Did someone slip me something?

...A roofie, acid, or maybe even just a whole lot of NyQuil?

I'm asking because there has to be some logical reason behind these "unique" experiences I've had over the past few days...

1. When I heard Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana's new song on the radio last night, I cried - and it was because I thought the lyrics were so inspirational.

2. Snoop Dog is haunting me - for real. The real OG himself is making a statement and appearing in my dreams every single night. Sometimes he helps me with a drive-by, sometimes he is just hanging out in my living room, and almost always he is smoking weed. My Psychology degree can't decide if these dreams are warning me of impending danger, or providing enlightenment as to the wide array of medications available to treat my daily stresses.



3. I swear to the Heavens (and Hell) that I saw one of the Jonas Brothers skateboarding down 11th Ave. today while on my way to Shriners with Deak. This young man had the ever-popular long bang swipe, a turquoise shirt, capri's, and was skateboarding with intricate ability. And, we all know how the Jonas' brothers' talent is all-encompassing.

I was going to end this post with the question, "What is wrong with me?" But, decided that would be against my better judgement.

It Came Back.

So, I haven't blogged a lot lately.

Yea, I have been busy...but, more importantly; I have been discouraged.

I don't like it when I feel that way, and I didn't want to spread the "gloom."
But, today, as I have felt the stresses and issues beginning to be more than I wanted to handle, I sat down to write and ... a few things happened.

The Issues.

1. The "Preschool" lady came to our home a couple of weeks ago to visit with me about Deakon's future services with Special Education. Deakon turns three in May, and the thought of him going to preschool frightens me to death. I came into this meeting with huge reservations, knowing that a five minute "lookey-lou" at my son, would give this woman no information on his level of ability to function in a preschool classroom. Let's just say, my reservations were not in err.

After hearing that my son had "severe" needs, and just "might do best" in a classroom where only children with severe needs belong, I began to feel extremely protective and enraged. What in the HELL does a woman who saw my son lying on the floor, falling asleep (after having three appointments that morning), and playing quietly know about my son's needs? So, after biting my tongue on a few occasions, (especially when I was told that "if my son is as smart as you say he is, then we won't have a problem"), grilling the idiot on what testing she was using to assess my son's cognitive ability, watching her face grimace when she began to realize that A. I actually knew what the hell I was talking about and B. She wasn't going to see me back down, I retreated and let her leave (without walking her to the door.) This is going to be a long couple of months. Just when I think I have won the battle with his growth hormone treatment, another more meaningful battle ensues. Although I am sure it is going to be uphill for a while; I am in for the long haul.

2. The economy sucks. It's been very humbling for me to see that education and experience don't always provide the guarantees of a comfortable lifestyle that I once longed for. Blair and I are both still very grateful to be employed, but are feeling some of the effects, as we all are, none the less. We have made choices, some of which probably could've been better, but have done the best we could considering our circumstances and priorities. Who would've known that two months after moving into our affordable home, I would be given life-changing news about our expectant son, and our lives, financial life included, would be forever changed? I certainly didn't expect it, and have developed a strong desire to be better prepared in the future. I definitely have learned how quickly life can change. We are trying to sell our home, in hopes that we will be able to do a better job saving, and downsize our lives and expenses. I have been trying my best to keep up with the constant showings, and feel comfortable that it will eventually work out.

The Motivation.

1. This Kid. (Quick shout - out to DJ Lance.)

I really thought things were crappy this morning. He knew it - he understands me, and his sweet little heart, holes and all, wanted to help me feel better.

"Ah La Ya."

It came back.

He told me three times this morning and smiled very sweetly.
He hasn't said it since, but that's okay.
It's all I needed.

2. This Kid.

We got out the bike, she hopped on, and rode.

The riding was only occasionally interrupted with bouts of frustration, and she totally has the hang of it.

It was awesome, and I am so proud.

3. This Sweet Girl.

She and her parents are amazing.

Emily is now a sweet angel who I believe gets to watch over my Deak and all of our other friends with Ring 18 Syndrome. After spending some time talking with her mom today, I feel stronger and better - more grateful for what I have, what my son can do, and my faith.

Through my discouragement, frustration, and sadness these past couple of weeks, I have gained more strength. It always, always, seems that every time I am down; it is just because I want to be there. I am the only one who can choose to think positively, and keep fighting. That is what I am determined to do.

If you want to win...

Click Here.
She has yummy recipes, one of which I recently made.
I entered...so I hope to also win:)

Stolen Valentines.

This idea is completely stolen by me, and recently written about by this friend (for - real this time:).

I know, pretty lame of me to pirate her idea so soon...but I started rambling different ideas in my head, and felt like if I didn't share them this way, I probably never would.

Thanks for unknowingly letting me use your beautiful idea Ash.

Six Words that describe "I Love You" to My People I love.

Unexpected turns; I still want forever.

Your strong core has saved me.

Would never change one little chromosome.

Love is better when said aloud.

Love is perseverance, forgiveness, and trials.

Need you still, my young protector.

So much life yet, don't hurry.

Strong, unique, beautiful. Quite the trio.

(And Marilyn, although not pictured:)

You're son is my favorite world.

Happy Loving to all of you.

Roll the Dice.

Parenting is such a crap shoot, don't you think?
Sometimes I roll big and win, and sometimes I roll a seven and lose it all.

I get the opportunity professionally, to see parents interact and discipline their children very frequently. I see parents in vulnerable positions, hearts on their sleeves, ready and willing to do anything to help their children. Unfortunately I also see the opposite; parents who are too self-absorbed to see past their own needs and into their babies' eyes. As much as I disagree with the latter, I try my hardest not to judge. Heaven knows I've been too self-absorbed/lazy to be a parent more often than I'd like to remember. I can only hope my children will be more forgiving of me than I am of myself.

Abby is only six, and in these few years, that have seemed to zip past me, it's hard to even remember a time without her. I've been both types of parents: overindulgent and self-absorbed, but hopefully most of the time...somewhere in the middle. I know that she knows she's loved and important, and feels confident (sometimes too confident) enough to express her feelings and needs to us. I guess that's all I can hope for.

Today, I got to help with her class Valentine party; and Deakon wasn't invited. Her eyes lit up when I walked into the room, and my heart smiled. She even hugged me. She is so proud that I get to be the counselor at her school, it is one of the only things she freely compliments me of, and loves that all her classmates know my name. Compliments and tokens of appreciation coming from anyone else are lovely, but nothing beats the bright green eyes and half smile of my little girl. Those moments are the ones I just want to keep fresh. I want them right in front of my brain the next time I am tempted to lose it, the next time I think it is easier to give in rather than give up. Nothing is worth more to me than my relationship with my children and husband.

Abby was particularly helpful and sweet today; she mopped floors, dusted railings, fed her brother, and made his day by playing with him. She also spoke gently, discussed who the Bachelor kicked off with me, and learned how to cross the monkey bars (a HUGE fear) this past week. So, maybe that is why I am feeling somewhat compelled to love on her a bit tonight. I don't know, either way, I just want to keep my moments with her today and this week from going stale.

Official Boycott.

So, like every other parent in America, I have entered my kids' pictures in the Gap Casting Call Contest every year; only to be totally pissed off with Gap's apparent lack of clarity when defining beauty ...

Come on. You can't tell me that kid did not deserve to win.

Now - I am done. I am boycotting them, at least for a week. Feel free to join in. And, in honor of the true winner...I will post a few shots that just might make them cry in regret.

He's not afraid of close-ups.

Or, showing some skin (or maybe in this case, and every case actually, his belly is just bigger than his shirt).

And he LOVES the camera.

(*In the spirit of equal child loving, I attempted to get pictures of Abby. Those attempts were met with strong words and speedy exits. Equal opportunity was given.)

Dear Abby,

Could you PLEASE...

*... refrain from attempting to show your entire class the very anatomically correct parts of your High School Test Baby during Show and Tell? (I wondered why I had a phone call at home from her teacher last Friday - no message though...hmmm...how would that have gone? Good thing her teacher has a sense of humor.)

*...maybe attempt another phrase when asking Maddi and her girlfriend "What the Hell they are doing?"

*...cut down on the chit chat, and take longer than five seconds to complete your work in class? (I know you're smart...just try to make it at least look like you're attempting to accomplish something other than figuring out what game you are going to play at recess during class.)

*...think of something other than..."Well, you feed me" - when asked on a school assignment what you like best about your family.

*...choose another book, other than The Trip (aka...the 1st book in the 1st grade series of books - basically those are the only words in the book) as your favorite.

*...and then, when asked by your teacher during Parent/Teacher Conferences why The Trip is your favorite book; say something other than, "Well, it's the shortest."

OH....and did I mention I am the school counselor at her school?

Yes, I love this girl, but I am not sure where she came from.

Cheerz and Beers

Or Maybe Sippy Cups...

But, whatever.

In our house we prepared for the "Holiday" (as Blair refers to it as) of the Superbowl by...

1. Watching my little sister, Maddi, cheer with her Cheerz Team in a Competition on Saturday.

They did awesome, and Abby loved every second of it.

2. Creating a "Safe Zone" for Deakon where only Abby could control him - while I cooked.

3. Dressing our dolls in appropriate attire.

And...of course eating.

Now, I am lame and didn't actually pull out my camera during the actual party - so I'll create a visual for the rest of evening that may be reminiscent of your parties:

-Full Bellies.

-Broncos Jersey's; even though they didn't make the playoffs and basically don't have a lot going for them at the moment (Sorry Blair...it's true.)

-Colorful adjectives and usage of explict words

(including one from my own daughter...don't ask...)

-More eating.

-Little Movement.

Even Deak succumbed to the pressure during the fourth quarter and totally bailed to watch Yo Gabba Gabba in peace.

What a game huh?