I am not, and never really have been, a very audible pray-er. I am much more traditional, head bowed, silent prayer-type person. But since we have been attending our "new" church, I've been introduced to the power of praying aloud, and praying together. Mo and I pray infrequently together, usually when things get really tough. But I've been doing a lot of personal prayer, and am slowly getting more comfortable with vocalizing my feelings aloud.
Shaz posted yesterday (this morning?) about a friend of hers who recommended changing her prayers of "please" to prayers of "thank you." This is another thing I am trying very hard to do -- to thank God for the things he is GOING to do as well as for the things He has already done.
In so many areas, it has worked. I have prayed in recent months for the gamut of things: financial freedom, health for my husband, restoration, peace, patience, energy, better relationships, strong friendships, and, of course, for the gift of a child.
In almost every single area, I have seen the manifestation of my prayers. (That's God-speak for "Wow, I can't believe I got what I asked for!"). Some things could, perhaps, be attributed to forces other than spiritual, but a few in particular absolutely could not. I am convinced that prayer works.
And yet.
(There is always that "and yet", isn't there?)
The one prayer, the prayer I have prayed for seven years, is still unanswered. It is so hard to remain full of faith that He WILL answer my prayers with a history like ours. And yet, how can I not believe? He has done so much already. So many truly impossible things, things that society and the world claim can't be. Mo and I have experienced so much healing in recent months, how can I doubt that the ultimate healing will take place?
After all that we have been through, I have come to believe that God has been waiting. He has been waiting for Mo and I to come back to Him, to come back to a place where we could be the best parents possible. I don't believe He ever intended for us to remain childless. They may not come to us through conventional methods, but our babies are coming.
As I change my prayers from "Please, God, give us a baby" to "Thank You, God, for the blessing that is coming," I just want to add one tiny thing.
Dear God: Could you speed things up just a little? :-)
Friday, March 20, 2009
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I am so enjoying your Friday posts. Thank you so much for sharing and for your honesty. I had to chuckle as I reached the bottom line because I sooooo remember feeling (and praying!) the same :)
ReplyDeleteI'm really enjoying getting to know you in this way. It's very interesting to be a faith-voyeur like this. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your cyber-hugs. Keep-em coming.
Thanks for sending the socks, I can't wait to get them!
ReplyDeleteI am so with you on asking God to spend up His plan just a wee bit. LOL.
Your honesty is refreshing, and I always find myself smiling when I read your posts~~sounds like I could have written them! Here's to the FF plan on answering prayers~LOL!!
ReplyDeleteHi - I found your blog through ICLW, and I can really relate to this post. Thanks for being so transparent and honest.
ReplyDeleteJo...this is a wonderful post! I so agree with your statement that it isn't about where we have been but what we are waiting for. That's why I'm trying to see our adoption journey as God's plan for us instead of just a plan B. He knows us and has plans for us...if we let ourselves follow his path.
ReplyDeleteHere's to hoping you find His path for you!
(Thanks also for all the kind words and support on my blog~it has meant everything to know how much you care!)
~nicole
Wonderful post! Maybe you can pray, "Thank you, God, for the blessing that will come... soon."
ReplyDeleteICLW
Wishing you the best of luck. I'm trying prayer for now, too, as it's all that's left available! ICLW
ReplyDeleteI have seen prayer result in miraculous things! Hang in there... :)
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
ICLW