Saturday, September 30, 2006
It's such a wrong way to start your birthday. Really shocked the hell out of me too, why did you want things to be that way? Thought this could be an happy occasion, but no, you wanted to make everyone feel down and feel as if they're always wrong and never right. But that's just the way you are, no one can change you, i too also cannot change you. So hope you would do some thinking, well for me, i really need to do some reflections already. All i wanted to do is to complete it by last night, but you always jump to the wrong copnclusion. Can't you hear my explaination just this once? There isn't any freedom of speech for everyone of us in this house, where do i even stand now? My life can't go on like this, i don't even want to think of the outcome, i know if i carry on like this, the outcome wouldn't be very pleasant at all. Everyone would be so disappointed, most of all, myself
What can i conclude about the past two language paper? Well all i can say is that chinese paper is really hard, don't know why xiao nan set the paper till so hard. Some more, nobody have 8 questions for the comprehension right? But that cannot be blamed, it's already over! Not only me do find that paper hard, practically more than half of the class agreed with me too. What can be done now? The paper is over and there's no use gloating about it now, does all these makes my paper pass? Let's just hope for the best, i tried and i tried. English paper, oh yes i practically screwed up my letter writing! I don't even know how to explain all thos proposals, well till now, i still don't know why i can finish all my comprehension questions in such a short amount of time. Anyways, that teacher up on stage, sometimes it seems like she's practically chanting! I don't even know what the hell are you saying at times.
Something happened yesterday, made my blood boil, my heat level grew to more than 100 degree. What the f*ck? After seeing all those things, never expected myself to break down again? I cried and i grew mad, but who cares? I don't need anyone to comfort nor cheer me up anymore. Don't see any point for you guys to do that anymore, i was the one who caused myself to land in this state. So i will be the one to put myself back on my feet and just have the courage to move on. Why do i feel sorry for you? What do you have that i don't? Can you just show it to me, just tell me! Ever since i tried to avoid you, but no valid i see you everywhere. Oh well, maybe someone's trying to tell me something. Anyways what you and i said yesterday, i don't want this incident to be spoken to anyone ever again. Maybe i was overreacting a little bit? Just keep your mouth shut.
Don't feel like blogging till my exams are over, maybe blogging is just a waste of time maybe? Well that's just my point of view, i don't care who sees all this shit being written here. Because i don't want to give a damn anymore, can't i just sit at one corner, do some thinking. Face the fact and stop feeling so remorseful for what's happened. Maybe it's time, in the mean time, i really need to stop thinking about all this nonsense that's just happened before. Just concentrate damn you! So don't think i will be blogging till the exams are over, you guys don't need to read my stinky 'o miserable post anymore. Really need to start revising on my E and A math and science, i really can't afford to fail anymore.
time to start
1:33 PM
Friday, September 29, 2006
Two papers are over, yet i still don't feel that i had done well in both papers
Some more it's languages, i can't possibilly fail my english nor my chinese
If i fail my english, i would have to pass all the other subjects which is impossible for me
Anyways, it's all over and there's no use complaining and regretting already
What's done had been done, now let's all keep our fingers crossed and hope for the better!
Really hated the seat when i'm taking my mother tongue paper, messed up my hair
Went to westmall just now, saw this cute girl in the bus, her hair was the same as mine!
Which was basically a few years back, look weird? Hmm...
6:33 PM
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Exams' two more days away, some more first paper is mother tongue paper
Which basically means my mother tongue suck alot, what's becoming of me already?
Just now went to another class and we talked in that class while waiting
Began talking about alot of things, realised what they said was really true
Anyways, i don't want to follow what people say anymore, just keep quiet
Everytime i see you walking and i just had this feelings to tell myself to move on
Time to make a decision and face a fact, sometimes it's just not worth it
Maybe time had past way long before me, all this sort of things doesn't exist
I just need to take a break from all this chaos and think when will this nonsense stop
Find it quite lame and useless too right? Indeed i find it quite true sometimes
Should i stick onto it tightly and never want to let go of it ever again? I don't know..
That habit which i'm having now, don't seem to get sick of it, never will i too
I kinda like it, and which i'm going to stick to this habit now and always, till we move
Although i need to wait for it, i'll wait! Not going to give up just because the queue is long
Maybe some of you guys know what i'm talking about, smiles, am i right a not?
It's lame i know! Okay, just that i ain't got so much things to write about now
School is damn boring, ended up sleeping at least once everyday, too tired!!
Especially some lessons, seriously i don't see the point of you going on anymore
I also realised something in you that has changed my impression for you a lot
Usually you would leave me to my things and just follow all those orders around
But now, it's more of like an abuse to everyone, i just want to keep it on the down-low
Saw what happened just now, i really wanted to tell you what's wrong, but when?
When would be the right time for me to tell you all my complains i had for you
I don't want to see any abuse that you're having for almost everyone, including me
Well for now, i would rather keep my mouth shut, i don't know why i hate you now
Don't see any point for us to be talking, but sometimes i just can't avoid you
Nowadays i don't want to use others as an substitute, there may be rumours, i don't know
It's too early for us to decide anything, let time tell us the truth, and may it stay the same
Pe, someone tripped another person down! Goodness, made me laughed so loudly
Actually i wasn't laughing on how she fell, but it was his reaction that made me laugh!
Saw some side of you today, kind of funny, some kind of unforgettable memories
Yesterday went to watch movie with sis, pf, sam, pt and sl, watched pulse!
Actually everyone thought it would be so damn scary, but turns out i'm not scared by it
But who cares? I'm prepared to get scolded when i get home, because of my report!
Which i had been procrastinating it for about 2 weeks, it's time to show it to my dad
Both of us thought he would give us a BIG scolding, it turns out different from what we think
In the end, i don't think my dad even scolded us at all, so we were feeling relieved
But every good things has a bad purpose behind it, bad things occur after good
He said he wanted to give us some more practice, have to pay a hefty sum too
I don't want to sleep so late! Plus getting all those practices from you too? No way!
Can't sleep for the whole freaking night, something happened and it's so unbearable
I can't stop him, no one can. Guess i have to burn some midnight oil tonight
Anyways, i'm already used to it, so there's no point forcing us anymore? Won't work!
Exams, exams, exams...
6:24 PM
Friday, September 22, 2006
feel so damn bloated up, seems like someone just blew my stomach up
just like those in the japanese occupation, where they fed prisoners with water
till their stomach became so damn bloated and they stepped and jumped on them
okay okay don't think about all those gross things already, so disgusting yeah?
so basically in short, i felt so damn FULL today, going to put on weight already!
plus went to linda's house today, ate alot of food there too, oh man oh man
but seriously i agreed with what people had told me there too you know?
my sister cook this for her f&n exam today! seriously i ate and ate!
isn't it a mouth-watering dish? doesn't it makes you feel like eating it? SMILES!
some say it's just some jokes and they don't mean me to take it so seriously too
other said i may be taking all this things a bit too seriously, what do you guys think?
should i just give up as what you had given me as an option? why do i need to do this?
time to heed advices from friends now? will i regret as much as last time again?
hurts alot, but i think its time for me to just give it up and stop thinking about it
i don't see any point any further, may just be wasting my own precious time
who gives a damn anymore right? seriously i really agreed with one of you yeah
i want to show it to you that i am better and happier much off now
not the miserable old me, not the desperate and always wanted attention one
who seriously gives a damn for all those right? can be an eye sore sometimes...
well, time to show it all off now right? or maybe not on a second thought?
guess it's time to make my own decisions, i'm really sick of all this nonsense!
so i'll think about it, but most percentage still goes out to you guys, it's for sure
no one can be trusted now, i can trust nobody and nobody should trust me
i believed you people and yet you guys just did all those shit back to me
isn't that abit too obvious don't you think? it's just so visible to everyone around you
even walls have eyes okay? guess it's time i shut my eyes and walk my own direction
many people said the same things to me, all seem so true and trust worthy now
well, can anyone just give me one little piece of advice? i'm so stuck right now
yesterday, while we were walking up the staircase, didn't bother much about the teachers
and so we just walked, couldn't help but overrheard what they said, spoke too "softly"
one guy teacher, sorry don't want to say any names here in my blog, too many eyes
so he said, "we should catch all those students wearing blue shoes and green socks!"
immediately, i jumped up and my eyes opened so big, he was referring to me! goodness
so we just quickly ran up to the class, i can't afford another demerit point right?
hope he isn't taking our class for oral, seriously i hope, rumours said he's taking us
but who cares? i'm so used to breaking school rules nowadays, not joking
and i was so damn miserable during math lesson, i knew i did badly at the test
found out that i was the last in class, disappointing, really indeed
so did this test really woke up idea up this time? it happened not once, but twice
f*cking hell, my math dropped ever since i came to secondary 3, downhill let me tell you
doing downwards very steeply, i feel like a failure, i just can't take all this things!
after what she said to me, i really felt like crying, but i just held it back inside me
what's the use of crying when all this is over? what's done has been done
you just have to blame yourself for not working hard, instead you just goofed off
no one can help you, but you can only help yourself, "she" told me this sentence
till now, i agree with you that this sentence really is true, i need to do some reflections
it's written all over my paper, some more so damn obvious, i really need to do it
seeking help all over the house, i found a person, not what i had in mind at first
but i'll just go ahead with it, realised that i've mistaken you so long already
found out yesterday, some hidden emotions of yours i think? i guess so alright
so what can i say about you now? i don't want to mistaken you anything or what now
i know things would be turning out wrong and me leaving bad old impressions again
not once will i ever get things right, something just makes me feel so frustrated
really don't wish to continue all this anymore, if that's what makes you happy
then just go ahead, i can't be bothered anymore, makes my blood really boils
sometimes, being with you guys beats being with what i am having in mind now
it's really time to move on, seriously you guys have such a bad reputation, nothing i can say...
such a jerk
10:18 PM
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
from this second onwards...
7:00 PM
Monday, September 18, 2006
what should i say now? just want to get this thing over and done with, so shut the hell up
sometimes think that everyone has such a big mouth, shut up will you?
can't think of what to say when i see all this things now, better left off alone
if i poke my nose into other business again, it would be such a big laughing stock
it's not fun and games to be in my shoes right now, sometimes i can't figure it out
what's wrong with me?! sometimes just want to give each of you one tight slap
want to wake up your stupid ideas, just f*ck off and get out of my sight
no one bothers looking at it now, it's just wasting my precious time on you guys
say all you want to me right now, it's not my business, just plain nonsense
do whatever you want cause that doesn't really bothers me, i'm happier off now
what the hell man, don't know why my appetite is getting bigger and bigger
craving for all sorts of food now, GIVE IT TO ME!! before all you people die
kind of lazy to exercise, especially when you are all alone doing it by yourself thou
so today was practically so-called my another wasting my time day, as usual
chinese lesson was SUCH a joke, yz and i kept playing with our phones again!
and then suddenly the chinese teacher came and poke her head infront of us
scared the hell out of me, and she said she want to confiscate our phones, shit you!
but i just hid it and said i wouldn't use it again, but still i used it again
and that stupid chinese teacher kept telling me to read the passage twice! HELL!
nobody can talk to me in this tone of voice nor attitude, so just f*ck off will you?
stop bugging me with your deep chinese accent will you? goodness...
realised that mr lim is really such a nag! his mouth is basically like a radio
where's that stop button on you? can't you stop nagging for just this once will you?
so no matter how hard i exercise, my weight still doesn't change at all, oh well
you can't force all this things right? it just happens naturally, i think yah?
so assembly, basically feel falling asleep the whole time, so damn tired too
think i'm going to fall my common test real badly too, plus today got public caning
oh well, sometimes just think that life can be so unpredictable, so unexplainable
everything can happen all of a sudden, it just comes unexpectally
and attacks you so brutally, and yet you're laughing behind looking like sadist
what's wrong with you, and what's happening in your mind? you look like an idiot
maybe things really happens for a reason, and there's nothing i can do to stop it
guess i should just accept a fact? oh i really can't be bothered now
couldn't change
8:14 PM
Sunday, September 17, 2006
ouch my foot still hurts alot, wonder if i can still do pe tomorrow, how i wished
yesterday went down and played basketball with pf and my sister, finally they agreed!
had been wanting to play basketball since friday, finally they crawled out of their hole
oh well, at least i did had fun even if i sprained my foot, ouch still hurts
anyways thanks gh for the pink dolphin and for waking up early in the morning
had to wake up early in the morning for cca yesterday, so damn tired
plus when we went to school, mrs loh was late! as usual, luckily we weren't okay
so went to kent ridge park, thought there were supposed to be more people there
but sadly there were only a few, so anyu, zubaidah and me were road marshalls
stupid i cannot go and play, so we practically sat there more than an hour!
so three of us sat there like idiots, and then suddenly a bird shit landed on anyu!
and i laughed so damn loudly, sadly i choose not to post the picture because she said no
many things happened and i really don't know how should i be feeling
did some bad things with the wrong attitude too, talked with a stupid tone
till now, i still did not get my answer from you yet, how long should i wait on?
repeatedly made the same mistakes over and over again, i'm really sick of it
really don't know what you're thinking of sometimes, you told me this and yet it's not
you said you wanted to do all this things, and yet you're lying behind my back
i'm really not interested in it anymore, and i had already given up long ago
choose not to waste my time on such nonsense already, i've put up with you too long
do what you want from now on, cause i can't be bothered by you anymore
what more can i say? just maeks my blood boil whenever i think of it now and then
stupid, why did you call me for? how many times did i tell you not to call me?
guess i have no choice but to reject and reject and reject, you're such a lame person
anyways, some weird person added me and i find it so weird, who gives a damn?
-peace- says:
hey
«Ẅᧆє мỳ ŦїмΞ«______confrontation``]] [[ define the great line ]] says:
ellox
«Ẅᧆє мỳ ŦїмΞ«______confrontation``]] [[ define the great line ]] says:
u are?
-peace- says:
some1 who needs your help
«Ẅᧆє мỳ ŦїмΞ«______confrontation``]] [[ define the great line ]] says:
huh what help..? O_o
-peace- says:
i need your advices, quick
«Ẅᧆє мỳ ŦїмΞ«______confrontation``]] [[ define the great line ]] says:
er kaes.. the problem is..?
-peace- says:
i need a gal realli badly
«Ẅᧆє мỳ ŦїмΞ«______confrontation``]] [[ define the great line ]] says:
then go look for 1 lor
«Ẅᧆє мỳ ŦїмΞ«______confrontation``]] [[ define the great line ]] says:
don be desperate lar
-peace- says:
i need it, oh it's gone
-peace- says:
goodbye
you stupid desperate people out there, why must you be so damn desperate?
where's your sense of shame? can't stand those people, and yet i know some of them
sometimes i find it really weird to believe what you're telling me now
why did i even believe you in the first place? seem like a big fool right now
want to go back to the past, where we were just plain humble and pretty normal
but now, it's all messed up and i wouldn't believe anything being said anymore
no mood now, leave me alone!
9:52 PM
Friday, September 15, 2006
things getting out of hand, why is all this nonsense happening to me?
can people really be trusted anymore? who's to trust? maybe i have the answer within me
but did i really chose this right path, i can't bear to watch myself fall again
i don't want to return back to the past, who knows what you've done to me
has all this been planned and drawn out already? i feel so damn disappointed now
who can give me advice? CORRECT advices, some are just plain dumb
kept thinking whether what i'm doing now will bring me up to another stage
really can't bear to watch this scenes anymore, i don't want names to be named
go on without me, i don't give a damn for you guys anymore, that's what i chosen
should all this matters be spoken infront of me ever again? who cares...
have alot of insight information from others, it's like they all come running to me
went back to class and many people started telling me plenty of stories, quite fasinating
some were quite belivable, some quite funny, some seem so damn true to me
felt so disgusted by what they had told me, can't believe i shouted so loud in class
anyways, thank you "guys" and i really don't know what should i say to you anymore
really feel like giving myself one tight slap, so that i can go back into reality
WAKE UP stop day-dreaming already, forget about the past and move on
why should you even bother so much at this stage, let time take control over me
i don't want to force people anymore, where can the happiness be right now?
who cares what's my point of view now, where is it! i'm constabtly searching for it
practically did nothing today in school, history; slept, art; talked, math; touch phone
why am i doing all this? i know what will the consequences be if i do not do well
what's all that distraction that's distracting me? go away you asshole
thought about where i was thinking i want to go after my secondary school studies
well i want to pursue interior designing for houses, if not, something relating to music
school's first choice, nanyang school of fine arts, if not singapore polytechnic
do you even think i would fit in all those courses or even those schools?
should i be doubting my abilities, is it too early to let all this speak for itself?
don't know why feel so moody all of a sudden when i'm thinking about all this things
have i lost faith in myself already, or should i just really just move on and forget
who's to blame, guess i should blame myself that i've landed in this stage
anyways aikido last lesson already, really miss those instructors alot! like HELL
I LOVE PHILIP, FELIX, GRACE AND JINGJING, such wonderful instructors
at least i got a photo of them, well there's just memories within me, i'm satisfied
some more got test on thursday, but everyone basically knows how to do everything
then i paired up with my sister and we gave way to each other, kind of funny
and we did laughed at people, especially when they wanted to test our wrist
we basically did push-up infront of them, YAY! i managed to do all of them
because we wanted to avoid getting into trouble and we really did have fun that day
so got a certificate, still don't get why must they say my full name out!! so embarassing
but i really missed them alot, don't think they had scolded us before right?
wanted to post their pictures out, but on a second thought, i guess not alright?
things start to leave me one by one, even all those that i can't be bothered had left
what''s important and what's not, it just feels the same to me no matter what
all this things really does not matter to me anymore, there's this thing i heard
learn to forgive and forget, till now i did not forgive her, she caused me too much trouble
gave me a big headache and many worries when you had been teaching us, bitch
i still wouldn't forget that time when i can't believe i had all those stupid things for you
thought back and realised how stupid and gullible i was last time, to believe you
still don't know why people still like you alot, stop showing off, it's disgusting
what's there to show right? let's not speak about this forever and i mean forever
seriously don't you feel hurt at all when you hear all those comments?
maybe you just took it as a joke or something that does not matter to you anymore
is it really so funny to you, do you know your words are very hurtful?
i just kept it inside me, i was wishing one day you would change for the better
are all this just false hope that you had given me? stop mocking at others...
can't believe you agreed to everything i said and yet you even commented on it
i'm shocked thou, thought you might had rebelled against me or something, oh well
what the f*ck, don't know why i gained weight this few days, when is the last time i ran?
okay, maybe a few hours ago, don't want to be bothered by weight problems!
thought back, wished i could spend more time with you guys! bring laughter to me
what did i miss this few months? can all this be brought back to me once more?
really like hanging out with you guys, hey you, i heard you said the wrong things
should have stopped you earlier, oh come on take that as a compliment will you?
don you think you took things too serious for now, it's like a stupid joke get it?
seems like i'm constantly asking questions to myself, who can answer that for me
made up my mind, i'm seriously not crying for anyone anymore, what for
maybe i had chosen my way out already, should just leave things behind me
don't know why my heart feel so "soft" lately, have i been too soft-hearted?
pity all kinds of people nowdays, seem very very ridiculous right? i just feel like it
it's best if we leave them alone for now, let time take control of us...
i just feel like it
10:24 PM
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
what should i say? can i really conclude that this is all over for me already?
everyone told me each of the things they had in mind, different thoughts thou
i find it really interesting to hear what they have in mind, sometimes i find it quite true
find it even more interesting when this two gave me a piece of their mind
plus some happenings which they had saw in class, i was really damn disgusted
what the f*ck? i feel very used now, seriously i finally had the taste of my own medicine
finally knew what you guys mean already, i feel so disappointed, who cares right?
do what you want and just keep a distance away from me, you sickening face
what else can i do now right? seem so ridiculous that i'm doing all those things before
how should i be facing you, am i heading the right direction now? follow my feelings...
school's so damn boring, and i even ended up pressing my phone the whole time
always going to the toilet just to see my hair, how vain don you think?
but hey, who cares? i don't even give a damn for myself, why should you too?
every lesson seem so useless to me, i don't understand what dog language is being spoke
what are the teachers talking about? i don't even give a damn now! what the hell?
i don't want to retain in secondary 3, someone help me! my studies really dropped alot
especially my math, some more i'm taking two math for my exams, double failure
WORK HARD FOR GOODNESS SAKE! what you get in the end is for yourself
failed some and passed some subjects, majority still goes to failing and failing
what should i do, people say it's normal for us to fail more at secondary three
dies all this words really matters to me anymore? i don't really think so right?
missed walking with them home again, finally got to get that kind of feeling back again
had lots of laughter today, especially when there's this guy walking infront of us
all three of us held our noses when we're walking behind him, at the same time
and then my sister kept shouting that he stink and some bunch of other things
i took out my phone and ran as close as him and took a shot of him, so funny
can't really find that picture now, my folder is so damn full, alot of pictures inside
will post this picture when i found it yah? sorry about that, it's in my phone now
if you want to see it, look for me and ask me, if not just wait! who's interested at all?
don't give a damn about me, but i sure do missed walking home with them
what am i missing out all this time? do i really regret it now, at this moment?
hated this feeling, do i really leave bad impression for people, find it really true now
what should i do now, i really hate you to the core now...
5:43 PM
Sunday, September 10, 2006
what should i do now? every word i said make things get even worser
how i wish i could just crawl up to a corner and just hear myself speak for once
where do i even stand at this very point of time? sometimes i just cannot understand you
what are you thinking of? does that really matters to me anymore?
just leave bad impression for people, there's nothing good about me at all, what's wrong
really don't have any mood now, damn freaking stressed out now, DEPRESSION!
DEPRESSION! i can feel you coming so close to me now, i can sense your not leaving
so many things left to do, just want to cry it out right now, will you be there for me?
this may be one of my shortest post this month, seriously it will be one of the shortest
who cares what i write? when it has to do with you, you start to get overreacted
what's there to overreact? should i be blamed for all this troubles you have now, HELL NO
so ridiculous at times, i shall not be intimidate by you any longer, i've had enough
you said your piece now leave, vanish from my sight and get out of my mind
i won't think about you no more, the more i think, things will get out of hand
will i also be looking for one now? i'm constantly waiting, not for you, but i wanted chance
how should i be facing you tomorrow? or even later on, where's the pride gone?
i don't see any humours in my sentences, i don't see why i should be happy for
who can tell me what should i do? why am i so stuck up right now, SCREW YOU PEOPLE!
why am i even doing all this sort of things now, would people think i'm crazy?
who's got the point, who's making all this up? i don't see any point no more
do what you want from now on, because i really can't be bothered by you anymore
i've sacrifaced too much, i've done too much for you, do you find it offensive too?
wonder how am i really going to face you later onwards, maybe i should put my head down
and pretended all this things never happened before, move on with life
start things afresh, i want to be a changed person from now, where's the old me?
the old me used to be a patient person, but now, i just find it so useless, not worth it
i used to think it was so special in so many ways, but now i found out the truth
now it's just like a torned up image, i've refused to put it back together again
i just don't see no point in it, used to think it would heal back by itself thou...
she smsed me today, surprised how she got my number when i didn't give it to her
asked me how i felt, i just told her i feel so tired of living, just leave me alone
and then she suddenly called me, scared the bloody hell out of me, who cares?
i refused to pick up her phone, and then just told her i was busy doing something else
why don't i just get straight with her to the point? why do i even worry so much?
will i worry that she may tell him about what i was going to tell her? not trustworthy
it cannot be shown, no adults should know about all this problems i'm encountering
who gives a damn right? the more i talk to her the more i wanted to cry it out
please don't call or sms me, i'm sick of all those "talkings" thou i admit your nice
does all that talkings made me change my views for you again? why didn't i think of that...
haven't signed my progress report, will i even resort to forging my parent's signature?
i'm still thinking, i really don't want to bring my parents down nor disappoint them
what should i do now, time seem so precious to me right now, it passes so quickly
why didn't i learn to appreciate all those i had in the past, now it's all taken away from me
apparently i guess you're better off with me, will the past be able to be erased
what am i aiming for right now, should i listen to my dearest for advices right now?
everything's in such a mess right now, i can't clear all this away right now!
jealousy is not part of me, why should i be jealous just because you have all this things
i shall not procrastinate this any further, i think i've made up my mind, it's not important
nothing's important to me now, i need to settle all this problems one by one
don't have any mood to talk further, leave me alone you idiots
shit you all
9:51 PM
Friday, September 08, 2006
i'm so damn f*cking sad, i'm so damn f*cking disappointed at myself, what is wrong?
never been so damn sad for a few months, been a long time since i cried till like that
why did i encountered so many problem in such a few days? WHAT THE HELL?
getting angry at him doesn't helps me at all, so many problems to settle
why did i break down and started crying? crying isn't the out of my problems at all
telling the truth is the only way out, so why did i use stupid reasons to cover myself up?
now it ended up like this, guess i would really have to save up money and repay them back
was shocked to hear it would be more than a few hundred bucks, what should i do!
really don't want to think about this problem, and now i influenced another person
what the f*ck, why did things turned out like that? who's to blame? myself
bought a new phone yesterday, don't know why some people so damn pissed off
but hope it won't turn out like this again, i'm sorry, i've been eyeing it for a long time
anyways bought nokia 6233, didn't expect it to overshot my budget too
but thanks mum, cost about mere $300, exceeded my budget by about half times
reached home, press and press and press, but something happened at night
i touched that freaking security system, and then it ended up my sim card rejected
i was so damn pissed off, should have called starhub earlier, hope to get my phone back
talked to my aunt, last time used to hate her alot, because of her being so arrogant and stuffs
but talking to her is better than talking to my dad, she supports your idea
she asked me what was my future ambition, i told her i was interested in interior designing
and her first word was,"WOW! go La Selle?" i said maybe, but never considered
she said, what about polytechnic? and i just told her singapore polytechnic was my choice
then she said, wow not bad, what about your sister? and i just said she wants to be a chef
and she replied, wanna go shatec and work or something? your aunt is there too
seriously, if i were to say all this to my father, he won't be giving a damn for us at all
kept saying that my idea is a good one and she supported it alot
made me cry when i hear that, she's the first person who supported my idea all this years
suddenly she took out her handphone, gave me her number and told me
"if you have any problems, can come and talk to me, instead of your dad alright?"
i just nodded the whole conversation with her, and she was running late for work
does that really changed my views for her? and she told me a bunch of other things
like, asking me to go church, going australia with her, spending a night over at her house
going to her house later to play her dog, talking and chatting with her on the phone
even said that sometimes when she was around my age, she also hated her parents
just like me, even thought of running away from home, but don't have money nor a place
she encountered all this problems i faced now before, yet she survived through all this
how do i feel when i hear all this? i really regretted ignoring you in the past...
wonder how should i be facing you later on, i really don't want to cry anymore
thanks guys, for calling and cheering me up, sorry i don't have the mood to talk too long
my eyes were filled with tears when i hear all your voices, i just can't control myself
but anyways, thanks guys, i really appreciated it alot, thanks for being there for me
ther are some things in life that are more important than what you expect
and i finally know what's more important than what i should be expecting now
learn to give up an item to be with another, have to learn to treasure them before it's gone
maybe you people are right, learn to heed advices from the right group of people
you never did give me advices or showed concern, maybe it's time i hear from others
listen and be opened to the world, look forward to what's in stall for you
let time speak for itself, i don't want to be reminded of this incident
i've learnt a lesson, i've so many other problems left to settle, no time anymore
why did so many incidents happened in such a short amount of days?
will i be depressed again? i don't want to resort to indispicable actions ever again
i've learnt my lesson for now, but would you give me this chance to renew it?
i'm sorry for causing you so many troubles over and over again, i don't know what happened
don't think you can use the computer, i'm utterly sorry, really REALLY sorry
people! please don't try and cheer me up, unless you know i would get cheered up by you
there are some particular people that won't cheer me up, but your constantly trying
now, i really don't want anymore people to cheer me up, leave it that way, i won't blame you
i really don't see a reason/ need for me to smile anymore, where's the old me..?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
updated again during 8:05pm
you came home, i was expecting you to scold me again, you told me to go to that place
i knew you were going to tell me about how much i owe the library, guess how much i own?
altogether, i owe the library $153.67, shocking right? i just don't want it to be spoken
it's embarrasing, an influence to my life, let this be the first and last time it ever happens
it's really saddening, i now then realised that you really do care alot
and yet i kept blaming you for everything you've done, i really don't know how you feel
i don't know how you feel inside or how had my matter affected you in any other ways
and yet, you preferred not to turn me in to them, how do i feel when i hear all this?
after you came home, i really felt so shameful of what i've done, what should i do?
i know you meant well for me, i just couldn't appreciate all those things anymore
just want to crawl up to a corner and stay there till the day i die... where do i stand..?
regrets
5:18 PM
Thursday, September 07, 2006
have all the time i want now, going to rot at home! not physically but mentally inside
should i apologize to you? sometimes i feel that there's a need to do all this to you
sometimes i feel that you deserve what you get, laughing behind your back
hoping that you would deserve more, kind of acting like a sadist am i? no way am i like that
getting on my nerves! especially all this group of people out there, YEAH YOU!
don't want to look at it no more, it always brings back the same old feelings
yes, thanks for saying i'm eccentric, althought my friend also says himself an eccentric person
you're a nice person, seriously man we really have a unusual friendship, and i cherish that alot
i'm on my way, but there's just this thinking inside me that says stop
should i just carry on without thinking twice, or hope nothing goes wrong along the way?
leaving my soft side away from me, from now on, there won't be any of my old me
want to move on without looking back for now, just don't see any point for me to look back
other people moved on, so why haven't i? why do i keep worrying so much? it doesn't help
shouldn't heed advices from anyone of you anymore, it would end up like last time
the past is the past, maybe it's really time for me to move on, i just feel like it
people told me to give up, some told me to hold on to it tightly, i want to make my own decisions
really don't feel like wrecking up my life right now, not even bringing up the past
talked to this junior of mine a few hours ago, well i do feel sorry for him
he's been dumped by his girlfriend, and now he's trying so damn hard to get her back
well accidents do happen, anyways no names' been mentioned, work hard for it boy
why do people have to work hard for this thing and yet no reward has been given?
it seems like all this work has gone down the drain, just like me, all work no rewards
like a nightmare to me, oh well, i think it's time i take some actions already
will running away from my problem helps? or practically giving it all away to another person
time's running out, better find a solution quick, is it really so important to me?
people don't get what i'm saying, i just write what i have in mind, i'm constantly waiting
this word giving up ever crossed my mind, why don't i take a second notice for it
it's time to move on, rather than me lying on my bed, listening to heavy metal music
all this music really carries my burden away, just going to have to continue this
will that disappoint you a lot? i'm guessing not, everyone just feel happy when it's gone
will the truth be spoken today? how would i know, i really don't get what you're thinking
through all this years that i've been with you, i really won't get what you mean
long words doesn't mean there's lots of meaning inside, as for me, there's only one
who cares what i'm referring to anyways? nobody have time to read finish all this thing
i blog for the sake of blogging, i blog because i want to vent all my anger out
maybe this time it's not anger that i'm having inside, it's low self esteem that i have
you made me feel so remorseful right now, no names mentioned i don't want people asking who
really sick of people asking who am i referring to? is it really so important to you?
just a few more seconds, sometimes really feel that i can't hold on to it anymore
i don't wish to give up too, but talking to one of you just now, really seemed so true
you guys endured more than me, so why do i want to be so desperate for it?
maybe it's time already? or just wait on and on, i don't mind at all, is it so wrong?
someone give me an answer, or someone just assist me, when is it going to happened?
constantly waiting, brighten up day along the way, well that's my say...
trying and trying
11:52 AM
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
HAPPY 6TH BIRTHDAY TO MY LITTLE BROTHER!! CHEERS!! :)
alright let's get down to business, roller coaster ride for my mind this few days
did some deep thinking this past few days too, realised that i did some things wrong in life
been trying to clear all my bad deeds, what did i done wrong? maybe it's time to face it
when should i try to do it? when should i heed advices from people already?
i was hoping it would not turn out this way, but hey, life is unpredictable you know?
but who cares about me right, nobody gives a damn anymore, so just leave me alone
trying to stay happy while looking through all my sms, i want to try to smile
how should i be feeling now, can anyone just tell me just how should i be feeling
oh well, maybe someone is just testing my patience, seeing how long could i last
can i endure it for a very long time, or will i ever break out sooner or later,
or even now felt weird after what's been done, seriously i can't forget it at all,
maybe i will not ever worrying about so many things now, it's time to worry about my studies!!
worry about my art, my progress report and how am i going to improve my studies!!
it's going downhill, some more i'm going down a very VERY sleep hill
why do i even get jealous over little things? or do i really will feel like an extra there?
no interest in it nor anything else, i just want opportunities for it to be given
have this weird feeling for you, do you consider yourself making the right decisions
i would just have to mind my own business while you mind your business too
hope things wouldn't turn out so complicated, after all life can be so cruel and mean
speaking of the devil, it arrived today again, what the hell? get out and leave me alone will you!
going to rot at home tomorrow, always doing the same things over and over again
still not getting any ideas on how i should start to my stupid freaking art homework!!
do i have any other choices right now? or should i procrastinate it again like old times?
want to enjoy what i have now, but i just can't find anything enjoyable for me
maybe you should just give up, don't wait anymore! i'm sure and i'm serious about it
so let's not bother by all this kind of things anymore yah? brings back such a 'good' memory
let's not have all this things interfering my own properties, what the hell am talking about
to this bunch of people, stop asking me what my blog means, because i don't know too
let me guess, you bunch of people had been asking me for this past few months
oh who cares? can't be bothered by all this things anymore, guess i've lost interest in it
want to walk down this stretch of road again, reflecting on my past, good and bad
it doesn't really matter to me anymore, what i do is always wrong, always wrong
seems to me that the answer to all your enquiries is standing right infront of you right now
the gaps are closing in and i still haven't found an answer, what should i do? start worrying?
tried to rush through, it seems so never ending, there's no way i can make you talk
don't have the mood now, things always turns out wrong for me, it's a cycle..
i'm trying to hard right now
11:04 AM
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
stay happy, go on like this, things would turn out well :)
6:05 PM
so boring right now, stuck in the school's computer lab for math remedial lessons
now don't know why the lesson is kind of messed up now, everyone's going to the other websites
hope i don't get caught just because i went to other websites, so who cares right?
i don't give a damn anymore, sitting at one corner here some more freezing under the aircon
so anyways yesterday, really didn't know what came over me yesterday at all
was i feeling satisfied and happy yesterday? what could be the answer left hidden inside?
should i go forward and start questioning over people's authority a not
will it turn out to be a disaster again, or will history repeats itself, brought pain to me
start today, but will it come over to me personally just like i told you to do it
there's a high percentage that it won't come to me personally, and i'm so caught up
i don't want to authenticate anything right now, let's just wait, hope and believe in that person
but the thing is that, oh well non of you will ever understand my situation now
no one knows how i feel and no one ever will know how i feel inside at all! so don't bother
i'm sorry, really sorry, doing this for your own good, hope you understand alright?
you're starting to be a nice person, hope you will understand me, don't want you to wait
the more you wait, the more you feel hurt, I'M SORRY! really doing for your own good
aren't you happier now? seriously i can see that you're going to be so damn happy now
won't forgive and forget about this matter forever and ever, maybe i should start to act
this is a race that you want to restart it, trained hard this past few days, losing for sure
what should be my outcome, do i want to listen or see the outcome, will it satisfy me!
so many things to talk about now, i don't want names to be named nor names to be pointed
think i should wait and wait, how long will this ever last and will it still continues?
wait and see, should i let time pass by me and i'm looking at you guys everyday
i know it's hard to avoid you when i'm practically meeting you the whole day
smelling competition coming around me very soon, i'm losing it, losing everything i have
does it makes you so happy to see me suffer? sometimes just wondering what you have in mind
what are you thinking at times? does it have the same thinking as me, just wondering
i'm making a guess where you're just treating it as a bunch of games for you to play
some bunch of stupid people came over to me again, guess what they told me again?
what the hell are you talking about in your blog? who are you referring to? why does your blog have so many words and yet non of us understands you again?
just choose not to answer that kind of questions anymore, better left off alone
can't be bothered by all this kind of people anymore, told you guys before right?
want to type my piece, what i think here, that's why? if you don't understand then BUZZ OFF
anyways, do you guys agree that i'm typing WAY too much words over here?
seriously, i don't think it's too much words that i'm typing over here, i think it's little?
does it hurts your eyes just to see this? does it pollute your minds? i don't think so
okay i'm getting a little out of hand now, stop thinking about all this people and nonsense
did something illegal yesterday, really hope i don't get caught doing that sort of things
almost got caught too, i really don't want to lie to anyone ever again, it feels so wrong
worrying about my progress report a lot, what should i do, lying isn't the way out
result's dropping drastically, and i'm really regretting what i've gave you that day
just imagine if i didn't heed advices from other people, would there be a today?
sometimes really just wished i could just believe in myself just this once and not counting on other people at all
why can't i just have faith in myself, believe in yourself just this once!
do i always have this thinking in my mind, where all my thoughts will always be wrong!
something changed my mind this few years, maybe it's time to change my way of thinking
know it takes time and i have some people supporting, make my own decisions from now on
regretted a million times, wished i hadn't did that in the first place, just can't anymore
can't bring that back anymore, what's done is done, no one can bring that back
all this regrets really will be brings back tears to my eyes? will i want to start crying again?
maybe i will find one day to talk things out again, hope it wouldn't be like this way again
oh what am i thinking, acting like an idiot all day long, staring at the PSP the whole time
don't think i'll get sick of this new game but get mad, stupid! the challenger so hard to beat
there's many things i had regretted doing it, wished i could have did well in my primary school
wished i hadn't seek advices from people around me in the first place, really pissed off
why can't i just make decisions my own just this once, now it's gone away from me
remain like this for at least the next five years? can i take the heat, the pain inside me?
people really can't be bothered to read this long, useless, meaningless, unworthy post
if you do read till here, kindly tell me i just really can't be bothered anymore, sick and tired of life...
should i try it out
11:11 AM
Monday, September 04, 2006
really feeling so damn messed up this few days, so damn messed up
never encounter all this problems since the day i was born, and now it's happening
many people said i change alot, physically and my inner characteristic
good news for them, but bad news to me, i don't want to change drastically anymore
but it's been done, anything that can be reversed again? what's done is done
now i shall let history repeats itself again, now i'm just waiting for approval i guess
will history repeats itself? all those hardship left kept inside me, nothing seems right
and first time a guy cried for me? well seriously i was really left speechless
so damn messy right now, someone just bang my head on the wall and let me forget it
let me forget what i'm encountering right now, all those sadness and misery
i'm not trying to be sadistic or what, i'm just feeling so messy, someone help me!
it seems like it's working the other way round or what, it's just wrong
but now, everything's worth a try now, holding on tightly and not letting go
hope not all of those important people are looking at this right now, even thou i know
read a book on school bullying, lesbians, gays and bisexual people yesterday
well, i'm not trying to say i'm one of them, but my heart just feel so empty inside
it seems like all this people had gone through much much more hardship than me
yet they're able to solve their problems, and yet i'm still procrastinating mine
just have to face it, this is reality and sometimes it's better if you just accept them
i was hoping that you would give it up, i don't want to waste anymore of your time again
LISTEN up! i want to hold on to it till i give up, so don't bother anymore
now i'm awaiting, filled with stupidity and wishful thinkings, so how? it's just a fact
it's like a balloon which suddenly pop, similiar to my situation, just ended like pop
did i say all those for nothing or did you just took it for granted as if it's a joke
anyways flag day was yesterday, did two cip each consecutive weeks, how tiring?
some dumb school came later and so-called took over our spot, what the hell?
and a girl even had the cheek to smile at me? how sickening can it be right? so mad
flaming with anger, so i can just reflect on what i'm learnt yesterday with two words
there's ignorant and non-ignorant souls in singapore, that's all i can say i think, well that's it
waiting and waiting for a miracle? had i suffered enough or do i need to endure it again
sometimes it seemed so ridiculous to do all this sort of things in life, don't you think
i'm not even aiming for high aspects, so why are you so over protective when i'm not complaining at all?
guess that's what you want to make me think, but what i want to say has been said
someone just kill, slash, help me, heard advices from friends too
but i guess i really can't count on anyone to listen to this particular situation alright?
i just need time to think it over and over again, don't you seem to be much happier
been asking myself questions, the same questions, did you do on purpose a not
what can i do now, stay happy? maybe this word doesn't belongs to my dictionary anymore
is it so much fun to drag it on and on, don't want to be disappointed no more
just imagine when we grow up and begin to look back at this matter, it will be a laughing stock
will you remember what i said and just do it? even had a dream about it, it's a disaster
if your eye hurts when my post is too wordy, stop looking and get out of here
i really don't give a damn you know? i just want to vent our all my unhappiness
don't you think you're exagerrating a little too much? does it mean so much to you
should i keep my hands off this problem and keep myself company for the rest of my life
will it be the same again, i doubt so, that's just my point of view and all i can say
no one can make me lack behind, no one can tell me to give up what i want
what can i do now, guess i'll say i'm sorry...
Sincerely
sorrY
happily ever after, i don't want misconceptions
10:51 AM
Friday, September 01, 2006
this few days had been very rough for me, never expected all this to happen at all
came a night where it seemed to pure and normal, just like the way we were
and then it all came with that message, really shocked me alot, really indeed
so don't want to say it here, many people came and complimented on what i typed
sorry man, most of you would have known what happened right? yes you do
this few days, many people came to me, saying that they've saw my blog
oh yes you guys do? okay you saw your piece, so why bother reminding me again?
all this shitty happenings, what should i do next? hold on to it even more tight i guess
but don't you think it's happened all too sudden? oh well, this bonds us more together?
okay never mind, so let us just leave it to you, i'll respect you, don't worry alright?
yesterday's teacher's day, HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY TO YOU TEACHERS!
seriously, i still hold a grudge for you, i don't know why i still hate you alot
wrote on every card to give to the teachers except for yours, i'm guessing so
let's just leave it, i don't want to face your dumb and stupid face anymore
and we just got back our progress report, i knew i would fail more than 2 subjects
indeed it became a reality, oh well, should i post it? mock at me all you want, i don't give a damn
English Language (Syll A) : 46.7
Chinese N(A) : 55
Combined Humanities (S, H) : 80
Additional Mathematics : 63.9
Mathematics : VR
Science (Phy, Chem) : 46.1
Art & Design : 49
Remarks: Grace can be depended on to get things done. A good team player, she is able to meet ever changing demands.
what the f*ck, i have so much comments on my results you know?
this is the first time i failed my stupid english language, what the stupid hell? at least we got the same marks
my chinese results dropped tremendously, i don't have anything to say
combined humanities? just don't feel as if it's my results at all, the feeling's not the same
since when did my additional mathematics get sixty plus? well i'm satisfied thou
luckily my express math showed VR, i would bet with you that i will fail it
failed my science, because my physics pulled me down, i just suck it you know?
and then art, which really pissed me off alot, i failed by a freaking mark you know!
should have done more stupid research and showed that teacher who scolded me
thanks mrs yeo for that comments, really unexpected, didn't expect all those remarks
who cares? if you're my parents, you would be so damn mad with me don't you agree?
so anyways went back to my primary school yesterday, that image changed alot and so does the people there
sad, my primary six teacher went to westwood secondary school, won't be able to see her
so after that he went to bring me home, and then it suddenly rained, downpour!
and then the five of us waited at the shop there for the rain to stop, i think
ah! he cannot play basketball anymore, because he went back late again! but we talked there
there were so many cockroaches there, scared the hell out of me, and both of us are scared
so spent about 2 hours there? doing things there, oh well, not for you guys to know
what should i do now? should i let time past and be filled with misery? i'm not ready
i agree with what people say, it states a fact, and i would want the face to stay the same
should i go out later? argh some stupid art homework, i don't even have the materials
how am i going to complete my art? WHAT THE HELL! why do i keep worrying about my art
i'm going to die, i'm going to die, i'm going to die, i'm going to die, worrying about my EOYE
having ambivalence for people nowadays, oh man what should i do? i can't be feeling like that
if this goes on, i agree with what you say, and it will turn out becoming a reality
apparently, i weren't looking when you're looking, it always turns out wrong
you're just an immature freak, waiting for an answer to be dropped from the sky
too full to think about it, began to think about the times when we were together
everything seemed to perfect, had fun, joys and laughter together, where's it gone now?
drift away, and it seems that i'm the only one who is receding back now
you guys are moving forward to the bright future, whereas i'm just stuck right here
where's the way out? who's going to lead me out, it just doesn't feels the same anymore
my stupid leg's not getting any better, it's already been one and a half week
my leg still hurts alot, when is it getting better? every morning had difficulty walking
it's hurting me, plus my brain, i'm still seeing stars, i'm better off dead i guess
maybe i should go and amputate my leg off, i can't stand the pain anymore! it's killing me
many people don't know, i just don't want people to bother about me nor care for me
i don't want to be the old me again, suck it up and just accept the fact that's been there
just feel like walking to that same particular place once again, forget all those worries
being a hypocrite, don't you feel so wrong? can't you stop doing all this for once
i'm catching on it, and you may never know when or where or how? how's that
maybe you're just better off alone, or are you just using it as a substitute
i know you're doing it just to get used to it, just not the right time to enter it as well
maybe next time, maybe somewhere else, can you find a better spot for me to do it
should i even get closer in, or just further out? grab it and never let it go once and for all
never expect all this feelings, quite a sudden shock for me, but hey, enjoy or not enjoy
looked around and suddenly this blow came to me, can i continue this, i never want to forget
standing there, i don't even thinking i'm wasting my precious time at all
i just want to stand there and keep staring downwards, and accepting all your 'gifts'
all this nonsense seems so pleasing to my ears, which used to be lame and simple
it changed for the better, and always will be improving more in the future
still think it's too little, at least it's well prepared for what's going to be next
people don't ask me what i mean, i just type all this shit out for shitty people to read
unless you consider yourself a shitty people, then come and ask me, if not, BUZZ OFF!
better start working out... living a single life from now on...
first time ever in history, i cried for a guy...
should i let time speak for itself?
3:47 PM
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