"What do you have to be stressed about???: This question was sarcastically asked of me yesterday by my therapist... The same therapist who threw books at me a couple of weeks ago - trying to demonstrate that I suck at saying "No".... Trying to show me that I can not catch all the books at once - so why do I believe that I can do everything in life....
I started having panic attacks about six months ago... The first one hit me hard - I was working out at the club for about 40 minutes when all of a sudden out of no where - my heart rate started to go up and I felt claustrophobic.. At first I believed I was having a heart attack.. but because my daughter was with me I did not want to scare her - I sat down with my IPad and googled signs of a heart attack and realized that what I was having was a panic attack..
The attacks started when I was getting close to taking my broker exam... An exam that I had studied hard for... an exam that I did not want to fail
Now the attacks hit me when I least expect it.... I could be driving and singing to the radio... or watching Grey's Anatomy on TV.. The point is the attacks are starting to happen when I'm feeling okay... "relaxed".. not worrying... So my therapist pricks my protective "I'm really okay balloon" with this statement... "When you're relaxed is when the stress.. fears.. and other worries hit you because your mind is open and clear of other immediate things that need to be done.... So I ask you again.... "What do you have to be stressed about.. What are you fearful of?"
I think being a mom can bring on unrealistic fears... I tend to be overprotective because of my fears... What am I fearful of? I'm really not sure... My fear does not have a face.. or a precise feeling or emotion - it's just there in the background... always there... always lurking... always holding me back... holding my kids back...
I know I am not alone - but at times - I do feel lonely by letting my fears rule my world...
