Orphans, Texas, processing

But I've been to Ethiopia. My time there changed all my
preconceived ideas about logic and good sense and need.--Mary
Ostyn, A Sane Woman's Guide to Raising a Large Family

Oh how I love that quote. To enter the giveaway to win your own (free!) copy of the book, click here!

Saturday I returned home from spending a few days in Texas, for a conference put on by Christian Alliance for Orphans. I had a feeling I'd be utterly and completely impacted by what I heard and saw there, and yeah, I most definitely was. There were many amazing moments, tears were shed, and my heart felt broken-yet-hopeful. It feels like I'm just now starting to process through it all.


Highlights included:


Hearing from Emily Chapman Richards, Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter. Um, yeah. She's amazing, her story is amazing and heartbreaking, and I wish we were friends.


Seeing a teenaged Liberian adoptee and hearing his story. Wow. As an adoptive mom, yeah, it was extremely powerful.


Attending a session with Karyn Purvis, author of The Connected Child. She's pretty awesome and her methods and insights make so.much.sense. Not to mention the hope she brings to children from hard places is truly inspiring, to say the least.


I just feel like my time at the conference, and other things I've been thinking/reading/feeling lately, have really affirmed my belief that God has called our family to something besides the typical American life. Not because we're special, or because we want to be different. But simply because we're called. And there's a need. We can help meet that need. So many times this past week, a speaker would talk about how God created families, and created children to be raised in families. If a child is without a family, something's broken, and not right. How can I possibly turn my back and pretend I don't see it? How can I forget the multitude of children I saw living at AHOPE? Or the women in this documentary? The truth is, plain and simple, I CAN'T. Nor should I. Whether it's paying for an Ethiopian woman's fistula surgery or adopting a waiting child, I always hope to be doing SOMEthing.


When I reach the end of my life, I hope it can be said of me that I gave everything I had away, for the sake of Christ. To my husband, children, and the world around me.


6,000 children will be orphaned by AIDS today. Could you love one?

Stuff that makes you think

Today Erin posted this on her blog. Totally worth reading if you're thinking about adopting, or even if you're not, read it anyway. I found it convicting, and hard, and ultimately, very true:

Why HIV

I have several "used-to-be-blog-but-now-are-real-life" friends with kids from Ethiopia. Something that used to always feel like a novelty, like having children who come from a seemingly distant continent on the other side of the world, now just seems very "normal". I also know families (some online, some in real life) with children who have HIV. So even the idea of someday adopting a child with a special medical need doesn't seem so unique anymore.

And what does it mean to be a family, anyway? What is God's purpose for men and women and how do you or I fit into it?

God's been changing my answers to those questions ever since my first child was born. Sometimes slow and subtle, but sometimes sudden, and seemingly without warning. I think I'm in that place now where, if you ask me how many kids I "want", I just plain don't have an answer. As many as God wants us to have, I suppose. (I know, I know, that's kind of a vague answer.) We don't actively prevent pregnancy, and there are so many children who go to their cold metal beds every night praying for something that most of us take for granted: a mom and a dad, someone to love them.

On Sunday at church, I was so convicted and encouraged and inspired by a sermon that, among other things, talked about no one truly wanting to be converted...we look for churches or groups that fit the way WE look at life, and don't leave room for God to change our hearts and ultimately convert us. That was pretty mind-blowing for me. It can be scary to have God take you places you never thought you'd go. Do I really WANT to be changed? Do I really WANT to let go of what's safe, comfortable and "typical" to follow after Jesus? I love John Piper's idea of not wasting your life. But I doubt that it is ever easy. Or always accepted by others.

Lots of thoughts swirling around in my head. On a side-note, do you know that this has now been the longest we have gone without adding a child to our family, either through birth or adoption, since we've been married??? Weird. I'm not pregnant, and we're not starting the adoption process again yet or anything--but I find myself looking forward to both! In spite of the fact that the six of us are living in 1500 square feet of space right now, still completely unsettled. Like I said, God continues to re-shape my vision of family, and life. And that's a good thing!

Ready

My big project that I've been working on is finally good to go! Here are the details:

I am involved with a nonprofit organization called AHOPE for Children. They run an orphanage in Ethiopia for HIV-positive orphans, as well as a community program that assists HIV-positive children and enables them to remain in their families.

This weekend I'm launching a new sponsorship program for AHOPE (the backbone of AHOPE's funding comes from people like you and me who commit to sponsoring an HIV-positive orphan for $30 per month). People can sign up to be a Hope Partner, and they'll receive a packet that contains a child's name, photo, and bio, along with a letter about AHOPE and a brochure.

I'm debuting this program at the Mile High Music Festival here in Denver tomorrow and Sunday. AHOPE will have a booth where we'll be displaying our brand new banner, we'll have our Hope Packets, and our fabulous AHOPE tshirts can be purchased for a donation. Ultimately I'm hoping to get the word out about AHOPE and hopefully snag some sponsors!

The music festival is being headlined by Tom Petty and the Dave Matthews Band. There will be 40,000 people in attendance tomorrow, and 50,000 on Sunday.

So that's what I've been busy doing. If you've emailed me lately and I haven't written back, it's because I've been either working on this stuff, or making sure my kids don't get in the way of the people installing the hardwood floors in our house. Next week things should be back to normal! (Except for Monday, when they're working on the hardwoods again...Angela, are you busy???)

Tuesday

Tuesday night our family headed down to the World Vision Experience AIDS Exhibit and to hear a wonderful presentation called "Are You Okay with This: A Conversation About AIDS." The discussion was EXCELLENT. We heard from two different World Vision representatives, a woman who has developed curriculum being used across Africa to educate about HIV and AIDS, and a local reverend who has been living with HIV for 20 years.

Even though I blog a lot about adoption and Africa, on a day to day basis I don't even really think about where my kids come from. I mean I KNOW they're from Ethiopia, and I know their story, but when we wake up in the morning they're just Yosef and Biniam, hungry for breakfast, full of energy, playing Snow White with Anna (they alternate between being the witch and the prince) and making Katie laugh.

The presentation opened with a video called "Are You Okay With This?" about the AIDS pandemic (I tried to find it on the internet to post here, but couldn't.) This is totally weird but I nearly burst into tears watching it...something just hit way too close to home and as it was talking about the orphans left in the wake of this horrible disease, I kept thinking, my sons, my SONS, are two of those! My kids are those very statistics! All I could think about was their birthmom, and their biological sister, and the heartbreak I remember reading about two and a half years ago when the FedEx truck showed up with their history. The video ended with the words "Are you okay with this?" and I seriously wanted to cry out, NO! I'M NOT! (Don't worry, I didn't! :) )

Then hearing the man speak about living with HIV, and his personal journey, had me tearing up too. The pain he experienced, friends he's lost to AIDS, it was all really sobering. What an amazing testimony he has!

The exhibit itself, which we walked through afterwards, was extremely powerful as well. We went through the story of a little Ugandan girl who was HIV positive. It's a true story, the exhibit was AMAZING, and super powerful. At the end you are supposed to pray, and leave a message on the prayer wall. I about lost it in the exhibit too! (What's wrong with me?!)

I walked away from that evening feeling...broken. Nothing I heard was shocking or particularly "new" to me--having sons from Ethiopia, and having been there, I feel like I deal with this information on a regular basis. But somehow yeah, I felt grieved, I think because I was reminded of the reality of where my kids come from, and where SO MANY still are. What a blessing also to see the passion the different speakers have about their jobs and what they do. There are people out there who care. A lot.

Not sure exactly what the "takeaways" were from the whole thing. I guess I felt humbled, and encouraged, and saddened, all at the same time. I guess I feel even more convicted about living a life of simplicity (probably a blogpost all its own), using the resources we have to help Africa, and about always remaining open to adoption. Yes I do feel we'll adopt again, although I couldn't tell you when. Not now, I am pretty confident of that, but sometime in the future. We think about siblings where at least one of them has HIV. This has been on our hearts for a long time. It is exciting to think about what God might have for us.

At any rate, seriously, if you live near Denver, or if it comes to a city near you, go see this exhibit! It'll only take up about 30 minutes of your time, and you can take your kids with you.

Will you come?

If you live in the Denver area, PLEASE consider coming to see this FREE remarkable exhibit, World Vision Experience: AIDS--Step into Africa.

Maybe the AIDS crisis, or what is happening in Africa, isn't even on your radar screen. Or maybe you've been meaning to learn more about it. Either way, I encourage you to go check this out! I haven't been yet but would like to, so maybe we can go together.

It's at Cherry Hills Community Church in Highlands Ranch, and runs from Sunday, July 6th through Tuesday, July 15th. You can reserve your free tickets online (therefore avoiding a wait) by either visiting http://www.worldvisionexperience.org/ or http://www.chcc.org/.

They also have a number of exciting related opportunities going on all week.

So yeah, please come. :)

RLC Blog Buzz #3: Transitioning home

First time holding my new sons in Ethiopia, at Layla House

February 2006

This week's question asks about tips/suggestions/advice about traveling to pick up your child, adjustment at home, etc.

I think we really tried to go into our trip to Africa, our adoption, all of it with no expectations. They say the biggest deciding factor in your satisfaction is how the outcome lives up to your expectations. We prepared ourselves for the kids to be sick, we knew they'd lived in a variety of institutions during the most formative time of their lives, and knew that it was likely that we could experience some attachment problems, that might not show up until later.

Kevin and I with our boys at dinner in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia
February 2006

Having my sons handed to me is something I'll never forget. A feeling of love, protectiveness, and awe came over me. It was magical. Of course the trip and early days home weren't all magic. Both of our sons had a parasite and lice (two boys with diarrhea + 30-hour flight = bummer), Biniam had a double ear infection, Yosef had horrible dreams in the middle of the night where he'd wake up mournfully crying. Biniam would have a severe emotional reaction anytime he saw food --if I opened the fridge or pantry, etc., he'd become instantly inconsolable. And it didn't matter if he'd just had a huge meal.

There were days in those early weeks at home where I felt like we were holding on for dear life. Where I'd be counting down the minutes until Kevin got home. Where I'd blast Bob Marley and we'd dance and smile and feel, if even for a few moments, like things really were going to be okay.

Some first moments together as siblings

February 2006

And we kept waiting for the proverbial attachment shoe to drop. There were all sorts of ways that we tried to encourage bonding and attachment. We tried to cuddle as much as possible. We continued giving the boys milk from a bottle and cradling them like a baby to give it to them. When we'd go out somewhere we'd wear the boys in a front carrier. I think being home a lot also helped. We waited a long time before putting them in the church nursery. And after awhile they began to see that they belonged with us, that we were mom and dad. They adjusted really well and truly, that shoe has still not dropped. They are affectionate kids who look to us to meet their needs. I still find myself worrying sometimes but ultimately I know that the Lord is in control anyway.

We're sleepy, but we're happy--first days home

February 2006

After about six months at home Biniam stopped crying at the sight of food. Yosef's bad dreams went away within about a month. The stool samples and medication three times a day were brutal, but the boys' giardia (and Biniam's ear infections) was cured after only one go-round of the meds. I also at some point found myself able to take a deep breath--and just in time, because four months after bringing our sons home, I became pregnant with Kaitlyn!

First trip to church as a new family

February 2006

I guess my "advice" is, do everything you can to promote attachment. Be home with your kids, find things to do around the house. Engage in activities that include touch and lots of eye contact. Fight the urge to romanticize the situation and try to keep from having lots of grand expectations. If you can, co-sleep. Read, read, read about childhood trauma, attachment, and potential issues. I really think knowledge is power and if you go into it prepared, you'll be much better able to handle your child's behavior. Pray lots (even if you don't believe in God, pray anyway!) and get people to pray for you. And remember that "love is always enough" is a MYTH--sometimes it might be, but not always. So get help if you need it, and remember that things WILL get easier, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's okay to feel whatever it is that you're feeling. I think adoption, like so much of parenting, is more of a marathon, and less of a sprint. And if you can find other adoptive parents to talk to (whether online or in real life), do that. It really helps!

First family picture, before church on Sunday

March 2006

I'm including this link to a wonderful article by Melissa Fay Greene, about her own personal post-adoption experience. It is so wise and definitely worth the read!

Post-Adoption Panic

The hard stuff

This week's Blog Buzz question involved explaining extreme poverty to children. Here are my thoughts.

We have some interesting conversations in our family. I think the natural tendency with children is to shield them from difficult things when they're young--death, disappointment, suffering. That instinct is a good thing.

But as kids grow they ask questions. And in OUR family, we have two sons who come from a country where the average life is expectancy is between forty and fifty years old. They have another mom out there who is HIV+. They have an older sister too, and I have no clue if these women are even alive.

We made the decision a long time ago to be honest with our kids. Pretty much anything can be explained in an age appropriate way. Our kids know if someone we love dies. We allow them to experience being disappointed about things.

And we talk about Yosef and Biniam's mom. We've explained to our kids what HIV is, and why the boys' birthmom could not care for them. Our kids know that many, many people in Ethiopia are hungry and sick. I have no desire to keep these things from them.

How do we do it? Well for one thing kids are inquisitive, and they ask. I would pray aloud regularly for Yosef and Biniam's mother and sister. World AIDS Day, we prayed about all the people all over the world with AIDS and HIV. Anna wanted to know exactly what HIV was. So I explained in kid-friendly terms about our immune systems, and what happens when your immune system doesn't work as well, and how some people have a germ in their blood. I explained that in our country, HIV is very manageable because of the medicines available, but in places like Ethiopia, it's harder to get the medicine, so people are very, very sick.

Just recently Anna wanted to know if we could take her medicine, so she would be well. Anna also asked some more questions about HIV. It's just part of what we talk about sometimes. It's not forced, or unnatural. These conversations aren't morbid, or awkward. They're just honest and genuine.

During prayertime before bed, the kids each take turns praying before I do. Each one of them usually (all on their own) prays for Yosef and Biniam's first mom, and that she would have medicine, etc. etc. It is amazing to see their sweet hearts, and the earnestness of their prayers.

I've told our kids that some people don't have enough to eat, and that God wants us to help them. I've also told them that even though we may not understand the "why's", there is great suffering in our world, and it makes God sad just like it makes us sad. But that we have hope in Jesus, and there are ways we can help, and that someday there will be no more suffering, and everything will be made right.

Yes our kids are young, but they "get" more than we think they do. God is growing them into sweet, empathetic, compassionate people. Many families can go awhile, I think, without having to broach these difficult topics. For families like ours though, we don't really have a choice. There is pain and suffering woven into the very fabric of my sons' lives. I cannot tell them how we took them out of Ethiopia without telling them why. I cannot teach them about their first mom without sharing about her illness and about how she could not care for her little boys anymore.

So, if you are looking to do this, keep it natural, don't overload your child with information, don't underestimate them either, and find comfortable ways to work it into daily life. (Do you sponsor a child? Use that as a launching board. Read through the World Vision newsletter or Compassion magazine with your child. Do you donate to a local food bank or homeless shelter? Talk about that.)

God will use all of this in my sons' lives for good. I believe that. I believe that while extreme poverty and suffering are not "fun" or "happy" things to talk about per se, they are reality for much of our world, and reality found in my childrens' not-too-distant past. I trust the Lord to work in their hearts and pray that they will grow into compassionate, loving people who can embrace God's plan for their lives, and who will grow to take Jesus to a hurting world.

New opportunity

There's a fantastic non-profit we've been involved in for the last few years called AHOPE for Children. AHOPE is an orphanage in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia that cares for HIV+ kids who have lost their parents. Can you imagine having a condition like HIV, then watching your mom and dad die, leaving you an orphan??? I can't, except that I've spent time with these kids...so many of their sweet faces permanently etched in my mind.

One of the most pivotal moments in my journey over the last few years came while watching the AAI waiting child video back in 2005. One of the first sibling sets on there was an adorable little girl and her older brother. They stood side by side, the boy with his arm protectively around his sister, smiling eagerly at the camera. The narrator informed us that this little girl was HIV+, her brother was not, but that he insisted on her being adopted with him. He didn't want to leave her, or be split up. My heart about broke into a million pieces. I've thought about those kids often over the last three years. Surely they must have found a family by now. Yes she had HIV but it's a totally treatable disease. People are becoming educated, and these kids are being adopted. And what an amazing young man he must be if he's wanting to stay with her.

Well, that little girl died a few weeks ago. In Ethiopia. Those two kids were still waiting for a family. I can picture their sweet faces, and I feel so sad because had she been in the US with access to all the medicine and medical care in the world, she would most likely be alive today. With her brother who loves her so much, and who's sacrificed a family to stay with his sister and make sure she was not left behind. Maybe now the boy will be adopted, now that he doesn't have an HIV+ sister. Ugh.

My heart cries out at the injustices found within this story, but mostly I find myself struggling through my own conviction. Why don't I pray like I should? Advocate like I should? Give like I should? I knew when we visited AHOPE that day back in 2006 that God wanted me to remember these children, in an obscure part of His world that most people never see. And ever since I have prayed and wondered about this. How might God use me to help and to serve these little ones?

Well last week I was asked by AHOPE to head up an exciting new sponsorship project. I'm pretty nervous as I've never done anything like this before (I so don't want to mess up!), but I'm really excited to see where it goes. I have a couple of things in the works that I'll share more about later. For now, I'm thrilled to be working with a great organization that is doing such vital, beautiful, difficult things.

"He has told you, O mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" (Micah 6.8 NRSV)

Why Ethiopia?

I'm getting involved with something called the Red Letters Campaign. It's worth checking out if you haven't already. As part of their "Blog Buzz", I'll be answering one question per week on my blog. This week, it's the age-old "Why-did-we-choose-Ethiopia?" I honestly love sharing our process, our journey, in hopes that it might open eyes, minds and hearts to this beautiful East African nation. Everyone has their reasons for choosing a particular country. We are no different.

The Need

Orphans belong in homes, period, regardless where they come from--whether it's on the other side of the world, or right next-door. But we were especially and utterly compelled by the AIDS and orphan crisis in Africa. It is devastating. Some have called it the scourge of our time. Completely unfathomable. We saw this as being an extremely urgent need, and we wanted to help.

The Culture

Ethiopia is an amazing place filled with amazing people. Their love for God, love for children, joyfulness in the face of terrible adversity, dignity, and pride they take in their country are so beautiful to us. Travelling there, we fell in love even more.

The Stigma

As "popular" as Ethiopian adoption seems to be, statistics reveal that the overwhelming majority of international adoptions come from other places (in spite of those adoption programs generally being more expensive, time-consuming, and difficult). While there are surely several reasons for this, ONE of them is that it is less "socially acceptable" for a white person to adopt a brown-skinned child, so people don't want to do it. This, to me, is a tragedy. There will always be ignorant, prejudiced people. I just can't see letting that be an obstacle to a child finding a family.

The Process

I feel very, very strongly about ethics in adoption. Human trafficking and "baby buying" are serious, and they happen, and they put all international adoptions at risk. Adoption is business. There's a lot of money at stake. Impoverished people are easy to exploit. We knew we only wanted to support a program and agency that was above-board and committed to finding families for children...not the other way around. One that had an established, stream-lined process that was free from corruption. Adoption Advocates International's Ethiopia program was well-established, they were extremely involved in humanitarian work there, and helped co-found an orphanage for HIV+ orphans.

If you know me, then you know that bringing Yosef and Biniam home from Ethiopia has been life-changing. I can't wait to go back with my sons...I can't wait to adopt again...Part of my heart is in Ethiopia. Might yours be also?