Tongue Twister Solver

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Probably none. Woodchucks are horribly stupid and smelly creatures. They are barely capable of long-term survival or simple tasks so they breed like crazy. A woodchucks primary goal in life is to get laid as often as possible before they fall off cliff or get eaten by a hawk. When they aren't having crazy rodent sex, they are hibernating for 3-4 months to escape the winter cold. This all doesn't sound so bad until you get to the part where woodchucks often die violent and painful deaths. Thus, due to a woodchucks probable short life, chucking wood would be the last of a woodchucks concerns. A woodchuck is probably too busy trying to build a hibernation fort or getting some sweet loving. They don't have time to be carelessly and pointlessly chucking wood.

[As you can see from this smug woodchuck's specs, its body is not capable of effective wood chucking skills.]


The name woodchuck technically has nothing to do with wood or wood chucking for that matter. It's all a misnomer, because an old Native American language called them wuchak. Eventually, stupid white people settled into the region and adapted the name to woodchuck. A woodchuck is nothing more than another term for common groundhog.



The real tongue twister answer, in case you were curious is:
A woodchuck would chuck all the wood he could if a woodchuck could chuck wood.



I like my answer better.