a long time since i last posted.

went on internship for 3 months during the break before school starts, learnt quite a bit there. both lifeskills and what i was supposed to learn at the internship. fell sick (rather badly) during the internship, but luckily it blew over before sem started.

sem has started for about 6 weeks now. i really have to say that the final year is really different from the previous few years. so much things to do, so little time. so much so that you can literally see the exhaustion from everyone even before the recess week. which has never happened before. the number of readings we have to do, the amount of research involved in getting work done, the amount of running around... it's sheer madness compared to what we had to do before.

it has gotten to the point where i read drama recaps instead of watching the dramas. for fear of wasting too much time on watching the dramas which i can use to do work. it's funny but it looks like inertia does exist even for the mental state. it's hard to get started, but when you do, it's difficult to stop. so much so that it looks pretty much like workaholic behaviour. just last week, i fell asleep in a pile of research papers without meaning to, because i had intended to stay up the whole night.

but i digress.

in the midst of reading the drama recaps for a particular new drama called Nice Guy (also known as 차칸 남자, full name 세상 어디에도 없는 차칸 남자) a thought struck me.

is it possible that some of the world's biggest cynics were once the most naive and gullible of the lot?

you see, the drama is about a guy who does everything within his ability for his so called girlfriend, to the extent of sacrificing his future for her, only to have her betraying him and running off to get married to a rich man while he goes to jail for a crime he didn't commit. upon his realisation of this, he goes all out to get his revenge on her, becoming a manipulative and conniving man, in stark contrast to the sunny and kind guy he was 6 years before.

seeing such a large personality change occur would have been shocking, if not for the background story of the drama. which brought me to ponder: is it possible that the cruelty and mercilessness of the world we live in strike those innocent at heart the hardest, resulting in them hardening their hearts, taking cover behind their shields of cynicism just in case the world hurls something bad at them? it sounds plausible doesn't it? after all, it's a case of survival of the fittest. you either become one of them, or protect yourself so that you don't get hurt by being on the opposite end.

it's sad if it's the case, ain't it.

- da blur gal tripped and fell here @ 12:05 AM

i hate problems that i can't find solutions to.

- da blur gal tripped and fell here @ 11:48 PM

so, basically i haven't been updating this place for quite a while. to cut a long story short, it was one hell of a semester (even though it was supposed to be one with a ligher workload since the rest were on sep), with me having a project and presentation for every single module i took. 5 modules, 19mcs and no sleep basically describes the semester that just passed. struggling with deadlines for the different projects, rushing out term papers and essays along with preparing for the tests and catching up with lectures along the way was no mean feat. Especially with a timetable like mine where i had many days with approx 3-4 hr breaks in between. Cue camping at library computers and trying (and failing) to study due to lack of time (and failure due to lack of sleep). not to mention the poster that took away a whole lot of my sleeping time. all those 4am nights (mornings?)... the grades better be good. assuming the bell curve isn't screwed + my midterm grades won't be enough to screw it up.

anyway, i managed to get an internship at the very last minute. and by that, i really mean it: 4 days before the date marking the start of the internship. a pleasant surprise since i had been resigned to fate that i wouldn't be able to get one. and it's a rather good one too:) my only complaint is that i won't be able to slack off during the hols - especially significant since it's the last 3 month break ever - but hopefully internship will be meaningful enough to make up for that. and there's also still the weekends to relax too. haha.

okay, have to end here now since it's such an ungodly hour now and i have to wake up early tomorrow. hopefully i'll update soon. lol.

- da blur gal tripped and fell here @ 2:47 AM

I don't know if it's just me, but I feel that people with older siblings tend to mature faster in terms of their thinking. not as compared to others, but as compared to themselves if they did not have any older siblings. which has both pros and cons.

for example, you would be able to make more mature and perhaps tougher decisions. which is always good since no one ever wants to make any decision only to regret it 10 years or so down the road. and it always feels good to look back and see that decision you made, and feel proud of yourself for being able to make up your mind and pick the right thing to do.

but maturing faster mentally also has its downside. the same example of decision making applies. Being more matured in thinking means that more time is spent worrying when making decisions, since one would tend to take into consideration more things, take into consideration both the big and the small picture, take into consideration both the short run and the long run before making up one's mind. And this is not always the best thing for us. Life is short after all. All that time spent worrying, is it worth it? No one knows. And no one will ever know, will they?

So, is having a matured thinking for one's age always a good thing?

- da blur gal tripped and fell here @ 6:41 PM

爱不是一方的呵护与宽容对上另一方的接收与任性。这样，只会导致这段感情的毁灭。

双方的付出与双方的谅解，才有可能让爱维持下去而走得更长久。

- Dream High 2 前十集的观后感言. Haha.

我想，我要谁跟谁在一起已经很明显了吧。可是我还是觉得这是不会发生的。因为Dream High 的 pairing 每次都会跟我想象的不一样。好像刻意跟我作对似的。Lol.

- da blur gal tripped and fell here @ 12:38 PM

i haven't felt so lost in such a long time.

it's really tempting to just throw in the towel now and give up. because i don't think it would make too much of a difference anyway.

maybe i just wasn't cut out for this at all. maybe i'm just not as good as i thought i was. maybe i'm just not good enough.

maybe i should just give up trying?

i don't know anymore.

- da blur gal tripped and fell here @ 12:05 PM

just had a sudden thought.

as children, we play without a care in the world, speak our minds whenever something's bothering us, laugh at pretty much everything and anything. but at this point in our lives, we have the least control of what happens in our lives.

As we grow up, we gain more knowledge and more control over life. but we lose our entertainment to job duties, keep our thoughts bottled up (leading to communication breakdowns), are rarely or even ever amused by anything at all.

when we reach old age, we start to let go. we find time to spend with our friends again, speak our mind more because others are more obliged to listen to their elders, and laugh more because we realise then that life is too short to take things too seriously.

so essentially, we are living the prime of our lives in our worst states.

what has society done to us?

- da blur gal tripped and fell here @ 10:05 PM