Showing posts with label living with HIV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label living with HIV. Show all posts

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Broken Wings



It's another Thursday for my check-up in the H4 Ward. Today, I was with Fred, an ex of mine who is also infected. Both of us arrived early knowing that it could be pretty crowded every Thursdays, however, despite of us being very early, we end up being the 13th and the 14th in the line. The morning was usual, after lining up, we went to the nearest fastfood and had breakfast then went back. Fred wasn't feeling well when we got there, his tummy has been in pain since he woke up and the medicines he had with him almost didn't help. After a few hours, my code and alias was finally called, it was my turn. The doctor checked my list of vital signs for the day which was all normal and asked a few questions regarding how I am adjusting with my new medicine. I said I am still experiencing fatigue and dizziness most of the time, but each time is becoming more tolerable. The doctor gave me a list of blood chem to do, so I'll be back there again. I forgot to check on how much medicines I have left, tsk. Better be back next Thursday to get my supply.

It was Fred's turn after me, same doctor. He was there for a check-up and to find out his CD4 result, and of course, to have his tummy checked. Patients are already pouring in the doctor's office and Fred's check-up was taking a while so I decided to go out.

I bumped into the Female OFW that I blogged about two entries ago; she lost her baby during birth. I asked how is she, she's still in shock, but staying strong. She said that she was discharged just in time to be at home for her eldest's 8th birthday. She can walk normally now, and she looks stronger. She may have lost her baby, but she regained her life back, somehow. I left her for a while to check who are still in the ward and came back to her with questions. What happened to Topher (Wiggly 3) and Sonny (Wiggly 1). She said that Topher's mom wanted his son to be transferred to a different hospital because Topher's condition is not getting any better and is having a hard time sleeping at night. Sonny was transferred to RITM for some reason, he developed several infections. The last time I saw Sonny, he was almost just skin and bones; that time the father said to me that he wouldn't want to eat anymore and is getting weaker and weaker.

I may not know Sonny personally nor I was close to his family and I never have spoken to him. He was the first one who was at the bed at my right when I was confined. For a few days I saw how he struggled, I saw how he cried in pain, I saw how he endured every high fever attacks he had every single night. I saw how sad he was, I saw pain through his eyes in the rare moments our eyes would cross. I saw how his father would wipe and clean up his frail body everyday and how his mom would embrace him when he is having chills at night. I saw how he fought and how his parents stood by him, yet he lost the battle. Sonny died after a few days of being transferred to RITM. It's very heart breaking for me to know that he had moved on, he was only in his early twenties, and I just saw him alive 2 weeks ago.

Fred sent me a text message while I was waiting at the Ward's lobby... He said that his CD4 count is now at 97. I was shocked by the news. I was so in shock that I didn't know what to reply. The gloomy day just became gloomier and gloomier. It's a fact that anyone with a CD4 count of below 200 with one or several opportunistic infections will be diagnosed as someone with an HIV Clinical Stage 4, or someone with AIDS. I am so sad with the news, I almost couldn't bare all the heart breaking stories I found out this morning. Fred's tummy is still under observation and he has a long list of lab work to be done, and some medicines to relieve the pain.

Now that someone very close and dear to me is going to a battle of his own. I want to be there for him.

Fred, you will never be alone in your battle. I will always be here for you, we will fight this dreaded condition together, and we will not only survive, but we will live. So hold on, and we will move forward and fight.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

Saturday, August 27, 2011

The Mask


I am in the bus going home from work as of this writing. I started wearing medical masks of the ordinary kind the very first day I started working again, which was 2 weeks ago. I am now in the day shift which makes me take the train less, so I take the bus more often than ever before to and from work. Regarding the mask, today, and I mean just earlier, when the bus was so full; I noticed that no one wants to sit beside me. I am currently sitting in the 3 seater seat near the very back of the bus and an old guy in his early 40s (I think) is sitting beside the window on the same seat where I am at. I caught him staring at me like I'm some sick guy. Earlier, the bus was so full, there were a lot of people standing, and almost nobody dared to sit beside me even if I was already moving towards the window. I think there were only two people who sit beside me and both transferred seats when they had the opportunity, even if the seat was only in front of where they were and it was just as full.

So this mask makes me look like some sick guy? It does bother me in a way, it did actually, but why would I be bothered about what other people think about me, when it is my own health that I am protecting. They are just effing scared, I can't blame them; so am I, I don't want to catch any opportunistic infections along the way while I'm commuting.

In all fairness, I was hurt.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Confined in San Lazaro Hospital H4 Ward (part 2)

Part 1 here 

DAY 3 - Sunday, my 3rd night in the hospital, was very emotional for me. Dad's wife showed concern by coming to the hospital to see me, which she rarely does, well, she rarely see me anyway; this time she did. Anne's entire family came to the hospital to visit me, all of them cooked something for me. Angel, went to visit me with a bag full of cheesecakes and beef tenderloin in mushroom sauce. Anne's ex-boyfriend's family and friends came to see me too; which was very unexpected and we were all wondering how did they find out. We had a little feast on my bed that day, it went on until early evening. Every caught up with one another and Angel met Anne's family for the first time. It was a wonderful night indeed. I was very full, and sleepy after all that eating. Angel stayed after everyone went home. He stayed and we talked for a while, all the while he held my hand and showed me how much he cared and how he dearly misses me. I missed him too.

DAY 4 - Monday, early morning, Fred (one of my exes), came by to see me before he gets his blood extracted for his 3rd CD4 count. He bought someone along with him, a friend of his whom I met in one of his birthday parties in the past, he is also a PLHIV now. After Fred went to the SACCL clinic for his blood extraction, doctors came to do their rounds. One of the more tenured doctor ordered Wiggly#1 and #2 to be transferred to the male ward because they have fever, while Rico, and Marsha to be transferred to the female ward. The goals is to have all patients with fever in one room and those without to another. Good thing I didn't have any fever on that day anymore. So there we were; me, Rico, Marsha, bikiniboy and the female OFW all in one room. Rico and bikiniboy were already close, so as Rico and Marsha. I asked dad to bring my Monopoly board game so I can play with my roommates to get rid of boredom. So we did play monopoly; Rico, Marsha, bikiniboy, and Rico's older brother. We started late afternoon and until the early evening, we played on bikiniboy's bed while we drag our IV stands along. Everyone was so excited and noisy that some of the nurses had to come by to our room to hush us down. My dad had to interrupt us several times because we weren't eating at all; we were so all into the game. So we had our dinner (food ration) together using bikiniboy's table and everyone sat and ate together. After eating, it was already 8 PM, just in time for everyone's medicines. My dad went home, and after a while the nurse came by to inject diphenhydramine on my IV tube. At first, as the drug goes into my veins and I felt a jolt of pain in my arms, but I felt all light and funny after a short while, and I dozed off.

THE CHARACTERS I MET

Rico - an OFW, he said he thinks he got the virus while he was in the middle east and doing sidelines as boy-for-pay because he needed the extra money. He entered some bikini open contests locally, that's where he met bikiniboy. The two had a thing in the past. He also told me that he is seeing someone lately and that guy doesn't know he is a carrier. I told him to better tell the guy as soon as he can before things get too deep. I told him that if the guy accepts as what he is right now, that he must be truly sincere in his intentions. So Rico did tell the guy the same day I told him so. The guy he is seeing went to visit him in the hospital and they talked. So after a while, Rico introduced the guy to us as his boyfriend, the two were all flirting inside our room. Rico then asked his new boyfriend what if he gets infected because the condom broke? His boyfriend told him it is okay to be infected by him because he loves him so much. Okay wait..! I thought I did not hear that statement correctly! Yes I did, that is just fuckin' stupid! Why would anyone be so foolish to have a mindset like that? It is okay to be infected by the one you love? Don't you love your own life? Fine, it may be selfless, but didn't he already see what are we going through? That same mindset, I think, is one very careless way to be infected and die! 

Bikiniboy - Is from the province. we call him "contesera" because he joins one bikini contest after another, and that is all he does. His mom sells food in construction sites and on the streets and they have a little sari-sari store. He has several siblings and his ex-boyfriend who is also a PLHIV lives with them; who watches over the store and his siblings. He has pretty eyes, and that's it. You don't want to hear him talk because of his provincial accent and annoying high pitched voice, but he's nice.

Wiggly#1 - A young lad from the province, he's around 21 or 22, I think, I can vaguely remember his age. He was fragile looking because he was so thin and his skin became dark because of the ARVs. He has a sharp nose and deep set eyes, he has the facial features that would have that piercing look. He's almost as tall as me. His parents never knew he has HIV until the day he got sick. So sick he almost couldn't walk anymore and has several infections including UTI. Wiggly#1 often gets fever attacks during the early evening and at dawn. He chills so much it scares the hell out of out me. They even need a lamp to warm him up and wrap up in plastic bags to make him sweat then wrap him in several layers of blankets. As the days go by I notice his eyes turn yellow, and the nurses told them that an option to be transfered to the ICU was open for wiggly#1, I saw tears of devastation came out from his mom's eyes.

Wiggly#2 - 20 years old, a very bright boy. All he does when he was not having fever attacks was to read books, not novels, but science books. I have the impression that this boy is a geek. I got to talk to his mom one day and she said his son finished college ahead of his peers, he was a scholar from highschool through college and was a teacher by profession. He was one of the youngest teachers to ever taught in the school (name not to be mentioned anymore). He had to quit teaching when he got sick, he was planning to be a professor one day, because all he wanted was to teach; his mother told me. The mother only knew of his condition when he got so sick, but wiggly#2 already knew he has HIV way back, he just kept it all by himself and he never asked for treatment, until it got worse.

Wiggly#3 - 25 years old, from the outsourcing industry who quit his job because he cannot work anymore, he's just too sick. His mother only knew of his condition when he got hospitalized. Wiggly#3 never knew he has HIV until he was confined to a hospital near their place and the doctors don't know what to do anymore, so they asked him if he wants to have an HIV test, because the medicines weren't working at all. He tested positive, he was then asked to transfer to San Lazaro Hospital. There, they found out he only has a CD4 count of 10. He's the middle child amongst 7 siblings, his mom is the one with him in the hospital. He has pneumonia, his fever almost never goes away, and he is already becoming all skin and bones.

The female OFW - She's pregnant with a baby she never wanted. She was working in Malaysia when she was raped. It was how she got the virus and got pregnant. All the while, her relatives thought she was still in Malaysia, working. She's in hiding right now, because she can't face her family in her present condition. Her husband is taking care of her as she recovers.

Alexis - Was already in the H4 ward for two years. He was already skin and bones when I saw him, and he looked so fragile that a mere touch might seem to break him apart. He always sleep on his side facing the wall. He always wears a sando and pair of boxers. They say that he was confined for 9 months the first time, it was then he knew he has HIV, he began to lose his sight until he got completely blind, one complication of HIV. He is back in the hospital because he was bleeding through his stool. his mom and nephew diligently watches over him. I saw Alexis' face for the first time while I was talking to his mom. He almost just a skull, he obviously has nice facial features in spite of all the wasting that occurred. He has a dominant jaw line and high cheekbones with a very sharp bridged nose. I wanted to look at his eyes, but I was too scared to do so.

Marsha - I got his attention when I played Donna Cruz's hit "Kapag Tumibok Ang Puso". He just stood up and went dancing to the exact dance steps of that song! I was laughing my ass off while watching him, he was so full of energy! After he danced, he grabbed a broom and started cleaning the whole room. He was still in the male ward when I first met him. He is just so full of life, he's so funny that he makes everyone burst out laughing. He is the only one who can make wiggly#3 laugh so hard he almost fell out of his bed laughing. He has the typical "pa-girl" type attitude and lines that makes everyone around him light-up and laugh. He is no longer a cross dresser anymore 'though. He has a sister who is a tomboy, so the two of them literally switched genders. He is also strong, in every sense of the word. With his IV still attached to his wrist, he cleans the room, cleans the rest room, if there's no water in the restroom, he gets water from outside all by himself. He was even able to fix the female ward's ceiling with a hammer. When he transferred from the male ward to the female ward where I was at, he even carried the wall fan from his old bed to his new bed, and he installed it all by himself. Marsha, was already there for two months because of a fungi in his brain. He had a Lumbar Tab procedure done to get spinal fluids to be cultured and find out if the medicines were able to eliminate the fungi. The lumbar tap procedure was done in the ward and everybody watched, including me of course. It was scary, the doctor drilled a hole to his spine! and we all saw how the clear spinal fluid was dripping into a small glass bottle. After the procedure, Marsha was told not to move and eat for 8 hours. We were all worried. After several hours, Marsha was very quiet, we were worried, until... He talked in a husky voice and requested for Donna Cruz's Kapag Tumibok Ang Puso to be played, so I did. While I was playing the requested song in full volume through my phone, he was dancing along to the song while he was lying in bed and with his eyes closed! We all smiled and said "he's okay and back to normal". After a while he yelled for the nurse and said "Pabilisin niyo ang oras! nagugutom na ako!" We all laughed and said, welcome back Marsha, you are indeed fine and well. The said procedure is so dangerous that he is the only living survivor of it, it was already his second lumbar tab procedure. The others who underwent such a procedure weren't able to survive, after it; they just stopped taking, responding, functioning, and they eventually die.

THE EXPERIENCE

The male ward where the wiggly boys are, is what I call the fever ward; because everyone in there have severe fever. During late nights, that room seemed to be a greenhouse with yellow lights focused on giant cocoons of wiggling worms. All of them are shivering in their beds at the same time they seem to have a choreographed dance number. They seem to do a wiggle dance every night, they all looked like giant worms wrapped in cocoons 'though. They may look funny, but they are dangerously ill.

The picture below was taken by me after bikiniboy cleaned our restroom, because before, we have to cross to the other room just to use the restroom. Bikiniboy then decided to just open up the locked restroom in our room (the female ward) that says "Out of order" and check out why it is out of order. I had a Lysol cleaner with me and Rico asked his older brother to buy muriatic acid. Bikiniboy spent more than an hour cleaning the restroom, and he found out that the only thing wrong there was the faucet. So we asked for the plumber to come over and fix it, he was able to, but the water just wouldn't flow as fast as in the other restrooms. We just have to live with it. We have the cleanest restroom in the whole H4 ward 'though. So because we have the cleanest restroom in the whole ward, Marsha did not want just anyone to use it. So he posted a sign as you see in the picture below. SP_A0097
I had a great time in the hospital. The female OFW, Rico, Bikiniboy, and Marsha and me... We all ate together, laugh together, play cards together, share our stories with each other. I've met a lot of interesting characters, and seen different faces of HIV that I only see in photographs. I saw different Opportunistic Infections, specially the scary ones. I met the nicest nurses and had a great laugh with Marsha's antics! The female ward eventually became the Becky Ward! Our usual routine was breakfast, shower, then sleep, lunch, sleep, afternoon monopoly and card games, dinner, meds, sleep. Sometimes Anne's dad, Angel, or Rico's mom or brother would bring lots of food to share with everyone, so we give away our food rations to the other "bantays" who cannot afford to eat. On most nights, since the female ward became the becky ward, nurses would often go to our room to hush us down. There was even one incident that we were so noisy that the guard came to our room and told us the the noisy ones will be escorted outside the ward... Yeah right! Whatever! Female OFW never went out of her bed except when going to the rest room, but when we were already becoming noisy and were having fun, she joined in and started walking around too! She too became so noisy the nurses had to tell her to quiet down. Everyone in the room got well, so well, that me, Rico, and bikiniboy got discharged on the same day. While female OFW was told she needs only one last blood transfusion and she will be released. Marsha on the other hand needs to stay because he needs to wait for the results of his spinal fluid culture.

I technically spent 6 days in the H4 ward. It was an experience worth remembering, but I don't want to be confined ever again.

Thank you so much to everyone who visited, gave food, brought books, made me laugh, bought laptops and MP3s players, and those who pleasantly surprised me. I appreciate all your efforts, thank you so much!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Confined in San Lazaro Hospital H4 Ward (part 1)

It was August 3, morning, Wednesday. I was on my way to San Lazaro from work, when I started to feel unusually tired. When I arrived in San Lazaro to have some lab work done, I was already feeling weak, so weak that I could barely walk far. I decided to go to the H4 ward to have a temperature check or perhaps an impromptu check-up, but all my vital signs were normal, so the nurses told me to go home and take a rest; so I did. In the train, I was so weak I can barely hold tight on the metal bars for support or even on the over head bars. Good thing I was able to find myself a seat. I was able to go home safely that day. A few hours after I arrived home, my fever shot up to 40 degrees. I called up the ward to tell them what happened and what to do. They told me to take paracetamol tablets. The next day was my check-up; so I'll have everything checked on that day.

Check-up day came, August 4, 2011. I was feeling a bit better, dad drove me to the hospital that morning. My fever was intermittently high on some hours and I have to take paracetamol for it to go down. I was inside the car the whole time because I was so weak to even sit on the plastic chairs in front of the ward. When it was my turn to be checked, the doctor asked me if I wanted to be confined, I said no. Although he warned me that anytime that I feel something else aside from the fever, I need to be confined right away, the doctor also told me to observe anything unusual so we can determine what causes the fever.

August 5, 2011, I woke up in the morning and saw my arms with bright red spots. I told my dad who then just arrived from the market. He told me to pack my things, I am going to be admitted. While we were in the car, I started informing people that matters that I am going to be confined. Everybody responded with well wishes. I was soon to know who will visit. When we arrived at the hospital, the doctors were on lunch, so we have to wait a couple of minutes more. My fever started to get high again so I was shivering at the ward's lobby, I laid myself down on one of the benches and slept. My name was called after some time, and a wheelchair was waiting for me to take me to the doctor's office. I told the doctor I am ready to be admitted, so the doctor arranged all the needed documents. A bed in the female ward was prepared for me along with other male patients who were just kids. The only female patient in that room was a pregnant girl. we'll call her Female OFW.

DAY 1 - It was my first time to be confined in a public hospital. This is better than nothing at all, I cannot afford to to be in the pay-ward anyway. I was put in the female ward, with only 1 female patient and with three males; all three were in their early twenties. The room was around 50 square feet with green walls and screened windows. There were 5 beds that were made of old hospital metal frames and some foams already have cracked because of age. My bed was the one with the cracked foam and was at the very end of the row of beds. At my right was a kid with both of his parents at his side who frequently has severe fever attacks at night, let's call him wiggly#1. On my left is a small space where some stuff are stored a bit further down and was Female OFW's bed, and at the foot of my bed is bikiniboy, the twenty something provincial lad who was confined because his body reacted violently to Nevirapine. At my far right was a twenty year old someone from somewhere in NCR, let's call him wiggly#2. While my dad was at the mall shopping for supplies I need. A friend from work who lives nearby was the first one to visit me with her boyfriend. We had a little chitchat and we caught up with some stuff at work and about her kid. She helped me settle down some of my stuff I brought with me. My dad came back in the room late afternoon and my friend and her boyfriend had to go, we had fun catching up. My mom came late afternoon and I told her to have dinner with my dad. While the two were away I was left alone on my bed, half asleep, when the mother of wiggly#2 told me that I was bleeding. I looked at my hand and saw a fountain of smooth flowing blood gushing out of my wrist. My IV tube went out, thus, the bleeding. The blood was gushing out so fast that almost half of the bed-sheet got wet of blood. Infairness, I was at awe on how much blood gushed out and how beautiful the flow was that I almost did not bother to stop it from bleeding. The next thing I knew was that my hand was full of fresh, warm blood, and so as the sheets. The nurse came and and immediately wore his gloves, took the paper towels at my stainless steel desk and stopped it from bleeding. Half of my bed was full of paper towels because I have to pat it dry. My IV tube was then transfered to my right wrist. Anne, my best friend was the one who was with me on my first night in the hospital. I asked my dad to go home and take a rest. Anne was very diligent on checking my temperature and wiping my back and changing my clothes. I never knew she would do it, not until that day. She bought DVDs and a player with her. So after watching a flick, we slept. She was not able to slept soundly because I kept on coughing and moving around all night and I was sweating like a roasting pig with my pink-rashed skin.

DAY 2 - More visitors came by to greet and bring food. Anne's dad dropped by and brought food during lunch time. I also was able to get to know more patients as I my fever goes down and I was able to walk around inside the ward. I was able to talk to a mom of a mid-20-something boy who has a CD4 count of 10, let's call him wiggly#3. Who struck me the most was Alexis, more of him later. Rico, was a former OFW, he was confined at the same day I was and because of high grade fever. There was Marsha, a loud, flamboyant, and very funny gay guy who was already there for more than two months because of a fungi infection in his brain; because of HIV. Wiggly#3, Alexis, Marsha, and Rico were at the room opposite to the female ward, that's the male ward, with a brighter atmosphere and big windows with plenty of fresh air circulating. Marsha, is so loud that he screams when he is in pain or wants attention from everyone. I noticed him when he was yelling... "ANG SAKIT... ANG SAKEEET SAKEEET... NG ULO KO!'. All the nurses came running to his bed and I came to the door of their room to see what the commotion was about. He asked the nurses if there is are pain relievers he can drink to ease his headache, he said "Nurse, may gamot ba?" ...all the nurses said was "wala kaming kumot Marsha eh, wala nang extra". Marsha said, "Aanhin ko ang kumot, kelangan ko ng gamot! Jusko"! I walked back to my bed with a grin on my face. Night of day two, I asked my dad to go home. I am strong enough to take care of myself anyway, even if I have an IV inserted on my wrist. I don't need someone to watch over me at night. So he went home that night and I chatted with the other patients until bed time came.

Part 2 here

Friday, June 11, 2010

One night passion with Mr. Drinker

Last week of May... It was Sunday, early evening, I just woke up and got several missed calls and text messages from my friend Ruth, she wants us to have dinner. I immediately texted "what"? She replied "Japanese", I replied "where", she sad "_____" (the name of the restaurant that I can't remember anymore), I said "time", she said "in an hour", I said "See you".

While I was preparing for our dinner date, I logged in to PR, checked my Facebook and a few emails from work. Then a message came in my PR, I clicked on the notification and there was already an attached photo. He looks nice, although I can no longer remember what the message was, I intentionally deleted his message in my PR inbox as later on you will know why.

Conversations started, a few messages were exchanged, until he asked for my address and directions on how to go to my condo. I said "sorry, but I am ging out for dinner with a friend, let us text instead". We exchanged numbers. We were texting almost non-stop as I was on my way to the Japanese restaurant somewhere in Tomas Morato.

A few hours later, I was going home, I did not text him that I was about to go home. He did text a few minutes when I rode the cab. He asked where I was and I said "On my way home, want to have a few bottles at my place?" and he replied "what's the quickest way to your place, let's have wine".

We did not have wine, we had beer and vodka instead. He arrived at the gates of my condo with a laptop bag and a bottle of Vodka, I bought a few bottles of beer from the nearby store, and we started to drink.

I knew so little about him while we were exchanging messages online and texting, I did not even ask where he lives or what he does for a living. Personal backgrounds and life stories unfold as the morning draws near. It was amazing on how much we have in common, and I felt gravity between us. I was astonished when he said he's a professional photographer aside from other jobs he does that includes creativity and art. He has a passion for tattoos, same as me, and he showed me his. I was surprised on how much we have in common when it comes to music, he listens to almost every music genre I listen to. It was such a wonderful night conversing with him. We finished the beer and he opened the bottle of vodka that I left in the chiller. We are dumbfounded on how to open it. I then handed him a knife and we opened it together, he accidentally popped out a glass ball from the bottle's small opening and he quickly put it in his mouth like candy. I stared at him in wonder.

We drank more and more as we listen and compared our music collections in our Macs. I have an old Mac Mini, he has an old Macbook. He has a Canon DSLR, so am I.

There was this unforgetable track he played from his Macbook's music collection, it made me shiver and I had goosebumps all over. It was a song from Zoeey Deschannel,the actress in the movie 500 Days of Summer, she was a singer and has a band before she became an actress. The title of the song was Take it back. We listened to it with so much attention and I was awestruck with Zooey's voice, I smiled at him and thanked him for letting me hear such sweet and beautiful music. He noticed my goosebumps and touched them with such wonder and warmth.

I switched to playing tunes from my iPod that was connected to my mini component, I played Lisa Ono. Things started to heat up between us, fires of passions started to burn as we sweat heavily. Suddenly, while we were at it, tears suddenly dropped from my eyes... I told him to stop; party pooper huh?! I said to myself that he has to know something if we are going to do it.

I did, tell him... About my secret.

We stopped and he said... "You're still normal". He asked when did I knew about it and how I was. He said, that there's nothing wrong with me and I can still dream and live life. We sat on the bed, he moved to the black, solid wood headboard of my bed and he took me in such a warm embrace, saying that I have to continue dreaming and fulfill each one. I have years to live and I have to become alive, I said "I already know that". He smiled, we kissed. He said that we have to continue dreaming to live, what is there to live for if we stop dreaming and just be contented with a monotonous life, we might as well die if that will be the case. He made me smile and his words fueled the fire of hope within me.

We got up from the bed and went back on the floor to drink more, as well as for more of "that". The night continued with such passion and careful movements. Of course, we have to be very careful, I don't want anyone to get sick because of me. It was a long, sweat laden, hot night. We slept on the floor at the break of dawn.

We woke up kissing each other gently. I can smell his alcohol breath and feel his warm sweaty skin.

He said he is dating someone, but he is not committed. Before we parted ways, we kissed in his car and bid each other with sweet smiles on our faces. We barely text each other now.

Whatever his intentions was at the first place, it was worth being with him. Whether it was just a one night fuck or whatever, everything was worth it. He made me feel alive, most importantly... Normal. We shared a moment of our lives within a few hours and I learned a lot from him. It has been a long time that I have met someone with such passion in life as he is.

Like tattoos in his body and mine, he left me with his perspectives marked on my soul.

The video below, is a video of a song he left playing in my head... As he disappears into the metropolis of wherever.