Monday, July 27, 2009

there's nothing left

I wish that I could photoshop all
Our bad memories 'cause the
Flashbacks

Oh, the flashbacks

Won't leave me alone
~Come Back to Me, Utada Hikaru~

***
flashbacks. dreams.
it's been quite a long while.
i saw you the other day. a smile. a few words. and a goodbye.
at that moment, my heart was like being squeezed and twisted and there's nothing left. nothing.
i saw you again two nights ago.
it was so real that i can really feel you.
your face. your eyes. our passions and regrets. my regrets.
and i woke up feeling the immense pain in my heart.
there's nothing left but flashbacks and more flashbacks.

i'm sorry, i still love you.
***
"no regrets."

Thursday, July 23, 2009

just for a while

everyday i go to work ~ i will walk pass this to go and get my car.
at least it brings me a smile on my face everyday after i finished working like a dog.
being a waitress is not that fun. trust me.
i just don't understand how people can be so dumb.
whateverlar.

******
dreams.
dreams. dreams.
must i dream and always see your face?

Sunday, July 19, 2009

you left


the best part of me was always you.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

rolling in. rolling out.

Time passes and the pain begins to roll in and out
as though it’s a woman standing at an ironing board,
passing the iron back and forth, back and forth across a white tablecloth.”

***

a sudden pang of jimoness. sigh. i don't do understand why it has to be so difficult. so so difficult.

Monday, July 13, 2009

when it's all over

*beware of the jimoness*

last friday was my last day in school. yes, i was in SMK (P) Sri Aman from 4th May til 10th July 2009. and i thought Maths in form 1 Cekap and Bio in form 4 Sains Cekap. And yes, i got both the cekap classes... lol... CEKAP giler!! ;)

that Friday morning, i woke up thinking, "ah, today is the last day waking up early, last day driving past all these buildings, last day carpooling with friend, last day signing the attendance, last day having breakfast and drinking the nescafe tarik... last day this, and last day that.

munyee, peige, abigail and ai peng from 4SCekap.
i enjoyed teaching the class eventhough i only went in for not more than ten times.


i spent a weekend in ipoh and came back by bus this morning.
and so, this morning, siitting in the bus.. jiaaaaa's mind went lepaking at the school days... dozing off and waking up at a certain time, thinking...
7.30am: arh, assembly. the national anthem. the Selangor song. the school song. and the cute 'la la la la la la, du dee dum dum' song.. *something like that lar*
8.30am: ooooooo, habis assembly.. go back to the 'staff room', then wait to go for breakfast.
9.30am: ahh, recess time.
1.00pm: the maths class with 1 Cekap. *_*

I went back Ipoh with WitchOne on Friday night. My mind kept going back to all that happened in that two months, esp the last day of school and what happened after taking pictures with the form 1 Cekapians; remembering their faces; reading and replying their smses, etc etc.

DSC00799

10th july 2009

Cekap!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

encounter

every encounter, every breath,
every choice, is enough to alter your life.

***

the encounter that i never thought of.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

you nak some BM tak?

oh well...

Malam ini merupakan malam yang amat menyenangkan hati saya. Bulan penuh mengambang, angin tiup bersepoi-sepoi dan nyamuk terbang mengelilingi saya bagaikan malaikat yang sering berada di tepi saya. Ah, alangkah baik sekiranya saya kini berada di tepi pantai, contohnya Teluk Batik, Pantai Morib, Pantai Kelanang, dan sebagainya. Saya akan dapat menikmati cahaya bulan menerangi pantai dan merasakan pasir halus memenuhi celah-celah antara jari kaki pada setiap langkah yang saya ambil. Saya memang pandai bermimpi, sama ada mimpi malam ataupun mimpi siang. Memang cekap dan canggih-manggih.

Dalam dua bulan ini saya sudah banyak bermimpi siang kerana saya perlu menyediakan rancangan pelajaran harian. Saya perlu mengimaginasikan(oh dang, membayangkan) apa yang mungkin berlaku dalam proses pengajaran dan pembelajaran. Namun begitu, saya memang tidak terbayang satu hari saya perlu mengajar dengan menggunakan BM kerana pada pandangan saya, langkah untuk menrevertkan (oh dang, menukar balik) pengajaran Sains dan Matematik daripada BI kepada BM adalah tidak wajar. Good morning/afternoon Miss Wong akan bertukar menjadi Selamat pagi/petang/sejahtera Cik Wong. Saya rasa macam tidak begitu sedap dengar. Itu hanyalah perkara kecil. Jadi, tidak mengapalah, kan? Asalkan budak-budak bagi salam.

2012. Kesian budak-budak tingkatan satu yang saya kenali dalam dua bulan ini kerana mereka akan memasuki 'era pengajaran dan pembelajaran sains dan matematik' yang baru (ataupun boleh dikatakan lama). Mereka akan menjadi tikus putih! Dan saya akan mengajar sains dan matematik dalam BM. Kita semua akan berbahasa Malaysia dalam kelas. Banyak perkataan perlu ditukarkan. Photosynthesis menjadi fotosintesis. Oxidation menjadi pengoksidaan. Potassium menjadi kalium. Commensalism menjadi komensalisme. Saya tidak mampu memberi contoh-contoh yang lain kerana terdapat terlampau banyak contoh. Tolonglah, Tuhan, jangan sekali-kali meminta saya mengajar fizik ataupun kimia. Fizik bagaikan yunani bagi saya. Kimia bagaikan separuh yunani bagi saya. Separuh yunani ataupun yunani, sama sahaja kerana mereka tidak banyak berbeza.

Saya rasa penukaran ini adalah tidak logik. Sekolah rendah - bahasa ibunda; sekolah menengah - BM; tingkatan 6 dan matriks BI. Murid-murid terpaksa menyesuaikan diri dari satu fasa ke fasa yang lain. Mereka sedang bermain-main dengan masa depan murid-murid bagaikan bermain dengan pasir. 6 tahun adalah tidak mencukupi untuk melihat hasil PPSMI. Mereka ini memang tidak mempunyai kesabaran dan pandangan yang jauh. Mereka mengatakan bahawa PPSMI telah memperbesarkan jurang perbezaan orang bandar dengan orang kampung. Merekalah orang bandar yang berkebolehan untuk menghantar anak-anak mereka ke private school, international school, ke luar negara. Siapakah yang sedang memperbesarkan jurang perbezaan?

Argh, apa-apa saje lar... what-e-ver-larrrrrrr!!!!!

Ah....
Saya ini cakap je tahu.. ada apa lagi yang saya boleh buat?

Hmmmm... saya masih mempunyai 3 tahun dari sekarang.. saya boleh mempraktiskan BM saya dengan ...
  1. menulis blog dalam BM
  2. membaca UtusanM
  3. mendengar lagu BM
  4. mendengar stesyen radio yang bahasa perantarannya ialah BM
  5. membaca Alkitab B.Indon
  6. bertutur dalam BM
  7. ????
  8. ????
  9. ????
Anda digalakkan untuk memberikan cadangan agar saya dapat memperbaiki BM cacat saya. Saya beraspirasi untuk mengajar setelah bertahun-tahun saya bergelut dengan ketidakinginan saya untuk menjadi seorang pendidik. Saya tidak ingin kecacatan saya dalam BM menjadi pembunuh aspirasi yang baru saya peroleh.
Sekian, terima kasih.

Monday, July 6, 2009

running away

jeng jeng jeng...

my mouse is dead. officially. *_*

now i have to surive on touchpad.. sheeeeeshhh... this is bad.. real bad.. how am i going to play geo challenge, zuma, etc etc etc???!!

hmm.. 0.8 weeks left, this doesn't include the lepak time i will still have after the eventful 10 weeks of school.

it's kind of weird...
i'm looking forward to go home. and stay there. for real. i think i needed that change even though me and change are not really good friends.

Aren't we always moving toward what we want
even when it feels as if we are running away?

Saturday, July 4, 2009

but it's time for me to go home..

oh wells, after spending two months doing teaching practice, i have now started (or rather, 'i am now continuing') with the process of saying goodbye to people and places...

gosh... *_*

four years. Section 5 college cell. Broga was what brought us closer.
*not to forget Pok Yee, Aaron, Avni, Munsiong and Ameer who are not in the pic*


*the 2 'P's.... no words can describe. in these 4 years, banting is like a second home to me.
thank you for all the lepaking time spent together there
*
as i promised, i'll be seeing you before i leave PJ/KL, Gorgeous woman.

it was encouraging to hear what my cellies said during the affirmation time.
i didn't know i have such impact on them and the cell *i myself was shocked to hear that.... lol* despite my on-off disappearance on Fridays and Saturdays...

i don't like saying goodbye. i don't like changes.
but as much as i dislike changes and goodbyes.. Ipoh is definitely a clear option to choose coz' for the time being, Ipoh is really calling my name real loud.

geee.. i'm trying to cut down the jimoness... so far, so good :p

oh wells....

it's time for me to go home...

jiahui have to huijia

Thursday, July 2, 2009

downhill snowboard


it's a sicko game on FB and i can't believe that i'm still playing it.. :p

oh wells, according to the instructions......

A physics *the word physics was the thing that caught my attention in the beginning* based snowboarding game.
Grab combinations and multiple flips to score points while trying not to break your neck!
Don't forget to watch the ragdoll
tumbles all the way down when you crash.

Note: If you crash your person, the game will end.

you see, as the ragdoll tumbles down, his blood comes out here and there.. his head, arms, legs all are like twisted ..... *imagine that..*

every time i 'accidentally' crashed my ragdoll, i will automatically go 'ouch', 'eeeew', 'oh nooo, poor thing..'

i really mean 'accidentally' , k....

i'm not that psycho (yet) to purposely crash the ragdoll and watch him tumbles all the way down with blood shooting everywhere and head and arms and legs twisted and unrecognisable.. :p