Imagine you have a dream, one that you've carried with you since childhood. It doesn't matter what the dream is; but it should be substantial. Perhaps this dream is, in your opinion, your purpose, your mission. It's what you are made to do.
Imagine that your dedication to achieving your dream is intense. You are driven, purposeful, willing to do whatever it takes. Nothing is going to stand in your way!
Except, of course, that everything does.
Imagine that, after many years of pursuing this dream, you finally come to the realization that by clinging to it, you are, in fact, actually preventing the dream from becoming reality.
And yet, letting go of the dream is equally impossible. Not only are you not guaranteed the result you desire (in fact it becomes even less likely), it requires such a fundamental shift in who you are that you will never again be the same. Letting go of the dream means letting go of your essence, of what makes you YOU.
In this "no-win" situation, what, my bloggy friends, would you do? Would you be brave enough to let go, to risk everything you have worked so hard for, to give up on your future as you have always seen it? Or would you continue to cling to it, hoping for a breakthrough, a yielding from an unyielding universe?
Which would you choose, knowing that neither is possible?
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
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I'm not sure. I've been given this same advice sooo many times, and it pissed me off every time, to just relax and let God handle it. I finally had to let go of my dream and move on to other things. Put it on the back burner, I guess. I had to decide I could be happy with my lot in life. I guess you either have to be happy or be sad, but either way you have to make a decision. Fish or cut bait, I suppose. I was in limbo for so long, I couldn't stand it any more. I don't know if that's where you are, but that's where I had to get to.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteMan, that's a toughie. I guess it depends on what makes you more happy. Are you okay with living a life of potential mediocrity (I don't really know, I'm just speculating from what you've said) that could get to the point of unhappiness? Or do you at least want the potential to make a life that makes you happy most everyday? I realize the first option also comes with the added bonus of security about the way you had envisioned your life, but you never know...sometimes things we never would have imagined make us the happiest.
ReplyDeleteRereading my comment, it sounds as if I am urging you to make a drastic change in your life, but I was just trying to make both options more realistic. Know I'll support you no matter what you chose. ((HUGS))
This is not easy! I think that I would try to find a way to let go of the dream in the hope that something better would come of it. Totally easier said than done, I know. I am thinking of my situation with IF and coming to terms with not having a biological child. I also thought I'd be a mom. Short of a miracle, I will never be pregnant. Do I keep trying, putting myself and DH through the pain and cost or stop and see what is down the other path? I haven't made a decision yet, other than making no decision and just kind of standing in the middle of the road, trying to decide which fork to take.
ReplyDeleteI am leaning towards the unknown future, given that I am pretty sure what continuing to try will do to us. But like I said, easier said that done. I wish you the best in figuring this out and getting through.
Oh Jo...what a tough situation to be in. I honestly don't know how or what I would decide. I hope I would find a way to be brave enough to let go but I honestly can't say. {{{Hugs}}}
ReplyDeleteThe decision to stop treatments, stop charting, stop temping, just stop "trying" was a hard one for me. I found that letting go in steps helps. Small steps, not big ones.
ReplyDeleteLittle ones, like waking up and NOT taking my temp. Not logging in to Fertility Friend during the day. I had steps backwards, and after 2 years of "not trying" I still find myself wanting to test if I'm a day "later" than usual, but it's better than it was.
Whatever you decide, remember this: Your dream built itself up, so it will take time to become the not-dream too. Don't expect that once you make the decision that everything will be fine. It's hard, damn hard, but it can be done. *hugs* as you have to choose between a dream and a possible reality.
Letting go is the hardest thing in the world. I have persevered and sometimes, through sheer force of will, made things happen. But in looking back, wonder if it was the right thing to do. I have let go and endured unhappiness, but emerged on the other side knowing it had been the right thing to do. I have clung, and failed, and regretted the time spent clinging. I don't know. I don't know there is a right answer. It is hard to give up a lifelong dream. Maybe the goal is making the best of what life has dealt, rather than wishing it was different? It's not easy, either way. Maybe thinking longer term - 5, 10 years from now, given the possibilities, which paths might be most satisfying looking back? Even if they required a few months/years of difficulties (of either the giving up and readjusting or the clinging and forcing).
ReplyDeleteThere are some who say - The only thing worse than being in a bad situation for X time is being in a bad situation for X+1 day. That philosophy is the rip off the bandaid/jump into the cold water way of thinking. If it's going to be bad, just do it and it'll be over quicker. Others prefer to ease into it, get used to the water, inch the bandaid off. Maybe takes longer, but the pain is less. More pain, shorter time; less pain, longer time? I don't know if that fits your situation. It is incredibly hard to give up a dream. Good luck.
Giving up a lifelong dream is hard, no matter what that dream is.
ReplyDeleteIf placed in the situation you describe, though, I would (eventually) let go. Perhaps you have seen the quote "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." I believe that this is true.
Many things in my life have worked out much differently than I had hoped or imagined, and yet I find that I am still quite happy with the result.
I'm sorry you are faced with this.
I've only faced this situation as it relates to my career, and was eventually able to let go with some residual pangs of regret. But I'm thinking we're talking about something different here....
ReplyDeleteThinking of you.
A wise friend said this quote to me, a couple of months back (has it been that long already?): Change is what happens when the pain of holding on becomes greater than the fear of letting go. (James Thurber)
ReplyDeleteI don't know if it speaks to you in this situation. I know that in my world, life seems to be a constant series of things to let go (for my good).
Peace and rest to you, friend. Love is going out to you tonight.
S and becomingwhole's quotes spoke to me, and I can relate to the situation of holding on so tightly that you pretty much are squeezing all the joy out of the life you have already. I'm dealing with that myself.
ReplyDeleteYou are at a crossroads my friend...a sticky and sucky place to be, but at the end of the day it's all about what you can live with. If you can imagine being happy holding on to this dream, continuing to try to bend life into the shape you think it needs to be...then by all means, keep bending! If you can imagine happiness by releasing it little by little...not all at once as to not cause a gaping wound and hole in your life...then you should work on the steps to release.
I don't know if that made any sense or not...but it's what I'm working on myself. So much of life/love/infertility/marriage/insert your situation here is unknown...and that sucks.
"Letting go of the dream means letting go of your essence, of what makes you YOU"...wow, I can so relate to that too.
I've always believed part of my identity was that I was meant to be a mother. Right now I'm a mother without a child. I don't know if I will ever have a child. I don't know what life will look like if I'm not able to. Part of my "self" will always be unfulfilled. And that's what I'm working on trying to deal with.
Sorry to hijack your post, but this really spoke to me. I don't know if I made any sense at all...so let me just say that I'm thinking of you, wishing you peace, and whatever steps you make I'll be here to support you.
((((HUGS))))