly. “Maybe I’m cured and oh my God look at all them freakin’ eggs! Ahhhh game over!”

“So much for that.”

“Hey of you two are done poking and tickling each other, we’ve still got some work to do.” Major Rocksun pointed that the eggs with his rifle.

“Yeah, you got it.” I unslung Hudson’s rifle from my shoulder and handed it to him. We unloaded our weapons into all the eggs until nothing was left but a massive puddle of Xenomorph parts on the deck.

“Take that! And that!” Hudson yelled.

“OK OK, that’s enough,” Rocksun waved his arms. “We got ‘em all.”

“Heck yeah!” Hudson yelled. “I am state of the badass art! All gone bye bye!”

“Calm down there, Private,” Rocksun added.

“That was a lot of eggs,” Queen Galacta stated as she surveyed the mess. “How did they get here?”

“I’m guessing that Demon Claw planted them here to get to us,” I said.

“They must have brought them in in some kind of stasis or something,” Rocksun added. “I would imagine that these things would set off all kinds of alarms.”

“One would think,” Galacta replied.

Suddenly, the deck shook and explosions rumbled.

“That came from outside.” Rocksun dashed to a large porthole to look out into space. “There!”

A space craft was perched several hundred meters from our position and had its weapons aimed right at us.

Rocksun cursed under his breath. “We’re sitting Galvorian ducks here. Another couple hits will breach the hull.”

The ship’s torpedo tubes lit up as it fired at us again. Two proton torpedoes raced right at us.

On Space Station Alpha, Part IV

“Where is he?” Major Rocksun yelled. “Where’s Hudson?”

“I’m not getting a readout.” I smacked the side of the motion tracker. Smacking it may not have helped. But it couldn’t hurt, right?

“We need to find him.” Queen Galacta looked worried.

“What if there isn’t anything left to find?” Rocksun asked.

“We can go to his last location and work from there,” I said. “Figure out just what he made contact with.”

“Your Highness, once again I must take this opportunity to remind you of the dangers we’re about to face,” Rocksun said to the Queen. “I recommend that you do not accompany us on this.”

“Nonsense, Major,” she replied. “I know you are concerned, but if something out there is dangerous enough to take out a marine, then you’re going to need all the help you can get.

“This is going to suck,” I said as I looked up into the vent. Then the tracker started beeping again. “Wait, I got something here!”

“Looks like he moved… or got moved… up two levels,” Rocksun said as he looked at the screen. “What’s there?”

“Storage, I think,” I answered.

“Plenty of room to hide just about anything,” Rocksun nodded. “We need to hurry.”

“You are right,” Queen Galacta nodded. “Time is of the essence.”

“Let’s take the lift,” I said as I pointed to the elevator.

“Yes, the lift,” Rocksun agreed. “Let’s go.”

We quickly made our way to the level that Hudson’s signal was coming from and looked around for Hudson.

“Over there.” Rocksun pointed.

“Careful, Major,” I said. “I’m getting a lot of unusual readings on this thing.”

Major Rocksun followed the barrel of his pulse rifle into the murky storage area. “Holy frack!”


I don’t think I ever heard Rocksun swear like that before. I caught up and looked at what he saw. The whole open deck was filled with odd egg-like… things.

“Oh God…” I couldn’t believe it. “Xenomorphs.”

“Kill… me…”

That came form Hudson. He as pasted to the wall by some sort of resin. I dashed over to him.

“We’ll get you out,” I said as I pulled on the gooey webbing encasing him.”

“Look man,” Hudson gurgled. “We’re surrounded. Get out of here.”

“No way,” I said. “I’ve almost got you.”

“Look out!”

I turned and saw a facehugger sailing through the air right at me.

On Space Station Alpha, Part III

Jo Jo the Monkeyboy Sr.’s lifeless body slumped lifelessly in the containment chamber.

“Oh my daring dashing deft delightful dear darling…” Gladys the Monkeygirl sobbed softly.

“He’s dead, Jon,” Private Hudson said grimly.

“The poor pathetic creature,” Queen Galacta bit her lip.

“Amazingly brave,” Major Rocksun nodded.

“Wait a minute,” I said. “This isn’t right. Jo Jo Jr. survived a radiation leak just like this. Jo Jo Sr. can’t be dead.”

“Hey, I am feeling better.” Jo Jo Sr. rolled over, planted his head on his hand and dug his elbow into the deck. “Wow, it’s like a new lease on life. A lease with an option to buy!”

“Oh my Monkeygod,” sighed Gladys. “You’re OK?”

“Am I OK?” Jo Jo hopped up on his feet and began bouncing up and down. “I’m better than OK. I’m as fit as a horse, as healthy as a fiddle!”

“Well, that’s great to hear,” Hudson rolled his eyes.

“Get that thing out of there and scrub him down,” Rocksun ordered.

Suddenly, a shot rang out from the air vent. Rocksun, Hudson, and I immediately returned fire with our weapons. The vent quickly became a smoking mess of twisted vent metal.

“Hold it, hold it!” Rocksun called out. “Cease fire.”

Hudson took three or four more shots, then one more, before lowering his pulse rifle.

“Someone’s in there, but he must’ve retreated after taking that shot,” Rocksun said.

“Then I’m going in,” Hudson replied. He let his body armor clatter to the ground and pulled off his helmet.

“Private Hudson, there is no doubt of your bravery,” the Queen said. “But I cannot let you go up there by yourself and unarmed. This task is too dangerous.

“Don’t worry,” his eyebrows wagged as pulled out his pistol. “I’m not going in unarmed. Game over for whoever’s in there. Game over, forever.”

“If you’re going to grease yourself up, I might throw up,” I said. “I don’t think this is a good idea either. Who knows what you’ll face up in there.”

“Hey, it’s just like being a tunnel rat,” he grinned. “Or like going through the vents in the terraforming colony on some rock. Easy as pie, and I love pie.”

“Yeah, but those vents could be a maze,” I said. “You might never find the shooter or you might get lost.”

Now that I think about it, this doesn’t sound like a bad idea.

“Track me on this.” Hudson unclipped the motion tracker from his web belt and tossed it over to me. “Get a good reading of me and you can radio me the coordinates of whatever’s in there.”

“OK, I guess that’ll work,” I shrugged. “Wouldn’t it also work if you carried it though?”

“Sorry can’t hear you, man!” Hudson was up and into the vent and quickly low crawled out of sight.

“That is a brave marine,” Queen Galacta said as she looked at the vent.

“Brave or stupid?” I asked.

“I vote stupid,” Rocksun said as he looked up into the vent.

“Jon, this is Hudson, over,” I heard his voice crackle over my Wristcomm.

I keyed the mic. “This is Jon.”

There was a long moment of silence.

“You didn’t say over, over,” he stated.

I looked at Major Rocksun and he rolled his eyes.

“You’re right, I didn’t say over,” I said. “But we’re the only two on this frequency and we’re broadcasting multichannel so we don’t have to key and unkey the mics.”

There was a long pause.

“It is always proper to use proper radio procedure, over.”

“Fine, then please refer to me by my call sign that you got from your Radio Operator’s Handbook, over,” I growled at him.

He was silent for a moment.

“I don’t have one,” he said quietly.

“Hey while you two are goofing around, it looks like Hudson’s about to make contact,” Rocksun showed me the tracker. “Multiple contacts.”

“Hudson, you’re about to hit something,” I called into the mic. “There are 10 readings right around the corner from your position.”

“Well, I’ll just take a little peek around the corner and OH MY GOD!”

“Hudson! What is it?”

I heard shots ring out.

“Come on! Come on! Come and get it, baby!” I could hear Hudson yelling as he fired his weapon. “Come on! I don't got all day! Come on! Come on! Come on you bastard! Come on, you too! Oh, you want some of this? Take this you stupid bugs!”

“Hudson, report!” Rocksun yelled into my Wristcomm.
“Bugs, man!” He yelled. “Get ‘em off! Get ‘em off me! Aggggghhhh!”

Hudson’s radio fell silent.

On Space Station Alpha, Part II

I tackled the assassin as the bright flash of energy shot from the phase pistol. As he went down, I wrestled the weapon from his hands. As I hauled him back to his feet, I looked over and saw the scorch mark in the bulkhead mere inches from Queen Galacta’s head.

“Wow, that was close,” I said, my eyebrows were hitched high.

“Thank you once again, Gladiator,” the Queen nodded. “The galaxy owes you another debt of gratitude.”

“Think nothing of it,” I replied. I then grabbed the assassin and brought him close to me. “Too bad for you, buddy, you missed. You lose.”

“Hardly,” he replied. “I am only the first. We are the Demon Claw and we are many. Chop off one of our hands and two will take its place.”

“Yeah, where have I heard that line before?”

“My Queen, are you all right?” Major Rocksun sprinted up to where she was standing.

“I am fine, thank you,” she responded.

“Our plans are in motion!” the assassin suddenly screamed. “We are Demon Claw and you will not get off this space station alive!”

There was a cracking sound from his mouth and he suddenly slumped lifeless. Rocksun dug his two fingers into the man’s mouth.

“Poisonyde,” he said grimly. “Held in a hollow tooth.”

“That was some fast acting poison,” I said. “I mean jeez, we didn’t even get a chance to save him or slap him or anything.”

“That’s how poisonyde works,” Rocksun responded coolly. “But what about his final warning that we’ll never get off the station alive?”

Suddenly alarm claxons sounded and red lights flashed all throughout the corridors.

“You had to ask,” I replied.

“Power core meltdown in five minutes,” a calm voice announced to us and the entire space station.

“The power core!” I yelled, but Rocksun was already three steps ahead of me and running towards the lift.

“Queen Galacta, I cannot allow you to come with us,” Rocksun blocked her entrance into the lift. “You need to evacuate Space Station Alpha immediately.”

“Nonsense,” she pushed past him and into the lift car. “I will not leave my favorite major and Intergalactic Gladiator here to die.”

The three of us made our way to the power plant and were immediately stopped by the engineering chief.

“No one can go in there,” he said brusquely. “The deck is flooded with radiation. No one would survive.”

“What about the controls?” Roksun looked over the panels.

“Locked down from the inside,” he replied. “Someone sabotaged the rad suits, too. Anyone stepping into that chamber would die from the intense radiation.”

“So you said,” I replied.

“Three minutes to core meltdown,” the calm voice warned us.

“Gotta love those countdowns, huh?” I asked.

“Hey, what’s the op, Jon?” Private Hudson appeared as the doors to the lift opened. Jo Jo the Monkeyboy Sr. was clinging to his back like an obnoxious rucksack and singing some inane song.

“Core meltdown, deadly radiation,” I pointed to the core with my thumb. “What are you even doing here?”

“Hey, I know where the action is,” he replied. “Wait. Core meltdown? Oh man, game over!”

Jo Jo Sr. quickly jumped off his back and threw himself into the radiated chamber.

“Wait Jo Jo! Come back!” Hudson cried. “Oh man, game over for him.”

“Core meltdown averted. Enjoy your stay on Space Station Alpha,” the calm voice announced.

“Wow,” Rocksun shook his head.

Jo Jo appeared behind the radiation shielding glass and pressed his hand against its surface. He then collapsed and sputtered.

“I don’t think I’m going to make it,” he said with unusual seriousness.

“Jo Jo, you did it!” Hudson exclaimed. “You saved the ship!”

“But at… coff coff… what price?” the monkeyboy replied.

“We’ll get you fixed up,” Hudson said tearfully. “You’ll be good as new, I promise.”

“I don’t think so.” The comedy relief creature coughed again. “Tell my wife that I love her.”

“Wait, your wife?” I asked.

“Yes, Gladys the Monkeygirl. See, she’s right over there.”

I turned and saw what could only be a monkeygirl standing at the doors to the lift.

“Baby, you’re the greatest,” Jo Jo sputtered and then collapsed.

“No Jo Jo, don’t go go Jo Jo!” she cried.

“We’ll always have Paris,” he sputtered and collapsed again.

“I will always love youuuuuuuu!” she sang.

“Remember, the bananas will be with you always…” he sputtered again and collapsed again.

“You’re my special banana muffin,” she said quietly.

Jo Jo the Monkeyboy Sr sputtered and collapsed for the last time.

On Space Station Alpha

I was on Space Station Alpha located in geosynchronous orbit around Planet Hacknor (actually as far as I know, it’s geosynchronous, it may actually be semisynchronous, but geosynchronous sounds better). I had received a coded messaged from Major Rocksun asking to meet him here. Of course normally, I don’t spend my time there, it’s a little touristy for my tastes, but when one of the Queen’s guards sends a message like that, you know something’s up.

“Major Rocksun,” I said as I met him in the corridor. “How’s it going?”

“Fine,” he answered curtly. “Here’s the scoop Jon, Queen Galacta is stopping by this station on her way to the Pan Galactic Peace Talks in the next system.”

That’s Rocksun for you, all business.

“She’s here?” I asked.

“Yes,” he nodded. “Normally, I wouldn’t come to you like this, you know because you’re a civilian and all, but I need another pair of eyes on the lookout for her. We have word that someone’s going to take a shot at her here.”

“Yeah, no problem.” I’ve saved the Queen before, I’ll do it again if needed.

“OK, so just try to blend in when she passes through and keep your eyes out.”

“You got it,” I nodded grimly.

Rocksun moved on and I slid to the side, trying to move into the crowd.

“Howya doin’ Jonny Bonnie Ronnie Biscotti?” I heard a voice call out.

“No. Don’t tell me…”

“You got it, me bucko,” Jo Jo the Monkeyboy Sr. was standing there right in front of me. “Howya doin’ buddy pal chum friend bud friendo Kimosabe?”

“What are you doing here?” I hissed at him.

“I’m here for the sidekick convention! Hair Professor Doctor J J VonMonkeyboy will speak tonight! Isn’t that thrilling?” Jo Jo Sr. fluttered his eyelashes.

“Yeah that’s…” I began. “You know, normally, I have the patience to put up with you sidekick types, but I’m really, really busy right now.”

“I understand that, fella, jella, mella yalla a capella,” the monkeyboy gave me a mock salute.

“Hey Hudson! Watch this thing will you?” I yelled out to the passing Colonial Marine.

“Sure, hey!” I scooped up the monkeyboy and threw it right at Hudson. He staggered around for a moment with it adhered to his face before stumbling away.

I turned in time to see Queen Galacta striding through one of the connecting doors that lead to the command center. There was a quiet moment, and though the station was filled with beings from every corner of the galaxy, it seemed like only she was there. She seemed to dress down a bit, but she was unable to hide her regal countenance.

Somehow, I felt that something wrong, it just didn’t feel right to me and I looked around to determine the cause of this unease.

Suddenly I found it: An assassin with a phase pistol and the weapon was pointed right at the Queen. I reached towards the assailant but it felt like I was swimming in soup as he pulled the trigger.

I saw the gun discharge with a bright flash of energy.

An Important Message From Jon

On Throneworld, in the throne room of the Queen of the Galaxy, an unusual cast of characters gather. The group includes Private Hudson, Jan the Intergalactic Gladiator, Major Rocksun, Royal Technician Lombarr, and Queen Galacta IX herself, of course.

I took a deep breath and stepped through the doors and into the room. My heals made a distinct and echoing clacking sound as I strode across the regal floor towards the Queen’s ornate seat.

I gave a quick bow “Your majesty.”

“Welcome once again, Gladiator,” the Queen acknowledged. “To what do we owe this honor?”

“Queen Galacta,” I paused and turned to the others. “Major Rockson, Private Hudson, Jan, Lombarr and everybody else here, this is a special day. A very special day.”

“What is it?” asked Jan.

“What could it be?” asked Rocksun.

“Is it V-Day?” asked Hudson. “Or D-Day? Or VD-Day?”

“VD-Day?” grimaced Jan. “Ew.”

“Nope,” I grinned. “It’s my second Blogoversary!”

“Wow,” Jan said. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you, thank you,” I said. “Lombarr, would you be so kind as to throw up last year’s Blogoversary post on the telemonitor?”

“Certainly.” Lombarr threw a switch and the post showed up on the viewer.

Along the way, we found Hudson. "Tractor beam off?" I asked Hudson. "Sure is," he replied. "I took out some troops along the way, too." "Really?" "Yup," he nodded. "Totally quiet and sneaky-like. I am like Snake Eyes, a stone cold totally quiet killer. They never saw me coming." "So you're silent but violent?" I asked. "You got it," he grinned, full of pride. I stopped. "Wait a minute, what's today's date?" "You mean on Earth, or the Queen's Galactic Calendar?" asked Jan. "On Earth," I replied. I dialed up the calendar on my Wristcomm. "Hey, it's May 19th!" "So?" shrugged Hudson. "Tomorrow is my one year blogoversary!" I answered, allowing for more excitement than my current situation should allow. "Oh, well, happy blogoversary," said Hudson. "Yes, happy blogoversary," smiled Jan. Then she looked down. "I don't have a blog." "Maybe some day you will," I answered. "Hey, why don't we take a look at my first post." Jan and Hudson nodded in agreement and I called up my blog on my Wristcomm, then went to the first entry: I fought Lord EyeBorg today (I believe "Lord" is an honorarium, he does not actually lord over anything). Though he is easily 30 years my senior and no match for my strength, his cybertetic claw and optic laser blast make him a tough opponent to be sure. After battling back and forth for over an hour, I finally got a solid punch in. The force of my strike sent him sprawling and he was stunned long enough for me to pluck his laser-firing eyepiece from it's socket. Holding the weapon aloft, I yelled to the crowd "The 'eyes' have it!" The audience was beside itself, roaring and cheering my victory. Victory, thy taste is sweet. "That was... nice," Jan said. "I liked that action hero line," Hudson smiled. "The eyes have it! The eyes have it! The eyes have it!" "Yeah, well, sometimes I need work on those lines." I looked out past the fourth wall. "I want to thank everyone who's visited me here for the past year. You know who you are, go on stand up and give yourselves a big hand. Great. Now, just the ladies. Now just the men. Now just the men pretending to be ladies. Ha, I got you! Now you two in the back! Go on, stand up and clap." Thank you.

“That was splendid” said the Queen.

“Thank you,” I said. “And thanks to all my Junior Intergalactic Gladiators out there. You’re the reason I’m doing this. Give yourselves a round of applause and keep watching the skies!”

Queen Galacta: Message from Jon

“Your majesty, there is a message from Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator,” the technician said. “He is requesting an audience with you.”

“That is highly unusual,” I said as I rose gracefully from my throne.

“I would agree, Your highness,” Major Rocksun added. “In the past, it has been you have contacted him for help.”

I thought back to our most recent encounter when he was instrumental in fighting off an invasion of Throneworld by an unusual species from the future called the Zerg. Right before that, he escorted me to Captain Picard’s party on the Enterprise. Of course, the less said about the incident there, the better. That Captain Picard is a handsome fellow, though. Perhaps I should visit him again sometime.

Jon, along with one of his fellow Earthmen Professor Xavier, also helped out in a first contact situation where they met with an unusual sentient starship. Although I don’t know if I could officially approve of their methods of putting that ship and a monkeyboy together, they certainly did get the job done. I may have to call upon Professor Xavier again in the near future, he is also a very charming man.

There was also that time where I visited Earth and Jon saved me from space zombies while simultaneously rooting out a traitor posing as one of my agents. I could never forget that adventure, those “Chicago dogs” certainly were delicious.

I have many loyal subjects and many competent people surrounding me at all times. Major Rocksun, most notably, is certainly a man dedicated to his work and I cannot ever express my gratitude for that. Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator is different, though. Jon’s charm and thirst for adventure is simply amazing. My galaxy is certainly a better place for having him here.

“Shall we allow him to visit you, Your highness?” the technician asked. Clearly he was waiting to respond to Jon’s message.

“Absolutely,” I answered. “I would be more than delighted to have him in My presence once more.”

Who are the people in your intergalactic neighborhood?

Major Rocksun
Home Planet: Not revealed
Base of Operations: The Citadel of Hope
Rocksun is the leader of the Queen's elite Strikers and is Her bodyguard, trusted aide, and liaison to Her military. He is a highly trained, no nonsense, soldier who strives for perfection in everything he does. He may at times seem cold and distant, but that's only because he has a job to do.


Jan the Intergalactic Aviator
Home Planet: Not revealed
Base of Operations: The Pegasus Elite
Rough and tumble and always ready for action, Jan O'Mega is one of the galaxy's best pilots. She has accompanied Jon on a few of his adventures and has quickly become one of his trusted allies.

(No photo available)
Starkey Al-Hvmmmmm
Home Planet: Valdoria Prime
Base of Operations: Planet Hacknor
Starkey is also an Intergalactic Gladiator with IGE. He is a strong competitor, a powerful ally, and perhaps the galaxy's worst cook.


J'onn Sinew Nu
Base of Operations: Planet Hacknor
Sinew Nu is the Senior Vice President of Marketing and Talent Coordination for the IGE, which means his job is to think of ways to make the gladiators "marketable," such as dressing them up as cavemen or evil clown robots. On the side, Sinew Nu runs Sinewco Industries, where he produced Jo Jo: Portrait of a Sidekick Monkeyboy.


Dr. Destiny
Base of Operations: Planet Hacknor
Dr. Destiny is the catchphrase-spewing company psychiatrist for the Intergalactic Gladiating Entertainment. His credentials are questionable.


Jo Jo the Monkeyboy Sr.
Home planet: Monkekbok
Jo Jo the Monkeyboy's father, he was once stuck in a time-space loop but then he got better. He wrote Jo Jo: Portrait of a Sidekick Monkeyboy and holds some position within the Intergalactic Sidekickery Phorce.


Mojo the Monkeyboy
Current whereabouts: On board a sentient starship.

This is the end. My only friend, the end

Silence bounced around inside my head, but soon enough noises began bouncing around instead. Shortly after that, I could hear voices and my eyes slowly began to focus on what was around me.

Rocksun, Hudson, and I were standing on the rooftop of the Queen’s Citadel of Hope. Shards of the shattered globe littered the area around us. Something seemed different but I couldn’t figure out what it was. Then it dawned on me, the Citadel was humming with life. In the distance, I could see the normal air traffic of Throneworld. Aircars and spacecraft flew back and forth in their lanes.

“Wow, what happened?” Hudson looked around, stunned by what he saw.

“Where is she?” Rocksun asked.

“The Queen?” I asked. I looked up but didn’t see the battle cruiser that was hovering over us just a few minutes ago. “Where’d the ship go?”

“Where’s Eve?” Rocksun said tersely.

I looked around, she wasn’t anywhere on the roof. Before I could say anything, Rocksun quickly sprinted to the staircase and rushed down it. I chased after him with Hudson on my heels. The three of us skidded to a halt when we reached the Queen’s throne room. The Queen was standing near her throne with a puzzled look on her face, her courtiers and advisors were standing around her wondering why she had that look.

“Gentlemen, you are alive,” she said to us. “Though you three look just as confused as I feel.”

“Everyone’s here?” Rocksun asked.

“Unbelievable,” I said.

“But how?” Hudson asked.

“Everything appears to be just as it was just before our adventure,” the Queen stated. “It is as if nothing happened at all.”

“So that whole year that my troops and I spent holed up in that ship didn’t happen?”

“It appears that it didn’t,” Lombarr stepped forward. “We can run some tests, but I don’t think that we’re going to get anything conclusive. It seems that everything ‘reset’ back to normal when that device that was warping space was destroyed.”

“Pretty convenient, huh?” Hudson grunted. “I gotta tell you though, everyone else may say that it didn’t happen, but I’ve got the bruises to prove that it did.”

“You and me both,” I agreed. “I guess we should all be happy that everything is back to normal, then, right?”

“Agreed,” the Queen nodded. “Gentlemen, I am once again indebted to you. You have done your galaxy a great service.”

“Thank you, your majesty,” Rocksun bowed.

The Queen quickly called her royal staff together and a party was held to thank us for our efforts. Hudson regaled anyone who would listen great stories of stomping on bugs and after a year of living in fear, those who were trapped in the grounded space ship were grateful that things would be normal again. As the evening wore on, I lost track of Rocksun. I finally found him outside on a balcony looking out to the stars.

“She’s gone,” he mumbled. He didn’t even turn to look at me.

“Yeah, I figured,” I answered. I held up a green bottle for him. “Care for a drink?”

Emotionlessly, he grasped the bottle and took a sip.

“Hmmm, not bad,” he said. “What is it?”

“Rolling Rock,” I answered. “My wife says it’s a rock star beer.”

“So drinking this makes you a rock star?”

“No,” I chuckled. “I’m happy just being a plain old intergalactic gladiator.”

“It was tough on that ship,” Rocksun confessed to me. “I didn’t know what was going on in the rest of the galaxy, I didn’t know if the Queen was alive or dead. I just knew that I had to keep myself and those with me alive. Survival became our only priority.”

“I can only imagine.”

“Then when you guys showed up at the door and Eve woke up, I knew we had a fighting chance. I knew we could beat them. Now everything’s back the way it was and she’s gone. Back to the future, I suppose.”

I wasn’t sure what to say.

“Yep, she’s gone.” Leaning over on the railing, Rocksun looked out into the night sky.

A meteorite streaked past, then disappeared into the night.

Christmas on the Enterprise

“Your Highness I must protest.”

“I appreciate your concern, Major Rocksun,” Queen Galacta replied. “But I assure you that I will be quite safe on the journey.”

“But madam,” the elite officer leaned close. “I don’t entirely trust those guys, or at least their abilities. The marine’s been a private for over 8 years and the other is just a civilian. I don’t trust civilians on military ops.”

“It is only a holiday party in the future, Major,” the Queen reassured. “I will be on the flagship of Starfleet, under the command of Captain Picard. I cannot imagine anything dangerous happening there.”

“Still, I would be neglecting my duties if I did not insist on an armed escort accompanying you.” Rocksun remained stoic. “I will lead the escort personally.”

“Major Rocksun, it is the holidays,” the Queen replied. “I think that it would be best if you took leave for a week and visit your loved ones.”

“But your Highness, I—”

“Rocksun, that is an order.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Rocksun conceded, but then he said silently to himself “I have nowhere else to go.”

I helped the Queen into the Danger Sled and into a passenger’s seat. Private Hudson was sitting in the copilot’s seat with his feet up on the console.

“Oh this is gonna be a sweet gig, huh Jon?” he grinned. “Bring the Queen to the Enterprise, have a couple drinks, hit on some hot green chicks. Badabing badaboom.”

“You know, we have to keep on our toes,” I replied as I sat down in the pilot’s seat. “The Queen may be treating this as a diplomatic mission, but we still have to make sure that she stays safe.”

“Oh yeah, I’m with you. I’m totally frosty.” Hudson leaned forward and started punching buttons on the control panel. “Come on, let’s get going. Let’s do the time warp again!”

“OK, stop hitting the buttons. We’re ready to take off.” Fortunately for me and my ship and unbeknownst to Hudson, I deactivated his side of the control panel. He was just pushing blinky lights. Maybe I could hook it up somehow to dispense banana pellets when he hits the right one.

With Queen Galacta, Private Hudson and I set to go, I shot the Danger Sled into space. I punched up the coordinates into the controls and the ship leapt into warp. Time bent around us as we flew to the future towards the Enterprise and its Christmas party.

“Remember last year?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Hudson answered. “That was fun.”

“You spent most of the party avoiding Lt. Worf.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve got a plan for that.”

“Really?” I asked. “What are you going to do?”

“I can’t say,” he replied mysteriously. “It’s top secret. Tippy top top secret!”

My space plane exited the time warp and I quickly found the Enterprise on the scanners. I then returned the starship’s hail and received instructions to land in the shuttle bay. The Danger Sled nudged to a halt and I dropped the ramp for your exit. Lt Worf was standing on the deck, ready to meet us.

“Welcome to the Enterprise and,” Worf paused and clenched his jaws. “Happy holidays. It is good to see you again, Jon.”

“Good to see you again, Worf.” I shook his hand. “Allow me to present Galacta, Queen of the Galaxy.”

The Queen regally stepped off my ship. Worf bowed curtly towards her and she returned his show of respect with a nod.

“It is my honor to meet you, Warrior,” she said to him. “I have heard many tales of your greatness and you are a credit to your captain and your ship.”

“Thank you, your Majesty,” Worf replied. “It is a true honor to have you aboard.”

Private Hudson stepped off the ship next. He looked nervous.

“DaHjaj ghaH QaQ jaj Daq Hegh,” the private blurted towards the security officer.

“SoH quv jIH tlhej Hegh,” Worf replied. “You honor me with your knowledge of the Klingon language.”

“Th-thank you,” Hudson managed to respond.

As we walked through the corridors towards the Ten Forward, I leaned towards Hudson.

“How did you learn Klingon?” I asked in a hushed tone.

“Oh, I found it on the InterN.E.T,” he whispered back.

“You should be careful, though,” I responded. “If a Klingon smells flop sweat, he’ll go into a battle rage.”

“Really?” Hudson squeaked. “Uh, oh, uh, really? That’s interesting.”

We stepped into the lounge and I announced the Queen’s entrance. She exchanged pleasant greetings with Captain Picard, and then stepped over to a table where Professor Xavier was sitting.

“Hey, there’s Cyclops over by the buffet table!” Hudson said excitedly. “He’s talkin’ to a couple of green girls!”

Before I could respond, Hudson darted over towards the group. Shortly thereafter I heard Cyclops and Hudson yell “We are… the Wyld Stallions!” together.

I grabbed a beer from off the bar and made my way back towards the Queen and Xavier. I made small talk with the two and we recalled our recent first contact mission together where we met the living ship Sargon. As we talked, Galacta and Xavier engaged each other more and more, which in short order made me feel like the third wheel. Deciding to leave these two alone to talk, I excused myself to mingle with some of the other party goers.

“Aa-are y-you J-Jon the Inter-guh-galactic Gladiator?” I heard from behind me.

“Yes I am,” I replied as I turned and stuck out my hand. “And you are?”

“R-R-Ruh-Reg B-Barklay,” he stammered as he tried to shake my hand. “I-I’m j-just such a huge f-fan!”

“Really?” I smiled. “I’m flattered. It’s always great to meet a fan.”

“Y-y-y-y-y you remember that one time y-y-y-y-you fought the Megataur? Th-th-that was cool.”

“Wait a minute, you’re Reg Barklay? The Reg Barklay?”

“Y-y-y-yah, er, yes I am.”

“Wow, I didn’t realize!” I pumped his hand excitedly. “I’m a huge fan of your work!”

“R-r-r-r-r-really?”

“You bet,” I answered. “Your work is instrumental in getting Voyager back to the Alpha Quadrant.”

“It w-w-wuh-wuh-was?”

“Wait,” I stopped to think. “Maybe that didn’t happen yet. All this crazy time traveling is getting me confused.”

“W-w-w-w-w---”

“If you didn’t get them back, then just forget I told you this,” I said.

“W-w-w-w---”

“That way it’ll be a surprise!”

“Er, I, uh…”

“You don’t sound so good,” I looked him up and down. He was getting kind of pale. “You need a drink.”

“I-I-I-I, w-w-w-w-w-w--- N-n-n-n-n-n-n.” Reg took a gulp from his glass. “Y-you’re right. Hey, I feel better now!”

“Great. Well, keep up the good work,” I looked towards the buffet table and saw that Hudson was getting into some sort of altercation with a green woman.

I rushed over and tried to intervene. It quickly devolved into them pushing into me.

“Filthy pig!” she spat at him. “How dare you insult me and my people!”

“OK OK, hold it,” I tried to reason as I held them apart. “What happened?”

“You tell him, you son of an antenna-less Andonian!” she spat again.

“I just asked if I could lick all the green paint off,” Hudson said innocently. “What’s wrong with that?”

She yelled at him again in a language I couldn’t understand. I’ll just assume it was an insult in her native tongue.

“Well geez, don’t get yer tubes in an uproar,” the marine shrugged.

That was the proverbial final straw for the Orion. She took an angry, wild swing our direction. I ducked out of the way and crashed into a Borg drone caterer, who fell over and sent a tray full of appetizers into the air.

The Orion woman took another wild swipe at Hudson, he dodged it and she spun around and crashed into a conveniently-placed cake on the buffet table. From out of nowhere, a large Orion male flew into Hudson and they both smashed into the table, which collapsed to the ground, covering the two with its contents.

Orions and security personnel converged on the scene. Hudson stood up and punched the nearest person, which turned out to be a Starfleet officer, unfortunately. Meanwhile, I too was swamped with angry aliens. I was able to fight off the first two, but then I was quickly overwhelmed by a pile of them. I tried to fight my way out, but then I heard an electronic whining sound and my senses overloaded.

Later, Hudson and I were sitting in our very own cell in the brig. He sat in a corner scowling to himself while I spent the time bouncing a rubber ball against the forcefield door. I have no idea how long we were there; my wristcomm was confiscated and I could not see any control panels or readouts.

“Well merry Christmas to me,” Hudson grumbled.

“Shut up,” I replied. “Your little stunt got us in a lot of trouble with the Queen and Captain Picard. Who knows when we’ll get out of here. Man, I hate getting locked up in the brig!”

“But I didn’t do nothing,” Hudson protested. “I was just talking to the woman and then she started slapping me and then we were jumped by those Orion day traders.”

“You should be grateful that Galacta’s a benevolent ruler,” I thought out loud. “Or else she might lock us up in her space dungeon, and not one of those sexy space dungeons that you hear about-- one of those torture kinds.”

“Oh man, I don’t want her to lock me away,” the lifer lamented. “My LT would totally mark me AWOL.”

“Picard’s gotta be steaming, too, that was a pretty big mess in Ten Forward,” I added, disregarding Hudson’s anguish. “Oh man, I just thought of something!”

“Yeah? What?”

“I hope Picard’s not so mad that he’ll refuse to participate in Last Gladiator Standing II this summer,” I said. “He’s a real ratings-getter for females aged 34 to 58 as well as males living in their parent's basement.”

The entrance to the brig hissed open and Queen Galacta furiously stalked in. Worf followed her with the angriest scowl I have ever seen.

“I cannot believe you two would behave like this!” she hissed between her teeth. “I was going to leave you two here to rot away in the future, but the Captain wants you off his ship.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Hudson and I said.

“You are going to go apologize to the Captain right now and then we are going home,” she fumed. “And if you so much as look at an Orion, Borg, or anyone else, I’m going to launch you into space while we are in warp. Got it?”

“Yes, ma’am,” I said.

“Yes, ma’am,” Hudson said.

Queen Galacta sighed. “Maybe I should have brought Major Rocksun along instead.”

Fashion Show

I had everyone in my court gathered together and there was a runway or "catwalk" built just so my models could show their "stuff." My compliments to the Royal Carpenters. Everyone was speaking to each other in hushed tones as Senator Amidala and I sat elevated over them in our special seats.

"Oh, this is going to be exciting!" Padmé clapped her hands together. "Having a show like this is so cool. I'm sure everyone will appreciate the effort we went through putting this together."

"I too am excited," I answered. "Everyone here should indeed enjoy the show."

With that the lights dimmed and a spotlight hit the curtains.

"Here is Major Rocksun," I said into the microphone. "Here he is all business sporting his combat gear, armor, and ceremonial knife. On duty, Major Rocksun is a real officer."

"But off duty he is a gentleman," I continued. "He's got his smoking jacket and a comfortable pair of slacks."

"Here's Special Agent to the Throne Private Hudson. He's got his pulse rifle and a shotgun for the close encounters..."

"Private Hudson is always ready for action," I announced. "He's got his armor and his helmet, everything he's wearing is very functional, but what could he add for just a touch of pizzazz?"

"That's right, a cape. It's fabulous!"

"This is one of my Royal Bodyguards Gunnter. This is all I've ever seen him wear, but he's spectacular in it!"

"Here's the hero to the common beings of the galaxy and Intergalactic Gladiator, Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator. He's sporting a unique Wristcomm, two blaster pistols and with his comfortable but functional outfit, he's ready for action."

"Speaking of action, here's Jon dressed like the Man of Action that he is. This is what he calls his 'Real American Hero' uniform. I am not exactly sure what that is, but it looks great!"

"This is Jon's final oufit, he says that it is his spy uniform. Personally, I don't think it is very functional as a spy should probably be dressed to blend in to his or her environment. This looks like it sticks out wherever he might go. Despite this, he looks marvelous in it!"

"And now, what everyone has been waiting for!" Padmé took the microphone. "Queen Galacta IX is now ready to show everyone her new outfit!"

I stepped onto the catwalk and everyone gasped in astonishment. The gasps quickly turned to cheering and applause. What a wonderful feeling! I felt just like a queen -- a beauty queen!