Well, You Know Me...

It's been a weird weekend so far.  We are back in our old hometown for just a few days, with plans to drive back to our new hometown on Sunday or Monday.  The long drive down here has given me fodder for several posts, but I won't have time to really reflect on any of it until we get back.  Some highlights:

* Of course I mentioned to Mo what I was thinking about adoption.  To hell with the fact that he was stressed about work (a kid got hurt on their last day of football camp, and he was called on the carpet), that he was caught up in thinking about his Dad (today marks 2 years since he passed, that's why we're here), and that all-around it was probably the worst possible time to bring it up.  The good news is that he didn't shoot me down.  He does feel like we should give "healthy Mo" another shot.  His belief is that this last group of embryos were just poor quality, largely due to the poor lifestyle choices Mo was making at the time.  I don't fault him for this, and part of me thinks he may be right.  So, we'll see what the RPL testing reveals, and make our plans from there.

* Irony of ironies, we drove here exactly 3 months (to the day) from our last trip here, which was to do our FET.  I tried not to think too much about it, but there were tears.  Especially when I realized that it was also exactly 1 month (to the day) since my D&C.  And seven months (to the day) from my first positive pee stick, ever.  Needless to say, from now on, I'm spending the 23rd in bed.  Nothing good ever happens on the 23rd, I've decided.

* Driving into town, I could feel the weight of the past six years just falling down onto my shoulders.  I tensed up immediately, and haven't been able to really relax.  I hate being here.  I hate all the sad memories, I hate how trapped and weak I felt when we lived here.  I feel so much stronger, so much more myself in our new home, with all the wonderful things that have happened since we moved.  In spite of our losses, I'm happier now than I've been in years.  I cannot wait to leave this place behind me.

* I spent some time alone on the beach last night.  I'll post more about it later, but right now all I'll say is that I felt a sense of peace that has been missing, and a slight glimmer of a return of faith that may be coming.  We'll see.

*I've enjoyed being a part of ICLW again.  I've found some really great blogs to add to my reader, and quite a few have decided to follow me, too!  Which is quite humbling and ego-boosting at the same time.  I now stand at 99 readers...any of you lovely ladies want to make it an even 100?  :-)

That's about all I've got for right now.  I'll update again when we get home.