.x. the perfectionist .x. + . . [ [ :: mAinez

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

knowing that im not alone and i have someone loving me deeply...

but nevertheless, my tears still roll down for you. and i duno why.. you?

was it fated that we just wun become an item? was it fated to suffer for you? was it just so fated that im being miserable for you?

my heart is aching. and it really hurts. i've been keeping everything to myself.. and just to myself.. im torturing myself for a never gonna come true dream.

is there a need... that we wun be frenz? is there a need to not contact? what's the problem? and what's wrong? im left with so many qns mark.

if you no longer love me, just say it straight and not avoiding.. you are dragging it.. not solving it. running away is not the solution. it hurts me and you. that's provided you still feel for me.

my bday wishes will never come true.. for last yrs' and for this coming one... never will come true... and yes... im crying again!

pathetic! pathetic me!!

the only 3 i fall deeply before. hurt deeply. and other than hurt.. it's still hurt.

promises are so fake. no longer believe in it. NO LONGER!!

one and only is bullshit.
forever is rubbish.

just as simple. wana a simple love frm my love one.
a simple life.
a simple relationship.
just so simple..

but it dun seems to be simple at all...

so what will be the simplest?

stop listening to songs that remind me of you.
stop looking thru the photos.
stop looking thru the msgs you sent.
stop stop stop..
but why i dun seem to stop missing you?
why i dun seem to stop feeling hurt?

remember bidding for a tshirt till $300+... won the bid but.. in the end gave up to others.
thinking how silly am i to even look thru the website everyday at that point of time for one tshirt.

after all that i recall.. you are the one being silly or am i the one?

the blog i created is gone. and no words in memory i can view at. but yet.. the silly me.. knew that the website will be gone someday.. i copied and save it into a file before it's gone. haha.

so... i believe.. i had enough of waiting.
waiting for your msg.
waiting for you to be online.
waiting for a letter.
waiting for an email.
waiting for a parcel.
waiting...
comparing the 7 years.. yesh.. it is just 1 year of waiting.. but im a gal... and wait is not supposed to be in my dictionary.

what's the point of waiting for miracle to happen?
maybe.. you are attached with some gal.. happily living in you own sweet world. maybe.. you realised you never once love me before.

tired of this.
tired of everything.
tired of every single thing that is connected to you.
im really tired le.

i know i've to give up waiting.. give up expecting for miracle to happen.. that's what i know i must do.. but my heart dun wana follow.

and i know.. my heart is dead and the only person to save it..

it's you.

pls stop avoiding.. AND FACE ME CAN?

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:35:00 AM

Saturday, April 15, 2006

i hate it when im restricted to have gathering with my friends.
i hate it when i need to quarrel with ppl.
i hate it when i need to report wherever i go.
i hate it when i dun get to play and enjoy coz of what you messaged.
i hate it hate it hate it!!

even my parent nv ask me where am i going.
even my parent nv ask me to report.

WHY must i report?

i dont like.

you know me for so long. you know my character. you know my attitude. why i nv restrict on you and you want to restrict me? it's not about not bothering or whatever lor. i just felt tat is there really a need to tell you where i go, who i go with, when to go home, what i do? say liao you not happy, nv say also not happy! I DUNO WHAT YOU WAN!

fuck off. i hate myself so much. and it's you who make me HATE myself!!!!

ANGEL_scribbled * -4:02:00 AM

Sunday, April 02, 2006

change of blog url.

here.

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:32:00 AM

Monday, October 10, 2005

SILOSO. maine. serene.

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:30:00 PM

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Extracted from Stanley's website:

There was this guy who loved two gals at the same time but he didn't know which one he loved more.

Someone taught him. Ask yourself this question and answer it honestly :

"When you are happy, which gal would you want to share your happiness with?" The one you think of is someone you love.

Ask yourself another question and answer it honestly :

"When you are sad, which gal you want to share your burden with?"

The one you think of is also someone you love.

If you think of the same gal when you are happy & sad, that's the most perfect. But if you don't think of the same gal, I would advise you to chose the one you are willing to share your sadness with.In life, there are more sorrows than happiness.

There are too many people that u meet that u can share your happiness with, not necessary your lover.

If you live your life happily, you can also enjoy it alone.

In sadness, however, there are not many people willing to share your burden with you. If you are willing to tell someone your happiness, I am sure that person has got to be someone close & an understanding person to you.But it shouldn't stop there.

If that person only thinks of you when she is happy, but looks for someone else when she is sad, this lover is too unstable, she doesn't treat you as someone she can spend the rest of her life with.

Of course, I will be very happy if I am the first person to share her happiness. But, if she is sad, I will be too willing to stay by her side & ease her pain. Only then, will I believe that I hold a very important position in her heart.

If you are sad, who comes to your mind first?

interesting post isnt it? than who will be first one that come to my mind? actually.. to be exact.. it's ling bah.. cause after all.. she was the one going through all my sadness with me. and she was the one that picked me up from my sadness. =) and yeah.. she was the one that accompany me all these years.. how blessed am i to have her right? ahaha.. =)

school is fun today. full or crap and stupid things done by shirley and ashlynn.. pictures speak a thousand words right? ahaha.. i shall post pictures den...

this bag belongs to Shirley and that small little thingy has her name, address and telephone on it. she's afraid that her bag will go missing.. =x

and now she make it easier to tap her ezlink... the whole idea is.. Shirley is like primary school kid.. she need to put her name on everything she own. so that when it go missing, people can return it to her! weehee!! how cool to be 21 yet act like primary school kid.. OPPS... =x

please take a look at our ah niu ge~~ (yesh!! no doubt... it's Jon when he was in sec 3!!)

and yesh.. this will be how our mei zhen will look like in 20 years later. being the successful woman who created "mei zhen xiang ba gua" with the super rich look playing around with her "chanel's" specs..

so now everyone can visualise how interesting my class can be and how interesting lesson can be with funny yet interesting people like US!! ahaha.. self praise... weehee!! =x

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:49:00 AM

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

afraid or fear? to be strong and brave?

Replying on what girl's comment.

it's not fear bah... it's more like... you know the possibility of giving that person happiness is less than 50%.. so how to be strong and brave? knowing what kind of girl am i.. where the hell do I have the right to allow anyone to suffer with me? regrets.... there will sure be regret... but i rather regret and be miserable myself than making another person suffer with me..

maybe in future... i will make my love life a special and a worthwhile one. With no regrets or unhappiness yet only happiness and happy memories.

for now... with no confidence in making my love one happy, i would not allow myself to hurt anyone.

not a very satisfied reply right? sometimes.. i also dont understand myself..

ANGEL_scribbled * -10:21:00 AM

i think ms serene neo is too high waiting for me to blog my post.

she will be the first one to read sia...

she is laughing and laughing in front of her com. she is now inside my screen (webcam) pointing her "lovely" middle finger at me.. and now she try to box me through the webcam...

she intend to get herself a bag to cover her face tomorrow.. cause of her silly and lame action.. she got no face to go out...

hMmmm.. need to buy her the bag sia... but before that, i shall get a goldfish first.. must measure the length of the eyes of the goldfish... and cut out for her to view... weehee... =x

im blessed to have this silly yet lovely little gal as my sister... she is simply so cute and chio.. oh my oh my.. and you all shld be wondering how much that salesperson is so INTERESTED in her.. pls dun deny.. ADMIT IT.....

well well... love love love.. my little princess.. =)

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:20:00 AM

album of serene neo!

she is trying to cover her mike.... or she is going to burp soon?? -_- i think... BOTH!!

" oh no... burp too much.. headache... i think my head going to drop.. better hold it tight.."

she is laying down as if that's her house sofa... oh my oh my.. my QUEEN~!!

for once... she took the picture properly.. and so.. now.. she is pretty... =)

oh my... GOLDFISH EYES WITH HOTDOG LIPS... =x OPPS!! she's going to hit me soon!!

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:07:00 AM

Monday, August 29, 2005

fun fun fun... miss darling mei so much!

im going to blog down serene neo xiao ling's stupid cum silly cum lame action!!

everything started off with me being late to meet her. she starts to grumble that im stupid and im slow.. and im only late for 15 mins due to the stupids lots of traffic light along bukit timah road. =x

so... we went kLunch as planned.. i ordered sushi and ice lemon tea. she ordered sushi and coke light. so~ she started choosing songs and be the first to sing.. while im her audience... listening to some "superstar" singing liang jing ru's song. maybe due to the songs that we chosen are too saddening, i suggest choosing some happening songs to sing. she continue eating her sushi as if she didnt eat for the past few days. (she is VERY hungry!) after eating, she starts to sing again.. or rather sing and burp at the same time. =x after singing a few sentences, she suddenly burp for a few times. =x alright.. my turn to sing den and she continue to burp. meanwhile she drink her coke light too. after a few songs with burping... we realised that it's the coke light tat cause her to burp. yet... SHE CONTINUE DRINKING HER COKE LIGHT... as she said tat.. by drinking coke.. she will burp and "da tong jin mai" and warm up her voice to the limit she wants. so.. she continue to sing, drink and BURP!! -_-

as im singing "gu dan ba lei", she create her own dance step and dance beside me. her dance steps are super similar to those africa dance. =x opps... her "tong bao"!

while we are playing around with those fast song and stupid dance step.. a waiter came in and he saw her silly and lame dance steps, he laughed. The next time he came in, he laughed again.. oh my.. we felt so pai seh sia.. =x is her silly dance that made the waiter laughed yet she blame me on having an affair with the kbox guy.. coz he laughing at us..

we had been targeted by a lot of people today. first is the one outside hmv.. that guy wants us to spare him some time and ask us not to worry, he is not a pervert.. duH~ of course we know pervert would not be so "guang ming zheng da". without giving him any chance to say anything, we just walked off. second is the one at wisma underpass. this guy wants us to spare him some time too and ask us not to worry too.. cause he is not a salesman. ahaha.. i realised, guys are so pathetic recently.. still.. we also didnt give him any chance to talk.

but but but... ms serene neo said tat i seduce that saleperson on the road lei.. HOW SAD!!! with my standard... I WILL SEDUCE THAT KIND OF LOOK OF GUY?? -_- how sad.... you think i despo ar? i think tat saleperson is interested in serene neo yet she trying to push him to me.. hmpf..

we went far east... buy her slippers that only go to market.. =x and i got her a belt and bring her to trim her eyebrow.. heex.. though not a VERY long day.. but we had a lot of fun ya...

lesson to learn!
- if you wana sing, dun drink coke, you will end up burping all day long.
- if you wana "da tong jing mai", drink coke.
- if you feel that by drinking coke can help to warm up ur voice, go ahead.
- if you wana make urself hyper, sing fast song.
- if you wana dance, learn africa dancing frm ms serene neo.
- if you wan guys to be interested in you, ask serene neo how to seduce.
- if you wana get a slipper tat only can wear to the market, pls purchase at far east. it's 2 pairs for $10.

for the lesson above, it's proudly presented to you by ms serene neo xiao ling.

now i know, in the oldies, how those play "wu gong" people "da tong jing mai" already.

WAH~ coke have been around for centuries liao sia!! hmmm...

now den i noe........................

ANGEL_scribbled * -11:10:00 PM

Friday, August 26, 2005

relationship?

You love me but yet you don't know who am I. Im torn between this life I lead and where I stand. If you don't know who I am, just let me go.

I want someone to understand, to be there for me when i am feeling down. I dont like the feeling of insecurity...

Don't ever judge someone by it's cover. I finished watching my vcd. hate that bitchy stepmother and stepsister. They are so fake!! oh my.. -_- and that father is just so stupid! His daughter is being bullied yet he did not realise.. -_-

how i wish i have such a person waiting for me.. even though im dead, he won't forget about me. even if i forget about him, he will try his best to make me remember. even if i hate him, he will do his best to make me forgive him. even if i dun love him, he will still tell me how much he loves me. do i have such a person beside me? hMmmmm... i think..... i have...... (blessed with love) =)

i cried upon reading some stuff. Im not sad. im not unhappy. im just........ touched.

girls alway wish for a whirlwind romance, with fairytale kind of ending. The prince will be together with the princess. But does all this sound realistic? I love to daydream... only in my dream, such romance occur, but realistically in the real world, love aint like that.

what am i scared of? the imperfect love that i might face? or the imperfect me that im going to show? as known, im stubborn, bad tempered, princess like character, dont give in, dont give way, dont save up, dont behave, demanding, wild, playful. a girl like me, how will i have the courage to give anyone happiness? like I have mentioned before, or i just dont have confidence in myself?

nothing is perfect? but what if i just want it to be perfect? Sometime, life just doesnt go your way. and people will start to grumble why god is being so unfair to them. Life is not handed to you in a nice gift wrapped parcel with a lovely bow on top. You have to wrap it nicely and bring that lovely bow to add on it yourself.

Expectation brings Disappointment.

Comparing brings Sadness

Love brings Hate

Hate brings Forgive

Forgive brings Forget

and so it goes on.

why would people like to compare so much? what's so nice to compare? why would they compare their past with their present partner? or why they just love comparing?

What's love about? When you love someone, what's the defination of it? trust, patience, compromise, commitment, love, character? they are main factors in a relationship? how about communication then? if couple cant communicate, how will the relationship last? Without communication, constant miscommunication will happen which most often lead to quarrels on who's right and who's wrong.

the courtship period compared to the dating period.. why is it different? relationship need something interesting to spice up the love between 2 person. there's time for surprises. time for romance. time for fun. you cant just do nothing yet keep saying that you love him/her.

I read from the internet. It says that sometimes when you finally have the person you love perhaps after a year of courtship or having a crush on that person you think thats the end. Relationships do break because parties think they are safe and that they do not need to do anything extra and just ride on the relationship wave, or that they are too busy for anything else, even for their own partners and they think its alright cause they assume that their partners will always be there. Some relationships even break because couples get bored with each other cause there's nothing there to spice up the relationship cause they think their love for each other is enough and they are waiting for each other to do something.

There's a need to show action to your partner in order to let them know that they are being loved by you. What matter is the thoughts that count.

A relationship takes two hands to clap and sometimes someone has to take the initiative first.

Dont suffocate him/her with your possessive behaviour. Giving each other some space and freedom. Having the mutual respect and trust are important. If you really dont wish to lose your love one, do learn to trust.

ANGEL_scribbled * -11:06:00 PM

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

darling mei's bday celebration

had a fun fun fun fri night.. even though it's only with a pathetic small group of frenz but yet, i think ling still enjoyed herself ya. =) hohoho.. she's one year older again.. heex. as long as close frenz and family remember your bday, tat's enough le aR? =)

before going black, we waited and waited for our darling gal's mr prince to reach. -_- a long wait ar.. but anyway, lucky there's no queues. everyone seems to be more interested in momo den black now ar? hmmm..

as usual, we still make use of ppl who "over-wear" and "over-dance".. CMI... ahaha.. juz buay tahan some of them. not saying we wear until very pretty la.. but den.. eh.. eh.. eh... alright, shall not be bad den.. =X

i think the most buay tahan thing is... the "poser". she just keep copy how ppl dance lor.. just funny!! ahaha.. =x but overall, okie la... she's still a nice gal.

enjoyed still.. =) after black, went coffee club for lunch/dinner/supper. 3 meals combine to one! weehee.. had pasta and wedges.. yummy.. but i realised, IT'S EXPENSIVE! i mean really EXPENSIVE! hmpf!

home sweet home after supper.. and den... i gone into coma......

thought of my great supper at coffee club, im feeling kind of hungry now yet i have no appetite.. coz i din eat my lunch and dinner yest.. and i haven eat my breakfast and lunch today.. eh.. great way to go on diet... eh.... =x

sister means sister ya.. she noe me the best bah... the moment i called her.. she console me with her sweetie voice and asked me not to be sad... joke with me.. telling me that she got eat.. if not she will be blown away by the wind. and i can attached a string to her and fly kite at marina. she remind me to use a good quality string. if happens that the string snap, i will go and find and catch her back. and she give a good idea by inputing detector so that i can find her no matter where she go.. ahaha......... i wonder how long can this joke make me laugh whenever i thought of it. =) but thanks.. i felt content having you all these years... no matter how hard other push me down... i know you will be there to pull me up.. no matter how much we missed out due to studies, we still manage to overcome everything and stayed close with each other... im glad and i will learn to be content with watever i have.. =)

i will be fine....... and i will not think too much. even if it's changing..... other den crying, there's nothing i can do too.. the only solution is me.

i just realised... nope.. i know it all along.. i am such a crybaby.... i admit it.

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:51:00 PM

holding on?

holding on is the right way out ma?

letting go will be better ma? letting go.. there would not be anymore misery and sadness.

why hold on when everything is over? and why hold on when love is not getting anywhere between the two of you?

it applies to something you expect on yet in the end, it turn out to be disappointment. den why hold on to that expectation still?

sometimes, i wonder.. im the one that dun understand myself or am i the one leading people to misunderstand me?

it's time to change? as in.. grow up? should not let it affect me so much? mindset problem? or just thinking too much.........??

communication break down or i did something wrong or i said anything wrong? can someone tell me??

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:44:00 PM

a sweet yet lame story

would u forgive a guy that lie to you..? and would you still love him?

He met her at a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he was so
normal, nobody paid attention to him.

At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him. She was surprised, but out of
politeness, she agreed.

They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything... She felt uncomfortable, she
thought, please, let me go home.

Suddenly, he asked the waiter, "Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee."

Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously, "Why do you have this hobby?". He replied,"When I was a little boy, I used to live near the sea. I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown... I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there".

While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.

That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can talk about his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of
home. Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her
family...

That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story.

They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm,careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee! Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married the prince, then they lived happy life... And, every time she made coffee
for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.

After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you - the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time.. Actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our
communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything. Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth. I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never felt sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, I still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again".

Her tears made the letter totally wet. Someday, someone asked her,"What's the taste of
salty coffee?"."It's sweet", she replied.

love is not to forget, but to forgive. Not to see but understand. Not to hear but to listen. Not to let go but HOLD ON !!!

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:38:00 PM

Monday, August 22, 2005

My Love Rating

You have a sophisticated attitude that is also generous and considerate. Your responsible, charitable nature may find you attracting guys who want someone to confide in or who makes them feel secure. At a very young age, you developed the type of personality that makes others feel safe and protected. You will carry these qualities into your adult years and, down the road, you'll be a good mom because of them. On the negative side, you can be argumentative and overly emotional, and you usually possess a temper that can make everyone run for cover. You like the kind of guy who is responsible and impeccably dressed and has gorgeous eyes and a great body. Charm, wit and (of course) brilliance could make him the perfect guy for you.......

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:49:00 PM

Friday, August 19, 2005

isolation

im isolating myself or the world isolate me?

out of the sudden, feeling very sad.. wana go out and have some fresh air.. but oso duno wher to go.. gal and lao da are busy with their work.. dun wish to bother them too.. and they nv bother abt me oso.. wana tok but find no one.. darling mei still schooling.. and everyone seems to be too busy for me.. how pathetic can i be...

inside another classroom now.. tears roll down automatically.. i dun wana cry.. and i oso duno wat im crying for.. mood swing bah.. swing till i duno wat im sad of.. or wat im unhappy of........

feel like watching some super sad movie or drama and cry out loud. im juz making an excuse to cry.....

tears never runs out hor? wonder if there will be a day.. i cry and cry till there's no more tears..

im thinking too much? being too sensative? or there's really changes yet i din noe about it? im being taken for granted or i take people for granted?

what's friends all about? being there will you need them right? im alwayz there.... but why no one is here?

or izzit.... im just isolating myself?

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:41:00 PM

KELLY WON!!

im so happy.. yeah.. indeed. =)

i vote a lot for her and i asked a lot of people to vote for her. im so happy tat she got in. yEAH!! cry no more...!! weehee!! =) but den.. it's quite "out of no where" that kevin will win.. im expecting junyang.. hmMmm.. how sad..!!

oh my.. cant see junyang at indoor stadium le.. but nvm.. i see kelly den.. hmm... wonder how to get the tickets to indoor stadium? i wana go and watch.. =x by the way, i will confirm buy kelly's single. HEEX!! im a great supporter!! weehee!!! =))

forgot to mention abt this great series that i watched recently.. it's the "stairway to heaven". wah!! NICE!! the show is nice.. i like korean show even though it makes me cry like hell.. but i still like!! ahaha.. intending to buy the vcd.. hmmm.. shld i? it cost $30+... worth it ma? actually channel u is showing le.. but i find it very draggy... only mon and tue showing.. muz like wait until duno when den can complete the whole show sia.. i think if i buy.. im going to eat grass soon.. hMpf.. no no.. muz save for lesson. haiz..

sch juz so sian.. yAwnz... i wana go out.. shop shop... play play... dance dance... have fun... weehee!! all the way tonight!! heex.. enjoy like never ending!! yeah!! =D

ANGEL_scribbled * -11:25:00 AM

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

bday celebration?

darling mei bday is coming. how is she going to celebrate lei?

everyone get so excited over bday ar? hmmm... why im not?

see gal.. her bday is on nov... and she is thinking and planning now le.. ahaha.. i think wat she said make sense too... but den... im not very into my bday.. therefore, dun intend to open chalet. but tat doesnt mean can forget abt presents. =X actually, i dun need anything now. wat i need most is CASH. please give me ang baos instead. ahaha. like wat i did to ling last year. i think she needs cash too. shall i do the same?

it's true right? giving me ang bao den let me buy the things i wan myself is better den getting something i dun need it. though i noe it's the thought that counts, i do appreciate but i still prefer something i really need.

i wana learn driving. and i need to save up for it. dun really wana rely on mummy and burden her, so i wana save up. after all, im a grown up le. time to save for my future. =)

i just realised, actually i din really celebrate my bday. the happiest bday i had... i think is during kindergarden when i dun really remember and only recall bits thru the photos i have. other den tat, the most contented celebration was obviously with my dearest sister, ling. remember the whole celebration took place at her place. and of coz, there's someone beside me at tat point of time. i miss tat person. =) miss tat BIG snoopy and woodstock cake. miss those presents. miss the hUgz tat person gave. miss the kisses tat person gave. miss miss miss!! it's was my first bday with my beloved! tat person even wished me on 98.7 =)

after tat, bday had been like plain water to me. normal day lor. not much celebration. not much fun. juz normal normal and spend my bday. in the past, dad and mum will bring me out to eat and stuff, but now, like very seldom le lei. but i noe, i will alwayz have cake on my bday de. coz mummy noe tat i like tat chocolate cake frm tat cake shop. heex. the cake is easy to get, but it's the thought tat count. she would not miss out my fav cake de. =)

so how abt this year? eh.. actually.. i intend to off my hp at 23:58 on 7/10 and slp till morning den on my hp. silence bday celebration. -_- lame i noe.. ahaha.. coz im not expecting any surprises or planned celebration frm anyone.

busy over fyp the whole day... im quite wore out now. tired!! tml still got test, and i think im not going to make it coz i din study at all. dUh~ gotta base on normal days learning le lor. *yawnz. time to get some slp... but wait till i finish with something important first. weehee.

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:55:00 AM

Sunday, August 14, 2005

rUsh on friday.. was fun. i get too high after drinking 3 jugs.. -_-

meet gal, baby and jian at cine around 9 plus and we set off to MS straight away. i find tat i look weird somehow. waited and waited for bao bei and frenz. k.. im getting a bit pissed while waiting for them. ahem.

they reached while we headed to united square for the ATM. im pissed, so i juz smiled and walk away when i saw them. -_- i admit im sian half. ahaha. i walked to the road side waiting for gal, jian and baby to cross the road together. without me noticing.. baby pop out with a bouquet of purple rose. oh my god. it's purple! NOT DYED! NATURAL PURPLE! faintz. i love it man. duH~ purple is one of my fav. colour, therefore i got a little high upon receiving the purple rose. thanks baby. how sweet. i know she took a hard time looking for it as purple rose is really very rare. and it's costy too! pls baby, dun wast such money anymore. save it for urself ya. =) but still, thanks. =)

so im no longer pissed. den went into rush and soon find a place to chill. drinking and enjoying the music and entertainment show. =X i was joking with them tat we are not at ruSh.. we are at mandai zoo. =x alright, i think gal understand. ahaha.

a tiny cup of whisky wun make me high enough to play. so i continued my sian mode for abt 1 hour. den gal and i shared to get ourseleves a jug. in the end, we have one each. promotion, 2 jugs is cheaper ma. ahaha. =x soon, gal left after ben came to fetch her and she left her half jug behind. and yeapz, it belongs to me den! ahaha. =x 1 and 1/2 jugs is still not strong enough to make me high. baby and bao bei ordered another 2 jugs. weehee.. in order not to get them drunk(they duno how to drink), i finished another jug within 10 mins. oh my, drinking it in fast speed, the easier i will get high. soon, they saw me dancing le. ahaha.. den i finished baobei's half jug too.. oPps.. =x so i follow xiang to dance and enjoy ourselves. ahaha.. lame right, but i had fun.

suffered from hang over the next morning, but den... nvm.. ahaha.. =x actually, i got no idea why i drink so much. stressed over fyp bah.. hMmmm... no comment... ahaha.. =x

ANGEL_scribbled * -8:52:00 PM

good bf VS good husband

i wan it all. i wan a good bf AS WELL AS a good husband.

reflecting on wat jess and gal "argued" about... hmm.. im greedy.. i wan it all. =) *grins. having a good bf.. and knowing tat ur bf will be able to be a good husband too. apart frm tat, he has to be the kids daddy too. i believe... to date with the right guy and get married with him and have his kids... you will get the perfect happiness.. you gotta find the suitable one. sharing a common interest. able to tolerate. able to give in. able to be faithful. able to understand. able to be there alwayz. able to give up everything coz of you. able to pass thru parents. able to communicate with your frenz.

but duH~ easy to say, hard to find right?

meet with so many experience over friend's bf and stuff. there will sure be comment, sure be sarcastic. not all your close frenz will like your bf, if happens tat you gotta choose between bf and frenz... HOW? yUckz.. i hate to meet with such situation... -_-

how to become a couple? the most important thing is whether each other suits to be together or not. If lifestyle is different, try to change? if nothing in common, create one? if anyone were to change bcoz of someone, how will they be happy? how will they be themselves? i dun wish to make anyone change for me.. but yet.. i alwayz do so~...

as said, im too demanding le. either you change for me, or tat's it.

i admit it. im selfish. but no choice. it's my character to be playful, to be wild, to be demanding, to be unreasonable, to be bad tempered. yesh, and i admit tat im really tat bad. ahaha.. =x

ANGEL_scribbled * -8:36:00 PM

Friday, August 12, 2005

insignificant in life

insignificant in life
a lonely girl you wont really understand
often misunderstood and hurt
waiting for a little attentive heart
and drops of care
little time and effort but not granted

dependant girl
struggling hard but lost
abandoned in the dark
stained with neglection and pain
the fear overwhelming
she avoids all

darkness in her world
probably the brightest shade of light

shutting herself out
contented living alone
trying hard to let go now
over the walls around her heart
once again trying to reach out.. for love

this little hands reaching out, uncertainty
hold it dear.. never let go
you are all she really need
but yet she closed up her heart again.

i am just an ordinary gal
hold me close.. dry my tears.

ANGEL_scribbled * -9:35:00 AM

just finished my test. it sux. simply got no time to complete it. so many question and all wordy question.. -__- see liao, just so sian! or maybe my mind is being affected.....

im still thinking... tired, yet my mind just cant stop thinking. i dun wana think too much, but just... cant.

i seriously got no idea am i prepared to let another person to step into my life.. my world.. my heart. or the "long forgotten" have been occupying the heart and doesnt allow anyone to step in?

like said... im still young... to commit.... am i ready for it?

mummy been asking me to study hard recently.. i think she a bit siao siao or she's actually hinting me not to think too much about other except for studies? haiz.

im starting to feel the pressure........................ today is friday le.........................

ANGEL_scribbled * -9:15:00 AM

fear the future

im afraid.......

actually... im not ready yet... the feeling is not right yet... or am i just thinking too much?

a new start? a new life? a new relationship? am i sure im ready for it?

oh my.... im so not myself....... or am i changing?

ANGEL_scribbled * -3:27:00 AM

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

out of no where!

hmmm.. late le ar? i just remembered.. i have to wake up at 8am tml.. eh.. is today! *yawnz

just got the urge to change template. hmmm.. a quick one la.. coz the pic is from the internet de. just have to edit a bit and put in my details can le...

gal been wanting a new template.. made one for her too.. but duno she like it anot.. hmMmm...

im suppose to be doing fyp right? yeapx.. i did a bit.. now left with 3 frames nia.. shall continue tml lor.. =x

why the title is out of no where? coz.. out of no where.. i suddenly pop out with a template.. and out of no where.. im feeling alone....... as i said... im pathetic.. okie.. i realised!

missing my darling mei.. missing my dearest lao da.. missing my darling gal.. missing my guan yin ma.. missing school? yUCkz.. nah~!

ever wonder it's actually very hard to get true frenz? some might be there to play together, have fun together, but where comes to problems.... no one actually really understand. you might feel tat some understand, but they actually dun.

[i just wana share it with you. i mean it when i said keep it to yourself. why betray my trust? im not angry but sad. i trusted you, but you disappoint me. i cried not bcoz im a crybaby, but it hurt me deeply.]

this sentense sound so harsh. i used it before. and i din regret. dun take my "good" for granted. i can be very nice to you, yet i can be nasty too.

darling mei should understand ya. missing von.. missing ling.. missing the "4 of us".

thinking too much today ar?

nah~

i might be too quiet at times. i might be out of your topic at times. i might show not interest in wat you said at times. i might not be too sensative at times. i might not be the first one to reach out for you when you need someone. i might be too boring but..... seriously, i do cherish my sisters, darlings and frenz.. ppl who care for me and love me. they mean more den my stead. i care and love them as well. i will be there for them alwayz.

i dun wish.... the history repeats.

ANGEL_scribbled * -5:35:00 AM

i alwayz thought as time goes by.. people will tend to be more mature and grown up.. but i realise, it doesnt apply to all.. how sad right? it's true tat, whenever he chat with me, we will ended up quarreling or making me pissed off.. and it's alwayz! actually.. im refering to an incident tat took place on fri.. took sometime to blog it out... heex..

went for NDP just now.. wah.. i never enjoyed ndp in the past, but this year, the feeling is different ya. maybe bcoz it's at the padang, tat's why bah. well, it's really a great experience. =) but i dun enjoy the trip back home. roads are block, therefore daddy din drive to city hall. we took MRT instead. at the end of NDP, city hall is packed with human. and i mean ALL types of human. they.. or rather we all stinks! and imagine, all stinkos sticked together, squeeze to get into the train.. yUckz.. it's disgusting.. -_-

i juz realise, my holiday is very packed with programs. sat went to grandpa hse. sun stayed at home, though sick, still busy with housework. mon went to register for basic. tue went for ndp. wed im going to mummy office. fruitful holiday right? though not very "interesting", but somehow, i enjoyed it. but still, im sick!

i thought im recovering.. but cough seems to get worse.. flu okie le.. but now cough bah.. -_-

touching up on fyp later.. hmmm.. i finishing le.. yeah! juz some more things to touched up bah.. heex.. =)

seriously.. i never been good with remembering dates. i only remember dates tat really mean to me. my bestie bday. my family member bday. my ex bday. anniversary with ex. darlings bday. some frenz bday. i never go into details on when and when some events took placed..

to the silliest boy ever:

sorry.. im not good in dates, but you actually list down all the dates. =) as you mention, i really forgot when was the last time we went out together. stop looking at me when we are watching movie.. i noe i look stupid when i cover myself with my jacket during those scary parts. ahem.. actually, i never once dun believe in you. after all, know each other for so long le, somehow will know how's your character like ya. i believe that you are saying the truth k. =) you really changed a lot as compared to secondary school. maybe bcoz of me bah. if during secondary school, you are not as shy....... loving a girl for 6 years plus is silly enough le. beside tat in between these 6 years, you noe tat she got bf yet you still love her? izzit it silly enough? wana find out about my life, yet dun dare to call me. izzit it silly enough? alwayz like to think so much and mislead urself. izzit it silly enough? you alwayz like to assume what you think without asking me is it true. izzit it silly? so now you know right? why i alway said that you are silly.. ahem.. and i might not be the gal tat worth your 7 years of waiting....

i know it myself. im very demanding and unreasonable. that makes me not fit to be loved and not worth to be loved. a gal with super bad temper and super princess character. who can tolerate me? maybe at the beginning okie... but after honeymoon period, everything will go back to normal. i began to wonder... actually, i have no confidence in myself too.

wat's known as the honeymoon period? couples saying "i love you" everyday, every night. den meeting up everyday, every night. surprises everyday, every night. no quarrels. no tolerating. alwayz giving in. normally, this stays for about 1 year +. some are even faster, like say, half a year. how to maintain a long term relationship? how to face a person for long? how to tolerate a person temper for long? i wonder. i just realised, actually, all along, my exs were the one tolerating and giving in to me. like i said, i.... am like tat...

to my dearest lao da:

sometimes, we cant be hoping for surprises all the time right? though it's sweet, but if he's busy for it den we shall be understanding right? well, i understand the feeling. as in the feeling of "different". anyway, no matter wat, you still got me okie? throw him aside and we go "kuang huan". oPps.. =X (oh my oh my.. i miss taka tat "cute cute".. ahaha.. =x) somehow, maybe that's the difference between guys and gals. we can forgo frenz bcoz of them but they cant forgo their frenz coz of us. is tat the difference? im not sure too. but lao da, IM HERE okie? juz a call away or a msg away.. cheers k.. cries no more.. (mainez wipes lao da's tears!) ni shi wo lao da.. wo hui yi zhi zai ni sheng bian de. =) hUggies... muAckz.. wo ai ni!!! yong yong yuan yuan!! ahaha.. =D

i realise im actually quite pathetic.. alright.. im talking senseless. -_- hao ke lian de wo.. still sick.. still busy with fyp.. still considering.. still thinking.. HEADACHE! why must i think so much? hmmm.. i wonder!

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:26:00 AM

Monday, August 08, 2005

yoohoo.. jessica.. gal.. ling.. ade.. dun worry.. im fine le.. heex..

on the way of recovery.. weehee.. =)

tonight gotta rush for FYP again.. intend to re-do again.. coz all the tweens get messed up and bcoz of the position thingy.. it became quite messy.. nvm.. i will do my best..

been sick and get stuck at home for quite some days.. finally.. tdy went out for awhile..

went out to register for my basic. wah.. lyk FINALLY!! i finally register for it.. ahaha.. thx tat silly boy for bringing me to bbdc and register. compared to ssdc, bbdc is really very new lor... and the facilities is much better.. after the registration, we went west mall for breakfast/lunch/my dinner.. very full sia.. -_- and im still quite full now..

i realised that i had been spending a lot.. not on clothes. not on bags. not on any accessories. it's on daily needs. like shampoo. maggie mee. canned food. vegetables. and stuff. usually, mummy will be in charged of all this.. but why recently, i become the one buying? weird!

money tat i've saved is getter lesser.. mummy better give me some allowance.. sOb sOb.. =(

kk.. shall not blogged too much.. off for my fyp..

ANGEL_scribbled * -10:40:00 PM

Thursday, August 04, 2005

accused.

ppl who know me will know that i hate to be accused. and someone used to be so dear to me accused me just now.

duno to be angry or sad... maybe juz disappointed bah...

she's going to throw away my stuff i think... it's my stuff, though she know tat she dun hv the right, but i think she will............

i never wana delete anything away lor.. if i wana do so.. i will have deleted it long ago le lor.. muz wait until now meh? you were the one tat asked me to must well delete it and now you throwing temper to me? wat is this? i alwayz need to let you throw temper on? or i alwayz not right?

anyway, yeapx.. im too sick to think about it. you know tat im sick.. yet you accused me and scolded me.. NICE ONE! thanks ya..

i promised.. if tml din get any better, i will visit the doctor alright? dun worry abt me.. gal said im strong enough to take it.. ya... im learning. =)

ANGEL_scribbled * -5:15:00 PM

SICK

im sick.. sOb sOb.. =(

maybe too much chocolate? maybe not enough sleep? maybe never have any fun? im being so guai recently.. never go out and play at all.. hAo kE lian!! -_-

silly boy having his exam.. tat's also why i din go out ya.. dun wan him to lose concentration. if i go out, he will get worry for me. somemore, im sick.. he will get more worried lor.. am i right? =x concentate on your studies k.. dun worry about me.. i will be fine de. If my illness get worse, i will go and see a doctor okie? tml is the last paper le, endure and study hard k?

gal is leading a good life now. a new start... nice one.. happy tat she is happy now.. =) i believe this is the lifestyle she wan, this is the person she wan.. =)

den wat's the lifestyle i wan? i just wana be happy.. izzit very hard to be happy? why make me cry? why make me pissed off? is this the way you love a person? i thought loving a person is seeing him/her happy, no matter wat, you will be happy for him/her too. tat's wat i did in the past. though dun bear to leave, yet i leave fox and seeing her happy with whoever, im content too. it's alright to miss, it's alright to love. what matter most is, love in the right way. are you really loving me in the right way? den why say harsh words to me? why hurt me with all your words? letting go of you is the best way out for both of us. you would not be miserable anymore. you dun have to tolerate my princess-like character anymore. im no longer uRz. you are no longer mine. i start to dun understand you.. and pls dun assume tat you understand me. everyone has their reason behind everything they do. you have your reason and i have my reason too. you once told me tat no matter wat happened, you will alwayz be my baby, alwayz be there for me and we will be good frenz de. but izzit just a lie? or you are breaking all the words you said? anyway, do watever you wan ya. i have no right to tell you wat is right or wrong. i would not hate you but if you wan, you can just continue to hate me. you have your rights. im still here as a frenz, as ur ex, alwayz here.

feeling much better le.. after talking to gal yest and realised a lot of thing. though i felt tat it's very not right, but i guess it's simply bcoz of love bah.. loving a person too much can be scary at times. you will never know what he/she will do or say. everyone has eyes to see. i admit im selfish. but i also gotta say tat i din let anyone down. is just up to them to decide in believing or not.

well, sick!!! running nose and cough.. think im getting fever soon le... going home after school for a good rest ya.. buay tahan.. ~tired!!

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:33:00 PM

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

PISSED! ANGRY

im so angry with myself.. so angry with my lappy..!!!! ARGH!! wat a waste of my time!

im doing my fyp.. i forgot to save.. and my lappy suddenly HANGED!! and it auto shut down!!! WAH!! I GOTTA START ALL OVER AGAIN??!!!!!!!! ARGH!!! PISSED OFF!!

look at the time.. im rushing already yet my lappy was being BAD TO ME!!! HMPFFF!!!

tat silly boy fell asleep le i think.. hmMmm... nvm.. he got exam tml.. shall let him sleep early den.. if not, he had been accompany me with my fyp till very late recently le.. -_- i think im alwayz disturbing him...

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:49:00 AM

Monday, August 01, 2005

just finish listening to yin yue ri ji..

jessica keep asking me izzit i write in de? NO.. NOT ME! i would not want it to end this way.. =x

why xiao wei choose to end it like this? friendship is better ma?

i never think too much.. just tat.. it's so qiao.. =)

im content tat i have someone who love me so much....

Indeed, it's quite a long time.. 7 years... i wonder how tat silly boy survive.. he said tat loving me seems to be part of his life le for these past 7 years....

i know, he did a lot of silly things just to find out about my life.. how am i? but den, he never had the courage to message or call me or even email me... -_-

i think im going to participate in yin yue ri ji 3rd CD competition ya.. with my chinese standard.. hMmm.. i think i can make it ya.. ahaha.. =x other than that, though my story might be lame, silly, stupid and complicated... but i still hope they will choose it ya... trying to finish it before the date due. well.... im still thinking of the ending... will it be a happy ending or sad ending?

i thought of some of the endings... let's vote than..
[1] the gal died due to accident.
[2] the gal and boy get together.
[3] the gal choose to leave.
[4] the boy choose to give up.
[5] the gal force to leave as she is dying due to some illness.

ahaha.. sound so dramatic.. oh my.. ahaha... what am i thinking....?? duh~ hopefully, it will be a happy ending bah..

editing the video clips now.. im so sian.. resting in the middle of editing.. heex...

fOx called... was worried about her upcoming case.. oh my... she ar.... haiz... dun wish to nag le.. hopefully she will learn from her mistaken bah.. =)

flu and cough seems to worsen.. cough turn into sore throat.. hmmMm.. throat starts to feel dry and pain... need some sore throat sweet.. heex.. getting it later den. =)

i need to buck up on fyp le... been slacking... NOW CANNOT SLACK LE!!! -_- muz pia...!!!

i din mention about project superstar before ar? pls support my superstar. They are Derick and Kelly!! THEY ARE THE BEST. simply like their voice.. unique and it touched me whenever they sing.

celebrated ah gong bday on saturday. meet u with my cousins. im feeling "old". ying jie jie wasnt able to rush back coz she is working. i see all my younger cousins.. cant blame me to feel that im OLD man.. they are either very young or growing up into a teenager.. and i felt so adult!! -_- this gathering is fun of coz.. took a lot of pictures as usual.. heex.. just love them lots... muAckz!!

ANGEL_scribbled * -11:45:00 AM

Thursday, July 28, 2005

as i said... JAVA SUX.. i hate java!! sOb soB!!

lao da is having her TP today.. oh my... jia you jia you!! weehee....!!

I feel that if i continue to spend.. continue to buy.. continue to eat good nice stuff.. i going to eat grass soon.. how how how?? -_-

daddy had been complaining about me recently.. he keep saying i nv call him wen i get home.. ahaha.. silly dad of mine.. juz funny sia...

im falling in love with tat jacket i saw... but i cant buy... pls.. dun temp me anymore!! i gonna cry soon.. my mei says she will get it for me as my bday present.. but it's still months AWAY!! by den.. i dun tink still have my size and stuff le lor... HOW SAD!!

bOring in sch sia... craving for pool.. i wana trash tat ang mei mei.. she is getting too pro.. i wana trash her.. hmpf..

feeling a little hungry now.... yum yum.. wat to eat later.....?? canteen food made me turn off!!! how i wish i have a BIG BREAKFAST now... i wana mac!! i dun wan canteen food anymore!!

I think I am mad... I begin to fall.. Begin to feel the jealousy.. Begin to care.. Begin to bother.. Begin to be angry.. Begin to throw temper.. Begin to give in.. Begin to awaits for sms till I gone mad.. Begin to.... OH MY.... I am mad!!!!

ANGEL_scribbled * -11:45:00 AM

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

i............................

felt sad out of the sudden.. maybe coz of my darling mei bah... see her lyk so xin ku.. im xin ku for her too.. =(

but anyway.. she has to handle it herself.. coz no one can help other den herself.. =) jia you!!

why would guys lyk to control their gf?

why would guys bother about their gf's friend?

why would guys stop us from making new friends?

why would guys bother?

I HATE IT.. hate ppl to control.. totally lyk no freedom... totally not myself anymore.. as if i will be suffocating lor... i dun lyk this kind of feeling... i feel for ling.. oh my~~ silly gal is damn sad now i tink... haiz...

enjoy dinner with her... but we din get to enjoy shopping.. coz her dearest bf wana take her away from me.... and yesh.. he took her away.. IM SO SAD!!

total moodless now.. just very sian bah... hmmm...

sch tml.. oh my.. JAVA!! sux.. i dun lyk java.. poor jessica... i gotta depend on her again.. ahaha.. =x

someone mention tat... he would not have such bad taste to fall for me... he said it's kidding.. but den... it sound so true... wah... as in.. wat he said in the past is a lie? -_- NO COMMENT... i admit i was kind of pissed.. but den.. nvm la.. i admit the fact tat ppl have bad taste if they fall for me!

i made tat silly boy worried for me.. im sorry.. =) im fine now le.. really.. thx for being there k.. sorry for showing you my black face.. sorry for showing you my retarded temper.. sorry for making you think too much.... im fine le... really..

ANGEL_scribbled * -10:51:00 PM

Thursday, July 21, 2005

look at the time now.. duh~ im still awake...

doing my fyp.. im looking for pictures for my animation.. hMmm.. din realise tat it's tat late le..

oh my.. i got test in the morning... -_-

my phone is silent.. tat's why i wasnt disturb by any phone call or messages... and it oso made me din realise the time!!

im still quite awake.. but everyone is sleeping le.. -_-

went out with my dearest darling mei today.. i think we enjoyed ourselves.. =)) bring her go have a big feast at cine.. and wanted to get her something.. but she doesnt have anything in mind at the moment.. well, shall wait for her bday den.. wonder how is she going to celebrate it.. i told my mum tat i will be bringing her to watch ndp.. HAPPY?? ahaha..

actually.. i spent alot today.. at the rate of spending, i also start to wonder shld i continue to work... partly, with the pay, i can buy watever i wan.. with the pay, i dun hv to save here and ther.. but i'll be quite tired.. so any suggestion? shld i work again?? haiz...

baby waited for my call until she fall asleep le... oPps... =x

and tat silly panda.. waited for me to slp until he fall asleep too le...

ahaha.. everyone is tired.. except me?? nah.. im tired too.. but i have uncomplete stuff to do.. so well.. i shall continue doing it bah..

duh~ firstly, i have to study for my test...... =))

ANGEL_scribbled * -4:42:00 AM

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:57:00 AM

Guys better don't let Gals down worz

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:48:00 AM

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

每个人都有过去。

必须要解脱从前，

才能去到未来。

我在寻找未来。。

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:34:00 AM

Monday, July 18, 2005

disappointment and hurt.....

i quarrelled with my sister.. how stupid can tat be?

duh~ the reason behind is much more stupid..

she thinks she is so so so busy and im not...

she thinks she is the only one tat got other things to do and im not..

she thinks she is always so right...

she thinks she is the biggest in the house..

as if NO ONE CAN GO AGAINST HER!!

words from her mouth hurt so much to me...

i brought her out on her bday to celebrate even though it cost quite a sum of money. My mindset is as long as she is happy den im alright with it.

i stayed up in the night helping her packed her bookshelf without complaining tired or wat.

she messed up my room, i tidied up.

she inviting friends over, i lend her my room.

when she cried over dad and mum, i help her fight back..

duh~ im not requesting for anything in return...

hello~~ im ur sister... where's that respect??

ALL I NOE IS... im not gonna bother anymore...

remember wat you said and dun regret...

you will never noe how hurt your words can be when no one ever talk back to you lyk tat!!!

ANGEL_scribbled * -11:43:00 PM

busy capturing the clips from the tapes again.. they are editing.. and no one doing the clips.. so i have to do it and end up.. no time for editing my second cut.. =(

gal and lao da is being bad.. they splash water on me.. and left me all alone in the toilet...... im left alone there with half of my jacket wet.... -__- the toilet is errie... and they left me all alone there... im scared lor.. yet WHERE ARE THEY? sob sob sob sob sob!! hmpf....

lesson was boring... chris is being naggy.. he keep repeating his word again and again.. duno why he is so... eh.... fussy today?? oh my.. is tat the word to use? -_-

i made tat silly boy waited for me at my school carpark for 1 hr++.. =X opps.. im sorry.. but my teacher is weird today.. he dun let me off early... -_-

i guess he muz be very happy.. coz he finally can fetch me home le.. and im home damn early now... ahaha.. mummy was shocked to see me at home at this time.. ahaha..

he bought me kinder bueno.. he noe i need it soon.. ahaha.. and the silly boy bought 5 packets lor.. i think he's trying to make me fatter so tat nobody wans me... =((

but well.. i still appreciate everything he did... though he is really silly in some.. or i shld say MANY WAYS.. but i understand why is he so silly... [i bet he dun understand why im saying.. =x] ahaha..

ANGEL_scribbled * -5:41:00 PM

Sunday, July 17, 2005

am i wrong?

i seems to be the source of heartache....

i seems to be hurting those who love me lots..

towards my ex... i hurt them all...

towards those who love me before... i hurt them too...

i even hurt those tat are still loving me...

i made them confuse..

i made them sad..

maybe in the first place, they shld not even fall for a gal lyk me..

wat am i?

juz a gal anyone can found along the streets..

sometimes.. i dun even noe wat i wan...

so wat rights do i have to even decide on anything?

if they stay, they will be miserable..

maybe.. they shld go??

im capable of being alone................................

ANGEL_scribbled * -5:05:00 AM

Thursday, July 14, 2005

specially for Jessica, my dearest guan yin ma...

dun feel ~~FAT, ROUND, UGLY and LOW MORALE~~!! wen you feel so, do look at me too!! hmpf!!

everyone has each other's special point and side. no one is forever beautiful or slim. imagine, when we grow older.. as in at the age of 60+? i might look so so so FAT.. so so so ROUND? this are things that we cant predict isnt it?

so what there a need to envy others?

think in another way round, some gals are pretty, intelligent, slim and attractive, but if they nv meet with a guy tat will love the gal bcoz of her inner instead love the gal for her outer, and so wat's the point right?

i have a lot of frenz who are pretty and attractive, yet their whole love life is ruin coz guys will get tired of the pretty face one day and realise tat she doesnt suit him.. if not, pretty gal will alwayz be very silly.. waiting for the guy tat dun love or cherish them..

so what so nice being pretty? or slim? i used to ask myself.. why i wan it so much to slim down? why i wan it so much not to be fat? i tried means and way to go and diet.. tried to vomit out watever i eat.. tried to skip meals to go on diet.. tried to drink water for the day only.. tired so hard not to eat my fav. chocolate.. tried not to eat tibits.. and i begin to lose interest in life.. coz i have been missing all my fav. in life..

have i ever mention, i love chocolate so much? have i ever mention i actually love eating supper? have i ever mention i love sweet stuff? have i ever mention i love pringles so much? nah~ all coz im afraid of being fat...

mummy just scolded me for skipping my meals and not eating in time.. she's afraid tat i'll get gastric pain. it's the genetic inheritance, i have gastric problem too. therefore, i actually need to eat my meals in time. if one day, my gastric really cannot take it, i will juz fall into great pain.. HOW HORRIBLE!! i dun wan.. so no more diet for me.. i will juz eat watever i wan le.. heex.. =))

so jessica.. dun think too much alright... bear in mind tat NO MATTER HOW YOU CHANGE AND BECOME in appearance, it's juz the outer only.. wat matter most is your inner. and im glad tat ur dear appreciate it. =)) therefore, dun care so much alright? healthy lifestyle is the best!!

same goes to gal.. pls dun ever say tat you are fat alright... ahem.. coz you aint!!! -_-

reflect from jessica's post.. i also realise tat I'd like to go back to the past for certain things but stay in the present for some things because some things are better back in the past..

good friends are together because they have certain things in common? izzit true? my defination of good friends is.. someone who really understand me. support me in watever i do. correct me wen im wrong.

somehow.. i oso start to feel that im no longer the me from the past till now.. maybe tat the stage called "grown up" bah~

it's true tat.. everyone.. everywhere changes in any moment.. no one will stay at itself for his/her whole life without changing..

watched "My Boyfriend Is Type B" just now.. i got the vcd.. it's a gift from Mr. Chris~~~tmas Boo. =X

really? it can be calculated whether are your blood type suitable for your gf/bf. HOW COOL!! shall find more information on tat aR? btw... i wonder wat's the conclusion of my blood type.. hMmmm..

Research:
According to Japanese researchers, certain personality traits correlate to specific blood types. What do YOU think?

TYPE O "HOT"

Population
Roughly 38% of the world is O +ve and 6% O -ve.

You want to be a leader, and when you see something you want, you keep striving until you achieve your goal. You are a trendsetter, loyal, passionate and self-confident. Your weaknesses include vanity, jealousy and a tendency to be too competitive.

Confident and Strong-Willed, Proud, Dedicated, Sociable, Energetic, Extroverted, Frank, Realist, Showy, Flighty, Generalist, Positive, Independent, Risk-Takers, Dislike taking orders, Insecure, Stubborn & Self-Centered.

Make friends easily and go with flow and grasp opportunity. Quick to start a project or chase an idea. Are good at organizing activities. May have short attention span, and expresses strong emotions. May quickly take opposite views that are deep but not always durable. Classic entrepreneurs and movers and shakers.
Express their emotions but can be swayed by other blood types. Have an intrinsic elegance. Sociable and showy. May be good at adapting to circumstances. Words come easily to them. Not self conscious and will frankly reveal inner feelings. Ambitious, but may have issues with detail. Like to be touch and be touched by others.

TYPE A "COOL"

Population

Roughly 34% of the world is A +ve and 6% A -ve.

You like harmony, peace and organization. You work well with others and are sensitive, patient and affectionate. Among your weaknesses are stubbornness and an inability to relax.

Obedient, Careful, Sympathetic, Self-Sacrificing, Polite, Honest, Loyal, Emotional, Introverted & Nervous.

Are reserved calm and even tempered. Sensitive to public opinion. May be Introverted, shy and nervous or ill at ease with others. May be Pessimistic. Value relationships and are loyal. Hesitant to change. Nature lovers and dislike crowds - need a private place or secret hideaway. Can be indecisive. Good at team work and obey rules. Dislike to touch or be touched by others.

TYPE B "ACTIVE"

Population

Roughly 9% of the world is B +ve and 2% B -ve.

You're a rugged individualist who's straightforward and likes to do things your own way. Creative and flexible, you adapt easily to any situation. However, your insistence on being independent can sometimes go too far and become a weakness.

Cheerful, Optimistic, Active, Sensitive, Kind, Forgetful, unorganized, Noisy, Egocentric

Energetic and have the drive to reach towards goals. May be workaholics. Not the best team players and are individualistic. Do things at one's own pace. Strong personality adventurous. Likes to get one's own way. Are Sociable and enjoy entertaining. Like to touch or be touched by others.

TYPE AB "CARE-FREE"

Population

Roughly 4% of the world is AB +ve and 1% AB -ve.

Cool and controlled, you're generally well-liked and always put people at ease. You're a natural entertainer who's tactful and fair. But you're sometimes standoffish, blunt and have difficulty making decisions.

Social, Easy-going, Sympathetic, Diplomatic, Outgoing, Laid-back, Creative, Unpredictable, Artistic, Flexible, Moody and Brooding.

Blend of opposites. Shy with some and bold with some. Introvert and Extrovert. Unpredictable and may seem to have calm exterior. Strong creative strain. Good at spotting problems and skirting them. Like city environment. Get bored easily. Everything they do is compelling. Never take things for granted. Appear mysterious. Contribute harmoniously to society. Dislike to touch or be touched by others.

interesting right? NOW... guess my blood type.. ahaha..

ANGEL_scribbled * -11:37:00 PM

how men ar..

wat a boring day.... java sux!!! i hate java!! -_-

fliming for the past few days.. TIRING!! trust me.. our talent acting skill improve ALOT ALOT!! weehee!! =)) she can enrol for "zui jia nu zu jiao" sia.. and i...... well... i enrol for "zui jia nu gui"!! ahaha... =X

had a short celebration at my place after fliming.. it's baby's bday.. and we bought a cake to surprise her.. mummy and daddy joined in the fun too.. well, they noe each other ma.. my daddy is so comical.. he was the one tat took out the cake.. and ask us to switch off the lights.. so funny!! and everyone just sing her bday song again.. both english and chinese version.. i tink she enjoyed herself ar? but i tink she will be kind of surprise instead! ahaha.. i tink i look fat in the pic.. OH MY~!! diet diet!!

the last day of fliming, we went out for supper. go ALL the way to chinatown for our porridge.. actually.. i dun lyk to eat "pi dan" but gal only eat tat.. and in order to force her at least eat a bit.. i share with her lor.. so.. ended up.. i din eat the "pi dan". =X

i think there's something wrong with tat guai pei pei!! for no reason, lyk to disturb me so much..!! hmpf.. just so suay.. i alwayz get to sit beside him whenever we are having meals together.. he lyk to "qiang tou pok" with me!! hmpf.. -_- lao da.. pls asked him to behave himself!! =P *bleahx

after supper.. went ALL the way to marine and play arcade.. ahaha.. it's just toooo early to go home.. oPps.. =x

thought it's my off day on wed, but i kind of wake up early still.. or shld i say, i dun have enough slp bah..

went out to meet tat 7 years old silly panda.. catch a movie with him before going off to meet my frenz.. kinda feeling bad coz i left him all alone with nth to do and he din wana go home.. in the end, he found his frenz.. so he went out with them.. =))

meet gal at kBOX.. she is so blur lor.. went for RTT WITHOUT HER WALLET!! waste the trip there. waste the $6. waste the time.. AIYO!! blur gal...

she ordered a whiskey on the rock. WAH~ power.. the first cup only, and she is getting high.. followed by the second cup, she is high le.. anyhow shout and dance le.. smoke smoke smoke.. she keep smoking lyk a smoke machine!! *argh!! angry!! she is a evil gal.. she is a naughty gal.. hmpf!! after kBox.. she still wana drink lor.. in order not to let her eat grass for the rest of the week, kriz brought her home to drink.. wat the..!! she really wana drink until she gone siao sia!!

sch sux a big time today.. im so bored! java is so boring.. sObz.. no more java pls!! home sweet home.. i wana go home!! =((

ANGEL_scribbled * -3:25:00 PM

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

i used to put down everything i do whenever *she needs me.

i used to push away all other gathering whenever *she wanted to meet me.

now that *she got her own company of frenz, i thought i should not disturb her too much?

i din wana drifted apart from *her. coz i still cherish the sister-ship so much. i tried to balance with my dearest and *her. i intro them to know each other, hoping we can get along well and can go out together.

i felt the same when she spent more time with her cliques. wen i wana meet her, the timing is alwayz just so not right.. either she's in school or out with her frenz.. hMmm.. i have bad sense of timing right?

i do feel upset too.. and moodless.. i thought *she will be the one understanding me. i dun wish to neglect both side. therefore, i tried to entertain all.. but somehow *she still feel neglected..

i seldom meet up with *her coz of my busy sch life, project and stuff.. and she seldom have time for me due to her exam, sch and stuff..

i guess, the timing is just not right bah.. -_-

DARLING LING!! listen up alright? ahem.. im not neglecting or forget about you k.. i miss you as much.. love you as much.. and understand tat how busy is our year 3 life!! im really trying my best to meet up and crap together.. somehow maybe in thinking wise.. we changed in mindset. therefore, the feeling is different.. we shall create a new feeling alright? as in.. the mature kind? oh my.. i felt tat im so old.. =x pls... dun anyhow think ya.. and dun be sad or moodless... muackz muackz.. you are still my darling mei.. you are still my dearest and first priority.. weehee!! =))

ANGEL_scribbled * -3:37:00 PM

when stress meets pressure

im bored.. it's now in the middle of lesson.. and im blogging.. how bored can i be.. -_- im starting to lose interest in studies.. and i have been neglecting fyp.. oh my.. i still got alot to do lor.. no time no time.. better buck up!!

a story i came arcoss from the email..

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.

After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade

The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep.

She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year

The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step! I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know
why.

Graduation Day

A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later

Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn`t see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know
that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral

Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read:

I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and
I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be
just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish
he would tell me he loved me!

I wish I did too... I thought to my self, and I cried.

I Love You..

how sweet. how sad. both are deeply in love yet they are just too shy to make the first move. oh well.. in real life, there's really such ppl who miss their chance being together.. eh.... i think im crapping...

im starting to fall... falling apart.. falling sick.. im so weak.. i noe!! tired tired tired.. we need to rush fyp.. need to rush fliming.. need to rush video editing.. need to rush rush rush!! just simply one word.. STRESS!!

apart from tat.. i felt pressure somewher around me too.. dun push me too hard... if not, i will juz run away...........

ANGEL_scribbled * -10:46:00 AM

gal and i pon sch coz we wana "kuang huan"!

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:15:00 AM

lao san, lao da and lao er[me!]

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:14:00 AM

gal and i slacking at TCC

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:13:00 AM

ASh bite chris on 4th July..

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:12:00 AM

my nice nails after $25 manicure.. now is GONE~

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:11:00 AM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! - lao gong & baby

we reshoot all the scene for indoor.. firstly.. the one we took previously is not in the right angle.. secondly.. shadow problems.. thirdly.. not perfect and nice enough!!

editing the video in lab today.. tiring yet im glad to learn something new.. it can be kind of interesting.. heex.. i did most of the part till jessica, gal and lao da got nth to do.. oPPs.. =x

Celebrated baby's bday on sat.. at Chocolate Bar.. and i swear.. i din enjoy at all..!! im really glad tat gal, lao da and darling mei turned up.. if not.. i will be so extra i tink.. lao da left around 1+ for her movie.. but well... we understand.. so lao da.. pls dun be UNHAPPY anymore alright? =)) smilez smilez.. i muAckz you!! *force kiss!! baby was drunk.. very drunk tat day.. -_- i told you all.. she cant drink le ma... ahem!! =x

gal hurt me so much sia... really qi pian my gan qing.. i so wanted her to quit.. but she din.. maybe it's kind of tough.. but hopefully she will quit ya.. coz i dun wan her to regret in future.. some more.. it's ex to smoke.. ahem!! if you wana eat grass.. continue to smoke k..!! hmpf.. but if you continue, i will be sad.. i will throw temper.. i will be angry.. AHEM!! i inform you first.. and LAO DA.. pls dun be affected by lao san.. SHE IS QUITING LE... i have confidence in her.. let's all jia you for her k?? =))

fliming today went off quite smoothly bah.. without meizhen and gal.. we got another helper.. who is my dearest naughtiest brother.. LIM WEI JIE!! jessica mention tat we got to include him in our credits.. ARE YOU SURE? i think he love to be the clapper board-er so much!! ahaha.. maybe we are trained le bah.. lao da never really NG anymore.. and trust me.. WE REALLY SAVE ALOT OF TIME!! ahaha.. no time for joke.. JUST WORK.. how serious we 3 gals are.. weehee!! gal joined us at the later part.. =)

i tink i sacrifice alot.. i wasted my $25 manicure.. and repolish my nails with black and white colour.. NO CHOICE.. im the GHOST!! HOW SAD!! who is going to sponsor me $25 to do another manicure again?? SOB SOB SOB!! other den my nails.. i need to look ugly.. coz ghost aint pretty.. and i need to wear in ALL WHITE.. which i super hate myself in ALL WHITE.. it makes me look so so so so SO FAT!! =(

after fliming.. as usual.. jessica had to go home and we all waited for alan to fetch lao da.. i super feel lyk eating porridge.. so we all set off for my porridge.. trust me.. IM SUPER FULL NOW!! *burps.. =x

tml have to continue shooting again.. hopefully everything can be done by tml.. this i pray hard to whichever god that can fufill my wish!! *pray hard hard!!

p.s i gotta wish the 2 impt person in my life a super duper BIG BIG BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

lao gong - you are 20 this year le.. GROW UP ya.. be more mature.. be strong.. stay positive.. it's not the end of the world.. alwayz remember tat im just a phone call away k.. thx for giving in to me and teng me.. for anything.. any problem.. im alwayz HERE k!! *waves waves

baby - you are oso 20 ya.. oso need to grow up le.. in terms of thinking anf character wise.. we are really very different.. but anyway.. i wana thx you for alwayz being there for me.. giving in to me.. and tolerating my super nasty temper.. i noe to you.. im just lyk a princess with no respect to others.. but duh~ im trying not to be prncess anymore ya.. maybe just tat.. i dun wish to grow up bah.. lastly.. thx for loving me with no condition.. =)

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:33:00 AM

Monday, July 11, 2005

out of the sudden.. i duno wat to blog...

my mind is blank now..

thinking of wat shld i do..

wat im suppose to do..

im not feeling moody...

just feeling a bit blank...

a bit lost......

maybe it's time to reflect again.......

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:40:00 AM

Thursday, July 07, 2005

..........................

ANGEL_scribbled * -11:29:00 AM

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

FYP

i stayed at home to do my fyp.. i need to rush.. i need to jia you le... been neglecting fyp ever since "something" happened.. jessica shld noe and will understand bah.. im sorry.. i will work harder alright. =))

i feel so guilty.. coz someone skipped school bcoz of me.. =( he doesnt wana listen to me... he is being very naughty.. NO NEXT TIME alright? PROMISE? i can be naughty.. but not you.. later your mum come and scold me sia.. =x i think.. im a bad influence sia.. haiz...

but den.. we did enjoyed our day ya.. went to catch a movie at cine.. the show is nice.. and juz so "qiao"... the relationship between the couple in the show took 7 years to have some result... hMmmm.... 7 years...?? ahaha.. im thinking too much... -_-

as usual... pool again.. pool became part of our life le sia.. =x but a lot of fun while playing la... hmmm.. ahaha.. i duno how to state it out.. juz fun bah.. ahaha..

small boy is "disappointed", "angry" or watsoever over me ride on other's bike... he sound aigitated.. yet he said NO.. he.... mind aR? i got no comment.. he din say anything.. but ya... other den "hmpf" and "it's your life"!! he once promise tat i will be the first gal to ride on his bike.. will he break tat promise? anyway.. it doesnt matter.. coz "it's HIS life"!!

shall start on my fyp le.... blog later den....... =))

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:45:00 PM

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

im naughty..

been skipping school this few days...

i admit im naughty... im a bad student... i mixed with "bad friend".. i had "bad influence" from them!! ahaha.. =x OPPS...

nah.. gal been feeling down recently.. accompany her is wat i can do... =)) am glad tat she is feel "okie" for the time being.. hopefully.. she will be okie for the "rest" being!! ahaha.. oh my.. how broken english..

well.. i think i really "enjoyed" this few days.. though gal is not really "in the mood" but, we still did enjoy hor? but den... WE MISS LAO DA BADLY!! -_- SOB!! lao da been "ignoring" us for a few days.. she dun love us anymore!! -_- HOW SAD!!

cannot cannot... i need to buck up on studies le.. NO MORE SKIPPING OF SCH HOR.. gal!!! tat silly panda is suppose to fetch me today.. but he can be tat silly till he duno how to come orchard frm his place.. -_- therefore, i still nv get the chance to get a ride from him.. i shall direct him and teach him how to go den.. ahaha.. went clementi for pool and arcade.. meiyun is addicted to daytona!! she wana drive lyk how she play.. =X ahaha.. but end up, clementi dun have daytona.. sadded!! so we ended up playing stupid games tat is avaliable.. ahaha..

the outing is just playing pool i tink... we almost spent all our time on the pool table.. execpt the time at kbox.. ahaha..

gal is feeling better after kbox right? i believe she is strong enough to overcome everything!! duh~ she is not lyk me.. so soft hearted.. haiz.. i admit.. i very "ruan".. ahaha..

ANGEL_scribbled * -9:51:00 AM

Monday, July 04, 2005

for my darling gal..

specially dun go to work to pei gal.. hope somehow she will feel better... =))

pei her make her nails at taka yest.. den after tat pei her go expo watch car show.. my very first time riding on bike for quite some distance.. i din shout from orchard to expo OKIE.. lao da!! ahem.. but it's true tat im not scared anymore.. heex...

gal ar.. as you said... when it's time to let go.. you will have to let go.. since someone dun cherish you.. why even bother about him?

i believe you will be strong enough to carry on..

i will stick with you no matter what k..

you will be brave to face all difficulties..

you will grow up and be stronger..

you will find your love one soon..

you will not tear anymore..

i will alwayz be here... =))

i might not find the right word to console you.. i might not find the right thing to entertain you.. i might not make you VERY happy.. but den.. i still really pray tat you will cheer up and be the happy-go-lucky you again...

alwayz remember tat im just beside you.. anytime.. anywhere.. okie??

you are not alone.. you wun be lonely coz im HERE!!

you still got me to love you.. still got me to teng you.. alright?

dun tink too much k... =))

you wun let me down de right? you promise to cheer up alright?

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:10:00 AM

im craving..

i begin to crave for chocolate.. o h m y o h m y.... kinder bueno!! -_-

i just realise... im can be so unreasonable at times..

i would say... im a very playful gal.. i can play with NO LIMIT.. throw temper as if everyone owe me something.. i goes against my parent and they got nth to say about me.. daddy alwayz give in to me.. tat's make me the princess at home.. to love me, firstly, gotta accept my unreasonable side.. secondly. tolerate my temper.. thirdly, able to give in to me NO MATTER wat.. fourthly, love me for who i am.. dun change me into who you want me to be!

i admit.. im spolit child.. my dad, my mum, my ex, my frenz... they give in to me too much!! ahaha.. =x

p.s -->> i dun wish to regret.. i dun wish to miss something tat i missed in the past.. i dont want to "try out".. as if i step into a relationship.. it gonna be a long term relationship!!

and im sure... i dun just wana try out..................

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:57:00 AM

Friday, July 01, 2005

Missing Someone

Missing someone is a terrible but at the same time, sweet feeling.
You will be sitting around wondering if you meant anything to him/her.
Thinking if he/she ever cares about you.
Rushing to the phone once it rings hoping that it's him/her.

Looking out of the window hoping that he/she will surprise you by appearing downstairs.
Sitting in front of the television but thinking of him/her,
missing the final episode of your favourite show.
Laying on your bed, thinking of the last time you were out together.
Thinking of how nice it will be to sit under the stars again,
talking about everything, your dreams, plans, future.
Logging on to the internet hoping to see him/her online.
When you realise that he/she isn't online and did not return your call,
you will start worrying if he/she is okay.

Missing someone is a way of growing up i guess.
It exposes you to loneliness.
It teaches you how to cope with being lonely and let you know that there is actually a feeling known as emptiness.

Sometimes it feels good to miss someone.
You know that you really care and you indulge in the feeling of loving/caring for him/her.

But missing someone and not knowing if he/she is feeling the same is terrible.
You feel as if you are being left alone.
So if you miss someone, tell him/her and let them know.
At the same time, ask if they miss you.
Don't let the feeling of missing someone become jealousy or paranoia.
If you are the one being missed and you know it, let the other party know.
If you miss him/her too, tell them.
Don't let them wait.

ANGEL_scribbled * -2:30:00 AM

sch just sux!!

attending lesson just make me super tireD!! -_-

anyway, went out for dinner with the gals and guai pei pei. went lucky for our fav. again!! heex.. =D yummy.. the food is juz so nice!!

guai pei pei's frenz came to meet them. feeling a bit weird.. ahaha.. coz we duno them ma.. heex..
suppose to go home after tat.. but was feeling so sian.. so went to tcc cafe and chit chat. recently, gal and i just love to rot at cafe!! for some reason, we just wana sit down and talk ya.. though without lao da.. feeling a bit empty.. but we understand tat she need to pei her darling.. heex.. =))

i would say.. TCC cafe is a nice place to rot ya. the sofa sit is nice.. and the atmosphere is good. GREAT PLACE to rot with frenz.. but will be nicer if there's a big group of frenz ya.. coz 2 person just make the space so empty.. oh~ we so miss lao da!! we got a 3 person seats.. it's so suitable for the 3 of us!! it seems lyk it is fixed just for US!! ahaha.. =x

went for pool session again.. something "interesting" i noticed!! nowadays, gals lyk to wear low cut and show half of the breast/bra. HOW about the guys?? i was wondering.. finally i found an answer today!! GUYS lyk to show out their boxer!! i saw a guy.. wear a simple tee and a berm. but his berm is half way hanging on his butt, and he showed half of his boxeR!! apart from tat, i can conclude tat he is wearing some boxer which is not his size at all.. coz there's alot of cloth hanging on top of his berm.. whenever he bend down and shoot the ball, it just turn me OFF as i can see almost the whole boxer plus his berm below.. just lyk wearing 3 layers lor.. his tee, boxer den his berm!! TURN OFF RIGHT? i din wana notice.. but i find it super funny..!! so i juz keep making fun!! ahaha.. =x

a gentle remainder.. guys.. boxer dun have to wear until so HIGH!! nowadays, guys have g-string too!! wear the correct one to suit ur pant and dressing pls.. if not, it will juz turn gals OFF!! im SERIOUS!! ahaha.. =x

okie.. for the paragraph above is juz my personal opinion. some gals might think it is SO MAN when guy show out their boxer!! =x

oh ya.. talking about this, how can i not mention about that guy i saw in sch!! firstly.. i saw him in the canteen, wearing a tight fit sleeveless with a jacket over.. at first, i commented, "wah, super hate guys with no figure yet wana wear tight fit!!". Later, i saw him with his jacket off.. which means, i saw his "fit body" with his tight fit sleeveless!! first reaction, "SO MAN!!!" tUrn off man!!! i juz mention, i cannot tahan guys with no figure wearing tight fit and next he took off his jacket!! -_- nowadays.. guys just duno how to wear.. ahaha.. =x

imagine a guy tat is super FIT.. and i mean very super FIT.. and he is kind of close to you, as in your close frenz but just suddenly, he sai-na to you?? how will you react?? i tink i will freak out STRAIGHT AWAY!!!!

k.. im crapping.. but juz thought of it.. therefore blog it down..

i had a sux and boring sch day.. but i had a fun outing with gal and lao da!! =)) overall, enjoyed!!

will be meeting my dearest darling mei tml.. oh my, miss her LOTS!! hopefully, it will be a pleasant outing.. as in, no unhappy event.. =x LET'S PRAY HARD!! i juz miss her lots.. and i wish for a happy time together.. heex..

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:20:00 AM

Thursday, June 30, 2005

BORING

i swear.. it is super boring today.. hMmmm

wanted to skip sch in the early morning.. coz we are just so sian.. coz.. it is JAVA!!

i really hate java la.. cant blame me for skipping sch..

but due to the fact tat, im afraid of my dearest guan yin ma.. who is jessica.. i decided not to go off.. partly oso coz of my grade la.. ahaha.. =x i scared jessica scold sia!! sOb! she is fierce!!

slack for awhile.. den continue with java.. finally get to solve a bit of it ya..

went over to esso for some refreshment.. lao da keep tempting me to get chocolate.. but can say im subborn la... I DIN EAT ANY k... juz so not tempted!! =P

she's mad after the esso trip!! becoming crazy and entertained us with her crap and siao-ness!! ahaha...

i got so many other pic to upload still.. hmmmm.. shall i share it with ALL, lao da?? ahaha.. =x

ANGEL_scribbled * -3:13:00 PM

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

NO MORE CHOCOLATE

i wana be the perfect gal.. the ideal gal in my mind.

if there's a chance to do plastic surgery, i will just ask them to do the "suck out my fats"!! i swear.. i wana slim down. NO MORE CHOCOLATE for 6 months!! I SWEAR!! my dearest gals and friends, pls STOP me frm eating it!!

skipped sch tdy.. coz the problem statement is hard and we just very moodless.. lao da din go with us... hmMmm.. she needs her grade ya... -_-

gal and i went down town for lunch. bring her to the coffee club at taka. quite a nice place to sit down and tok cork ya... recently, we keep finding place to chit chat. juz as if there's a lot to say.. but well, for the content, we understand wat each other mean can le..

meet up with panda in the afternoon.. have a pleasant outing rite? though it ended early.. coz im too tired.. and plus, we forgot to take photo again.. ahaha..

im really tired now.. juz damn tired.. shall turn in damn early today!! wahaha.. nitezz!!

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:36:00 AM

we are "the reflection"! =))

ANGEL_scribbled * -12:23:00 AM

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

gal: i pray for my dearest charmaine tat she will find her love and oso love her de very soon... n she will not cry and b brave to face all difficulties... as i will be a her side to go through this wif her... ah-men!

thankz gal.. for encouraging.. wo hui hen yong gan de. =))

i need to be brave?

i need to grow up?

i need to be stronger?

tears NO MORE!!

i will become a brand new me... for everything i do, no matter wat, i noe i will alwayz have my friends around. EXAMPLE; ling, gal and vAnz.. =))

thanks for being there...

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:08:00 AM

Love is so unpredicable... At times when we have to let go, we need to let go...

Dun be too persistent and hang on there too long... as this may hurt each other more...

Crying is part of our life, it helps us to grow stronger and firmer in our stand...

When you finish crying, tomorrow will be a brand new start...

Im suppose to feel "not good", but duh~ i cant be showing out to everyone. i just shut up and only close one know... -_- presentation just sux today. the team is super naggy... anf tok so much.. juz buay tahan.. presentation suppose to end at 1, in the end drag till 3+..

went lucky for lunch and went to get my 3/4.. not tat bad... it suppose to be baby get it for me.. but... haiz.. nvm...

went over to cine for bubble tea coz both of them wana drink. pool session after drinks and crap at food court. lao da received guai pei pei's call and leave us le... ta bu yao wo men le...

played pool for awhile before we get sian... walked down to hmv while thinking of where to go. gal and i juz wana do stupid thing lor.. wat a waste of money.. but yet, we just feel lyk doing so lor.. was thinking of where to go~~("i suddenly voiced out, coffee shop, have everything!!")

since im in bad mood, i believe taking photo will make me feel better... and i took some pictures with gal at hmv. had fun duh~ [you cant expect me to cry upon taking pic right?] the outcome of the pictures is NICE! going to scan out tml..

(baby) waited for me outside the neoprint shop. she bought a mp3 for me! i eager to return her the money.. but she din wan.. -_- im sorry. i noe i have hurt you. but we just need to grow up bah.. i still care as much for you.. im still here.. im not dead yet.. please dun be upset anymore..

Knowing tat im not in very good mood, gal accompany me go drink.. went to C.A.N cafe for a jug.. the drink and atmosphere there is not bad.. i lyk it, tat's why i suggested to go there. =)) we "gossip" a lot.. shared and talked about alot of things.. den realise actually, we have alot of things in common.. as in the past, relationships, sisters, friends and ex... at least, we understand how each other feel. C.A.N cafe is nice.. we shall bring lao da to go there.. slack and tok more crap!!

thankz gal... for being there wen i needed someone so much.. i will stay strong. i will continue to grow up. i will be brave as i noe you will alwayz be there for me.. =) things tat really do make sense, i will try hard to do it.. but hopefully, i will be hard hearted enough bah..

ps. when will you ever understand how i feel instead? when will you stop blaming on me? when will you stop saying hurting stuff to me? when will you... stop loving me? i dun wish to see you miserable.. neither do i wish to see you cry.. maybe without me, really will be better? we will still be good friend right? yin wei ai.. er li kai..

ANGEL_scribbled * -1:03:00 AM