firstly, let me do this for faezah!
7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME:
1 - triess hard to smile
2 - friendly (i hope)
3 - low self esteem (that's what some idiot said)
4 - not so clever
5 - not good looking
6 - outgoing
7 - belongs to the dark side
7 THINGS THAT SCARES ME :
1 - getting caught up in an imbroglio situation
2 - parents quarreling
3 - dad
4 - math
5 - chinese
6 - INSECTS especially beetles
7 - humans
7 RANDOM SONGS AT THE MOMENT :
1 - LostProphets- Rooftops
2 - Papa Roach- She Loves Me Not
3 - Papa Roach- Getting Away With Murder
4 - Linkin Park- By Myself
5 - Linkin Park- Part Of Me
6 - Cradle Of Filth- Lord Abortion
7 - LostProphets- Tonight
7 THINGS I LIKE MOST :
1 - talking on the phone
2 - MY PHONE!!
3 - family i guess
4 - music of course
5 - mapling
6 - going to school
7 - not getting into trouble
7 PEOPLE I WANT TO DO THIS :
can't think at the moment, sorry!
had to fight through them in order to get what both of us want
just let us be what we want can? don't want to open our mouth at night
deadline soon coming, oh my goodness! going to be so stressed out
next week is FULL of activities for me you know!
it's like, my parents want us to go wild wild wet this sunday
and next monday, have to go back to school for cca
and then, from tuesday to thursday, i have some freaking camp
which i think i shouldn't go at all, feel that it's useless
scared that have service during my camp, already missed one session
can't miss another one, gee why must we have such things?!
i go there, see everybody use their handphones, press press press
goodness, do you guys need to make me feel so, left out?
was supposed to get back my phone on 28th june, WAY long for me!
let's countdown, how many days left? 12 more days man
what shit? anyways, just need to blame it on me, every problem lies with me
still not going to forget that idiot, still have the cheek to smile at me?
you caused me so much freaking trouble! what you expect me to do
well, your problem is not mine now, i leave you alone you leave me too
weird things happened yesterday, it feels so damn shocking you know
i don't want to say it here, it's just so embarassing you know? seriously
i never felt like this before, well, NEVER!! never experienced it before,
and i don't know how this problem should be dealt with
blocking the signals for about a month already
realised that some lines just shouldn't be crossed,
and someone else just crossed my line, never forgive you, nothing will be forgiven
can't sleep late, but i'm just doing it because of attention?
what am i talking about? some bullshit yeah?
no one gets me, don't think anyone will, it's just mixed feelings
i gave it up, gave it up long ago already, i can forget about returning back
back to the not-so-complicated situation, guess now it's a VERY-complicated situation
what a perfect situation for me to be in right now...
we are history!
8:54 PM
Thursday, June 15, 2006
gosh, was busy mapling, can you imagine that i can forget about blogging?!
no way, going to spend some time here i guess
won't kill you know? but kind of lazy too
yesterday didn't blog because i was doing some match making in maple
don't anyhow think! just doing good deeds for people
well anyways my sister saw something yesterday...
is that fire? well i don't know, don't think anyone noticed it
that block is just a few metres away you know?!
after that went to do homework, no fire engine sounds, smiles
man i'm so bored at home, supposed to go back to school
right about now i guess, to take some dumb math homework
so troublesome!! need to tie hair, wear school based shirt
might as well don't go, should i even consider going back?
yesterday was so weird, damn weird, really
don't tell you what happened, you may think i'm making a fool out of myself
watch a new anime yesterday, quite nice, i mean REALLY NICE
what gash bell, goodness he's so cute! my sister introduced it to me
well, quan yuan sent her the first epidsode, and she let me see
i need to watch it, i need to watch it, i need to watch it
i'm tired, i'm sick of you already, leave me alone
sometimes, it just isn't right, everything's wrong
so much left for us to do...
12:49 PM
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
been reading through it, read it for the past few hours
kept wondering why did i felt that way before,
what was i doing? and what's my motive? what do i want to have in the end?
have to be discreet, if not, even god knows what would happen next
apparently you're not ashamed of what you've said
you shoot out at me, assuming that i would avoid the blow
but no, i took it and it went through my heart, you know how it feels?
don't change me, i just do whatever i think it's right
don't stop me, there's no stop button in me
don't judge me, that's just the way i am
realised what's wrong, it's not you, it's me
everything is wrong in me, everything's wrong with me
when i realise my mistakes? what i've done
i saw through you, you've conceal your disappointment from me
what was i to you? should i carry on like this? should we?
what is it, what is it all about? does that defeat any purpose.
take my money, take my possession, take my obsession, i don't need that shit
9:42 PM
Sunday, June 11, 2006
HEY GUYS!! I'M BACK!!
well i can say that i really did had fun this whole week
at first i thought it would be very boring
as it would take up my whole week
spent 4 days in genting and 3 days in KL!
seriously i'm a little bit tired to type out everything now
decided to post some pictures, as that's what people say
a picture can say a thousand words, actually partially is that i'm lazy too have to go out tomorrow, rest early!
it's me and my mum :]
fun at the peak!
go-kart, yeah man! i came in first and got to drive an extra lap!!
CHEERS!
dinosaurland!
went to play flying coaster, don't think you can see me
playing arcade!
wooo!! played space drop!! really made my heart drop
too fun, wanted to play it again!!
and we played it again and again
went to snow world, too bad i wasn't in the picture
lunch at a sushi place
me and my sister flew~
ripley's believe it or not, FAMILY
world luckiest chair? at ripley's believe it or not
in the cable car, on the way up to genting!
yes there are much more pictures, and i mean really more
like about 300 plus? can't post all, i'm just lazy!
there's very few pictures in KL
because me and my sister kept running around, so we hardly took any pictures
anyways sorry if there's too little pictures, i'm tired, need to go zzz
10:29 PM
Monday, June 05, 2006
going to genting tomorrow, so sad, going to miss my friends alot
seriously, i really am going to miss you guys alot!
imagine, 1 week with my parents and without my friends
but family is also important too
what the, what am i talking about? everything is important
1 week you know? we just have 4 weeks of holidays,
and then i've already wasted 1 week already
yes i've been rotting alot, really been doing it alot
and i haven't been touching my homework for that 1 week
and then the second week is going to be wasted
really really have a bad feeling that the third and last week will be hell for me
hell means that i would be doing things i really really don't like!!
everyone knows what i don't like... even you right?
he's gone for camp too, so sad, won't be seeing him for about more than 1 week
he said he would be smsing me later at night, will he? hope so.
seriously i don't know what to say now, should i feel excited?
but imagine, 1 week, will i feel bored? or will my parents quarrel?
resulting me in a bad mood again, don't want it
so please don't quarrel for once? please, i beg you!
scared that i will grow fat during this trip,
you see in genting right? it would be so damn cold
too cold that you wouldn't even sweat, cannot lose weight easily already
cannot cannot! must exercise till crazy already
i'm so damn fat, oh never mind, you thin people will never get me
don't say this anymore, anyways going to miss you guys!
TAKE CARE GUYS! <3
9:58 PM
Saturday, June 03, 2006
at home, as usual, rotting always, what else can i do?
i can really do much lesser things without my sister
normally we would watch tv at home, but now?
my brother keep hogging my room's tv all day long!
and he basically only watches playhouse disney channel
oh c'mon, i don't watch that kind of cartoon you know?
okay okay i admit sometimes i do watch that channel 34
but i want to watch cartoon network, MTV, blah much more
everytime i switch the channel, he would cry so loud and then my parents would shout out loud,
telling me not to bully my brother and let him do whatever he wants
i was like, O.O fine! i'll just go do something else
but my something else is like, basically non other than rotting
i tried to do my chemistry homework again, i looked at it
and was like, O.O how do you do this thing? had been a long time since i worked my brain
i tried flipping through the textbook, but too bad
i just can't find any freaking answers!!
can't even find the chapters too, so i just end up trying to look for ideas for my art
but too bad too, i can't find any ideas also, just wasting my whole afternoon
went out for dinner, i didn't feel like it you know, was being forced to go out as usual
but hey, i got to see a 1000 dollars note today, wow it has so many zero
think i'm going deaf soon, kept listening to the iPod
and the volume is like 80~85% out of 100
even my mum beside me said that she can hear everything
should i lower it down? never did crossed my mind
seriously you know? weird things happened this past few days
yesterday, i said," very hot leh, why no wind one?"
then suddenly, this gust of wind blew and blew and blew
and i was like, O.O wow what i want did come true, but it's still strange to me
and then today, my parents share a table with this 2 old people
didn't really looked at them and ate my dinner,
felt that someone is looking at me, and then i looked to my left
i saw this old woman staring at me, and i was like jumped up
she looked so damn weird, her clothes, her hairstyle, everything!
she looked and smiled and talked, is she talking to me?
just quickly turned back and pretended this never happened, still strange
and i was so grossed out today, i saw some disgusting things!!
damn it, this picture still lingers around my brain, goodness!!
knew the importance of your loved ones, thanks guys
learn to treasure them no matter what, even though you hate them as i do
sometimes i really can't get this thoughts out of my head...
moodswing
10:24 PM
Friday, June 02, 2006
seriously you know? i didn't know why i suddenly cried,
started to think back alot of things,
really can't stand myself you know? why why why?!
why do i always think back of the sad things that had happened?
well, there's one reason which i can answer myself,
i don't have any freaking good memories!
what else? i can't stop myself from thinking back too
can you believe it also? i cried you know, until so jialat
lucky my parents wasn't near me at that time,
or else they would think i'm crazy, crying for no reason
it just feels so weird, so lonely that my sister's not at home
in the morning, it would be just me and my 6 years old brother at home
woke up quite late today only to find that my brother handed me the phone
he said that it's for me, and i heard that it was my dad
he said,"you haven't wake up? now what time already? bryan is complaining that no one is making breakfast for him. wake up lah, stop sleeping, it's 11am already!"
it's only 11am, what your problem? i slept at 3 or 4am yesterday
i'm a pig, you can't change a fact that a pig likes sleeping
so i just rushed to the kitchen and went to make breakfast for my brother
i can't complain, there's no one else in the house except me.
actually i wanted to go back to sleep, but i guess something stopped me from doing that.
didn't have the appetite to eat, so just went and brush teeth then go on the computer
can you believe it? i actually off it at around 1:30pm
if my sister were to be around, i don't think she would even want to off the computer at all!
my dad called and told me to make lunch for my brother
and i had to cook maggi mee for him, first time cooking another type of noodles which he only eats
well, i'm the eldest among my sister and my brother, i just have to do it
went to do my english homework, what the hell? chemistry homework so damn hard
how you expect me to do? see the front page already half bored
so i just left it aside to let it rot itself
being alone at home without my sister is a really sad thing for me
i never got this feeling before, and i can't adapt to it
kept wondering what is she doing now? suffering? having fun?
i really missed her, and really regret it,
i regret now saying a proper goodbye to her when she was leaving the house
i really regret it alot, how i wish i could turn back time
saying all this things, really want to make me cry again
i don't have anyone to talk to, complain to,
everytime i try to talk to my parents, they would not even bother
when i feel happy being with him, i can't tell all this to my parents
i can only say all this to my sister, my parents would get mad of course
when i wanted to talk to my mum, she would not even reply me
as if i'm invisible to her, as if i'm a stranger,
living in my world now, a dark and lonely world
why must i cry? why must i lose myself? i can't go on
it's too much for me to take, i can't hold on
keeping my mouth shut for more than half a day
imagine sleeping alone in our room, usually we'll talk, should i talk to the air?
nothing could ever replace my sister, even though we fight over things easily
but the fact is, she's my only sister and i failed to even say a proper goodbye
what kind of a person am i? can't i spare a thought for other people?
still thinking, will i cry tomorrow? i just feel so alone...
i will forgive but i won't forget
9:12 PM
Thursday, June 01, 2006
why do i always feel like that? goodness, buck up will you?!
don't feel like that? maybe things are meant to turn out this way
you can't change a fact you know? fact is a fact
sometimes you just have to admit it
sounds like i'm scolding myself, does it?
just angry with myself at times, really really angry
just accept what's been given to you instead of sulking over it
maybe things are meant to turn out this way
if an item's been given to you, take it and shut up
keep all those negative remarks about it
anyways, just to keep things straight,
just want to tell myself to stop!
stop complaining, before some idiot come over to you,
and say that you have low self esteem, whatever
when you hear unhappy remarks about what others say about you
this is what i'll do, look at the person with your fucking attitude face
doesn't matter how the person would feel when they see it
you said that i can't change a person, but can only change myself
all this things you think it's easy to say, what about yourself?
i don't see you changing too, you think your so perfect
sadly the truth is, you're not, you know?
if you think you're so perfect, then why do you still look like peanuts to me?
many people asked me why all my posts seem so weird
as if i'm going to die tomorrow, or i have changed my personality
i'm sad, okay? nothing will change it, nothing ever will
don't cheer me up, that will only make your efforts go down the drain
and i'm sorry,
he called me some names today, should i be overjoyed? shocked? or be afraid?
not bad names, *wink wink* maybe you'll know what i mean
will he be playing? i don't know i really don't know
hope things goes out well, which is the same as always
anyways good luck to my sis, i will miss you and pf alot and the other guide members
hope you guys enjoy yourself, sleep with a blanket, don't catch a cold
MISS YOU GUYS!!
start a war, so who's to blame?
9:25 PM
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