Going to be brave.

I am going to be brave again.

I hope it will last.

I wish no sadness will be involved.

I cried the last time for u.

Last night I went to bed in tears again. But I promise myself its the last time I'm doing so. It's no use thinking and letting someone who doesn't bother about me to dictate my emotions.

New Year Resolution.

Yeap! It's the time of the year again!

The time u dig out previous year's resolution and list new ones this year!

These are 2012's :
1. Be confident of myself.
2. Be less self conscious.
3. Learn something new!
4. Lose WEIGHT ( has been in my NYR every yr! )
5. Carry on improving on my punctuality!!!
6. Be more understanding and look at probs from all perspectives.
7. Be BRAVER!

Hey! Guess I fulfilled about 1/2 of them?
Hmm... Makes me wonder what should my 2013 NYR be....

1) Carry on or improve on being nice to self. (I really think I shld start pampering self.)
2) Carry on being braver. Be daring enough to try new things.
3) take a class. (Dance or language)
4) be polite to people
5) learn the art of appreciation
6) be prettier!
7) minimize the word "regret" at all costs!

Happy 2013

Believe it or not, I spent my last moment of 2012 in the shower room showering.

Yup! Been a while since I spent new year at home. Guess it's just another day. Nth special or magical happened when the clock strikes 12 just now.

Hmm. I knw to some I'm like a party animal leading a havoc lifestyle. I'm sure to be out there partying on an occasion like this. But not many actually knows tt I enjoy simple things in life. I dun need to be out there having a rave or drinking w people to celebrate special occasions. I like it intimate. I like it personal. I like to do celebrations in small grps. Grps of people tt are really close to my heart.

Anyway... Yup! It's the standard review of 2012 blog entry today again!

Hmm. 2012 has been an eventful year. Start of with me participating in Chingay'12 and getting the champion! never really been a champion My whole life. And this time im proud to say that i did!

after tt, it is followed by me getting student recruitment job! Meeting all the wonderful recruitment staff! Thank God for them being candid cheerful and awesome!

Went on my first without-parents-supervision trip---BKK! With the most random kind of people? Haha. Okay not tt random, DanceArts dancers!

Then i ran and became an EB in AIESEC in SIM. Became a department's head that I have never ever believed to become-- Youth Marketing. Life started being a challenge for me. Juggling between DanceArts, studies, student rep, AIESEC and Syazwan. And sadly, as most people has predicted, I regained my single life soon enough.

Along the way, I met a new awesome bunch of frenz. They showed me that my last semester can still be filled with fun and laughter even thou I'm the last one left frm my clique. They made me feel sad about graduating honestly.

I also went to my first conference. NLDC 2012. Wow. Once again i witnessed the powerful and international network system of AIESEC--- a youth run organization.

Now... Life's great, I guess? Trying to enjoy every moment of my life now. Guess God has been gracious, He made me survived 2012 with so many things gg on in my life. Thank God for every breathe I take in 2012. Thank God for all the good things that happened and Thank God for all the lessons tt I have learnt. Lastly, Thank God for the two little "bonuses" I received at the ending of this year. *Hugs* :)

Thoughts.

These few days I have been at yishun so often. Partly cause friends I meeting are at yishun and I acc Kevin take car so can go supper etc.

Heart is healing slowly. Head is clearing slowly.

Knowing that I am in a vulnerable state, I tried to avoid certain people. Knowing that I must recognize the fact that I have to move on, I, ironically, start going out with people.

I'm so scared of being in the vicious cycle of relationships like what I use to be in. I tried to avoid some people very intentionally knowing that I am clearly not interested in them, and dumbly end up hanging out with people whom I am interested/comfortable being alone with. Hope the vicious cycle doesn't start again. I want to treat every relationship (or my next relationship) very seriously and not a case of rebound.

Sigh... But I'm really very vulnerable now.

A Day to remember.

Today is yet another day in my life where I feel that is worth remembering...

Because today I somehow feel a sense of closure... a sense of letting go... not only for myself but also for the both the people that I have been holding on tightly and the people whom have always been there for me.. Holding on to Wan doesn't make me feel any better regardless of what diplomatically correct words he always say to me... things that always make me boil.. because it is things like this he said makes me feel so impersonal with him.. and perhaps all along we weren't? I dunno.

Tonight ( means just now ), I walked home alone. As I walked, I felt a sense of relieve. Perhaps this is what they called closure or letting go ? I felt like a burden removed from me emotionally. I felt so free. I felt as though life is going to get better.

All these have to thank my frenz who have been around to support me , instead of criticizing me.

Thank You frenz! :)