blue.

taken at KK this Feb, somewhere along the beaches of Sutera Harbour.

i like this place. i mean like this side of the world. but not exactly this side@LD, but Sabah. 

i don't know where i want to be.
adrift, and i need to be at peace.

vanity

from my 'tower of heaven'.

and so there's this fear in me that i will end up nothing. 

i do not know how to explain that.

"Live. I don't know, I think you're either born simple or you're born... me. I wanna be the person who gets happy over finding the perfect dress, I wanna be simple, 'cause no one holds a gun to the head of a simple girl." Cristina Yang.

i want to be simple. and i just want to live a simple life.

why must things get so complicated?

i tried to be kind to my self. but i ended up asking, "why should i?"

i do well because of who i am, not what they made me to be. 

how long can i continue doing that when the people around me see that as nothing. 

i don't know what i want to do. what i want to be. where i want to go. how i want to live this life. 

i think this is partly the consequences of being too serious with life as a teacher in a public school in this country. 

i have been denied so many opportunities throughout my life and i don't know how to ask any more. it's something like, i have lost the appetite for life. 

please tell me it's not my fault that i cannot be like those teachers who always have positive thoughts towards almost everything in life. 

i wished there's an answer.

how to keep the fire burning?

up and up!

i won't give up. 

one step at a time.

I always need to remind myself, ONE STEP AT A TIME. 

a long list of things waiting for me to do..

1. staple papers and soon, mark the papers.

2. take pictures for a school event that is coming soon.

3. settle the bio peka files.

4. train students for next year's basketball competition.

5. extra classes for form 5.

6. the data thingy.

7. start planning for the year end school event.

8. and get ready for the many in-betweens.

And I really hope that they will assign someone else to do the sek. berprestasi tinggi stuff because i really had enough of all this filing stuff. I am not complaining, I am just too frustrated. 

Breathe in, breathe out.

ONE STEP AT A TIME!!