Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Scouting expedition
Scout has recently been in the news for walking around topless in New York City. She was protesting against Instagram for deleting her account after she posted a couple of booby pictures. To justify her action, she wrote an article on a girlie website complaining that her nipples were the victims of sexual discrimination:
“To me, nipples seem to be at the very heart of the issue,” she explained. “In the 1930s, men’s nipples were just as provocative, shameful, and taboo as women’s are now, and men were protesting in much the same way.”
When I told the manager of the safari camp about her campaign, he looked at the picture of her above and said:
“She has my full support. I’d rather look at her tits than her face.”
“It’s a pity you’re not able to say that to her in person,” I remarked. “I’m sure she’d thank you warmly before kicking you in the nuts.”
Even if women win the right to denude their dumplings, I doubt social attitudes will change in the way Scout wants. A woman’s breasts cannot be desexualised because they resemble the buttocks too closely. From a relatively young age, boys learn that staring at naked bosom-flesh is a forbidden treat to be savoured. As they mature into manhood, they find that persuading a woman to take off her bra is a labour worthy of Hercules. If ladies start flaunting their jahoobies willy-nilly, it would devalue the whole experience. Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas if it were celebrated every day.
A possible compromise would involve giving Scout the right to bare her breasts whenever and wherever she wanted, without making it a universal right. If I were the mayor of New York, I would present her with a booby permit in a public ceremony in Central Park. The event would surely be a major tourist attraction – I foresee people cancelling their holidays to Rio and Acapulco to watch it. It might also help to get Scout’s show business career off the ground. Having a famous pair of hooters never hindered Dolly Parton in her dizzy rise to the top of the telegraph pole.
As for Instagram, they showed what cowardly pimps they are when a rumour got out that Rihanna’s page had been deleted after she put up some racy pictures of herself. They promptly issued a denial and the page mysteriously reappeared. Maybe a decision taken by a low-level employee had been hastily reversed to avoid annoying all the dirty old lechers who ogle her pictures with their tongues hanging out. The lesson for Scout is clear: if your breasts become money-making assets, there’ll be no shortage of flunkies who'll milk them for you.
Labels: Breasts, Instagram, jahoobies, Rihanna, Scout Willis, sexism
