Super Tuesday: Odds And Ends (Mostly Odd)

Hillary and The Donald did well. The Republican elite have formed a Super PAC in an attempt to dump Trump. Cruz took his home state and Rubio did poorly as he continued his childish parroting of the phrase "con man". He will probably lose Florida.

I switched back and forth between Fox News and CNN and both covered the elections well. As the hand writing slowly but surely appeared on the wall, I looked to other channels for a bit of humor.

I dislike the winning (and losing) speeches because they each have their own spin of why they did or didn't win. Moreover, Hillary's manly voice makes me nauseous.

As for the anti-Trump Super PAC, it may well be, "too little, too late". The mere thought of this type of action by any party against any candidate, disgusts me.

Should they be successful. I would encourage Trump to run on a third party ticket. If that is not possible, I would encourage my friends to vote for Hillary Obama just for spite and they can finish screwing the county up. But, that's just me.....

The News As I See It: Lawmakers in New Hampshire are now backing a bill that would make it illegal for women to expose their breasts in public because they say it could hurt tourism. New Orleans said, "You sure about that?"

Why do Americans call yesterday's elections Super Tuesday? Do they even know what the word "super" means? Calling the primary elections "super" is like calling broccoli a "guilty pleasure."

NASA is currently recruiting people for their rest studies program in which participants will be paid $18,000 to spend 70 days in bed and smoke different types of marijuana. But so far, they've only had 10 million applicants.

This Date In History: 1836; Texas declared its independence from Mexico. 1877; Rutherford B. Hayes was declared president by a U.S. electoral commission since the original result was too close to call. He was the only president elected this way. 1917; Puerto Rico became a U.S. territory and Puerto Ricans gained American citizenship.

1923; The first issue of Henry Luce's TIME magazine appeared on newsstands. 1933; King Kong, starring Fay Wray, premiered in New York City. 1949; Captain James Gallagher completed the first non-stop around the world flight. He completed the 23,452-mile journey in 94 hours, 1 minute.

1956; Morocco gained independence from France. 1962; Philadelphia Warriors center Wilt Chamberlain scored an NBA-record 100 points in a basketball game. 2001; The Taliban began the destruction of ancient Buddha statues in Afghanistan.

2008; Dmitri A. Medvedev, a former aide to Russian president Vladimir Putin who has never held elected office, won the Russian presidential election in a landslide. Putin remained in a position of power, serving as Medvedev's prime minister.

Picture Of The Day: The media had a field day with Chris Christie's blank stare as Trump gave his winner's speech. In Christie's defense, when you have to remain on stage during another person's speech, it's not easy being the potted plant on the stage.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Some people have things called wrinkles which are similar to my character lines. 2) Sometimes I get really lonely, especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee. 3) New studies have found that people who snore have a higher risk of accidental death. In most cases, however, the spouse will smother them with the pillow long before any accidents happen. 4) Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.  5) On a traffic light, yellow means yield and green means go. On a banana, it's just the opposite. Yellow means go ahead, green means stop and red means this is an apple, dummy.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Pisces - March 2nd: Be careful today as you may find yourself in an elevator with someone who really loves beans. Chance of romance is 61 percent excluding anyone you might encounter in an elevator.

Birthdays: Samuel Houston, frontier hero and statesman 1793, Dr. Seuss, author of children's books 1904, Mikhail Gorbachev, political leader 1931, Tom Wolfe, journalist and novelist 1931, John Irving, writer 1942, Jon Bon Jovi, musician 1962.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: My friend and I went to a restaurant for lunch and I wanted to order a club sandwich, but I'm not even a member. I said to my friend, "I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread." He said, "Well, so do I!"

I told him, "Then, let's form a club." He answered, "OK, but we need some more stipulations. Instead of cutting the sandwich once, let's cut it again. Yes, four triangles, arranged in a circle and in the middle, we will dump potato chips."

I said, "How do you feel about frilly toothpicks?" He replied, "I'm for 'em!" I said, "Well, this club is formed!"

Joe Bob, Jim Bob and Billy Bob are greeted in heaven by St. Peter. "We have only one rule," he says. "Never step on a duck" But upon passing through the Pearly Gates, they're surrounded by thousands of ducks, and Joe Bob steps on one. The duck quacks and soon, all the ducks are quacking.

St. Peter admonishes, "I warned you not to step on a duck." He shackles Joe Bob to a ferocious looking 260 lbs Amazon woman for all eternity. Jim Bob steps on a duck and gets tethered forever to a Brute 6 foot 6 redheaded Viking woman.

Billy Bob thinks, poor ole Joe Bob and Jim Bob. And learns to watch his step. So St. Peter chains him to an absolutely gorgeous girl. Billy Bob exclaims, "Wow! What did I do to deserve this?"

The buxom beauty says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: An old man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes out and says, "I'm sorry Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition which only allows you another 6 weeks to live."

Bill replied, "But doctor, I feel great. I haven't felt better in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can do?" After a moment the doctor said, "Well, you might start going down the street to that new health spa and take a mud bath every day."

Bill asked excitedly, "And that will cure me?" The doctor replied, "No, but it will get you used to the dirt."

Toward the end of the golf course, Dave somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden .....Poof!

In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life. Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life. As a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!" Then Poof!.....she was gone.

After Dave got a hold of himself, he hollered to his friend, "Fred, where are you?" Fred yells back, "I'm over here, in the pussy willows." Dave yells back, "Don't swing Fred, don't swing!!"

That's it for today, my little rose petals. Remember, mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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Meet Zach - Samantha's New Cousin

Congrats to my sweet Sandra on her adoption of Zach, her new furry friend. Sandra patiently waited until she could provide a good home. Moreover, Zach's adoption provides automatic membership in The Scalawags, which may or may not be of use, but we all have black cats.

Samantha has not been told yet as she feels her Aunt Sandra belongs solely to her. I'll explain everything to her later this evening. I can't interrupt her right now. She's watching, "Little Mouse on The Prairie."

Zach is slowly adjusting to his new Mom and surroundings and I'm assuming he likes game shows as he has already left Sandra a parting gift. Litterbox 101 is his next priority.

I'm happy that Sandra finally has Zach. She'll take good care of him and i'm sure Zach will be good for her.

So, for all of my fantastic furry pet parents, this story is for you, as well.

The News As I See It: Obama has unveiled his plan to finally shut down Guantanamo Bay. To make sure no one ever goes in there again, Obama is handing it over to the people who run Radio Shack.

Hillary Clinton recently visited the set of the hit ABC show "Scandal." Is that really the show you should be visiting right now? Why not drop by the set of "I Did Nothing Wrong," or maybe "There Was Nothing Illegal in Those Emails!"

Apple is fighting back against critics and says it has no "sympathy for terrorists" despite refusing FBI orders to unlock private iPhone data. In fact, Apple hates terrorists so much, it’s releasing a new U2 album just for them.

This Date In History: 1582; Pope Gregory XIII issued a papal bull introducing the Gregorian calendar reform. 1803; The Supreme Court ruled in Marbury v. Madison that any act of Congress which conflicts with the Constitution is null and void. 1821; Mexico declared its independence from Spain.

1868; Andrew Johnson, 17th president of the United States, became the first president to have impeachment proceedings brought against him by the House of Representatives. 1903; The lease for Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, was signed.

1920; Adolf Hitler outlined the basic points of the Nazi party at the Hofbrauhaus in Munich. 1968; The discovery of a pulsar was announced. 1980; The U.S. hockey team defeated Finland to win the gold medal at the Lake Placid Olympics.

Picture Of The Day: I would be remiss (and possibly scratched) if I did not include a picture of the queen of my house, Samantha.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) In the Hawaiian language, they say it takes over five words to say "I love you." All it takes for me is a pineapple and fifty dollars. 2) The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. 3) There's a new organization called A.A.A.A.A. - it's for drunks who drive. 4) Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society ~ Mark Twain. This does not apply to women ~ Jimmy Sullivan.  5) Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never seen one who suffered from insomnia.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Pisces - February 24th: Now that you're finally getting over your weekend antics, I suggest that you maintain a low profile until all of the various social sites quit running those pictures that seemed funny at the time. Seriously, you're not the first to wear a lampshade as a hat.

Birthdays: Winslow Homer, American painter 1836, Honus Wagner, baseball player 1874, Chester William Nimitz, admiral 1885, Joseph Lieberman, politician 1942, Steve Jobs, entrepreneur 1955, Paula Zahn, TV news reporter, anchor 1956, Billy Zane, actor 1966.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: After hiring a beautiful new maid, a man was asked by his wife, "Did you have to hire Venus herself? Couldn't you have found some beefy, East European scrub woman who reeked of ammonia?"

Her husband replied, "Well, I asked for one, but it's an Olympic year. The agency was fresh out."

It was March 6, 1836. On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and rose from his bunk on the main floor of the Alamo. He then walked up to the observation post along the west wall of the fort. William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were already there, looking out over the top of the wall.

These three men gazed at the hordes of Mexicans moving steadily toward them. With a puzzled look on his face, Crockett turned to Bowie and said, "Jim, are we having some landscaping done today?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: John met a woman while on vacation and fell head over heels in love with her. On the last night of his vacation, the two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how they would continue the relationship.

John said, "It's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I eat, sleep, think and breathe golf, so if that's a problem, you'd better say so now."

The woman says, "Well, as long as we're being honest with each other, here goes...I'm a hooker."

John was quiet for a moment, then he replied, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your left wrist straight on your follow-through."

Two guys from New Orleans were sitting around talking one afternoon. After a while the first fellow says to the second, "If I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday and make love to your wife while you was off hunting and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"

The second fellow crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about that, but it sure would make us even."

That's it for today, my little furballs. Remember, political correctness is a useless theorem that allows the few to endanger the many. It is only applicable when being polite to ugly babies, men and women. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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Heading To Margaritaville

Today is Margarita Day. I have no idea who comes up with these ideas, but I figure if part of the plan involves the imbibing of spirits, how bad can it be? Although my drink is scotch, I have been known to stray occasionally.....to other spirits.

Another of my go-to drinks is vodka. My experiences with both beverages gives me the ability to gauge my senses and know when to slow down.

Tequila and Jack Daniels whisky have that certain "je ne sais quoi" that sometimes leads one into attempting things that are highly improbable. While I will not go into detail as to those "improbable things", it suffices to say that the rare times that I have tried were mostly failures.

The few missions that were successful, however, are the ones fondly remembered and, for that reason, sometimes lead one to make other attempts with modified plans.

Lastly, if you choose to try a margarita or two this evening, my advice is to sip it slowly and, by all means, avoid eating the worm.....

The News As I See It: Over on the Democratic side, Bernie Sanders is getting the support of students at Hillary Clinton's alma mater, Wellesley College. Now Hillary Clinton is trying to get the support of Bernie's alma mater, Jurassic Park.

Pope Francis stated that he did not think that Donald Trump is a true Christian because of Trump's beliefs on immigration. I know you're thinking there goes the Pope's chance of being on the next season of "Celebrity Apprentice."

This Date In History: 1371; Robert II succeeded to the throne of Scotland, beginning the Stuart dynasty. 1819; Spain ceded Florida to the United States. 1879; Frank Winfield Woolworth opened his first "Five Cent Store" in Utica, New York.

1924; Calvin Coolidge made the first presidential radio broadcast from the White House. 1935; Airplanes were no longer permitted to fly over the White House. 1980; In a major upset, the U.S. Olympic hockey team defeated the Soviets 4–3 at Lake Placid, N.Y.

Picture Of The Day: The London Bar, which is set within luxury hotel The London NYC, has debuted its signature drink, the "Billionaire Margarita." According to the hotel, the "Billionaire Margarita" features premium ingredients including Patrón en Lalique Serie 1 and Louis XIII and it comes with a price tag of $1,200.

The London NYC’s director of Food and Beverage, Jayson Goldstein, is the mastermind behind the "Billionaire Margarita." He revealed that the lavish drink will only be offered as the Patrón en Lalique Serie 1 is available. "With only 500 bottles of the spirit produced, once it’s gone – it’s gone."

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I've been trying to figure out why is there is an expiration date on sour cream. 2) You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 3) A friend asked what I thought about foreign affairs. I told him, "I don't know, I never had one." 4) I have no tattoos or body piercings, however I do have several scars from bite marks. 5) There is an Internet warning issued by the Department of Homeland Security. If you get an email titled, "Nude photo of Nancy Pelosi," Don't open it! It contains a nude photo of Nancy Pelosi.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Pisces - February 22nd: You are in for a surprise visit this week and this time they won't have a subpoena. Tidy up your home and it wouldn't hurt to work a bit on yourself as well. The surprise visitor may be bearing gifts. Make sure they're not Greek.....

Birthdays: George Washington, first American President 1732, Arthur Schopenhauer, philosopher 1788, James Russell Lowell,  poet, critic, and editor 1819, Edna St. Vincent Millay, poet 1892, Edward Kennedy, U.S. Senator 1932, Jonathan Demme, director, producer, screenwriter 1944, Julius Erving, basketball player 1950, Drew Barrymore, actress 1975.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a woman with a particularly large diamond ring. As he admired the ring, the bartender came over and said, "That's the Glopman diamond. It's beautiful, but it comes with a curse." The man asked, "What's the curse?" The bartender replied, "Mrs. Glopman."

While shopping for vacation clothes, a husband and wife passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since she had even considered buying a bathing suit, so she sought her husband's advice.

She asked, "What do you think?" Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" Her husband replied, "Better get a bikini. You'd never get it all in one."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Two male friends are out golfing one Saturday afternoon. After finishing one hole, they wait for the two women who are ahead of them at the next hole to finish. They wait a few minutes, but soon get irritated at the amount of time the women are taking to play the hole.

One of the men decides that enough is enough. He tells his friend, "I'm going to go up there and tell those two to hurry up!" He starts walking towards the women but after getting halfway there, he returns to his friend.

His friend asks, "What's wrong?" his friend asks. "I can't go over there. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress." His friend tells him, "That's okay, I'll go talk to them." He too starts walking towards the women but after getting halfway there, he too returns to his friend. He tells his friend, "Small world..."

A lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law. I'll lose my license and they'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You cannot have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

That's it for today, my little meerkats. Remember, if you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly.

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The Ice Cream Man

When I was a child in the 50s, no matter what you were doing, the familiar sound of the "ice cream man" caused pandemonium as we scurried to find money (or beg Mom) to buy a Popsicle or Fudgesicle. You could hear him from two blocks away.

Some of the early ice cream men pedaled bicycle carts and some had trucks. Either way, you knew who it was by their particular ring or sound.

The more fortunate kids could buy two Popsicles and even the prized Creamcycle or Dreamcycle, the difference being that that the Creamcycle had ice cream in the middle and the Dreamcycle had ice milk. My senior readers may have to explain what "Ice Milk" is to the younger readers.

The good thing about Popsicles was that it came on two sticks. If you were lucky and the Popsicle broke apart properly, you could share you flavor with someone with a different flavor. The two stick Popsicle idea was born during the Great Depression era for just that reason.

The History:

In 1905 in Oakland, 11-year-old Frank Epperson was mixing a white powdered flavoring for soda and water out on the porch. He left it there, with a stirring stick still in it.

That night, temperatures reached a record low, and the next morning, the boy discovered the drink had frozen to the stick, inspiring the idea of a fruit-flavored "Popsicle".

In 1922, he introduced the frozen treat at a fireman's ball. It was a sensation. In 1923, Epperson sold the frozen pop on a stick to the public at Neptune Beach, an amusement park in Alameda, California.

Seeing that it was a success, in 1924 Epperson applied for a patent for his "frozen confectionery" which he called "the Epsicle ice pop".

He renamed it to "Pop's Sicle" or Popsicle, allegedly at the insistence of his children. It was originally available in seven flavors and marketed as a "frozen drink on a stick."

The form is unique, with a wooden stick going through the ice to create a handle. The stick became as well known as the treat, commonly used as a craft-stick for craft projects by children and adults.

In 1925, Epperson sold the rights to the Popsicle to the Joe Lowe Company of New York. The Lowe Co. went on to catapult Epperson's invention to national success.

During the Great Depression, the company debuted the two-stick version of the Popsicle to help consumers stretch their dollar — the duo sold for 5 cents.

The giant food corporation Unilever scooped up the Popsicle brand in 1989, expanding the brand beyond its original fruity flavors. It also bought Good Humor, ending the feud between the two icy competitors.

In June 2006, Popsicles with "natural flavors and colors" were introduced, replacing the original versions in some cases.

The News As I See It: The Bernie Sanders campaign is demanding proof that Hillary Clinton beat him in yesterday’s Iowa caucus. Today Hillary said, "Sure, let me check my server." Sanders lost the Iowa Caucus by .03%. In other words, Bernie would have won if six stoners had managed to get off the couch.

Marco Rubio’s inner circle say their boss benefited from the Trump-Cruz fight because, "Marco is everyone’s second choice." That explains Rubio’s new campaign slogan, "I’m the Least Worst." Third is actually pretty good considering the fact that most Iowa voters think that Marco Rubio is a game you play in the swimming pool.

In a recent survey, people from Chicago have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower! The survey, carried out for leading toiletries firm, Brut, show that 76% of Chicago residents say they have enjoyed sex in the shower. The other 24% say they hadn't been to prison.

The Iowa caucuses were an important part of our election process. There are a few key differences between a caucus and a primary election. The first one is, no one knows what a caucus is or how it works. The second one is, no one cares.

New Barbie dolls will now come in different sizes and with more realistic body types. Not only that, the new Ken dolls come with beer googles.

This Date In History: 1468; Johann Gutenberg, German printer and inventor, died. 1870; The 15th Amendment (black suffrage) passed. 1913; The 16th Amendment, establishing federal income tax, was ratified. 1917; The U.S. broke off diplomatic relations with Germany. 1959; Rock singers, Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and Big Bopper died in a plane crash. 1995; Colonel Eileen Collins became the first woman to pilot the space shuttle when the Discovery blasted off. 1998; Texas executed Karla Faye Tucker, the first woman to be executed in the United States since 1984.

Picture Of The Day: One of the best things about Popsicles were the ice cream sticks. Considering the fact that few people had phones or television in the early 50s, the ice cream stick soon became a utile instrument that could be used in various way. Daily "inventions" by neighborhood kids soon taught us the value of saving your sticks, either for barter or creating a toy. 

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I typed 18 beers into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself. 2) My electric car is getting serviced, so they loaned me an acoustic one. 3) (Me): "What?! You said I could tie you up and do anything I want." (Her): "Well, where the hell have you been?" (Me): "Fishing."

4) Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name? 

5) I despise protesters who riot and loot stores and I'd like to see them shot on sight. Nowadays, to be politically correct, you can't call them looters. You have to call them undocumented shoppers. I'd still shoot 'em on sight, but in a politically correct manner.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aquarius - February 3rd: There's a relatively good chance that you will stumble across an opportunity this week and the advantages will be extraordinary. By the same token, don't take stumbling for granted. You remember what happened the last time you got up in the middle of the night and stepped on the cat's tail.

Birthdays: Felix Mendelssohn, composer 1809, Horace Greeley, newspaper editor and founder 1811, Elizabeth Blackwell, American Physician 1821, Gertrude Stein, author 1874, Norman Rockwell, illustrator 1894, Alvar Aalto, architect and furniture designer 1898, James Michener, author 1907, Joey Bishop comedian, actor 1918, Linda Wachner, industry executive 1946, J. Catherine Roberts, science teacher 1953, Isla Fisher, comedian, actor 1976.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An elderly man lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died and he went to the parish priest and asked if he would say a mass for his poor departed pet.

The priest replied, "I'm afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane." The old man said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya think $5000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"

The priest exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?"

A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory and once all the mess has been cleared up, and inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement. The investigator says, "Simpson, you were near the scene, what happened?"

Simpson says, "Well, it's like this. Old Charley Higgins was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up." The investigator, in stunned horror, exclaims, "He was smoking in the mixing room?" How long had he been with the company?" Simpson replied, "About 20 years, sir."

The investigator says, "20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room. I'd have thought it would have been the last thing he'd have done." Simpson replied, "It was, sir."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A woman found out that her dog ( a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears.

He cleaned both ears and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the chemist and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

The woman went to the pharmacy and bought some "Nair" hair remover. The pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days." The woman said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days." The woman replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer." The pharmacist says, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week."

There was this small church down in Texas that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.

The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So, one of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green Persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size.

She warned her to not eat any of the green Persimmons, though, because they are so sour they make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a while. She agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said, "Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hath a thermon tewday."

That's it for today, my little eaglets. Remember, the reason that men chase women they have no intention of marrying is the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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It's Fun To Dilly-Dali On Friday Nights

Friday at Sabores I was joined by my friends Ileana, Luly, Paul, Rita and others for a night of fun and karaoke. Ileana, a renown portrait artist, was also there for a Salvador Dali art exposition the following evening.

As usual, there was a lot of joking and laughs and we are becoming more and more accustomed to getting an outside table for the fresh air and to dim the din of the music.

The night turned into an all-nighter as I joined my partners-in-crime, Luly and Paul, to go bar hopping and we headed toward a known late night watering hole. Unfortunately, the element that was standing outside encouraged us to look for a more suitable location.

We headed for the airport hotels which usually have a bar, but once again, we were foiled. I haven't been to the airport area in many mango seasons, and since they don't let me out of the home much, I enjoyed the excursion.

It seems, however, that most people are sleeping at 3 a.m. Hunger overpowered our search for another bar, so we stopped in at Denny's and ate breakfast. All and all, it was a great evening and I got home around 4 a.m.

For those that would like to see Ileana's work and more pictures, you can go to her blog at http://chica1665.blogspot.com/2016/

The News As I See It: The Republicans and Democrats held their debates last week with Republicans debating Tuesday night with two-tiered time slots because of the many candidates.

The Democratic debate was on Saturday evening, conveniently taking the time slot right after the NFL playoff games. They don't seem to want much publicity given the candidates.

I was amused when ABC announcer said the debate would have all the candidates. Yep, all three (3). The queen, Crazy Bernie and Martin O.Malley, whose presence seemed to be an afterthought.

One of Bernie's better remarks was when he questioned Hillary receiving $600,00 for speaking engagements from Goldman Sachs, a wall street giant who Hillary professes to be against.

A new poll shows that in the last month, Hillary Clinton's lead in Iowa has shrunk from 9 percent to 2 percent. Meanwhile, her fake smile has grown 200 percent.

An NFL player is about to become a father for the 12th time with nine different women. So, he was traded to the NBA.

This Date In History: 1733; The first polar bear was exhibited in America, in Boston. 1778; Captain James Cook became the first European to visit the Sandwich Islands (Hawaii).

1782; Daniel Webster was born in Salisbury, New Hampshire. 1788; The First Fleet, carrying convicts and sheep, arrived in Australia's Botany Bay.

1912; The ill-fated Scott expedition reached the South Pole, only to discover Amundsen had been there first. 1943; The Nazi siege of Leningrad was broken.

Picture Of The Day: The look says it all. This is how I'd like to die.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work. 2) Marriage is for people who want their break ups to involve paperwork. 3) (Judge): "Members of the jury, how do you find the defendant?" (Jury Foreman): "We can't find him at all." (Judge): "Dammit, this is the third robbery Waldo has gotten away with!" 4) People who go to the store and buy a single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.  5) One thing I learned while I was out drinking last week was there is no such thing as a goalie in darts.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Capricorn - January 18th: Dogs can be a man's best friend or a woman's best friend. They could also be a child's best friend or a cat's best friend. Actually, dogs are relatively flexible. You may wonder how this information is pertinent to you. Well, for one thing, you now know you have a pal who will chase cars with you.

Birthdays: Peter Roget, lexicographer 1779, Daniel Webster, American Statesman 1782, Joseph Glidden, inventor 1813, A.A. Milne, author 1882, Oliver Hardy, actor 1892, Cary Grant, actor 1904, Danny Kaye, actor, singer, comedian 1913, Kevin Costner, actor, filmmaker 1955.

In the very empty Marriott Hotel lobby

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination and found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him.

The doctor said, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you." The man, "I know, but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."

Old Aunt Cora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation. She said to the doctor. "It's terrible, I haven't moved my bowels in more than a week."

The doctor said, "I see. Have you done anything about it?" Aunt Cora replied, "Yes, I sit in the bathroom for a good half of an hour in the morning and then again at night."

The doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?" Aunt Cora replied, "Of course! I take a magazine."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A country boy came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!"

The fireman replied, "Okay! How do we get there?" The country boy says, "Don’t you still have those big red trucks?"

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a woman with a particularly large diamond ring. As he admired the ring, the bartender came over and said, "That's the Glopman diamond. It's beautiful, but it comes with a curse."

The man asked, "What's the curse?" The bartender replied, "Mrs. Glopman."

That's it for today, my little road runners. Remember, If they're going to call the cops every time they spot you in their bushes, I don't think your relationship is going to work.

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More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !