You shouldn't hang on, it's already gone.

Monday, August 28, 2006

many people don't get what my blog means or who am i referring to, who gives a damn right?
even i don't, just read your piece and have your say, take a look and take off alright?
i don't want people asking me so many questions regarding my blog, because i don't care man!
i type what i want and i just post it there for all you idiots to see it,
nothing really matters anymore, not in a mood to say so much craps around here,
i'm not much in a crapping mood today...
so nothing much matters more now, i'm going to stuff myself let me tell you!
not starve myself is stuff myself with food, many many types of food,
kind of getting all stressed up about exams, what am i going to do?
exams are around the corner and i'm really not doing well in my studies, especially majority of my subjects that i'm taking for exams,
damn stressed up about my math, i don't even know what is mdm chang talking about
i treat it as a joke i guess, never listen to that chinese teacher in class, instead played with my phone!
some of you take it as a joke or something, but i really don't care much
i respect your decision and i let you go the way you want, forcing someone just isn't the way
are we really ending it off soon? it's like indirectly telling me something i don't wish to hear
what should i do, the question's been asked already and what should i reply it off?
perhaps i'll still be waiting, but seriously thou, i will still ask the same question over and over again, how long will it takes to make it come true, i'm waiting for an answer
damn it, sometimes really can't stand mr lim! he's such a nag you know?
he talked non-stop to us today, where's that stop button? stop talking!!
some more ran 4 rounds today, what the hell? since when is the last time i ran?
think it's saturday i think, don't know why became so breathless today, what the hell!
my maid says that i don't have enough blood in my brain or somewhere in my head
everytime when i stand up after sitting down for some moment, i would be seeing 'stars'
then don't know why my eyesight became kind of blurry sometimes,
am i going to die?! joking joking, who gives a damn whether i die anot too right?
so afraid to lose it once and for all, do i even consider after that i would lose my mind too?
shit, so many things haven't do yet and i had been crapping all this while
owe teacher some bunch of homework which i don't even know how to do now
how am i going to pass my exams?! how am i even going to get to secondary 4?
talked alot today, wonder what would the outcome be? aw man i feel so used right now
what you've seen, what you've heard and done, don't you feel ashamed at all?
guess what you're feeling just lies beneath you, hope you know who you are
and please change for goodness sake! i don't want to get pissed off anymore
know that you will get sick of it sooner or later, try and control GRACE!
school's really killing me man, feels like i'm wasting half a day doing bunch of shit there...
~~cause i'm really stuck here~~

8:56 PM

Saturday, August 26, 2006

stupid cip, had to wake me up so early in the morning, where's my sleep?
really didn't have the feeling to go ask people to buy some freaking coupons
so yilian and me just walked around there, and then we went for lunch
and seriously! i didn't even sell one coupon till now you know? everybody else did sell at least 1
do you know how hard is it? talk some bunch of craps that people don't bother to listen
actually we didn't so much at all, kept walking around and anyhow taking bus to nowhere
been quite disappointed too i guess, how i could i even do this to you right?
maybe the answer just lies beneath you, and you and i should know it sooner or later
it's like being so selfish and you just wanted more of it, take it for example
you like those kinds of feelings and wanted more, instead you didn't know how people felt
being so damn selfish and start to be more and more arrogant, what's this?
think of yourself and don't want to spare a thought for the others, that's just too selfish
was afraid to make mistakes at first, now it came back to me again
how am i going to face this again? admit defeat and lose everything and move on with misery?
or just face it once and for all, it just seem so bad to face it now, causes some hatred
i don't know, i'm just bad at making decisions for my future, do i even think about it?
i'm bad at consoling people, don't blame me, i'm just bad with words
maybe it's just the different point of views we have for each other, just too many differences that's been kept in us right now
sometimes i just have to look from afar and admire what you have now
does it feels like jealousy? why do you get all the credits while i do most of the work
even became jealous when the things you do doesn't apply to me at all
don't judge a book by it's cover, it really seem so true to me at this point of time
i can never ever judge you by the way you look at me now, who knows what you're thinking?
run away from all my problems and keep my fears inside me, i don't want to show it out anymore, it will just end up hurting more people and even spoiling my own mood, am i doing the right things without hurting more people inside, what a sad thing to experience once in a lifetime, how do i deal with it, eyes can't stop seeing and complimenting on it, should i keep it on the down low..
man, my room smells like egg smell, oh my god i'm really going to puke already
holding my breath now, aw man it's just too stink! that stupid stench inside here
felt like vomitting the whole day, my world just stink alot
you selfish little freak, you always want something all by yourself
you think you're so damn perfect? why not spreading all your love to the whole world?
it's part of life and maybe faith had brought us together, there's nothing great or proud to be
it never disappears and still lingers around in your mind, what's there to be depressed for?
don't have much of a time to spend, everyone's rushing and doesn't have time to appreciate things you had in life before
missed hanging out with you guys, maybe it just doesn't feel the same anymore
is there much more things left for me to do than all this stuffs prepared already
~~it just wonders me sometimes~~

7:09 PM

Friday, August 25, 2006

stupid stupid! i practically smell like eggs now, chou ji dan maybe? what the hell!
let me tell you what happened, the five of us, adeline, yilian, guohao, mengyee :) and me
we walked downstairs the block, and then an egg fell from above i think,
it splat on the ground!! stupid man, my legs is full of egg smell right now plus my hand
oh well, i least expected it thou, who cares man? not as if i wouldn't bathe later
damn it, i hate raw eggs smell alot, i rather cooked egg smell, don't you?
okay, what happened today, oh yes, things happened the day before too
it's not quite happy thou, and i respect your decision, won't say it here anymore
don't want to be reminded of it every again, learn to forgive and forget
so really want to thank all this people in my class, they really helped me along the way
thanks simin, for helping me with everything, yes practically everything you know!
also thanks alot for helping me draw this and draw that, damn complicated man
thanks yingzhen for entertaining me i guess! had alot of fun sitting beside you!
especially thanks for all your advices, actually there are many more people
don't you people know that i'm those lazy people huh? lazy people do lazy stuffs yeah!
so anyways, 4 people are going are going for outdoor cooking competition tomorrow!
all the best peeps! good luck and have fun okay? still got cip tomorrow, sad
why must i have so many cip things? is it really that important? waste my time thou
have to wake up at about 10 o'clock in the morning, oh my goodness i want my sleep!!
6 whole hours standing here and walking around, i really don't get you today!
it's like, if we have not important things, you would leave and pretend this never happened
and if there are important things, you would come down and start to find faults
what the hell? why must you try to scold me for no reason? what the? so lame i guess
so cca ended quite early today, oh my god you really have something wrong in your head
and then sis and puifun needed to go and do some outdoor cooking with 2 other people
but in the end, some other people came and helped out too? okay i guess
and then halfway went down to the basketball court to play basketball
with shishu and another girl, what's her name? i can't remember well, bi shi? something i guess
so just made some shots, oh man had been a long time since i made some shots too
buck up girl! smiles, so after that something happened along the way
and i have to wait for him, actually it was voluntary too i guess, so i don't blame you!
then went to imm there, cause want to buy some stuffs for girl guides
weird man, adeline yilian they all kept telling me don't follow them
so in the end i just went with him to a quiet place there and just talk to him!
anyways liked what you gave me, felt so touched you know, SMILES :)
hope no one sees that letter i gave you, keep it safe with you d***, oh my god i'm so lame
ah! he got scolded by his mum again, because of me! made him go home late too
anyways had a great time with you today, and the other guys! adeline, yilian and guohao
a strange feeling that i have towards you now, is it the fear i have inside for you?
what should i feel when i'm facing you, when we are in the same class now
it's just a matter of a fact that i have to face this problem sooner or later i guess
maybe it's time you start deciding about it and stop procrastinating this problem
just face it and admit that you're wrong, no one can back you up now
you're on your own, why do you seem to be so afraid at it so much?
cip tomorrow, i'm lacking sleep, PEOPLE! shut up and let me sleep!
~~what's gone is gone~~

11:11 PM

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

didn't blog for quite a few days already, many people asking me why
why? i'll tell you, i'm so damn lazy to come to blogger and type some shit inside here!
oh yes, quite some things happened this past few days, some were practically unexplainable
i hate you man! why are you still standing here? get the hell out of here!
want to thank my maid ALOT! she lent me her hi card, know why?
she knows i like smsing people alot, especially him, so she lent me! oh my goodness
it gave me big shock too, imagine? 18 dollars to let me plainly spend on sms, THANKS!
went to class today, and then guohao told yuanbin something, so damn funny!
especially yuanbin's expression on his face, he said that he stayed up to midnight just to finish the resource file, SO DAMN FUNNY!!
so anyways, felt so damn happy today because miss ker didn't come to school!
what the hell, i rushed through my art during math lesson and last minute she didn't come
made me waste my bloody time cutting and pasting all those pictures
*sigh* i'm going to fail my exams, will i get to secondary 4 anot? what was i thinking?
my class is so bloody clever, everyone has brains except for me i guess
so anyways, took the secondary 1s for marching today, thought could be quite slack actually
but in the end they were quite obedient, YAY they listen to me! SMILES
well some were quite ignorant i guess, but who cares? you want to get scolded? go ahead
don't want to say too much about cca, really kills me! i'm so damn tired
i want to go do my job! HELP ME PLEASE! i want to sink into my bed and sleep
need to change your way of thinking especially your attitude, no exception given
so we walked home together as a big group as first, slowly split up
oh man, what should be the next step for me? now we're even already!
so what's the next step? up to me to take it from here already? i don't know! i seriously don't
realised that i've been messenging him the whole morning! oh my goodness
think sent quite some bunch of sms already, i'm so wasted right now! sorry d***! :)
i'm still trying, trying as hard as i could, hope i don't screw things up and get things right
had our teacher's day audition today, miss ridz was standing right infront of us!
what the hell?! i kept folding in my shirt, luckily didn't get caught for tucking out
thought our comments from her would be quite bad, but it turns out better
she said our singing was very nice and is nicer if there wasn't the real singer singing
means we sing nicer than the real singer? made me chuckled real loudly at that time
result's tomorrow, will we even get in? some hope we do not, i don't have any comments at all
so good luck 3/6, even if we do or do not get in, you guys still rock my world and you too!

~~feelings won't change~~

i understand how you feel, i know how you feel inside, did you ever spare a thought for me? did i do all those things for fun and think of it as a joke? it ended it off this way and never coming back, just think about it, you ruined it now

6:50 PM

Friday, August 18, 2006

so sad, he didn't come to school today, said he had flu and sore throat!
anyways hope you get well soon alright? been feeling so weird today, no seriously
i kept thinking of that situation back then, and began to think about it
sometimes just want to question myself, did i made the right choice at all?
what made me landed in this state right now? changes happened and we could only learn to accept and not make any comments at all
stupid spot check today, didn't know got spot check at all, and guess what?
i wore that stupid ankle length socks to school, and it gave me a big BIG shock
thought i could get away with it when mrs yeo checked my socks
but then ms ridz told us to stand in a straight line to spot check us one by one?
she walked infront of me, looked at my nails, my earrings, and looked down
and told me one sentence," i don't like your socks." i was like, what the hell? as if i like yours
oh i get it, your not even wearing one! so just got one demerit point, what's the big deal?
not as if i never get a demerit point before like that? who cares about it anyways?
realised that our new OM is like of freaking me out too, even thou he looks quite friendly?
i guess so, we were standing outside our class, then he suddenly came and talked to us
it freaks me out, especially when he laughed, that deep deep voice, makes my hair stand
cca time, 2 people came and gave us a talk on, vitameal, forgotten already
didn't bother about it too much, think i made a big fool out of myself too
anyways we thought the secondary 1s marching, some were good, some were, yes bad
don't want to name people out here, eyes are everywhere, even you i guess
i was really surprised at this four girl's attitude, really made me felt so touched
we wanted to give them water break, they didn't want to go for it
we wanted to let them sit down, but none of them wanted to sit on the floor
their attitudes were quite good and they mostly listens to us! and me! YAY!
and then adeline suddenly told them alot of things, well sometimes i added in too
these talks really made me felt so, unexplainable i guess, can you guys feel it?
after all this months and days made me feel so guilty of doing it in the first place
i really don't get what it's thinking sometimes, can be quite forceful thou
when i heard that news, i was suddenly being left speechless at one side,
what was i thinking at times? why couldn't i just sit down there and wait?
will i be waiting for the rest of my life? or is it just a wishful thinking?
you're damn screwed up you know, screw you! hope you will regret for the rest of your life
your face really irks me, feel like giving you one tight slap, make sure you lose 10kg
oh yes, my stupid bills came yesterday! WHAT THE HELL?! i'm not prepared for a reason!
it's like i'm doing my homework and just blasting my ipod away
when my dad stepped into this house, the first sentence echoed through the air
here is all this LONG LONG LONG 'conversation' he told me,

"one person's bills still okay, the other one over by alot, what the f*ck? i really feel like giving you one tight slap, the more i say angerier i get, why do you want to waste your money on starhub? it's not that i cannot afford the money, it's just that i feel that it's so stupid to let them earn your money like that, it's not worth it at all. *stares at me* am i talking to the wall? can reply me anot? OI! *thinks hardly* for example, total you smsed roughly about 900 messages a month, just imagine, *counting* ONE DAY YOU MESSAGED ABOUT 30 MESSAGES?! you want to break singapore's record of smsing the most is it? 30 sms? i really can't believe that you can even message that much, what are you trying to show us? that you have alot of free time to message other people? don't tell me you message people like this," hello, how are you doing?" or when people ask you how are you feeling, you will reply them," yes i'm fine, thank you" don't came and tell me all this nonsense? so what if others have 1000 free smses whereas you only got 360 free smses, are you trying to tell me that when my friends are staying in a bungalow, means that our family got to stay in a bungalow too?

okay think that's roughly what he said to me, and ONLY me! what the hell?
it's like he kept screaming the same thing over and over again, like a broken radio
he also said a bunch of shit to me too, makes me want to give him one tight slap too
trying to forget, is it really so hard to do that kind of simple things too?
am i really going too hard on it? it's really lagging back behind me alot
i;m really sorry for pullling you back behind, knew i shouldn't have done it at all
now you're lacking behind because of me, seriously i didn't mean to do it
well that does it, i'm just going to try till the end, i won't let you down anymore
don't have that mood anymore, guess smiling just isn't what i want to do now...
~~waiting and waiting, what's going on here?~~

10:28 PM

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

stupid alarm clock, didn't ring i guess? or my sister didn't wake me up today
quite a rush for me today, forgotten to bring MANY things today
oh my goodness and i guess my hair was in a mess too right? my hair can't be messy!
school was damn unexplainable, i really felt like sleeping at the back of the class again
i was so shocked when she didn't come to school today! means i'll be presenting alone
my hands were seriously damn cold, don't believe go ask around i guess
but luckily i got like 80 over 100 marks, okay i was damn pissed off at that time
stupid a.leong almost made me cried, well she did made my eyes became watery
don't know what to say about it right now, not in the mood to say about this morning
luckily didn't have spot check for hair today, will it be tomorrow? hope i don't get caught for my fringe i guess
so we got back our chemistry common test paper, i thought i would fail it so badly
so i just passed by a merely of 3 marks, what should i do? i can smell competition
every since i went to that class, no peace had been given to me, worrying and worrying
i can see alot of difference between the two it them, indeed much much more difference
anyways i'm not referring to humans, but classes okay? so don't get the wrong idea
i want to die! that class of mine just has too damn much competition!
where's my courage? where has it gone to? i guess it had long escaped from me
worrying about alot of things, especially my handphone bills, oh my god!
i exceeded by alot, guess i'm to be blamed too, my stupid itchy hands, kept pressing those buttons
coming soon! what am i going to do? still thinking of reasons to explain to my parents thou
i can't do it for today, guess i just need much more time to think about it first
can't be thinking that kind of thinking, it hurts to be heard and to be thought
just want it to be erased away from my mind, stop thinking like that okay!
all this thoughts just came to my mind, just follow my guard feeling to do it?
where has it gone to? i'm still in search of it...
~~don't ever think that way~~

11:09 PM

Monday, August 14, 2006

sorry didn't update yesterday, came home ate dinner, bath and did some homework
then just went to sleep, oh yah i remembered that we did messaged in between
what the hell, yesterday's school funfair, i'm so damn exhausted!
our stalls (3/6) had two stalls, one is soccer in the tyre and the other is dino hunting something
actually my shift was in charge of the dino hunting, but i didn't know how to operate that stupid freaking gun!! so went over to the other game stall
i sat on top of the railing and kept talking to people who were also practically slacking too
and did realised that many people kept looking over here as if they wanted to play it
but our class boys kept playing with the ball, and i was like, what the, do you guys even care?
anyways thanks guohao for that $2 tattoo, and lengkiat, forgot what he did, but he did helped me, i remembered! but i forgot, trying to remember now
and to him, thanks for that soft toy sheep, kept looking at it before i sleep :)
so me, sam, puifun and my sis wanted to go to the haunted house, so we quickly went to line up
they said they would contact us and so we waited and waited for them to call
and then suddenly this unknown number called my handphone, i was like oh my goodness, could it be them?
someone said are you the one who is going into the haunted house? you can come now
and when i called my sis, she was practically screaming? and we became so freaked out!
so we went to the house there, we walked down the staircase and then someone talked to us
he said that place is haunted, some of them are their actors and some are not
then i stopped and became stunned, i just replied, HUH?! i still don't get it thou
when they opened the door, someone pressed the doorbell, scared the hell out of me
i saw evonne there, she said, i mean shouted WALK! something like that to us
when we walked in abit, we saw someone crouching down and 4 of us screamed so loudly
and wanted to run back out, but in the end only my sis backed out, wasted 5 bucks huh
we saw this group of people, as if they were hungry ghosts? then i was like, WHAT THE F*CK?
then 3 of us retreated back and my back crashed into a table, OUCH!
but luckily shengchuan followed us, and i was at the back! and some of them went and touch me
and i screamed and jumped and jumped, and when i turned my head round abit
i saw evonne following us, then her face drew closely, no wonder i felt someone blowing my neck
there were many things inside, and i saw this scream mask jumping out
also remembered someone grabbed my shoes and didn't want to let go
then i just jumped and jumped and jumped and screamed and screamed
anyways realised i'm slacking most of the time, as i kept running in all directions
sometimes went to the basketball court there, you all know why right? no need to say
they're only chasing after safety, feeling like we've grown, invincible
cool school's starting at 10:15pm, still got some time left before school already
will i even get sick of those things anymore? don't force me to do dispicable things
wonder how it will turn out today, will things get screwed up AGAIN?!
thought back again and realised about this phrase, forgive and forget
i guessed you've forgotten about this matter already, too bad i ~~will~~ won't forgive

stop all this blabberings when you don't even have this scenes in your head, it's written all over and you want people to pity you? don't even bother resorting to dumb threatenings or even black mailing me okay? because i don't even give a damn

8:56 AM

Saturday, August 12, 2006

school funfair's tomorrow, everyone looking at this post, listen to me!
everyone come to 3/6's stall tomorrow! it's right at the corner, trust me you'll find it
because there's only like 4 corners there? so you better spend all your damn money there!
joking joking, hope you guys have fun tomorrow alright?
i can't stand you i can't stand you i can't stand you i can't stand you!
one thing i can't stand is your attitude! and the other thing is that why did you take my freaking ipod?! i want to listen to it now! what the hell
go on and never come back, i don't and never want to see you again!
will negative speeches gives us a positive remark? that's what people asked me
i don't have an answer because i don't get you i guess, or are you referring to something?
something that you and i had encountered before? those times back then
weird, now so many people had been sending me sms, many many people
but too bad if i haven't been replying you bunch of people out there okay?
only want to reply his messages! so stop sending me sms, because i won't even reply at all
simply delete it and pretend nothing happened? yeah something like that
not trying to say i'm famous whatever, its just that yesterday 6 or 7 people messaged me
and then today, the same number of people messaged me, my bills' piling up!
guess i'll never get you? and never will..
~~does it feels good?~~

8:09 PM

Friday, August 11, 2006

why must you make me feel so remorseful, as if i have done something very wrong
just back off and leave us and this matter alone, i really can't be bothered by it anymore
it's two different matters and yet you want to make it seems like it's the same problem
the fact is, it's not, nothing's same or relavant to it at all, it's different and complicated
don't make it seems that everyone owes you everything and you're someone important
that's just too bad you know? you're really just nothing to me, and i don't care at all
i don't even want to give a damn at all, just go get someone who really appreciates you
the fact is, nobody does, and that's why i can see so many people backing away from you
the languages you use, the verbal signs you're showing us, those irrelavant and negatives
it's all from you and it's like passing down to the next generation and to another one
think that we're the cause of all those nonsense and kept blaming us for every mistakes we make, you think it's so fun?
so called a sadist i think? oh who gives a damn right? not even i want to care abit?
i do all this shit and i get all this shit back, it's quite typical actually for your case
leave and get out of my life, i don't want you back in it ever again, really sick of it
tomorrow going back to school, actually wanted to stay up super late at night!
guess it's just a wishful thinking right? oh well, force myself to go sleep again
really don't want to say too much today! so damn awkard you know? it's like
walked home together, okay don't want to say too much here, i know who's looking right now!
don't want to say too much, only thing left to say is that i'm awfully broke right now! sad
he told me about it and i kept laughing and laughing, can't imagine he would do that
want to say sorry to this person anyways, i realised alot of things today i guess
didn't mean to ignore you! maybe i just didn't hear you? think so
help me anyone!
~~guess i'm still waiting~~

11:54 PM

Thursday, August 10, 2006

oh my god, what the hell is he up to? are you crazy anot? are you out of your mind?
we have long forgotten about this matter already, why can't you just forget about it too?
i heard something and my mum found something too, he's gone out of country now
where can he go? go find girls is it? what the f*ck is this,
you're just being too petty and just won't forget about this matter!
all your sentences being heard by me, i will never ever forget what you say
who cares about you, i don't even give a damn you know...
~~just illusions~~

11:15 PM

realised didn't blog for quite a few days, guess school's taking quite some time away from me
okay you can say that alot of thing happened when i weren't blogging
did some cip on saturday i think, for 6 hours you know? walk here and walk there
but hey, i'm a shy type of person, so you won't expect me getting alot of donations!
something unexpected happened during our cip! some of us wanted to go see the singapore idol thing and i just followed along
and then they were giving out this free things, i think it's much more like throwing out
i remembered seeing hady throwing a poster and it was flying my direction!
i sticked out my hand and i just grabbed hold of it! OH MY GOODNESS!!
after that, pf and my sister suggested that i go and let the idols sign my poster
but when we reached there, the security guard said it's the end of the line and cannot go in
so we waited for some time, then the security guard asked if i have a poster and i said yah
he suddenly let me in, but wouldn't let my sister in or take a photo
so i went to persuade him to let pf and my sis go in with me to see the idols
YES! finally he agreed! three of us were so happy, and i couldn't stop talking about this
well the poster now hangs in my room, i'm looking at it almost everyday now
okay let's skip it, to monday! quite a memorable day for me, really it is
our school's having the national day parade celebration and i'm in the marching contigent!
realised that mr faizal's words really motivated me alot, i guess everyone else too
i'm also in the front row! which makes it even more scarier for me! what the?
so after that went to west mall with mengyee :) kenneth, jianhao, guohao, quanyuan, mei, clara, joelle and me! but adeline and yilian left earlier
well i guess guohao was kind of 'lonely" i THINK! you wished 'she' was here right?!
we watched click! very nice show! very very funny too! yay i got to sit with him, did i sit too close with him? :)
after that we went home, so quanyuan walked my sister home a way
and he told me to walk home the other way, now then i know he got motive! it's not a bad one
yes something happened! scared me a little bit, but i just felt happy
to you- you're really so damn screwed up right now, you idiot, go away and leave us alone
~~tell me it's not perfect~~

12:58 AM

Friday, August 04, 2006

having mixed feelings today again, morning felt so damn pissed off with someone
by in any case, i don't want to offence that person, so just went off without saying a word
something gave me a big BIG shock, it was after assembly and we usually go to the toilet
when i went in the toilet, i saw puifun crying, and i was like what the hell happened?
turns out that my sister ACCIDENTALLY threw a book at her face, OUCH!
realised that my ointment brings good use for people, can you believe that people actually uses it? that's my first belief
so anyways, combined humanities class was like, what the hell? have to see her face again
then me, yingzhen and simin was like, don't care her and wanted to keep on talking
though she already warned us that if we were to talk again, she would punish us
didn't want to be bothered about it and then we began talking and talking!
suddenly she just screamed at us, told me and her to collect history homework
what the?! go and die! nobody screams at me like that, who do you think you are? childish
so just went for art lessons, YAY! miss ker's not here! so damn happy!
some more got one and a half hour of free time! DAMN! i forgot to bring my headset up there
then me and clara began to gossip, and she told me her secret! did i tell you mine?
and i saw 3/7's class photo! many of the guys smiled very very nice, didn't noticed it
but i kept looking at his face, man he smile until so cute! mengyee dear! then i put it back, pretending nothing had happened, smiles
thought cca would be easy-going, but today is like kind of tough! what the?!
especially something really disturbing happened during the cca in the hall
mrs loh came over and walked towards me, and i was like, shit i'm going to get scolded
and then she suddenly said,"grace ar? you sure your fringe is acceptable anot? don't believe i go and ask mr faizal, see what he thinks, I'M GOING TO PUNISH YOU!!"
it's like what the hell, wanted to give her one BIG tight slap to shut that stupid rotten mouth of hers, nothing ever good comes out from that particular mouth
so i just told myself to endure her useless scoldings against me, some more spit at my face
that's the way she is, she LIKES attracting attention, especially from the other gender
she wants to scold us, and she would always say the same sentence over and over again
"you want me to bring you to mr faizal?! i'll let him PUNISH you!" how 'original'
she kept telling us to wear hair nets, oh c'mon when did you ever see girl guides start to wear hair nets? i doubt so i guess, would be really weird
didn't dare to tell us infront of our faces, and yet told majibul to pass the message, scared then say, you want face then say
so today's quite tiring, not quite, it's SUPER tiring, some more doing project the night before
did the project till late at night, so ended up having insufficient sleep, copy him! sleep in class!
but seriously, i really am tired so also didn't have the mood to do math test! anyways hope i can pass i guess! what a wishful thinking right?
also can't believe that she can still remember my name? i was like O.O when you called me
cca was saddening, but hey, i got to see him! SMILES! maybe it just wasn't the right time
kept wondering why do people always do this sort of things, and yet,
two people came over and told me about the same problems and same consequences
both had quite the same problems! and both wanted to end off with the same actions
i really can't stand it anymore, i told you my piece, now it's whether you want to take it anot
can't help you guys much even though i encountered it before, don't follow my footsteps
anyways to wenbin! hope you can get over it okay? don't let it interfere with your life :)
really don't know what you will get in return you know? definetely something bad
and you told me something disguisting, you wanted to drink blood? are you a cannibal?
do you want to gain attention from other people and do all this shit?
what do you expect to get in return, there's nothing proud to be of all this things
so there isn't a need for all this things, but you guys can't be bothered, oh well i guess
told something irrelavant and i can't even understand what you're talking about!
also realised that many of my friends are having relationship problems,
think it's best that i stay out of this particular one, really really desperate too?
so i hope that you guys can patch, and please don't scold vulgarites, especially infront of me
glad that i got sick of her face already, but i still missed some parts of it i guess
having cip tomorrow, should i be happy? cause i kind of like doing all those things
anyways want to tell this person something, don't use your way, isn't working
some people say that i'm like under depression? what the, i don't want to be reminded of the past anymore, it's too 'wild' for me
kept thinking about the past, before mid year exams, i still don't get it, maybe i never will
~~thinking and thinking~~

11:38 PM

Thursday, August 03, 2006

sorry guys, didn't got much of a time to update my blog, real sorry i guess
stupid history project, am i going to screw this up? oh man, shit
who sometimes it just makes me wonder you know? who reads this pile of shit?
i doubt anyone would be bothered to read it at all, anyways i'm just saying what i think
today's a real roller coaster ride for me, felt high and low at times
don't know why i cried in class today, that idiot kept splashing me water everywhere i go
first time you splashed me, i can tolerate it and pretended this never happened before
but you went on and on and kept splashing me with water, that's when i get real mad!
you think i don't dare to throw your pencilbox out of the window? i really dare you know?
but i just threw it on the ground, i was super mad that i suddenly cried for no reason
actually there's another matter, can't stand it when i see your face
you childish freak, stop it can anot? cannot tolerate you anymore, just leave me alone
pretended nothing happened when i walked past you, don't be so childish can anot?
so f*cking pissed off at that time, anyways want to say thanks who cared for me at that time
i'm still waiting, but i'll give you time i guess, i know you too well you know?! :)
realised that aikido lesson today had so damn few people coming for practice!
gave me quite a big BIG shock, but who cares? just think about yourself
this unforgettable scene, leaves a wild memory for me to remember and treasure it well
sometimes getting too close to a person isn't just right for me, get sick of it easily
what's over is over, time to face the present and settle the problems you created
running away or fixing with a i-don't-care attitude is just the same as not bothering at all
i have to face it sooner or later, why not now?
~~and always~~

10:37 PM

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

yes! picture's finally up! me and wenbin drew this! upper- wenbin's; lower- mine!
whose picture is uglier? vote! joking joking! just had fun though :)

damn f*ck man, some idiots did that shit to me again, what the f*ck?
sorry i had to resort to vulgarites again, i'm trying to hold it back but it just makes my blood boil when i see that person and what he/she did to me! HELL?!
want to say sorry to a person, been "daoing" all this while and i didn't even notice it myself
until you came and told me today, and i was like, "oh shit i'm sorry, didn't know how you feel towards all my coldness to you; utterly sorry..."
so learnt the truth today, had to resort to lying to get your stupid desperations for
can't you just freaking recede to one corner and leave me alone? instead of bugging me all day
priscilla! what the f*ck you did? why the f*ck did you do it for? what the f*ck can you get? think about it, not scolding all those f*ck at you, just want to say it though, WHAT THE F*CK
so, walked home with him today, i have to overcome my stupid shyness!!
anyways was happy to learn the truth! not going to say here, not a nice place to say
if you want to know, simply ASK me, anywhere you want, but seriously it's nothing big
but it's quite noble to me, well AT LEAST!
stupid heaty throat and flu!! i feel like dying, realised alot of people are sick too
what the hell, my voice don't know like human or monster, people can't recognize it
i can't breathe nor taste my food!! so school's damn boring
especially when you're sitting at the back some more, have the tenancy to drift away or as you all students like to do, day-dream alot!
so kept pressing my phone, me and simin kept playing with the calculator, talking to yingzhen in a super weird accent,
how lame can i get? i don't know, stupid aileen leong, gave me a big shock!
it's was history lesson and people are doing their lame and boring presentations,
and of course, i was pressing the phone the whole time i guess, that's what i do when i'm bored
or i just simply put my head on the table, expecting to be in a dream next minute
then she suddenly came and walk past me! and i was like putting my phone in my pocket
luckily she didn't see it, i think? and i hope she doesn't see it, *sigh!*
sometimes i really don't get what you feel at all, a minute; stupid face, another minute; stupidier face, okay stupidier isn't a word, but i use it though!
what are you thinking at times? i'm just wondering too
did some thinking yesterday, almost made me cried, began thinking back about the past
anyways to wenbin, take your time to get over your problem, i know how you feel
just thinking about that particular place where i loved the most, industry buildings etc.
sat back at one corner and just hoping to appreciate a little bit of what i owned
maybe my mind wasn't thinking right at times or at all, this eccentric thoughts...
~~hurts alot~~

9:00 PM