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Monday, July 31, 2006

just walked back, with him!! but infront got my sister and puifun
oh well, never mind! at least i got to walk with him right! so, talked along the way
now then i know that people do know me really REALLY well! especially all those sitting around me
you see, after recess time, didn't know what came over me at all, felt so...
don't know how to describe my feelings too, it's just so unexpected to me
went back to class, then simin and yingzhen both asked me the same question!
"why you so sad?" then my reaction was very! and i mean very shocked! how did they know?
and then when i asked them how did they know, both also said the same things to me
"because you always laughed and smile in class!" and then i was left speechless
wow you guys know me so well, as if the word SAD is written all over my face like that
so anyways, i messaged him in class also, lucky didn't get caught, oh nevermind!
something very very funny happened during chinese lesson! made me cried some more
this new teacher came into our class, realised that it wasn't xiao nan!! oh my goodness!
it was some other teacher, forgot her surname already, who cares? i don't give a damn
she was standing and then i saw her bra strap falling off, then i LAUGHED so loudly
i told samantha and then she LAUGHED very loudly too! and then soon everyone saw it
i was laughing till i was crying you know, so i turned my back around and laughed and laughed
and then soon, i could hear the whole class laughing at her! and we laughed and laughed
am i bad? should have just shut up mouth i guess, but who cares? everyone will notice it sooner or later i think
but okay, she's quite a nice person, is she that nice to be bullied and pushed around?!
so don't care, i hate sunit singh! i talked to yingzhen and he told me to come out
WHAT THE HELL?! make me separate from him some more, screw you!!
thought he was going to make me stand, but he told me to sit beside yingzhen
yingzhen! i'm going to post this to let everyone see this sentence!! i'm evil!!
yingzhen say she's so clever! SMILES! forgot some part of it already, but at least i got some!
so, some dumb assembly talking about some contact lenses and glasses,
then terence kept talking so loudly in the microphone, same sentence over and over again
always got this four words,"DON'T GIVE A DAMN!" fine don't give then don't give
and stop shouting at the microphone for goodness sake, really irritating
got spot check for girls soon, damn scared, especially for my ankle/ coloured socks
anyways to this person, SPEAK AT THE DAMN RIGHT TIME!!
don repeat your mistakes over and over again, really REALLY sickening okay?

really makes me wonder at times, when i become happy, feel sad all of a sudden
i sat there and watch you walk past me, and felt sad as soon as you walked past
thought back about the times, oh what the hell am i talking about?
wanting to solve problems for people, make them feel free and happy
but inside of me, i'm still feeling hatred for people, having my own problems
nobody would ever know about this and no one ever will find out about me
such a pain in the ass, but nobody can be trusted at all, not even you, who is looking at this
i couldn't rant it anywhere, guess the only place to blame for is myself...
happy or sad?

5:30 PM


Sunday, July 30, 2006

maybe some people just won't get what i mean
in short, i just want you to shut up, take a second, listen to my damn words!
sometimes i just want to laugh it out when i see you making mistakes
you made them just because you didn't even bother listening to me in the first place
cursing you, blaming you, shouting at you for what's been done
maybe what you've been done is very disguisting, very disturbing to everyone
anyways most of you won't get what i mean, i mean it, seriously nobody understands me
oh shit man, i didn't do most of my homework again! had been dazing all day long
touching my phone again!! pressing those buttons again! sending to the same person some more
*wink wink*, smiles everyone would know who i will be sending those messages to right?
escaping reality, don't want to lie to people anymore, only hurting myself in the end
i had to lie to get out of trouble again, when will i stop doing all this stupid nonsense
really hated this group of people alot, been wondering for a long time too
they really can't stop all this temptations, sometimes quite sick in the head
not me, i'm not refering to me okay? i'm quite okay in the head. not like someone
goodness, i want to puke when i think about it, the awy your typing too, what the hell?
okay i'm really getting mad right now, so just want to not speak of those people already
school's tomorrow, YAY! no common test for me!! but sad, geography students got test
anyways good luck! especially *erm* get high high marks for me! smiles!
picking out all those good ones and leaving those hidden ones behind
anyways i seriously don't know what i'm talking about right now,
hope i didn't offence anyone alright? i'm just speaking my thoughts out
actually what i had written, has many 'holes' in and there, that's because i'm multi-tasking now
i'm thinking of this particular something and the other thing erupts and interrupts me
so i don't care what you think of my stupid shity post for today okay?
you have your thoughts for something, don't bother telling me your point of view
starts with the same thing and ends with something tragic and hurtful
anyways in short, i just want to say to you is that, you're weird! damn weird
can't be bother anymore, hope you know who you are, and you know? change for the better
all this nonsense from you

6:30 PM


Friday, July 28, 2006

realised that i didn't update for quite a few day right?
sorry, school's really taking up my time, plus i have extra things left in school to do
alot of other things are taking up my time too, *wink wink* and yes some other things i guess
seriously, alot of things happened in school, and it brings me back alot of memories too
when there's something good, something's bad is going to happen too
it's like a cycle, seriously i know about it already, so stop doing it behind my back
come to think of it, it really makes me laugh when i think about it you know?
first thing, i don't think you ever treasure someone when you're with them at all
and i don't think anyone of yours ended quite long right? screwed up man, really i guess
another one, your girl's been taking away you know? even a blind can see that
he's much more nicer and friendlier than you, you know?
doesn't pull my hair, and what he say makes alot of sense to me, wow i'm impressed
well anyways that doesn't matter now, our friendship drifted further and further away
i want out of all this problems, so leave me out of it, doesn't matters me
ah! don't bother me already, i have him! smiles, he's much better than you! anyways sorry
wednesday walked back home with him, my maid saw me! some classmates saw me also!
oh never mind, i'm just glad that you agreed, and thursday also, fun but shy
he brought me to this basketball court, then they told me to play basketball!
then they told me to be with mengyee and we versus guohao, i suck you know!
then he keep passing me the ball, then i just threw it in, wow i saw him play basketball
he's like a professional you know! then the score's 5 - 0, yay!
then got aikido lesson later on, so he fetch me go back to school, smiles
aikido lesson! guess i'm loving it alot, but someone twisted my hand! ouch ouch
now got blue black, but it's okay, will be gone in a few days right? don't feel bad
some idiot went and twisted my hand so hard, that it felt like it was broke already!
someday i'll take revenge on you, maybe someday, just you watch out!
know alot of dark secrets, seriously i was damn shocked and almost made me puke
then in art lesson, some of us kept talking about this word masturbate
oh my goodness, how disguisting right? sooner or later i'll know this word i guess
i saw it and i felt it, it felt so wrong inside of me and yet you're keeping your fears
kept it to myself all along, kept it till the very end, and blew it up infront of you
felt sorry for all those who's suffering right infront of my eyes, can't help it
i just feel so soft-hearted at this moment, have the sympathy for you, you desperate fellow
push the limits up against the wall, crossed the line and gone beyond expectations
what's it becoming to? seriously i can't help but feeling sorry at certain kinds of people
i looked afar and felt the sorrow, admiring and regreting what you've done
just want to beg for forgiveness, recede back without anyone noticing me
feel damn bad at this very moment, earning scoldings wherever i go, what the hell
please make this work so i can ge through all this sufferings, everywhere i go
don't presurize me! i'm not used to things like this, kept wondering you know?

against all odds

11:11 PM


Monday, July 24, 2006

woah, school's been quite rough for me this few days
weekends too, quite busy, especially all my saturdays, lots of things to do right now
i remembered last saturday, went to guohao's house there, didn't know he stayed in condominium too, now then realised
then some more took a taxi there, stupid taxi driver, took the long way
think i don't know the road there?! stupid cheater, money faced idiot
so went there, realised some people already reached there, i want to complain!
there are so many damn mosquitos!! made me so damn fed up some more!
so we just sat at a table there, talked and talked, wen bin and odelia also went there
then ate something, went to play catching or something, but it's in the carpark
i realised how big the carpark was, then me and wenbin hid behind this SUPER BIG car
don't think people were able to find us, then most of the people got caught,
so we just went back already, went toilet again, then go back same place
when i came back, someone splashed me water! then i was like, oh my god who splashed me?!
then i turned round and saw him, then quickly turned back and took a cup and splashed him
soon everyone kept throwing water at each other, so damn funny!
after that, blew out the candle, sang birthday song, after that played truth or dare
if spin till you and it's truth, you have to say who you like
if spin till you and it's dare, you have to prank call someone
raphael's call was so damn funny when he was calling zhaolin, made me laugh non stop
then the rest was also quite funny too, luckily didn't spin till me
and then when it's truth, spin till mengyee, made both of us felt so damn awkward that time
what matters now, oh never mind, prefer to keep it to myself
really angry today, when i came back to class, simin told me that some guys had beaten guohao
until his nose was bleeding, i was like, WHAT THE HELL?! realised who did it
SCREW YOU IDIOTS!! very childish you know?
so i don't care anymore, just hope i pass my math common test! can't afford to fail anymore
yingzhen! rememeber how we wish each other good luck?! SMILES!
then went for assembly, realised that second, third and last row was occupied
then have to sit at the front row, then samantha they all keep pushing me to the right!
made me squeeze with him, but hey, at least i got to talk to him :DD
sometimes it just really makes me wonder whether i'm doing the right things at the right time
always caught unprepared for everything, and hated it when i needed a substitute
feel like it's very desperate to get what you want, but it's not who you want
makes you feel it's like a prodigy, but deep in it, you know it's wrong
what's right? what makes you think it's the truth? always wondering
am i following the right person which would lead me to freedom?
you're clever inside, but you're acting stupid on the outside, just speak your thoughts out
is everything going right at all?
yes i'm sorry

5:20 PM


Friday, July 21, 2006

oh my freaking goodness, i'm so DAMN tired!! feel like fainting when i was standing!
yes, i'm refering to the national day practice! some more, it's so damn hot here!
don't know wyh, najibul kept shouting at us, as if we're the main problem
at times, i really felt like crying, it's either i was too touched by what he's done or i'm just tired!
when they were 'inspecting' the contigent, had to stare at a very far place
don't know which genius kept figiting or moving or whatever, got us scolded too
what the hell? mr faizal came and talked to me when he's inspecting the contigent!
he told me not to slouch? now two adults told me not to slouch, mr faizal and alsagoff
did i really slouch?! what the hell?! anyways, i'm just abit disappointed
finally dad agreed to let me go out tomorrow! i don't know what the outcome would be
very tired now, sorry if i didn't update alot i guess, super tired!
now trying to the truth, it's not looking at the bright side, thunderstorm coming soon
time is 11:00pm! thunderstorm coming, oh shit, don't be so childish for goodness sake
just thinking, when i get to know the truth, well i'll take actions i think
just thinking, just thinking, when will i ever stop worrying?
break you down

11:10 PM


Thursday, July 20, 2006

man, what a day today? really really very crazy for me, seriously
today's been full of ups and downs for me, when it's a happy event, it's really makes me happy
anyways, i failed my physics common test! which i failed by 2 marks,
but i guess now, i'm down for remedial, just so embarassing you know?
i'm his physics rep and i can't even pass the first common test, doesn't it seems embarassing?
don't have to face to face him, and the whole class too!! hang my head low and walk around i guess
haqim did something that was so damn funny! then yingzhen and me laughed so damn loud some more, then mr sim shouted something back at us!
what the hell?! mr kerk never talked like that to me before okay?! what makes you think you can talk to me like that? or us?
after school went out of school to buy cake for yilian's birthday!! but i pay more okay!
so we sang happy birthday song to her!! want to thank the auntie who gave me that candle!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YILIAN!! hope all your dreams come true! good luck in everything
so after that have to go for the field trip to old ford factory, sorry for spelling mistakes
went to the theatre to watch some japanese stuffs, know alot of facts now! YES!
then went to walk around, that place so small, walk awhile can walk finish the whole place
actually want to take photo with him, but there's too many people! man i'm too shy
maybe some other time? i hope i hope! smiles!
so after we came back to school, i have my first aikodo lesson!
then we changed to our pe shirt and shorts, i really REALLY can't wait at all!
he came into our class! then they keep pushing me and him, nothing to say! just smiled
so went down and to boon lay primary school there, when i first saw them, don't know why i suddenly screamed
learnt some couple of things, one of the the 'sinseh' or instructor's name is grace! SAME!!
then learnt some locks, laughed there, but they have strict discipline okay!
can't wait for next lesson, hope to learn more things!! self-defence!
why must you find faults with me? it's like a never ending cycle
when you have nothing to do and you're in a bad mood, your fu*king illness begins
always finding faults with me, i even got used to it sometimes, WHAT THE HELL?
it's either you're deaf or you don't even bother to listen to my explanations at all
have some sense of patience, have tolerance in everything, one more thing
DON'T BE SO DAMNING ARROGANT, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!
it doesn't really matters anymore

9:23 PM


Wednesday, July 19, 2006

come to think of it, i just realised that my blog do really make me so sad
when i see those post, pictures and of course, the music, it just makes me feel damn sad
but it's okay! i can always think of happy moments in life! just like now, smiles
never listened in class during chemistry lessons and was talking to ying zhen all the way
she brain washed me to take out my phone and texting some messages and sending it!!
then we were talking and talking non stop in class some more, nice person though
talked about alot of things, talked about her 'him and my 'him. SMILES
the rest of the lessons was plain BORING! then don't know why guohao messaged me
too bad didn't replied him, i was waiting for someone else's message okay? sorry i guess
ying zhen told me to ask him something and i just sent it over, heart was beating so fast!!
he replied, and it says there, star star star star you! *wink wink*
then we were like wooo, and i can't stop smiling for the rest of the day
anyways, field trip's tomorrow!! can't wait even though i went there before
bringing camera! don't care if the teacher wants us to take a picture of that place or not
we're taking pictures of humans! friends! people! girls and boys! hope i do have fun tomorrow
after that have our firs aikido lesson!! wonder what we're going to do on the first lesson
a guy went into our class and gave us instructions for tomorrow
practically, many people are laughing at him, even me! so bad right? but who cares?
the way he talks was super SUPER funny! like some kind of a new angmoh accent
hope things turns our well... smiles
are you telling the truth?

4:49 PM


Tuesday, July 18, 2006

didn't really studied at night yesterday, i was practically staring at my handphone bills
i overshot my sms limits! too 400 plus i think, was trying to find some excuses to get out of trouble
in the end, came out with an excuse which i think my mum had bought it
i told her my friend messaged using my phone and said she had returned me money
don't really cared much now, luckily they didn't suspect anything at all
come to think of it, i really appreciated myself, i had told so much lies
till now they still didn't know that my handphone was being confiscated at all!
anyways also suffered alot during that period, especially before the mid year exams
changed a new cm rather than that bloody extra teacher who pokes into other people's lives
okay, another reason for me not studying is also regarding handphone matters
i was calling to the radio station!! 98.7fm, perfect ten rocks!!
called and called and called, think it was about 10 plus at night
my sister called through, man she called through faster than me!
she was told to sing her request, at first i thought she was really faking it
and then i realised that she wasn't lying at all, and we were practically screaming all the way!
heard her sound on radio, it was super funny when she sang the ghost of you by my chemical romance
i called through at another show, was shan wee's show, the show started for a few mintues
and i started dialing the number, YEAH i called through, and i kept freaking out
anyways didn't get to hear mine because i was too tired and went to sleep after that
did mine get on air?! i guess i will never know
and then morning when i was about to go to school, i wanted to try my luck by calling again
hopefully i will get through and hear myself on radio this time
i called the first time and it was ringing! i was like oh my goodness, call first time only
then i waited for the lift, someone picked up and said "hello, perfect ten"
i was like OH MY GOODNESS! and then talked and talked
thought mine wasn't going to play so just walked to school
went up to 3/7 to get some books before lessons start, some people in class were listening to the radio too
and then ragu said,"grace, you called just now? they just played it, right before you came into this class!" i was so damn shocked! so damn wasted don't you think?
maybe i will try my luck later, who knows? everything's worth a try, don't see any harm i guess
so had some ndp training during afternoon, so damn early some more, 2:20pm?!?!
you must be kidding me right? so just went there and march and march and march
i saw him too! and i talked to him during chinese lessons and elective lessons!!
i told olivia to keep looking at his direction to see if he's looking over, while i supply sweets
she said he was looking over, i turned to his direction and saw him looking over! so i just smiled
kept looking at each other for a couple of times already! my heart beat so fast!!
then elective i wanted to go back to 3/6 to get my pencilbox cause i forgotten to bring it
and then i saw annie's stupid attitude face and went in the class
while i was walking, the class started shout, WOOOOO!!!
i was like, oh my goodness? what's happening? just looked down and walked and walked
damn funny at that time and he talked to me! and after ndp also!!
quite happy today i guess, but that stupid security guard caught me without my badge!! HELL!
should i stay away from all this nonsense? and start finding some new way out
people had been telling me different stories and different point of views
never mind if you don't know what i'm talking about
did alot of thinking, and the answer is still unsure, cause really though i'm waiting for it too!
so don't keep pushing me for an answer, cause i really don't know, sorry
the pain inside

7:32 PM


Monday, July 17, 2006

school was super BORING!! same as always, everything is always the same
mdm chang was always saying the same old sentence when she comes to our class
WHO'S SUPPOSED TO CLEAN THE WHITEBOARD?! just imagine,
we had to see the same old teacher everyday, won't you even get bored of that sight?
anyways today had physics common test, didn't think i will pass at all or even 60% pass
guess my name would be down for remedial for sure, will be such a disappointment
don't know why i felt so damn pissed off with everyone today, after recess and before CT
they kept making things hard for me i guess, i don't want to be any stinking rep anymore!!
didn't had much of a chance to talk today, was i just shy or was did i not have time?
i guess more of it goes to me not having much time to do all this things
but hey, there's always a tomorrow and i hope it doesn't turns out like today
am i going to delay this problem? turns out that i'm going to gain alot you know?
been hearing so much rumours and bad talkings, i can't keep it to myself,
going to blow soon, but to who? who can i trust at this very moment
i see it everyday, but i'm just going to have to face the fact,
it's gone, so there's no more use clinging onto reality, not going to procrastinate it too
face the fact, when it's gone, it means that it's never going to be coming back!
it's either i get a new 'one' or i'll just be an idiot and drool over it when i see it coming
i just choose to let it take on itself, what else can i do? i'm just a follower
if it all ends now, i'm sad, just going to let be by itself i guess
happy that i'm going to have one and a half hour of free period!!
let me be happy just this once, i want more and more, maybe there's no stopping for it
never going to regret what the outcome would be, let fate decides for itself
there's no use aiding me, it's just between this two things, nothing can change
i guess this is the end...
waiting

6:43 PM


Saturday, July 15, 2006

had to wake up early in the morning when i could be sleeping
oh well, had to wake up at 9 plus, was supposed to sleep till about 12pm?
why destroy my plan of sleeping? joking joking, had to bring secondary 1 girls to buy boots
it's like what the hell! why do you guys keep telling us that it's at lavender?
you tell me it's located at beach road then i know where to go, why make it so damn complicated?
ended up walking here and walking there, can't stand some of them, what can we do?
some hate that da chang jin alot!! well, i don't even know her, but i still hated her attitude now
realising that they are creating their own "groups", know what i mean?
anyways we found that shop which sells that boots and we're off! leaving them behind?
well we don't really care, you shop yours and we will shop ours
imagine we have 5 people with us, and it's damn hard to get a cab some more
luckily one uncle stopped for us! THANK YOU!! taxi fare is about $3
so went to bugis there to shop, OH MY GOODNESS!! i found a shirt which i liked it ALOT!!
i'm coming back for you baby!! about $22.30, i love it i love it!! i'll be back someday
saw many things i liked, too bad i just didn't brought enough money
imagine if i have a million dollars, wouldn't it be great? OF COURSE IT'S GREAT
i would buy that shirt i wanted! jeans, skull earrings, shoes, watch, dogtag, bag wow there's just too many for me to name it out, i want all this things!!
well i guess i'll just have to wait for a very very long long time
after that wanted to go seoul garden to eat lunch plus dinner
the bills came out to be around $113, roughly about there, SO DAMN EXPENSIVE
so we had to open our wallet, i sense a big BIG hole appearing out of my wallet
then we didn't have enough money, then puifun went to the ATM machine to withdraw money
how thoughtful? anyways thanks! i owe you $3, don't worry i'll return! not like 'someone'
so got enough money at last! went in, everyone was so damn hungry i guess
then took some food and went to barbeque it, had alot of fun!!
quite an unforgettable experience for me, cause i really did had fun with you guys
stupid, some "people" kept bugging me by calling my handphone so many times
wanted me to get my ass home right now, i was like what the hell?
why can't you guys understand us for just this once? we won't go back on our words not like someone,
we came back and you showed us this stupid attitude of yours what the hell? what a nice and WARM welcome back sign right?
anyways THANKS for letting us and giving us the opportunity to use the computer
get out i don't want to see you, not even interested in anything alright?
the percent grew, grew, and yes, it grew, but i'm still afraid of reality
yesterday shih han made this photo and sent me, IT MADE ME LAUGH SO LOUDLY!
this is that photo!!


hollow out my hungry eyes

6:53 PM


Friday, July 14, 2006

so damn tired, seriously it just feels like i haven't got enough sleep for the past few years
and yet, today we got some national day contigent practice and have to practice today
i thought it would be so damn slacking, but no, it was defintely more tiring than last training
my back's aching, my leg's aching, basically whole body! feel like ending my life soon
today's school was quite short, i mean really short, 3 different lessons and that's all
some dumb math, okay not really dumb but it's important for me
and yes we have a test today! i end up knowing how to do so damn little questions
and had to copy from my new partner, simin! found out that she's quite a nice person
then i remembered today, we're at the last question, and then there was no more time left
so we ended up rushing through it together! at least we got to finish it
and now the worry is to pass it! hope the paper would be colourful, if you know what i mean
realised how good ncc and other uniform group's marching are,
goodness, they have solid bang, whatever things also have, real proud of it some more
but it's a shame to see girl guides in this state now, it's kind of pathetic i guess
they ended up kicking some secondary 1s out of the contigent,
i saw one secondary 1 girl crying, what the hell? you even cried before when you failed your test

get a life, if you want to be in that contigent, just give your best out, stop letting us down
anyways i still pity that da chang jing, she was kicked out! many secondary 3s oncluding me kept laughing
very bad right? how can we laugh at people's misery? we are sadist right?!
our girl guides really need to buck up on their marching! me too, i also need
talked to him today, at least i tried to find something to talk about
instead of always say hi and bye, i'm trying okay? but you can't blame shyness
at least i got to see his face, can rest in peace for the next two days i guess
anyways wrote a dumb poem or whatever you want to call it
sorry, i was just too damn bored in class!! teachers adding to my boredom
happy reading, happy freaking out, happy yawning, how lame


short sentences are simple, yet pleasing, a prodigy indeed
you need to be discreet and have audacity in life
one breath, and soon it would just be a fantasy
it's been gone for some time and you're still trying to get over this loss
became so stubborn and refused to acknowledge new things, new oppotunities, new things in stall for you
to that platform which did not agree to anything
all you ever think of is just the past where you acted like a paranoid
tears can't turn back time and neither anger nor hatred could
a scolding makes you feel like you've been touched by something angelic
just one glimpse, makes you feel be on the verge of breaking down
this illusions are all delusions, nothing's ever turning back and you're trying to autheticate it
was mortified for what's happening, begin to procrastinate reality
lived in a town called hyprocrisy, demanding for homage and fidelity
losin gtemper easily, hoping for annihilation one day
don't be appalled by the looks, the figure, what do people expect from you these days?
kept wondering if that day would come where the truth is revealed
new cuts cover where the old ones are, which keeps your adrenaline rushing
time past in an eccentric way and had left me with ambivalence
love's a war, you either have to be outmanoeuvre or you recede

make damn sure

10:06 PM


Thursday, July 13, 2006

oh great, i'm back on track with my stressed life again
everything turns out so damn wrong! nothing's ever right i guess
so damn unfair you know?! mrs yeo and some other bunch of teachers!
they rearranged my seat to the back of the class, i mean, what the hell?
i was sitting at the second row, and NOW i'm sitting at the last row
for goodness sake you think i'm that tall?! you think people's head are invisible?
looked through the week, realised something too,
MONDAY- science remedial; TUESDAY- cca; WEDNESDAY- math remedial; THURSDAY- english remedial, aikido lessons coming soon; FRIDAY- cca
my week's all filled!! no more spare time left for me, just when i think it was all going smoothly
no worries, but now i'm worrying more than i do you know?
i've heard something bad! i did something bad in return
just to repay what's been done, all this are all delusions
why bother so much, get over this 2 years and it's the last time you'll see them
i failed my bloody english test, imagine!! i failed by 1 mark!! what the hell?
i'm tiring myself out soon...
reallly nothing at all

5:13 PM


Saturday, July 08, 2006

WHAT THE HELL! took me quite some time to fix this stupid computer
made me so damn mad!! almost cried it out when the connection is disabled
anyways went to IMM today to buy some clothes,
yay i bought england shirt, but my favourite team is italy!
good luck for sunday's match and today's match is for the 3rd place!
seriously i really want portugal to win! i love you figo! and c.ronaldo!
should i stay up at night to watch the match? i just love pigging
had my answer late at night yesterday, did i got my answer?
i guess i got my answer already, well it DID turned out the way i wanted
and i kept laughing all the way when i was hearing my answer
why do i always leave a bad impression? why do i feel like a paranoid?
will i ever get what i wanted and leave all this bad thought behind
give me a chance to amend my mistakes, get this away
all i'm hoping for is just some initiative from you
but hey, you can't change people, you can only change yourself
see through those troubles

5:36 PM


Friday, July 07, 2006

truth's going to be out soon, and i'm just waiting here
hoping it will turn out the way i wanted it to be, if not?
well, i guess i'm going to be very very disappointed if it turns out not the way i wanted
i hope, i wish, that it will turn out the way i wanted, please
anyways went to buy someone's birthday present today
hope he likes it, what i think of my present is, well okay i got nothing much to say
what should i write on the paper? scared that many people would be reading it
i'm still thinking you know? kept thinking, kept wondering what the outcome would be
okay don't want to think too much at the moment i guess, gives me moodswings
should i or shouldn't i? if i haven't agreed to this at first, the temptation just grows more
if i agreed, i have to deal with the consequences later on, HOW?!
don't know why, everyday seems to be burning with anger and hate grew in me
what the hell? why is so many people failing their art today?!
okay this is the second time i had failed my art! what the hell?
it's like all of a sudden, everyone starts to fail, c'mon give us reasonable marks
all this marks are counted in our report books you know?
and i never had a 60 plus marks for my art! well except for 2 pieces only
all 50 plus and 40 plus? anyways went back to class for recess that time
something really funny, and i mean REALLY funny! make ma laugh non-stop
yiu wing took my piece of art and then he put it damn close to annie lim's face
damn close? means 1 or 2 cm away from her! and he said, BOO!
of course the teacher's not amused at all, she shouted, YIU WING!
you think i'm your friend is it? COME OVER HERE!
well i got so freaking freaked out, so i took my wallet and rushed out of the class
of course i didn't want to get involved, and you know annie lim is that kind of a kuai lan teacher
even though she doesn't teach me, but hey, her looks, tone of her voice really sucks
seriously, i still need to be in my bloody school, and i hope she doesn't teach me!
and yes, i really hate my bloody chinese teacher alot now! who does she think she is?
okay i admit i wasn't paying attention to you during class, right now i'll tell you what happened
she walked pass my table expecting to see my homework half finished
but that time i was talking and so i was writing my name
she said in chinese,"why are you still writing your name? how slow." something like that
and then, i really heck care her and copied the answers from the textbook
she spoke in her microphone in chinese again,"tingting, you done yours?!"
i became so damn pissed off with that stupid face of hers and just shouted back saying
"cannot see ar? NOR! got words here lah! got do lah" showing my paper up
didn't know what came over me, but i'm so damn pissed! URGHH!!
and when we came back home today, i totally forgot about my chemistry paper!
my dad started to spout out all those nonsense that he usually do
and i was standing, looking down, had this thought in my mind
why am i so damn careless? why so forgetful?! shit! and shut up for goodness sake
and can you imagine that he thought that i forged my mum's signature?
it's like double what the hell! the past is the past, just let it be okay?
why do you have to keep reminding me of that stupid parent teacher meeting incident?
i really don't want to be reminded about the things she said and what he said
put the past behind, right now, i just want to know the truth
but you see this kind of people nowadays, all want face
neither party wants to open their golden, precious mouth
in the end, no one gains but everyone loses and is unhappy about it
why make it sound like that? take the initiative! INITIATIVE OKAY!
i'm just hoping for the best, how i wish my answer is a prefect one
expecting changes, how i wish...

8:50 PM


Thursday, July 06, 2006

well today, it's really quite a messed up day for me
didn't know what came over me today, i really don't know what happened
everything came so unexpectally, and i was like caught unprepared!
anyways this nurse came to our class during history lesson
guess what? she had freed me from boredom!! had to go for dentist check up which i missed during the holidays
well you came a little bit late, anyways after that's lesson was chinese!
i will never ever miss chinese lesson! not because of that dumb teacher but for someone
kind of acting a little bit too extra between them, both parties came so unwillingly
who should make the first move? step forward and make a move
never expect that would happen in my years, so just let it be i guess
stood from afar and i could see those eyes, i can't stay in contact!
someone just help me! well some actually tried to help me, but i just can't!
what do i mean i can? i realised that i could not stare into someone's eyes for more than 15 seconds!
can you guys believe it? well seriously you know? you better believe because it's true
guess i'm just borned with it, can i change my way of thinking for the better?
you people tell me your problems! and yes i tried to help you,
some had succeeded, and well, when there's something good, there will be something unpleasant
now it's time for you guys to help me! alot of problems nowadays
i just need to get back up on my feet! hold your guts and speak to him!
saying plainly hi and bye just isn't working out anymore i guess
wanted to say something more, but i can't stay in contact!!
trying so damn hard to get over this, but hey, everything's worth a try
i won't take a step forward, and i certainly wouldn't take a step back
each step worth so much to me, reminded me of all my hard works
apologies, glances and messed up chances

9:56 PM


Wednesday, July 05, 2006

why can't i just use the computer like every other kids?
maybe i'm just different after all, this difference reminded me alot
had a very weird feeling when i went to school today, something weird swift past my mind
it's like everyone today in class had this super duper dull face, can you imagine?!
everyone is super duper tired! some even had the tendecyto fall asleep
i just felt like sleeping in english class, don't know why many felt like sleeping
because of soccer?! yay! germany lost! but i still like germany's goalkeeper
he's just, so, i don't know how to say! but hey i still like him
toady's match!! oh my goodness! i really want portugal to win! GOGOGO!
realised another thing today, i owe so many people money!
oh shit! i have so many debts to pay you know? guess my wallet is going to have a hole!
many of my friends now are having relationship problems!!
and i'm trying so hard to bring them on their feet now! everything's worth a try
priscilla, don't waste your tears on him, he's not worth your tears
this kind of guy, should be just left in the corner, should let him realise his mistakes
if i were you, i would go and confront him, don't worry! i'll always be with you!
i'm sure you can find someone really MUCH better than him, TRUST ME!
shocked today, during recess and during after school, this shock makes me smile!
he walked past me during recess time! then *erm* happen, then i just jumped up
then after school, it's like practically so many people saw me saying bye to him!
all keep saying me! never mind i don't mind already
aww shit, have to go running later on, grow fat already! must run must run!
about two days never run already? broke my rules, was supposed to run once in every two days
try my best don't sms him today! resisting temptations! can't be helped when you missed someone to much you know?
hope things turns out well, seriously i really hope
i'm just too...

5:15 PM


Monday, July 03, 2006

had some trouble using this bloody computer of mine
fine if you guys don't let me use it, i don't care about all this shit anymore
can say that quite a few events happened this few days
want to say a happy birthday to shiping! happy 15th birthday!
great, everybody's birthday birthday has either passed or coming soon
when is mine coming?! why the hell does it take so long?
why must it be after the exams? can't enjoy can't plan anything
there won't be any good results from my exams, have to just live in fear
anyways we also had some walkathon yesterday, dumb guides
we set up a stall, quite a original one i guess, work still goes to adeline and yilian they all
all i could do in guides is slack, while you guys always do all the work
come to think of it, i realised some bunch of jokers did much less work than me
they come to guides late for quite a few times, well mostly,
went to guides meeting and some even end up sleeping so sweetly in the canteen
who bothers looking at you? sleeping in this manner, should have taken a photo and post it here
nobody blames you for sleeping, it's like we do all those f*cking work and you just slack
for goodness sake, we're not the highest rank there, you're the second highest
show some initiative, be responsible and that follower behind you
stop following her like a dumb dog? isn't there any other way out?
if we didn't do any small things, or we did some small mistakes
we always get all this bloody blames from the teachers, you just stand there and watch
let me tell you this, if we hadn't been there for you all this while
YOU WILL FALL! seriously, it's a face okay? accept it
if you want us to respect you, listen to you, help you
show us some appreciation will you? stop giving us the dumb, dull look
you don't even bother listening to us, as if we're talking to the wall
oh please, even walls reply, you don't even reply us,
if you continue to treat us like that, you know what's going to happen
easy you know? just like how the others treat those kind of people
we'll leave you, and just sit back and watch you suffer, somehow like a sadist
bear that in mind, without us, you will defintely fall like someone without legs
quite sometime back, we had been supporting you all this while
but when do we get? you somehow "backstabbed" us, you know when's the date
that day, i was real disappointed in you, you act as if you don't even know what's happening
hope you would realise what you've done, and appreciate us! before we leave you
anyways realied that i owe people alot of money! shit!!
have to go dig deep deep deep inside my wallet, i sense a big big hole coming soon
oh man i feel so tired now, seriously i'm really damn tired!
did my art yesterday, of course not all yet, i only did my final artwork
how am i going to do my preparatory studies?! make up lies again
was afraid i didn't have time to do my preparatory studies again
alot of bloody things to do, don't have the time! i don't even have my resources
panick!! at least i'm happy some people said my art WAS SO DAMN NICE
school's back tomorrow, will we have meeting tomorrow?
some dumb phobia

8:41 AM


Saturday, July 01, 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PUI FUN!!!!
HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY!!!!

went out today after school with my sister, pui fun and samantha!
jurong point there, wanted to go eat pizza hut!
so school was as usual, same old self, same old stuffs i guess
now finally realised how difficult chemistry and physics is!!
oh shit man, i'm going to fail for sure, that's really going to be for sure
felt like sleeping alot of times! anyways! i'm so glad mrs yeo was nominated
and i wrote quite a long testimonial for her, jiayou mrs yeo! you rock!
after that went to jurong point already, had alot alot of fun!
i think we ordered too much food! it was so damn hilarious!!
extra soup, extra drinks!
and oh yes! pui fun poured cheese over her soup! oh my goodness it was so damn funny!
then something shitty happened, miss kokila called my sister
and we were like so damn shocked, she said we're skipping our cca
and it's like a serious offence or something, and wanted us to go back to school
what the hell? spoilt our plan, ruined our day
and we took a taxi back to school, what the hell? you wasted my bloody $6.30!
you think cheap is it? as if i have alot of money like that
so we went back to school and got some damn bloody scoldings from miss kokila
whatever! i don't even hear you talk, i was wandering away in my mind
can't be bothered to listen to you? are you worth for me to respect?
anyways after that stupid lecture or whatever she gave us,
we went back home with pui fun, samantha and my sister
YES! we're going to imm, buy some dumb things for that dumb sunday
seriously, i had alot alot of fun! one of my memorable days
I LOVE U GUYS!!
way of thinking, change it for goodness sake

12:22 AM





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Grace Lee. 18 this year. Currently studying in Commonwealth Secondary School. I love my CCA Girl Guides. In class 1/7, 2/7, 3/6, 4/6 5/1. 27th November is my special day. Black freak. I respect all kinds of people, regardless of race or religion. Tend to get worked up whenever I hear the sound of keys ting-a-ling. Dislike peanut butter or anything that has the word 'nut' in it. Gets high easily. Choose to vent my anger on my blog.

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