IN PAIN

I went to the gym…my usual routine. 8:30-9:30 combat time! A group exercise where we kick and punch. And yeah, how I enjoy every minute of that exercise. I positioned myself, soon enough we began the exercise. Hindi ko maintindihan ang katawan ko kung bakit at that time wala sa mood. At around 9:10 lumipat ako sa likod, at umupo. May isang lalaki lumapit sa akin “huwag kang umupo, baka mahilo ka” sympre alam ko ang rule na iyon, sus. After a few breath, nag join na ako sa exercise kaso ilang Segundo lang umaalis ako..until I decided na umuwi na. niyaya kona kaibigan ko na umuwi. Habang naglalakad papunta sa locker room, nasambit ko sa aking kaibigan na “its so weird, nag eenjoy ako sa combat, bakit ngayon parang wala ako sa mood. Ive been doing the exercise for almost 2 years na ngayon lang nangyari sa akin ito”. i changed shirt then tumuloy sa grocey para bumili ng ingredients for spaghetti..(hehe I was craving for pasta eh).

As soon as I reached home, pinrepare kona spaghetti. Kahit gabi, talaga naman nagluto ako. I started eating at past 12midnight. Reading the breaking dawn while eating. I look at the clock, 1:30am nah. I should be sleeping by now. So weird. Feeling ko may nakatingin sa akin, feeling ko may dumadaan sa likod ko. Tumitingin ako sa salamin every now and then. So weird. Gusto ko ng matulog pero parang hindi ako inaantok.

The next morning I received two text messages. Hindi ko muna binasa. Sabi ko, mamya na lang kapag nasa taxi na. Pagsakay ko, binuksan ko inbox, then read muna isang message from a friend, then sinunod ko ung isa…..ooohhhh nohhhh…this can’t be sabi ko sa sarili ko. Hindi pwede. I scroll down hoping to read a words saying..no, he’s fine. No, it was not him. I dialed the sender’s number pero di sya sumasagot. Pagdating ko sa office, they confirmed to me what happened. No, can’t be. Until I spoke to a friend, saying he’s gone…………oh my! He is too young. Kasama lang naming sya last Friday..we’re supposed to have breakfast nung Sunday, kaso hindi na ako lumabas. Oh noh!!! noong gabing iyon, noong oras na ako ay nasa gym, same time ng maaksidente sila, ng dalhin sya sa hospital, ng sabihing wala na syang buhay...........

Habang nasa office ako, naiimagine ko face nya. Minsan natutulala ako. Hindi ako makapaniwala, shock till now. Umuwi ako kahapon, mas masakit pala ang makita ka na lying, resting in peace forever. Pinigilan ko ang mga luha, pinigilan kong titigan ka, pero ang damdamin ayaw magsinungaling, unti unti itong bumigay.
Masakit. Biglaan ang pangyayari. Lahat hindi makapaniwala. Maraming mga katanungan. Bakit? Paano? Bakit? kung sana, kung sana? Paulit ulit na bumubulong sa isip at puso. Pero in the end, we need to accept that it happened. That you are now in heaven. it takes time.

We will miss you for sure.
Bye nards.

what!? Fu**!!!!!

wwwhhhhhooooaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!
wake me up! this couldnt be happening!!!!??
i was shocked with the news! who wouldnt be?!
do u know where u coming from?

pls, dont let ur weaknesses overcome you.
u make mistakes, i have alot of mistakes. nobody's perfect.
but that is not an excuse. do you understand? do you hear us?
it's still a very long journey. cry it our my dear friend, im here, dont worry.
hold on. be strong. we'll talk to them. though, next time, be very careful

isn't it late?

we see each other every day.
yet very seldom we talk.
i know, we know why
we just keep silent.
i want to be close to you
but circumstances do not allow
will this be any longer?
will this be forever?
i do not bother to ask
i do not bother to question
it's better than this
just as they say, truth hurts
enough of the pain
im having headache now
just thinking of you
where are you going?
is it any of my right?
to ask you?
wont even bother
you'll walk away anyway
you said, you'll end it up
but you're making it worst
you cannot turn back
i can see that
the door is closing
where are you going?
foolish of me
i dont learn my lesson

What hurts most

the cold wind blows in the night
the love songs music that plays on the radio
the silent of time
makes me wonder why?

we were just talking
what hurts most is that
now, we are so closed to each other
and the next day you never laid eyes on me,,,