nostalgia.

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Tuesday, July 31, 2007

5:54 PM

Words dislodged procrastination. Thanks (:

Been thinking harder after IT came. I think i finally found why i should do what i'm supposed to do for these 3 months.

Scored dismally for one of my proudest essays and its essay common test tmr. Just hope that there'll be a breakthrough. It's gonna be a long week. Sighs. Time to get moving!

hazy

Sunday, July 29, 2007

12:24 PM

At the time i'm typing out this post, there's 92 more days to go before the milestone arrives. With each passing moment, it draws nearer and nearer. Just hope that i would be sufficiently prepared for it by then.

It sucks when you know that its not a matter of whether you can study or not but rather, whether you want to study or not. The dread keeps churning on the inside but nothing good comes out of it. Guess the pre-prelims would be a good time to gauge if i'm operationally fit for the big A (:

On a lighter note, this week's getting better than most weeks this year, in BOTH aspects. Surviving this week was a MIRACLE, with so many deadlines and latenights. Again, we can't compare but yeah. Lesser-beings lol. Night study on friday was the most productive session i ever had. Tension in the air in the later part which remained for the hours to come.

Not sure if its something good but unclejohn officially announced to the 12 of us there yesterday that we only had 2 youths and the rest were young adults. Its really really amazing how time flies. From lil puny youths to hunky and mature young adults lol :P
Spoke on the way home.

spaced

Thursday, July 26, 2007

3:40 PM

Words have failed and efforts become futile. What comes next?

no?

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

5:07 PM

As the title suggests, something is stacking. WORK!

Thought that i would have made better use of my time after mids to change my previous lifestyle of slacking but yeah. Sighs. At this rate, it would be pretty stupid pitting myself against faggy cai. Like mrkwek said, 96 days to go, including all the prelims, weekends and yeah. Time really aint on anyone's side.

It's really weird having your mood behaving like some transverse wave but yeah. Lunch-ed with gay at macs since we ended early today and i was having a really bad flu. It's always sweet to have a gay around to talk and listen to. No secrets, no facades and most importantly, no sabo-ing (:

Great to use words when they are heeded and not dismissed. At least they conveyed a perspective of something today. Yeah.

shelter

Sunday, July 22, 2007

5:32 PM

Expectations can be scary. Since young, it's always been my folks dishing out what they want from me. It's weird how things have changed today. As usual, i found myself thinking inside. However, while i was doing so, it suddenly dawned on me how i was wasting away.

Though the situations weren't really favourable, managed to meet up these 2 days. It was funny how time flew and the next moment, i realised the time was up. All this while, bro was troubled and i couldn't really fathom why it kept recurring. Now that i'm slowly easing into his shoes, i'm starting to feel him. It's just difficult to put it in words.

Having experienced the past week, i'm starting to wonder if the resolve would be sufficient.

I know this is a pretty disjoint post but yeah.

eclipse

Thursday, July 19, 2007

9:51 PM

If intentions and thoughts were energy, words must the waves by which they are transmitted.

Usual routine in the morning. Feels weird but right.

2 men down and school felt so different. The revision sapped me totally. I felt as if this was only the start of some super long marathon. Worn out by the time i stepped out of class after chem. Even so, i wasn't released from the bondage of the heavy responsibilities of a JC student. I was squeezed by the fears of not doing enough. This WAS weird! I never ever felt it this strongly before. Feels like a slow but imminent suffocation.

Spoke to her. Wrong place, wrong time, and wrong mood. I'm starting to suck at these kind of things. I was never so tongue-tied or at a loss so frequently before. This IS weird. But somehow, i get the feeling that i have never been more right.

Dropped by to show L some love since he was absent and poor thing had some bandage. Felt bad that i had to leave so soon cos of the heavy workload for tomorrow ):

bared

Monday, July 16, 2007

7:18 PM

We met up before school today. She looked pretty funny carrying two big bags of art stuff. And they weren't exactly light la.

Breakfast after that with the usual (: I finally understand how gay felt when he ate that prawn last time. Almost late for assembly but she decided to run in the end. Hahas. Wassup with looking glam lol.

Today was lecture day. Managed to kinda bump into each other during breaks somehow lol. Gay was buried in his deep thoughts today. Guess we found our trademarks at last.

WEIRD inter-floor incident la. We didn't really know what was going on 'cept that things got more and more weird lols. But at least nothing really pessimistic happened (:

CUTE

Sunday, July 15, 2007

12:07 AM

Sighs. Came online as soon as i could. Didn't want a similar incident to repeat itself.

Who knew that the com was so screwed up, thanks to fatone for dl-ing all his crap here.

Wanted to have a proper chat for once since days dragged on. Hope that this won't cause any misunderstandings. Can't log on msn for some weird reasons. Gonna grill the fatone tmr and see what he has done.

OKAYS! Time for a summation for today. Morning was alright. My resolve to do productive things with the time i had waned as more distractions came. The smses kinda kept me on track. Only managed to settle econs file and part of maths file today. Gonna finish 2-3 tutorials if i have the DISCIPLINE tmr.

Hudinator called, saying there was a GUEST speaker for youth today. Since the family thing was postponed to next week, i was free. It was a pleasant surprise to see Prasad there today. Man. He used to be our youth pastor and the one who really made christianity more than just a religion. While we had our quarrels and unhappy moments, no one could actually say that he wasn't the best youth pastor we had. The sermon he gave today seemed too short. I could only think back while he preached. He looked as if these 2 years have never passed but looking at one another and seeing how we have grown and come into our own, it kinda fills me with mixed feelings.

Played some card game after dinner with the youth at macs. At least this could be a bonding session since we're all so caught up in our current lives that we're hardly as bonded as we were, compared to the past. This feeling of familiarity kinda sticks on me.

give?

Saturday, July 14, 2007

9:41 AM

To say that this week was heaven or hell would be doing it injustice. Like any other week, it had its fair share of ups and downs. WIS gang and nic made the difference(you did, too).

Kept misconceiving. Hahas. I keep doing dumb things and thinking along imaginary lines to screw myself up. Things were never as bad as i thought them out to be. Time has shown me how somewhat blessed i am (:

The dreaded results finally came. I didn't study properly nor sufficiently but inside, i still awaited my results with bated breath. The keeness to see how i fared kinda tugged at me for the early part of the week. The bombshells dropped, one by one. It reached a point where i couldn't face myself anymore. Physics was my saving grace. Though it wasn't exactly my favourite subject, it never let me down. Chem and econs were wreckers. Should have been kinda exhilarated over gp but i wasn't and i know why. Moods can be intertwined at times, weird as it may seem. Not exactly a bad thing though.

Wanted to go home straight after school yesterday but deep down, i couldn't. Didn't think that i could look them in the eye. My promise wasn't made good. I felt BAD.

Wasn't there by IT when she called. Better late than never?

vines

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

7:09 PM

Can call it the final day of slacking before lessons resume officially tmr. Took a peek at our new time timetable, which turned out to be exactly the same as my memory of the previous one we had. Ohwell.

Had some sexuality session followed by photo taking with the CT. Ended everything off with QSE survey. Gained some valuable insights from the talk. With it, we made an OATH. Though it's gonna be difficult and get almost impossible to keep to it at times, we HAVE TO do it lols (:

Photo taking was wack! Actually got to sit in front for once. Then did all sorts of weird expressions and poses. The 4 hunks stuck together in all the photos and did our fair share of acting cute lols. The picture of us outside school was great la!

Nothing much to say about QSE other than the fact that if i took it a few days ago, many answers would have been much more negative lol.

Lunch-ed at macs. Lots of arrows flying here and there and everyone had their fair share of laughing. I like that! Maybe we should lunch more in future (:

Headed out for an impt mission after that. After camping for as long as i could remember, we finally got rations. With some luck, additional ammunition was found lol.

After the MAITO GAI thumbsup, headed for home till i realised that i had something round, sticky and soft that could probably make someone's day(don't start getting weird ideas here, perv). Though it was getting late, it cannot be compared to how late others were staying back. Decided to attempt to bring that smile back to the zombie-nated face(no offense!) Glad that it made a difference (:

time

Monday, July 09, 2007

4:49 PM

The long awaited calm has finally arrived. Things were really unperdictable these few days. Some were not what they appeared to be on the surface and some just didn't occur to me before i was enlightened. Still, what does not break you will only make you stronger. Just get that feeling that more good than bad came out of it. 1/3 chances left before justice takes effect. Hopefully, this last chance won't be squandered away so easily (:

Today was supposed to be a damn slack day. SGC talk followed by grooming session.

Realised that the individual lists they gave to us were sorely incomplete lol. I could easily add another 10 entries to the miserable 2 listed there. Did our fair share of editing before we headed for our break.

Grooming session was conducted by some '80s Miss Singapore/Universe who coincidentally happened to be an ex nyjc-ian. Her name bore an uncanny resemblance to the a young grassroot leader who came not too long ago. It was entertaining yet helpful. I guess every guy in the LT brought something away with them today.

Had a weird chat with her today. Thought about it for a while and the reason dawned on me. Yeah.

Was kinda left alone next. Gay had his mission and lin and nic kinda vanished. Decided to go for a movie and bumped into some o619-ians. Man. I felt the love even though i had to reject their invitation to kbox. Didn't bring enough cash and i needed some time alone lols. Savour the moment. Really felt bad about turning them down but i will try my best to go for the next outing if there is one.

Watched DIE HARD 4.0. It was kinda entertaining till it reached the climax. Then i dozed off -.- Now i know how she felt while watching a couple of movies in the past.

resonance

Sunday, July 08, 2007

2:54 AM

Never thought that things would turn out the way they did but it happened that way anyway.

Before these, i thought of resorting to posting song lyrics which i could identify with here to express how i felt. Days and days of listening and thinking didn't produce any results. Till now, i'm still constricted by my lack of vocab or whatever to pour my innermost feelings here.

Used to have some pride about being a debater. As much as i sucked at it, i made it and the college team and hey, i was the VP so doesn't that count for something? I wallow in regret now. Wondered if i joined the wrong cca. Being labelled with qualities which i've never associated myself to really sucks.

So what if i'm debater? Aren't debaters human beings after all? Are they all supposed to be good at twisting and turning the facts? Do they do that all the time?

I hate this feeling. But no worries, after this entry, i won't blog about how i feel openly anymore. Just needed a checkpoint to keep myself in check.

Sometimes, people say one thing and do another. It's amazing that i've somewhat become that sorta person in some people's eyes. I don't really know who to confide in but luckily i have a listening ear.

Trying too hard to solve a problem doesn't yield much results if the other side isn't ready to reciprocate in kind. You can say everything till your mouth runs dry, your brain is emptied but yeah, nothing. Putting important things to you aside to do things for the bigger picture doesn't really help too.

Something from the past haunted me. I just HAD to know how and when it happened. Too similar to the past. I hate that feeling. That feeling of being so unaware and idiotic. Ever wondered how it felt like to be the last to know about something? Ask me (: Haven gone into details about it but gay and a few others heard of it before. Just that to them, it doesn't seem very vital.

time

Thursday, July 05, 2007

1:27 PM

IT'S OVER!

Somehow, i don't feel as happy or relieved that i should be.

Conscious of the time passing by while i wrote on, i was feeling numb at the same time. Even as i should be feeling good about how the papers weren't killers today, there was still some obscured obstacle. Sleep didn't come easy, rest didn't bring refreshment.

Blogging in the com lab after some ball. Freedom has never felt so surreal before. Sighs. Guess here's where the sentosa outing and other ~~fun~~ stuff comes in.

It's wrong to look at things on the surface but even worse to try your luck and look beneath it. Wading in uncertainties. Seeing how things ended yesterday, thought it would work in the benefit of all to just leave things be even though it wasn't something easy. Who knew that it backfired. Never been one to think so much. Ended up thinking so much about it yesterday. Earworms played throughout paper 1 and they weren't typical happy songs.

tune?

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

1:02 PM

Woke up at 5am this morning and tossed and turned in a half-awake state. Started the usual morning routine by 6am.

Reached school at around 640am today la! Surprisingly, there were people around. Found a bench at the atrium and started revising statistics but something felt amiss. I kept having the feeling that something was missing la. Ky was the only one who came early today. Finally went for assembly after 3 straight days of ponning.

Maths paper2 was a killer! The two pure maths questions were DIFFERENT. I thought it was a expected when i saw functions and was slightly stunned by recurrence. Thought they would be attemptable since P2 is supposed to be a statistics paper. The statistics questions were relatively reasonable. Phrasing for the car rental question was weird. It wasn't clear but heck., it's over!

2 DAYS TO GO!!

Headed for some guys stuff after the paper then com lab for updates before going to the usual place after cheng's call.

upsdown

Sunday, July 01, 2007

8:03 AM

My mood was like a transverse wave today. Didn't exactly hit rock bottom but it DID go up, with time, that is.

Slightly troubled in the morning so i decided to go for a morning jog to clear my mind. Luckily i wasn't the only jogger at 9am so i felt pretty normal giving my body a proper workout. Looking at my timing, i'm screwed if i remain this way. Burned my innards running 3km. I think all the late nights w/o basketball have taken their toll. And i've been eating too much these days lols.

Headed to SUNPLAZA later on in the day to study vectors. KY and HC were as usual, the BEST study partners you could get if you WANTED your grades lols. Gay's absence was felt. Hahs. Had some hand painting, score settling, victimising and studying LA. Hand painting was alright. Each had their fair share of pink marks. Scores and all old debts were dug up and SOMEONE owes me 4 lols. Need i say more for victimising?

Rushed back to gardens for dinner, still feeling slightly bad that my ps-ing kinda resulted in the cancellation of the original outing. Who knew that the journey back was so much quicker than i expected. Took less than 40mins. Headed to church to while away the extra time.

Dinner was alright. Not an air conditioned or posh place but i like the boss' attitude. Man of few words but his actions seemed sincere. The food was pretty nice and yeah. Final dish was CHILLICRABS. Didn't wanna eat any at the end but after trying out the gravy, i took one leg. Hahs. Took the mantou too.

edge