THIS is why I put things off

Confession: I have not been to the dentist in years.

I know. Ew.

Well, I broke my dentist drought tonight.

I showed up to find that there was literally NO ONE in the office but me. And the dentist. Awkward.

As I'm filling out forms in the (eerie) silence, I notice the selection of magazines on the table, including the "Body" issue of ESPN magazine with a half-clothed woman on the cover. And supposedly completely not-clothed women inside.

So suddenly I'm thinking about Tim Whatley. And wanting to run out the door.

But I stayed. Long enough to endure such torture that I think I would have preferred to deliver a baby--naturally--tonight instead. (Note to self: do not make dental appointments so soon after having been pregnant. My gums are SO SENSITIVE. It was a blood bath. Again, ew.)

Finally, to top it all off...he suddenly says he's out of time. That I'll have to come back in two weeks for the check-up portion, x-rays etc. Um, okay.

All in all, he was a nice enough guy, but I'm suddenly not feeling so cowardly for having procrastinated making an appointment. Because between:

the awkwardness,

the pornography,

and the bleeding gums,

the dentist was no picnic. So I will now happily go on record with Jerry as being an anti-dentite.

Odds and ends

Just checking in to say hi.

Things are going really well. Mary is sleeping and eating great and we're maybe starting to adjust to getting less sleep. Maybe. :)

Actually I am really, really fortunate in that Mary nurses at 11 pm, 1 am, and 5 am. Then she sleeps till 8 am or later typically. That is really not so bad. God has definitely made this transition go smoothly and I am not taking that for granted!

I took my mom to the airport this morning--sad! She'd been here since October 9th, and I'm really going to miss her. Mary Lu loved taking naps in Grandma's lap so I know she'll miss her too. I don't like living so far away from my parents!

And so our new little life as a family of seven begins. My four oldest are still madly in love with sweet Mary and each of them is constantly vying to hold/hug/kiss/touch her. No jealousy, no acting out, just lots and lots of love and care.

We have to leave soon to pick up Anna from her day at school. I love Monday afternoons when I get to see how excited she is about what she painted, read, or did. And Mondays make me appreciate our days together during the rest of the week, because I really miss her!

I hope you have a great week. We'll just be hanging out here, Mary has her 2-week doctor's appointment on Thursday, and I'll be breaking my years-long not-going-to-the-dentist streak tomorrow. I know. So gross. But I fear the dentist. (Yes, avoidance is my personal favorite defense mechanism--thank you Sigmund and Anna for coming up with something that describes crazies like me so well!)

5...

...is the number of kids I have now. It's crazy--I still haven't really wrapped my mind around it.

Not because 5 is some magic number that is so much bigger than 4, but because little Mary Lu came into our lives so casually and quietly: me getting pregnant again just 2 WEEKS after losing our baby, then having a pregnancy that just kinda seemed to fade into the background of daily life, homeschooling, and home improvement projects, and finally a labor and delivery that went pretty fast. (Though it did NOT feel that way at the time! Ouch!)

And now suddenly, we have this sweet baby girl in our family. It all feels like a whirlwind.

Each of our children is dear to me. Each in their unique way. Mary is a profound gift and I feel like I'm still processing through it all. The grief you feel when you lose a baby through miscarriage is overwhelming. Finding out God is giving you another child right in the midst of that grief is both amazing, and strange.

Yet God is good, and makes beauty from ashes, and as a result, my daughter Mary Lucille is sleeping in the next room.

Thank you all SO MUCH for your well-wishes and prayers and congratulations. Mary is meant to be here, and in our family. She came into our lives gently, a sweet miracle from God at a time when it seemed there were mostly just feelings of pain and loss. I may be sleep-deprived, but I'm positively delighting in this gift and in these early days of life with Mary Lucille.

Mary Lucille

SHE'S HERE!!!

My water broke at 1:40 a.m....

And sweet Mary was born at 3:37 a.m., less than 2 hours later.

7 pounds 6 ounces, 19.5 inches long.

The first time they checked me (you know, to make sure I was in labor :) ) I was at 7 cm, and the next time I was at 10. Whew. :)

This has been a whirlwind of a night. We're tired. :)

This was my very first labor with no pain medication at all. It was hard. And grueling. (Don't be fooled: short labors are pretty intense.) But oh so amazing and worth it.

And we finally have our Mary. (We've loved this name for years.)

Now it's time to get some sleep in our comfy, queen-sized hospital bed. God is good. We are blessed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hospital Bound!!!

Brianna's water has broken and we're heading to the hospital!

It's just cranky me again :)

Well I'm still here.

No baby yet.

Pretty good contractions on a regular basis. (I'm having one right now in fact.)

Three days away from my due date.

My mom is in town, which is SO much fun. Today we drove up to Fort Collins just to check things out and see the town. (I hadn't been up there before.) What a neat place! I LOVED it. Tomorrow I have my OB appointment and tomorrow night our community group is getting together for dinner on Pearl Street...I'm trying to stay productive and busy but let's face it, everyone in this house is antsy for baby to be born! Last night they were actually timing my contractions (which were about 5 minutes apart for over an hour), but they went away. Bummer! I'm curious to see if I'm past 3 cm at my appointment tomorrow.

Anyway, just letting everyone know that our little girl has yet to join the world. Funny how when you reach the end of the pregnancy, it feels like you're in limbo. I'm all about waiting for the baby to come when she's ready, but boy can it be hard to wait!!!

When Mommy's away...

One night recently I got the kids all ready for bed, the phone rang and I ended up talking for awhile. Kevin was downstairs working on our basement and so I just assumed that he'd put the kids to bed (their bedrooms are all downstairs).

Yeah, not so much.

There was apparently much fun, and dress-up, and dancing. Unbenownst to me. All captured on camera by Kevin, who clearly was in no hurry to get the kids to sleep.

I think that often the best times are the spontaneous ones, where no one's watching the clock, and where the standard rules don't apply. I have to admit I was a little grumpy when I first got off the phone to discover that the PJs were now off and there were four sweaty kids racing around long past their bedtimes. But those pictures and memories and moments with Daddy are priceless!

The Heldts go to a Rockies game

We got to go to our first Colorado Rockies game (well, since we've lived here) last Thursday.

SO FUN! We took the light rail, had lunch downtown where incidentally we ran into a friend (I find it really bizarre that this is by FAR the biggest city/area I've ever lived in and I run into people I know WAY more here than I ever did before), and then headed back for the game. The kids didn't have that great of a time, but they were really well behaved so we had a good time. :) Kaitlyn even took a nap on my lap, which was the sweetest thing!

Kevin also went to his first Bronco's game on Sunday afternoon with a friend, and had a blast.

Waiting for the game to start.

Biniam applauding--though it looks more like he's attending an opera than a baseball game! This picture seriously cracks me up.

Pig paranoia

Okay honestly this whole swine flu thing is getting a little out of hand. No doubt it's horrible and miserable to have. I certainly don't want myself or my kids to come down with it. But my OB's office just called to remind me about my weekly appointment tomorrow, and informed me that I'm not allowed to bring any of my (already-born) kids to the office. That hopefully that doesn't inconvenience me, but they're just trying to "protect everyone." (AKA themselves. Because I'm pretty sure it's MY job to protect my own kids.)

First of all, I don't bring my kids in, Kevin comes home to watch them. So this is a non-issue. BUT, I'm paying this doctor a heck of a lot of money, and if I want to bring my children with me to hear the baby's heartbeat or because my husband has to work, I ought to be able to. OR the doctor's office needs to be up front about this policy from the get-go. Give me a break.

Just an anecdote from my day. :) Here's hoping we all remain swine flu free, but here's also hoping we remain mass hysteria free. In the words of George Costanza, WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE A SOCIETY HERE, PEOPLE!!! :)

But I want to stay home!

Okay I am sitting here trying to muster up the motivation to go to Costco with the kids. The thought of selecting and lifting items sold only in bulk does not in any way appeal to me at this time. I'm tired. It's cold out. But we need, well, food. :)

Thinking we'll also have lunch at the food court. Good times.

I'm laughing out loud at myself because I'm sitting here literally BLOGGING ABOUT NOTHING to avoid running my errand. Yes, it has indeed come to this.

Happy Tuesday! May your day also be filled with large boxes and bite-sized samples and fountain drinks infused with legal stimulants.

Still here

No baby yet. As of last Thursday, I was dilated to 2 cm and 70% effaced. So I'm getting close, but who knows, it could still be awhile. The ultrasound says the due date is 10/16, but calendar-wise it's more like 10/10. Time will tell!

I'm utterly exhausted most of the time now, but that's normal for the end of pregnancy, at least for me. We have also been SO busy lately-- I only had ONE full day at home last week, which is highly unusual around here. And this week is shaping up to be busy too.

Today Anna had school and I had lunch duty. It was actually a lot of fun to see who Anna sits with, and to chat with the kids I know there (half the kids from our church actually, which is funny since the school is a full half-hour from our church.) Yosef, Biniam and Kaitlyn had a blast too eating lunch in the gym and playing with all the kids.

In other news, Biniam was attacked today by a swarm of bees and stung multiple times. Yikes. He's fine, thankfully, and is apparently not allergic to bee stings.

Dinner's in the oven, and it will feel really good to get those kiddies tucked in later and put my feet up and relax. With ice cream of course! :)

My feisty exterminator

You may not know it, but Kaitlyn--yes, my two-year-old--is by far the most self-assured, aggressive of my four children. She either takes things quite seriously, or is crazy and a ton of fun. But she means business. (As you can see in the above picture. That was her getting her hair cut at our house by my friend Shannon.)

This morning I came across literally the biggest spider I've ever seen. In the girls' bedroom. I am terrified of spiders and had Biniam run and grab some toilet paper, and I encouraged him to pick up the spider with it and throw it in the toilet. He kept trying but kept getting scared.

Enter Kaitlyn.

First she marched up to the spider, plopped down and started blowing on it, announcing that she was blowing fire. (This morning we read about how God sent fire down on Mt. Sinai when He was talking to Moses. Clearly this was her inspiration.) THEN she grabbed the TP, and grabbed up the spider, squishing it in the process. She threw it down angrily however, yelling that the spider had touched her. But she'd gotten the job done. Biniam picked up the spider and toilet paper and flushed it.

Mission accomplished.

By a two-year-old.

I love this kid! Here she is being goofy with her sister while we were baking cookies one day. She has a great sense of humor! But when it comes to killing spiders, yeah, she doesn't mess around.

A day at the dentist (and the gasp heard round the world)

I'm soooooo sleeeeeeeeeeeeeepy.

This morning I took the kids to the dentist for their regular check-ups. No cavities for any of them, hooray!!!

I, however, am exhausted. (2 hours at a medical visit with four kids when you're 9 months pregnant will do that to you I suppose. :) )

I'd say the morning was completely uneventful, but that wouldn't be entirely true. Because as we were sitting in the waiting room and I was signing some paperwork, a mom (to two elementary-aged kids) asked incredulously, "Are ALL THESE YOURS???!!!!"

(By "these" she must have meant my four happily-and-quietly-playing children who I find to be pretty pleasant overall.)

I smiled and said, "Yep!"

Then there was an audible GASP. That I'm certain was heard from more than a mile away. Followed by, "Oh my GOSH!!!" Then ANOTHER loud, dramatic gasp. And finally, "You really have your hands full!!!"

I just chuckled and went back to my paperwork. I debated saying something about how my kids are actually a joy (which I could say in good conscience at that point--it would be another hour before my 2 year old decided to throw chalk and then a fit, which could also probably be heard from more than a mile away), but her reaction to my family was so absurd I figured I wouldn't dignify it by engaging in any sort of conversation, period.

And as for what I REALLY wanted to say? I wanted to say I'm sorry that the prospect of motherhood is so distasteful, that on some level being a parent is SO MISERABLE, that the idea of 4 young children is enough to elicit gasps of horror from a complete stranger. That I think our culture/generation is so incredibly confused about purpose, life and work and so long as we seek gratification from entertainment/money/me-time, we will inevitably be unfulfilled in the vocation of motherhood.

But of course I didn't. Instead I spent the next 2 hours with my kids while they had their teeth checked and cleaned, oversaw them excitedly choosing 2 toys each from the box for being cavity-free, endured a screaming, tired, hungry 2 year old's tantrum that ultimately included a timeout, more tears, a hug and a sweet little apology, and finally I brought everyone home, happily sucking on sugar-free lollipops and chatting about their new bouncy balls and toothbrushes.

So no, I didn't discover the cure for cancer today. I didn't get a massage or a pedicure. I wasn't able to take a 3-hour nap, or have lunch with a friend, or take a nice hot bath. I'm a mom. I spent the day with my family. It was a simple, exhausting, non-glamorous day, but it was a day that God gave me to love Him by loving my children. Who also happen to be His children.

The thing is, God has brought me (and is continuing to bring me) to a place where I'm quite comfortable with who I am, and I've developed a pretty thick skin when it comes to the lame-o comments I get in public sometimes.

But I still blog some of them, in part because it's my life, in part because I know some of you can relate, and also because it's a way for me to process through my convictions and thoughts.

Therefore, you got an earful about my day at the dentist.

But I'm done now.

The end. :)

I am so there

Today I went to Target to get some newborn diapers. (By the fifth child, apparently you tend to be pretty laid back about things like being prepared for a baby's birth and homecoming). But I've been having so many contractions lately that I realized it'd be good to have some diapers smaller than size 5 around here.

There was a bunch of other stuff I needed to get too (laundry detergent etc.) Not too long into my excursion I started having contractions, which continued the whole time pretty much. Then in my attempt to check out, the teenaged checker miscounted my items, then overcharged me, was dealing with a couple in front of me who he'd ALSO overcharged...TWICE...because he made a mistake on their receipt AGAIN. I seriously contemplated having him reach out and feel my rock-hard, contracting uterus in hopes of getting him to hurry up, but I didn't. I somehow finally made it home and pretty much collapsed.

ALL of this to say that I'm "there." And by there, I mean that happy little place where you are just plain ready to go into labor and have the baby. I'm completely overheated, I'm CRANKY, I'm sick to my stomach and food doesn't appeal to me half the time...yep, I think I'm ready. :)

And so friends, it's ice cream time. I may not have a hospital bag packed, or a bassinet set up, but by golly my freezer is full of ice cream. It's all about priorities. Especially when you're "there."

37 weeks

I just had my 37-week OB appointment and...

baby is head down

and I'm dilated 1 cm.

Woohoo!!! There's no guarantee she won't flip back (or back and forth) again, but I was able to have a good conversation with the doctor and she said even if a version (ECV) is necessary, she wouldn't do it until 39 weeks. She totally "gets" my not wanting to be induced, and I am feeling more confident.

TOTAL answered prayer and I just cannot wait to go into labor and have this sweet baby!!!!