Picking up the towel

Servanthood......it sounds very noble, the bible mentioned it, the church talked about it, leaders tried to live up to it, many christian authors explored on it.......

What exactly servanthood is all about? I doubt many of us will be able to define it in words.......perhaps it is not meant to be defined......or even to be taught. Rather, it is meant to be caught......

One of the profound act that Jesus did before his cruxification was washing his disciples feet. I believe most of us know the story and heard many sermons and bible exposition on it. Yes, he was demonstrating servanthood to his disciples. Interestingly, Jesus did not spend another 30 minutes or so preaching to them on 10 steps to become a great servant. Instead, after being questioned by clueless Peter, he concluded by saying, "......Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them."

To put it in a plain English, Jesus is simply saying, "Just do what I have done". So what exactly Jesus has done? Literally, he washed somebody's feet (which was a duty of a servant during that period of time). But we must look beyond the act itself and feel the heart beat of Jesus when he was making the choice, picking up a towel, kneeling down before the stinky feet and washing them one by one.

So how does the simple act of washing feet be relevant to servanthood, especially in today's context?

Washing a person's feet is not always a pleasant experience. You will never know what kind of feet you will be encountering. It takes great humility, dying to self, total submission and love carry on.

Washing a person's feet is not always a fantastic act. Let's be honest, it does not seem to be a noble thing to do. Most of the time there are only the washer and the 'washee'. No audience, no stage, no spotlight nor fancy music. Hence, don't expect any cheers and praises. Afterall, it is just too ordinary as compared to the healing of the sick and raising of the dead. There is no migthy swords or silver armors, just a towel and a basin of water. Again, it is too 'ordinary'.

Washing a person's feet does not always bring gratitude. The most difficult part of being a servant is when you are being treated like......a servant. People tend to take you for granted after some time, just like how we have often taken our pastors, our leaders, our close friends, our parents and even our God for granted.

I believe many of us have the desire to serve. But sadly we have limited view of servanthood. Sometimes we thought we have done God a huge favour by involving in a church ministry, or leading worship on a Sunday morning. It is not incorrect, just incomplete. What about washing plates after potbless, driving a friend who does not have transport to somewhere, buying food for somebody who is sick, asking a tired friend 'how are you?'......etc etc... Indeed, there are plenty of opportunity to serve others. But we have overlooked most of them simply because they are just too 'ordinary'....like washing some smelly feet.

We must 'catch' the servanthood that Jesus himself has lived up to. Indeed serving others is not always a pleasant experience, not always a fantastic act and does not always bring gratitude. But, above all this, Jesus did it anyway.

Behold Seremban, I'm coming back!!!

Time really flies, 1 more week and I'll be back to Seremban for a new semester (semester 9). I'll be thrown into the routine again......hospital, wad work, clerk patients, bedside teaching, speechless when bombarded by questions I dunno the answers, lunch, seminar, presentation, library, dinner, library, study, study, study, TV, ZZzzzzz, hospital again, exam, stress......

Somehow I have some usual feeling, part of me FEAR of going back to that kind of routine, while part of me wish I could go back to uni as soon as possible. I think its because I've been too 'free' for quite some time and my mind has slowly become idle. As much as I dislike work and stress, I think I'm also a goal orientated person who can't stand doing nothing for a long period of time. When I look back at the past 3 months, apart from my trip to Aceh and Sibu, my selective in Ipoh and Penang GH, I was practically 'rotting' at home...eat, sleep, TV, internet, eat, sleep...no worries, no tension. I really can't imagine having that kind of routine for the rest of my life. Yet I do appreciate that kind of moments once in a while for obvious reason.

Now I'm trying 'very hard' to prepare myself for the coming challenges. Its like trying to restart the car engine that has not being used for quite some time. Imagine the number of time you have to turn car key and the noise the engine would make. The same goes to my mind and my spirit man. One thing I regret is that I didn't take the opportunity to really build up spiritual life. I didn't spend much time in prayer and studying the word, even when I have no excuse of being 'busy'. Sigh...

My current tasks would be finishing up my reports on elective and selectives, buying a few new formal wears, shoes, doing some last minute read up on important topics (I was told that I'll be starting on Internal Medicine posting, which is one of the toughest and busiest posting), and......I'm still trying to figure out what else...

I remember when i was a child, i wished i could grow up faster. And when i have grown up, i wished i could go back to childhood again...what an irony. Well, one thing for sure, the more i grow up, the more responsibility i have, the more stress i have to handle, the more people i have to face. But i guess it is the responsibility, stress and human contact that propel us to grow, in our inner self of course. In fact, a pastor when preaching in my church last Sunday said,' the only time a person is free of problems is when he or she is dead.' I believe there's truth in it. If I were to be problem free with nothing to care about, to accomplish or to be responsible of, then I am NOT living a life. So much so Jesus came so that I can live a life to the fullest!

If We Are The Body

It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in trying to fade into the faces
The girls teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know

CHORUS
But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a way

A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat and quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances
Tells him that his chances are better out on the road

CHORUS
Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the body of Christ

CHORUS
Jesus is the way

by Casting Crown

Greetings from Ipoh

I'm currently in the IT room of Ipoh Hospital. This is the second week of my selective. So far my stay here has been interesting. Here I watched Batman Begins & Fantastic Four, ate the famous Ipoh Nga Choi Kai (Chicken & Bean Sprout), traveled to Sitiawan during the weekend, saw a few craniotomy (surgical opening of the skull to drain out the clotted blood...yummy), ventricular peritonial shunt (draining of the excessive brain water)....:)

As I was attached to neurosurgical department, most of the patients I saw in the wards was either lying stationary in coma or paralysed. Most of them are on ventilators. Actually the goal of neurosurgery is to prevent mortality (death), instead of morbidity (complication), cuz whatever damage that has been done on the brain will be permanent and lead to irreversible complications. Perhaps physiotherapy might help a bit. There I see how fragile life is. One day you might be living happyly, then the next day you might end up in operation theatre or ICU because of stroke or head injury. I also witness how the neurosurgeon and doctors struggled to make choices in managing the patients. They have to weight between the patients' benefits and risk. And honestly, most of the neurosurgical patients will end up dead.

Ipoh Hospital is quite a good general hospital, with its friendly staffs, spacious wads, beautiful scenery outside (Ipoh is famous for hills, caves and trees), cooling environment...hmmm...i might consider working here next time... 

Well, this is quite a new experience for me. I'm looking forward to the next two weeks as I take another few glimpses of the real life in hospital.

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Ipoh Hospital Selective

I'm going to Ipoh for 3 weeks, will be doing selective
in Ipoh Hospital. Thank God for the accomodation,
provided by a pastor there. Looking forward to the
food and places. Will update u all soon.

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The Last Samurai

Tonight I had a good time watching The Last Samurai in HBO. The first time I watched it was in a cinema. I like the plot, the script, the scenery and the casts' overall performance (not to mention Koyoki with her beauty and great acting skill......ok ok, I admit, she is just pretty). The film potrays courage, honor and dignity through the lives of the ancient warriors called Samurai. I'm sure most of us were touched by this movie in some way or another.

The part that impressed me the most was the last scene, when Tom Cruise's character walked into the emperor's official room while he was about to sign a treaty with the Americans. Tom presented the sword owned by Katsumoto (the Samurai tribal leader who died in the last battle) to the emperor. While holding the sword, the emperor was suddenly enlightened. In the midst of moving Japan towards modernisation, he had overlooked and comprimised the tradisional values that had built Japan in the first place. As old fashion as they might seem, it was these values which gives Japan and her people an identity. "We must not forget who we are!", cried the emperor.

Wow!!! That was profound. It reminds me of my identity in Christ, a child of God, which is so easily set aside or overlooked sometimes. How much do I really tresure this identity? How many times have I let 'logics', 'majority' and self-centeredness propels me to conformity to the world? This identity comes with a price paid on the cross. It is for me to receive (or rather to restore) by grace, and only me to lose it.

Here comes the best part. The emperor, after declining the treaty, asked Tom how Katsumoto died. Tom replied,"Let me tell you how he LIVED."

The identity is not for me to keep, but to live out. I had crazy imaginations of dying heroically, like saving a boy from a car crash??!!? or maybe being stoned to death like Stephen the first martyr? People may be fascinated by how a person died in dignity and sacrifice for others, but let us not forget that God is more interested in how we live. In fact, He will judge us by our living, not our death. We must NOT ONLY see Jesus being hung on the cross, but also acknowledge the fact that He lived 33 years of servanthood and sinless life on earth as a perfect example for us. And He still live today, interceding for us to live a life that will eventually reflect the Father's glory.

"Woof woof" or "meow meow"?

A dog says,"You pet me, you feed me, you shelter me, you love me, you must be God"

A cat says,"You pet me, you feed me, you shelter me, you love me, I must be God"

I'm currently reading this book, which is very interesting and compeling me to rethink my relationship with God. The authors have given simple yet profound perspective, along with many authentic examples on the true purpose of our dynamic relationship with God, in order to change, or rather to redirect our perspective and vision in worship, prayer, church, ministry and mission.

Definitely a life-changing book for all of us.

"Woof woof" or "meow meow"?

Back from Aceh

6 days in Aceh was indeed short, yet it was a fantastic experience for me. Such experience provoked me to reflect on my own life and see a bigger picture of who God is.

During this trip I saw destructions, rubbles, broken houses, debris and water, particularly in the Lambada and Meuraxa districts. Meuraxa was used to be a wealthy area but now had become one of the Tsunami most affected place. It was a scene beyond description. And don’t forget that this was after 6 months. Imagine what it was like when the tsunami first hit and there were dead bodies everywhere. I believe I could never feel the same way as the local people did. These people had seen and experienced the Aceh before the tsunami: the crowd, the busy streets, the beautiful houses, the noise, the laughter, the familiar faces……and suddenly all these disappeared in one unexpected day. Kind of reminded me of the exiles who came back from Babylon to rebuild the broken temple in Jerusalem. Some of them shed tears because they had seen the ‘glory’ of the temple built by Solomon before it was destroyed. It must be extremely hard for them to see what had been left.

Being part of the YBI (Yayasan Berkati Indonesia) mobile clinic had given me the opportunity to interact with the local people. There I heard lots of stories. It seemed that most of the patients who visited the mobile clinic were still being affected by the disaster, not so much physically, but emotionally and mentally. Besides the common complaints of cough, cold, itchiness etc, many complained of sleeplessness, nervousness, lack of motivation, low energy, sadness, etc. What they were actually seeking for was somebody to talk to, and what we did most of the time in the mobile clinic was to LISTEN….something which I’ve tried to learn.

I heard story from

• a man who lost all his family members,
• an old lady who lost one of her younger daughter (she showed me her picture),
• a man who felt uneasy and depressed every time he looked at the neighborhood,
• a woman whose son nearly lost his life and had a head surgery done with a huge scar,
• a young man who rode his motorcycle with his friend and fled to the nearest mountain to escape the wave,
• a lady who lost all her children and wanted to conceive again,
• some children who lost their parents and now being called ‘anak-anak tsunami’,
• a middle age man who failed to save his mother
• etc etc etc

By the way, throughout the mobile clinic, I saw very few children. Apparently most of the children had perished during the incident. Survival of the fittest I supposed……

In the midst of all these destructions and loses, somehow I could see HOPE. They might have lost their love ones, some were even left alone, yet they know one thing: Life must go on. When they shared their stories, I could hardly see any signs of giving up. Their spirits were strong. They still looked forward to the future. When we traveled along the district, I frequently saw people diligently rebuilding houses and ships. Our team had the privilege to witness the opening of a new children and maternity Hospital called Permata Hati. The new hospital was the result of a collaboration and hard work between the government and various NGOs, including YBI. The head of the hospital, Dr. Mazuki himself had lost five children. We believe that the hospital would be a memorable blessing to the community as many Acehnese women would be pregnant and giving birth soon to a new generation.

Aceh was used to be conservative province. Majority of the Acehnese were Muslims. One local told me that tourists were not welcome in Aceh. They used to live by their own. Unfortunately they were also plagued by persistent conflict between GAM (Free Aceh Movement) and the Indonesian government. Therefore, many people, including myself would have negative perceptions on Aceh, the Acehnese and even Islam in Aceh. But after spending 6 days in Aceh, I realize that I have made some bad judgements. The Acehnese were indeed friendly, humble and hospitable people. They treated us like friends all the time. If you were to smile at them, they would definitely smile back at you. I felt very comfortable in engaging conversation with them. And the children were adorable as well.

When the tsunami struck, many NGOs and volunteers, be it foreign or local, responded the call to relieve the situation in Aceh. Because of their compassion and sacrifice, survivors were safely placed, dead bodies were quickly managed and epidemics were prevented. Now all eyes were on the rebuilding effort, which was the essential part. As all the media and publicity had slowly turned their attention to somewhere else (the Michael Jackson scandal maybe?), one might question whether the world were still as determined as before to help the Acehnese in terms of technical supports, volunteers and finance.

The Tsunami wave might have taken more than 150,000 lives, but little did we realize that another wave had begun to sweep through Aceh right after that. That was the wave of the Gospel, carried by thousands of Christian volunteers from Indonesia and all over the world. These volunteers were ordinary people, some were doctors, pharmacists, nurses, interpreters, students, teachers, architects…etc etc with one common goal: to respond to the Great Commandments and the Great Commission in bringing the love of Jesus Christ to the Acehnese. Dr. Tanti, the coordinator of the mobile clinic, was only 26 and she had just graduated from a medical school. She might not have the experience yet she RESPONDED to the call. Amazingly many of the YBI staffs were at their 20s. They were preparing the harvest by providing practical needs as Jesus did and building good relationships with the local people. Even though they didn’t publicly call themselves Christians, the locals knew that YBI was a Christian organization.

In fact, when I looked at some of the YBI staffs and volunteers, I didn’t see ‘Christians’, yet I saw Followers of Jesus Christ. Their love for the people, their endurance, their patience, their sacrifice, their humility and their servant hood truly reflected the life of Jesus. I felt I have taken many things for granted.

I think there should be another wave sweeping through the Malaysian church, including myself, whether we realized it or not. It’s a wave that would wake us up from 'complacency' and heal our disease called ‘pride’. Terms like ‘charismatic’, ‘baptist’, ‘methodist’, ‘anglican’, ‘pentecostal’, ‘catholic’, ‘breathren’, ‘evangelical’….in which we took so much pride, somehow carried no meaning in Aceh anymore. There, Christians only concerned about loving others and glorifying the name of Jesus Christ in that land.

I was amazed by my team, which consist of a doctor, air steward, dentist, economic student, nurse, manager, FES staffs, college student, housewives, medical student….and range from 18 to 72 years old!!! Not to mention the diverse personality in each of us. But God used all of us in His own unique ways, in mobile clinic, construction, sewing, cleaning, washing hairs!!??? We really functioned like a BODY of Christ. And God used us to entertain each other as well....heehee

I thank God for this trip. I really appreciate all the prayers as well. I hope I have the opportunity to share more in person.

Sibu Trip

The Sibu trip was awesome!!!

Basically, my home church was invited by the SIB churches in Sibu to facilitate a children and youth camp. Therefore, my church has assembled a team of 5: My pastor, my two friends (a psycology student and a future pastor), a brother from Hong Kong, who happends to be a policeman!!! n of cuz myself. The camp was held in SIB Hosanna. About 90 children and youths aged 8-18 years old were there, waiting to be touched n transformed, n indeed they were!!

Its a very refreshing experience for me. First, having the opportunity to teamed up again wif my pastor and friends, n not to mention ministering and praying in Mandarin again, reminds me of the good old days.

Secondly, i was blessed and encourage to c the young people been touched by the holy spirit n crying out to God. I witness children speaking in tongues, a kid had a vision during the camp abt his calling to become a pastor, some stubborn young men who eventually being brought to their knees and cry out to the Lord during worship, some broken hearts underwent healings....etc. I remember the last day of the evening service when practically all the participants responded and moved forward during the alter call. We had quite a challenging time ministering to each one of them. But then again, its the work of the holy spirit, we r merely the vessels.

Thirdly, i had experienced the unity of the body of christ. The camp was basically run by people from different churches, yet wif a common purpose and passion!! I think there r more than 4-5 churches, including us involving in the planning and the running of the camp. Its a wonderful experience to interact n learning from each other.

Last but not least, i have gained some knowledge and hands on experience in prophetic ministry. Eventhough i may have fear n doubts sometimes, my faith have grown stronger in knowing that God is real n the Holy Spirit is working in a powerful ways among His people, especially in the young people. I can't ceased to remind myself to recheck my own life and be sensitive to the voice of the spirit.

Of cuz, other than ministring, God has been faithful in providing us good health and not to mention good food!!! I tell u Sibu people will redefine the word 'hospitality'!!! N by the way, they celebrated my birthday there.

Childlike faith

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." -Matthew 19:14-

Double Lives, Double Standards

Mahatma Gandhi is one of the most respected leaders of modern history. A Hindu, Ghandi nevertheless admired Jesus and often quoted from the Sermon on the Mount. Once when the missionary E. Stanley Jones met with Ghandi he asked him, "Mr. Ghandi, though you quote the words of Christ often, why is that you appear to so adamantly reject becoming his follower?"

Ghandi replied, "Oh, I don't reject your Christ. I love your Christ. It's just that so many of you Christians are so unlike your Christ."

Although this conversation occured more than 70 years ago, I can't cease to wonder if my family, friends or anyone who knows me had the same perception as Gandhi had on Christians. Honestly, the more I grow up the more I find myself to be unlike Christ, the Christ whom I've claimed to believe, follow, worship, pray to, preach about etc etc. Someone told me that the term 'Christian' in Hebrew actually means 'Little Christ'. Hence, I have definitely taken this identity for granted, not once but many times.

I find myself living in two different lives, sounds quite like a 'split personality' in psychiatry or Jim Carey's 'Me, Myself and Irene'...but no, allow me to explain. Let's start with my life no.1, which revolves around the general expectations for being a follower of Jesus Christ. I attend church service, prayer meeting, cell group, sing worship songs, serving in ministry, carrying a big bible with a cool black cover, speaking in 'church language' that appears to serve my Christian identity rather than as true expression from my heart, and clothing myself with 'good and pleasing behaviors' instead of cultivating a real Christ-like character. Well, this life does offer me comfort, security, acknowledgement and acceptance. But when I was put into situations with no such or lesser expectations, like outside the church context, at home, with friends, especially in the absence of other Christians, alone etc etc......there comes life no. 2. In this life I would rely more on my instincts and feelings. My self-centeredness becomes more apparent. I would indulge myself in things which gives temporary self-satisfaction but subsequent emptiness and self-pity. No wonder the word 'hypocrite' has never been left out from describing us Christians.

The constant transition between these two lives often leads me to frustration and fatigue, which we are more likely to call it 'burning out' or 'spiritual attack...because it sounds more...well...'spiritual' I guess. But Jesus never meant to lead me into this situation. He Himself has lived up to His identity THROUGHOUT his life on earth. And the fact that he did that as a Man like us, shows me that I can and should lived up to my identity...as a child of God and a follower of Jesus Christ in an AUTHENTIC and CONSISTENT manner. No matter how diverse our personalities may be, there is only ONE life that we should be living in, a life where we can find peace, hope and love, a life of Jesus Christ. Here, an intimate, honest and transparent RELATIONSHIP with Christ is the only key.

Gandhi also quoted, 'if only Christians would live like how their Christ had lived, today the whole India would become Christians.' Maybe there's truth in it. Perhaps India, with the second largest population in world , is a bit beyond our imagination, nevertheless we certainly could grasp the possible impact on our family, friends, schools, campus, workplace, neighbors etc etc. But then again...IF ONLY...:)

Beloved

"The truth, even though I cannot feel it right now, is that I am the chosen child of God, precious in God's eyes, called the Beloved from all eternity and held safe in an everlasting embrace . . . We must dare to opt consciously for our chosenness and not allow our emotions, feelings, or passions to seduce us into self-rejection."

-Henri J. M. Nouwen-

Am I ready?

This morning I received my renewed passport from the Imigration Department. I thank God for their efficiency as they took only one day to make it. Even with the passport at hand, I still feel very unprepared for my trip to Banda Acheh. I must confess that I haven't been utilizing my free time wisely for the past 1 week or so. I find myself watching too much TV and computer monitor. Most of the days I slept late and woke up late. My biological clock is in chaos. Somehow everytime I come back to penang, my sense of direction would be lost. I don't have to worry about going to hospital wads, preparing seminars, planning what to studying, CF etc etc. It's like I've loosen myself (too loose i think). It's like I'm on the other side of the world now.

Now as I look upon my coming trips, first my mission trip to Sibu, Sarawak from 7-14 June 2005, and then my elective trip to Banda Acheh, Indonesia from 21-26 June 2005, I can't help but to question myself 'Am I ready for all these?' Physically I'm not at my best cuz haven't been really exercising plus my irregular sleeping pattern. Spiritually, I didn't really spend quality time in praying and studying the word, apart from the time when I was preparing my teaching sessions for my Sibu trip. Socially, I haven't been going out lately and didn't really catch up with my friends in Penang.

Am I really passionate for the coming challenges? What is my motive? For God or just another self-serving act? Well I believe i need to get my 'bearings' right before I go. Cuz one of the greatest temptation in ministry is serving the expectation of self and others, rather than God Himself.

Moreover, as I will be doing some teaching and sharing in Sibu, I can't help but to remind myself to 'practice what I preach!' For example, I'm going to teach a bunch of kids and youth aged 8-16 on how to study as a christian student. There I will be talking about having a daily quality quiet time with God, good time management and health management...all of which I'm not doing at the moment. I'm supposed to share during one of their youth meeting as well. I have a strong desire to share on 'Imitating Christ' and we Christians tend to live a double lives with double standards. Again for the same reason I find myself struggling as I prepare the sharing.

What about Acheh? I seriously dunno what to expect. Am I prepare to LOVE the Acheh people? Cuz I dun want to go just for the sake of going or gain publicity like many people did. As I think about Jesus, never once did He ask us to love our ministry, yet again and again he command us to love the people...as simple as that.

Well, I guess I have to humble myself before Him. Yet whatever the outcome is, i believe some part of my life will be changed. In fact, I think the process has already begun...

Living, not existing...

It's an irony that we tend to sail through our lives without knowing or appreciating the 'moments', which would bring out the fresh wind and fresh fire that we've been seeking for. I'll say that 'we are the product of our past'. Not that we are made up with our past, like our past mistakes (that's 'bondage' by the way), but we constantly move forward and better ourselves by learning from our past experience. True enough, NO one is perfect, yet we all should be in a journey to perfection, a long, tough, and not to mention frustrating journey I believe. But I come to realize that it is through this journey that I find:

• the purpose of life
• the mystery of true LOVE
• the deception of the capital "I"
• the beauty of "difference"
• the importance of "being" as compared to "doing"
• the irony of the world's philosophy
• the 'impossibility' to be perfect without knowing and having a relationship with the ONE who has created, taught, and most important of all, LIVED OUT perfection.
• the endless need for GRACE. (without it, perfection is just an IDEAL or OBSESSION; with grace, perfection is a HOPE)
• the true JOY of life

Why bother? We might ask ourselves. Wouldn't it be much easier to choose COMFORT, CONVENIENT and COMPLECENCY, and just be ourselves...for the sake of...erm..ourselves? Then i would say we exist only for EXISTANCE. Our lives would only take up space and time. Somehow deep inside our hearts, we know there must be more than that, right? So the next time you find urself busy going through the so called 'life' and the questions 'why?' keep popping in your head, be still, reflect and listen......OR else we are merely EXISTING, rather than LIVING....as we're all claiming to be.