Okay, so in my quest for honesty and unabashed self-disclosure, let me tell you a little something about myself. I have this strong impulsively vengeful streak in me. Yes, it's true (stop laughing, all you old friends and roommates). I'm not exactly sure what makes me this way....but somehow I subconsciously find it rewarding enough that I keep doing it. Even though I might be ashamed after. Like that time in high school when a guy wrote an insensitive-at-best note to my friend, basically breaking up with her...after another friend and I escorted her to her car to go home early, I went in search of the guy to give him a piece of my mind. I only found his friend, not him, but I later heard his friend told him I looked "mad enough to castrate him." Not my words, just a reminder there (Remember that, Michelle?) Or that time when I warned TJ Bennett that if he pretended to slice open his hand with his pocket knife one more time, I would huck my textbook at him.....foolish boy didn't believe me. It didn't really hurt when my textbook slammed into him....he was just being a baby. Then there's the persistent rejected suitor who sent my roommate flowers.....I won't say that shredding them in the parking lot then stomping on and driving over them was my idea, because I'm not sure, but it IS fairly likely (Shells, remember that?). Oh, ANOTHER would-be suitor of my other roommate....he tried to kiss her after she repeatedly kept dodging his advances of all kinds. He happened to also be a friend of ours, so I called him up and bawled him out. Brutally honest, but at the end, he said, "Thanks Heather, you're a good friend." See, so I'm actually a SAINT for being impulsively vengeful! :P Anyway, the list could go on.
I was reminded of this tendency of mine last week while I was driving. It probably won't shock you that I have some road rage tendencies. I'm really trying not to yell Moron (my word of choice) at people while I'm in the car....I don't really want my son hearing it. I'd like to preserve the illusion that his mother is kind and gentle for as long as possible. Anyway, so last week I was sitting in the right turn lane at a red light. It was those 3 seconds where no one has a green light, and I wasn't sure who would be moving next. I was cautious, I had my toddler son in the back seat for crying out loud! Some moron...I mean NICE HUMAN BEING honked behind me. When I moved a couple seconds later, I was muttering (okay, loudly saying the word "MORON") and glanced back over my shoulder at the next light to see who had honked at me....I didn't think he saw me shake my head and give a nasty look, but apparently he did. The light turned green, he ZOOMED up to cut me off before the lanes merged, and rolled down his window to give me the FINGER.
As if that wasn't enough, out of the back seat window extended the skinny little limb (and FINGER) of his maybe 8 year old son.
(And I'm worried about saying "Moron" in front of Dallin?!)
But mostly I think, in terms of Generalized Reciprocity, I got my come uppance.
P.S. wrote that late last night, and left out an important detail: in addition to muttering "Moron" I also said "If I wasn't trying to be a better person, I'd flip you off!" So there you have it.
4 comments:
Oh my goodness!! I'm not sure I can stop laughing. Reminds me of the time I was coming home from a 8 hour waitressing shift (6 years ago or so) and some MORON made an illegal turn in front of me and made me slam on my brakes making my salad and drink fly across my car. I, with the composure of a gentle sweet mother-despite not being one at the time, only gently honked my horn...and this MORON extends his hand, gives me the nasty look and gesture to go with it...Then he pulls over...this next part is stupid but bare with me...I pull over. I roll down my window, he rolls down his, I say "Sir, you made an illegal turn and I had to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting you, making my dinner fly across my car and douse my vehicle in diet pepsi" HE STARTS CRYING!!! He apologizes says he should never treat a lady like that. He was visiting from out of state and couldn't find Wal-mart, I give him directions and he gave me a $20 for the dinner, drink & damage. WEIRD HUH?
Certainly not a character flaw. A good friend will always see your problems as their own. Great post!
Oh, Heath, you made me laugh out loud. :)Yes, I do remember the flower demolition activity in the parking lot. I thought I was was going to pee my pants when you got in the car (or was it Lisa's car?) and started driving over the remains. That was a funny, funny night. And your road rage is hysterical too. I'm glad you didn't give him the bird ... see how stupid you would have looked? :) Excellent usage of self-control! :)
I think you just have a strong sense of friend preservation... I was like that with my sisters and my friends.
Oh, and I love "If I wasn't trying to be a better person I would flip you off." It sounds so much like my driving inner monologue. Hilarious!
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