My Dinner With...

So, the first meme of the year, courtesy of Piper at Lazy Eye Theatre asks a very simple question. The rules are as follows:

1. Pick a single person past or present who works in the film industry you would like to have dinner with. And tell us why you chose this person.

2. Set the table for your dinner. What would you eat? Would it be in a home or at a restaurant? And what would you wear? Feel free to elaborate on the details.

3. List five thoughtful questions you would ask this person during dinner.

4. When all is said and done, select six bloggers to pass this Meme along to.

5. Link back to Lazy Eye Theatre, so people know the mastermind behind this Meme.


I urge everyone to check out his own entry which is worthy of an Eli Roth torture porn adaptation.

So, I've given this lots of thought. I could go several ways. I could go fanboy and envision myself sitting down with Martin Scorsese or Terence Malick or Jean Luc Godard, but hell you only live once so I opted for the purely carnal.

My dinner would be with....

Yes.... Salma Hayek. Now I'm talking about the recent Salma Hayek and not the vampira/goth/rattlesnake-shape-shifting-Salma that Tarantino brought into cult status back with From Dusk Till Dawn (though I'm aware that there are those fetishists who hold this Salma as the only Salma... and that's cool I'm just not into that scene). But then you go back and, wow, you have the Salma from her Antonio-Banderas-swashbuckingly-hot-kickass-chick years with Once Upon a Time in Mexico and I'd be very ok with that kinda girl as well. What is it that makes a python around a girl's neck seem intimidating and yet the same girl can fire guns, swing swords and jump out of buildings tied to a sheet and it makes my heart flutter? But I digress.... I'm rambling here.

Back to the dinner. And I believe my entire last paragraph thoroughly explained in some warped way why I chose Salma, right? We'd have dinner at a restaurant reserved only for us. Yes, money would not be an option. Personal waitstaff, all that jazz. Since my meals consist mainly of things known as combo meals and big macs, I'd have to order one of those cheezy specials that the waiter offers.... "minced lamb chops covered in a tart mushroom sauce, sauteed in 3/4 ounce marinated lemon juice, artichoke salad and California honey dew grass slivers". Sounds good, serve it up. Let's skip over what I'd be wearing because does anyone really care? What is Salma wearing. Well I can't explain it because I don't know a lick about fashion, but she looks fucking incredible.

I'd ask her, what's it like to be the most beautiful woman on the plant, yet manage to keep yourself free from the shitty tabloids that desecrate so many other actresses of lesser talent and lesser beauty? Is Tarantino the ass I suspect he really is? Is George Clooney gay? How would you cure world peace? Do I have a chance in hell of sleeping with you... or following you to your home and peeping in your window? Ok.. I've officially entered into the Salma Hayek stalker club. I take back that last comment. I'm perfectly adjusted. But, honestly, who am I kidding? I should've just selected Woody Allen for this meme and been done with it.

Chris at Ojo's blog
Lucas at 100 Films
Moviezzz at Talking Moviezzz
Neal at The Bleeding Tree
Evan at Club Parnassus

You've been tagged.

Quick hits

Juno

Sweet and virtually inoffensive, "Juno" plays as the modern alternative to other 'teen comedies', i.e. treating adult concerns with adult humor. But, while Ellen Page is getting accolades as the lead character in baby-trouble, her presence is the reason why I didn't fully embrace the film. Diablo Cody's script is extremely artificial. I didn't believe for one second that there exists a 16 year old as whip-smart and sarcastic as Juno (and certainly a 16 year old who appreciates bands as obscure as Mott the Hoople and The Melvins) and her razor-sharp reactions continually removed me from the warmth building from the film's plot. Mildly amusing, at best.

Charlie Wilson's War

Definitely one of the best screenplays of the year, written by TV veteran Aaron Sorkin. I should probably pay more attention to his stuff if everything he writes is this witty and intriguing. Not only do actors such as Tom Hanks, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Julia Roberts get to bask in the intelligent delivery of lightning dialogue, but the plot concerning a Texas Congressman's covert dealings to arm the Afghan holy soldiers against invading Soviet forces circa 1981 is probably more pertinent than a majority of the Iraq war films released this year. Director Mike Nichols keeps a light touch on the whole affair, but "Charlie Wilson's War" is still dark, funny and it pulls no punches by indirectly commenting on the screwed-up state of affairs left behind after America wages war in a given country. It's easy to laugh at the film's comedic framework, but there's still a very troubling undertone as stock footage of Afghan warriors shooting down Soviet helicopters plays on the screen; probably alot of the same weapons that are killing American troops over those same mountains today. Hindsight is 20-20.

Lonely Hearts

Todd Robinson's noir pastiche is an up-and-down affair, hitting the nail on the head one moment then splintering the entire wooden board the next. Chock full of A-list stars, "Lonely Hearts" documents the murderous relationship between a couple (Jared Leto, bad hairpiece and all, and sensual and lovely Salma Hayek) as they murder and dispense of wealthy female bodies across the midwest. The cops on the trail, played with earnest by John Travolta, James Gandolfini and Scott Caan, spout the usual lean dialogue and act moody, hardboiled and terse. But, in fact it's the relationship between the cops that works best, especially the heavy cloud of depression that hovers over Travolta's widowed cop persona. "Lonely Hearts" is less believable when it follows the jealous, violent excursions of Leto and Hayek, stirring up some sexual tension (mostly on Hayek's part) but wavering just a bit above camp. This could've been something really good. Still, director Robinson is someone to watch.

Sweeney Todd

In a sold-out theater, you could literally feel the anticipated air sucked out of the place when song burst forth from the lips of Johnny Depp and shipmate Anthony (Jamie Bower). While the film largely succeeds on one's patience with the musical genre, the cast is marvelous and the song's often soar. And the blood is really, really red and director Tim Burton certainly planned alot of mileage out of Sacha Baron Cohen's lower half. It didn't quite live up to the hype for me, though.