You shouldn't hang on, it's already gone.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

seeing all my friends getting so moody,
makes me feel so moody too, don't know why
guess i just feel happy when they are happy
and feel sad when they are sad
kept thinking this few days, about what had passed
seriously i had alot of thoughts, mostly bitter
really have this feeling that i shouldn't be here
at times, just wanted to be alone, all by myself
wanted to walk down this lonely stretch of road at night
like those lightings at suntec there, some kind of industry place
had a feeling to stay there, and you know, just stare at them all day
am i making the right choice? am i doing the right things?
feel that i had let alot of people down, hurt them deeply
and sometimes i really can't get this group of particular people
you like what you get now, but you can't think for the future; what's going to happen next? you're hurting more and more people, you enjoy what's being brought to you, think for the future. you feel great after what's being brought to you, you don't take much responsibility for what's going to happen next... JUST STOP IT!
really dumb, what i think and what you think
complete different thinkings, you do what you want, do i like it?
listening to this song rooftops really saddens me
just make me had to show homage to each and everyone of you
really saddens me alot, why go for looks?
deep inside, i'm sure there's an ugly part of you
and this phrase really is true, promises are meant to be broken.
true and well said, sorry i have to do this to you, i have to break this promise
well, don't want to say too much sad things,
you may never know which pair of eyes are looking you know?
people told me that my chinese blog WILL link to my main blog
seriously i don't want anything to do with her now,
no interest in you, you're just like an old idiot, old hag to me
at least felt a little bit happy today,
he told me some things, well cleared misconceptions
just hope things to go well, i really do
~~you bring a smile to my face~~

9:10 PM

Monday, May 29, 2006

few days didn't update, had been craving so so damn long to type
so damn miserable on saturday, seriously i just sat there with nothing to say
so this post is much about saturday... have fun dozing off =]

-27.o5.o6-

firstly, i felt so damn tired that i had to wake up at 5 in the morning
secondly, my parents keep talking so loudly,
hoping that my sis and i could wake up
what the? it's so damn irritating, wished i can give them 1 tight slap!
should have slept earlier, but instead i slept at 12 midnight
imagine 5 hours of sleep, man it's insufficient for me you know?
walk like a dead person, almost tripped and banged into the wall again
my maid going back to indonesia, for this month i think
had to accompany her to the airport, be patient...
it's so sad to see her going to the departure area
tried to hold back my tears, i tried you know!
see her leave, good luck! bon voyage! smiles
after that went out for awhile, then my parents wanted to go to the beach
somewhere in marine parade i think, well just tag along
played with the sand, the frisbee, and slept i guess
after that just went home, and slept!
damn, i look like a pig and sleep like a pig
after that had to go back to school for the parent teacher meeting
when i first heard about it around exam period
i was so damn freaked out about this, i knew i'm really going to die
went to school about 3pm, only have 2 parents there
i really really had a bad feeling as, you know? i know what's going to happen
it's just too obvious, so i just waited and waited with a dull face
when it's our turn, irene let my father see both me and my sister's report book
as i was sitting the furtherst, too bad didn't get to see anything at all
he was like,"oh my god, what the fuck? U grade?"
so for sure i got a freaking U grade!
so i just looked down, didn't want to say much to anyone
it's like every other people took 5~15 minutes?
and we were like took 1 hour plus, is there so much to talk about?
my father suddenly started to shout, and shout and shout
he was like,"how many times had i told you? i don't want to see any U grades!!"
in my heart, i was like,"shut up please, don't throw my face infront of my teacher."
irene was like wanted to say something, and my father was like
it goes a little bit like this,
she said,"mr lee, would you give me this opportunity to say something?"
and my dad was like," yaya okok."
then when irene was speaking halfway, my dad would keep cutting in
how the hell is she able to talk? anyways i'm not standing up for her too
you know what? i'm quite relived that you didn't tell my dad about my handphone matters
but i became so emotional when you said about my hands
oh please, i beg you, don't speak of it
i told you in msn not to tell my parents about it, but no, you don't care
you just told my dad, didn't i tell you i had kicked the habit?
which of kicking the habit do you not understand?
well you said a whole bunch of nonsense over the past 1 hour i guess
then when you told my dad that we're the only 2 that does it in class
didn't know what came over me, and i shoot back at both my dad and irene,
that we're not the only ones who did that
fuck, me and my big mouth, i shouldn't opened it
and then she kept asking me who is it,
too bad you know? i won't betray my friend just because you wanted to know
i'm not a betrayer and i won't be one!
so don't even bother asking me, i die also won't tell
i don't care if you say that our clique is very rude
we do what we want, and if you're not happy
why don't you just say it to us infront of our faces?
there's just too many things been spoken during the meeting
and i really, REALLY don't want to be reminded again
anyways here is my results, just give you the overall results yah?
you want to see, you see...
you want to comment on it, you comment...

Mathematics:
(1st Cont. Assess't): 71.2
(1st Sem. Assess't): 40.5
(1st Combined Mark): 52

Science (Phy, Chem):
(1st Cont. Assess't): 48.3
(1st Sem. Assess't): 54
(1st Combined Mark): 51.9

English Language (Syll A):
(1st Cont. Assess't): 52
(1st Sem. Assess't): 53.5
(1st Combined Mark): 52.9

Chinese N(A):
(1st Cont. Assess't): 45.5
(1st Sem. Assess't): 62
(1st Combined Mark): 55.8

Additional Mathematics:
(1st Cont. Assess't): 38.5
(1st Sem. Assess't): 50
(1st Combined Mark): 45.7

Combined Humanities (S,H):
(1st Cont. Assess't): 52.6
(1st Sem. Assess't): 63
(1st Combined Mark): 59.5

Art And Design:
(1st Cont. Assess't): 56.5
(1st Sem. Assess't): 62
(1st Combined Mark): 59.8

Civics And Moral Education: C

shocking right? how lousier can i get anymore?
really give up on my studies, failed my A math, got U grade!!
everyone said that at least i did improve, but's it's all 50+
oh my goodness, someone help me...

9:58 AM

Friday, May 26, 2006

been a long time since i touched the computer already
missed pressing on this square little things
oh my goodness, i've became more and more lame
just want to enjoy this last night before i die!!
and i mean really die
my parents will be so damn disappointed in me tomorrow
i gave irene a bad impression already,
and plus my bad lousy grades
i got a 60+ for some of my subjects and i saw u being a little pissed off
oh shit what am i going to do? so worried
oh my god, please help me, it's just a few hours away
why can't you people just let me sleep longer?
i'm already suffering from sleep loss, freak
woke up at 4~5 plus today, and guess what?
i have to wake up at 5 plus tomorrow
is this some kind of a joke? have to go airport tomorrow
after that must go for the parent teacher thing
getting stupid report book with all my lousy grades in it
brings shame to myself, to everyone, to my parents, to my teachers
seriously, it's just what you think only, why think so highly of youself?
keep all your problems to yourself, it just brings hate to us
didn't know what happened too, i just don't want to be reminded
today cross country, damn slack too, slacker
wanted to run, but last mintue, they told me to do duty
just want to try to win a medal, knowing that i won't win for sure
looking at my freaking size, for goodness sake
i can't change it already, so let it be that way
after that went to jurong point with sam, clara, pt, sl, sh and lk
oh my goodness, i seriously felt like vomiting in the cab
that stupid cab's perfume, i hated that smell alot
i hated it since last time, when i was about 12 years old?
doomsday

11:05 PM

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad.. so sad..

7:24 AM

Monday, May 22, 2006

what was i thinking? realised that i have a big big big mouth
didn't have the interest to look at her the whole day
seriously is she that nice? many people say she's nice
don't bother about her, makes me nervous about the parent teacher's thing
don't know why she suddenly came to sit next to me,
i don't care actually, but... oh never mind, smiles.
my sister told my parents about the results,
but they haven't sign yet? oh my goodness?
how am i going to hand in tomorrow?
what if they see too much "ketchup" on my chemistry paper?
seriously, they're going to freak out and be so mad!
lying isn't the best way out i guess,
found out that this saying really is true
have so many homework to do, especially art
cause i always do them during the weekends and then hand it in on thurs
but now, i drag till now, hope i get it done before the deadline
or i will really be dead, first time never hand in art homework *gasps*
got some stupid assembly which lasted about 2 hours
oh my goodness, everybodys' butts were numb
well, that's what i think. i was suffering in there
it's was so stuffy inside as if it was a suana there
farewell mr yong and mr chan! even though you don't teach me
after that went to see the chinese singing competition
watched till so bored, cause i don't listen to chinese music
then i went outside the gallery, then ivan come talk to me
erm, i was shy, *blush blush blush*
anyways grats for winning 2nd! know you will win for sure
well, you sang very nice, all i can say =] i sing all zao xiang one
many people kept asking me recently
about why my msn mode keep putting busy sign
well, most of the time i'm not busy,
just didn't like chatting to too many people at one time
it's a nightmare you know! for close friends you may know
oh never mind i also don't know what am i talking about
tomorrow having cca, should i look forward to it?
GRACE REMEMBER TO BRING YOUR GUIDES TEE!!!!
~~don't overreact, please~~

8:35 PM

Sunday, May 21, 2006

oh my goodness, lazy to write back
my computer suddenly shut down,
and i just written so many words
and when i tried to recover post
nothing came out! i'm so mad, so mad, so mad
got a feeling that i'm going to die tomorrow...
~~standing on the roof top, everybody scream your heart out~~

11:25 PM

Saturday, May 20, 2006

i was way, way, way tired!
when i found out that the lights were on at around 6 plus in the morning,
i almost wanted to just scream at my sister.
thought that she may have thought that this is friday
and wanted to scold her for waking me up this saturday morning,
then i realised that we have some competition today,
relating to art stuffs, me, pf, sis and yilian are going!
seriously i was damn tired,
i was on my way to the toilet and my eyes were half closed,
1st, i almost tripped and fell
2nd, i almost banged into the wall
how tired can i get? no choice, have to do it for my cca! make it proud!
went to greenridge secondary school, which is like very far from here
took mrt and then took the lrt, we were a little bit early
then yilian came by truck, good right?
go there, must do some gadget relating to our school's spirit
so hard to do gateway, then yilian do
pf did the campfire, sis did the tent
while me? i did some dumb songs which is easiest of all.
well, did not win, but at least we had some fun right guys?
did we just saw alsagoff?!?! OH MY GOODNESS
came back home, damn hungry too
ate some things, then went to sleep
did i mention i was smsing him?
feel bad, because i was spending 1 hour in replying him with each sms
means it took me 1 hour to reply each sms he replied
sorry! was too tired at that time, but woke up already, replied faster
went to OG, still feel very tired, but felt very happy messenging him
always remember north pole and south pole attract!
he's the north pole, who's the south pole?
grace, keep all this things to yourself,
you don't know who is reading all this things, smiles
was even happier when my mum finally let me buy that converse bag which i had been dying for
cost 50 bucks, cheap right? for me no! what matters is from the inside
thanks alot mum~ still running short of cash.

referring to this particular idiot, i hate you, you know? damn your just too arrogant and your being a big big flirt, serves you right, hope you get what you deserved

11:59 PM

Friday, May 19, 2006

i really don't know what to do
didn't know what came over me today
don't know, don't care
i really don't know, doesn't get things right at times
feel weird, don't have the face to face people
i'm still so happy yet afraid to see him
do i still have the face to face people?
why must you make me feel down?
you know i'm happy with my results
why must you make all those remarks at me,
bitch, despo, arrogant, racist
still many more that i can describe u though
i passed, yet you told me this few words
which made me felt shocked and made my mood went down
you said," passed so what? not as if you passed with very high marks, you may just pass with very lower marks."
fucking hell, this words can really make me so mad
so damn mad that i start scolding vulgarities again
which i feel that i'm not supposed to
can't you just keep those comments to yourself?
don't you know that i'm a person who is just satisfied when i passed my test or exams?
if you don't know i can forgive you
but if you're just doing it on purpose infront of so many people
i'm just disappointed in you, i expect more from you
but what you've showed me today,
i just have nothing to say
i'm just so damn disappointed in you, idiot
at times, i miss you alot
i know i don't usually say all this kind of things
keep it to yourself people, smiles =]
have to wake up early tomorrow, too bad it's already a habit for me
anyways my bills came yesterday and i was so shocked
i hid my head down and my mum just showed it to my sister
she scolded her for spending so much sms
she came over to me, praised me for not over-spending my sms
i felt bad, really really bad
till now she didn't even know my handphone's confiscated
what should i do? left 1 more month
~~now i find myself in question~~

10:15 PM

Thursday, May 18, 2006

i always thought that having more friends equals to being popular
but i guess i was wrong,
don't anyhow think that i have alot of friends.
well seriously i don't know too
having fewer friends is much better for me
close together, share what we have together
ain't having a smaller group of people fun?
i don't see the point in you though
how should i feel at point of times?
be reluctant to know the truth?
guess i'll never get some things in life
some current things happening in school
well it's settled, i've failed my A math,
it's not that i passed the rest.
i mean i know one confirm failed already
supposed to let my parents sign the chemistry exam papers
don't get it, just don't get it
why must she always tell us to let our parents sign things
sign here, sign there
strict so what? sometimes just can't stand your attitude
but well, i guess i don't want to submit it back to her tomorrow
who cares? get scolded then get, as if it's the first time i got scolded by her
actually, did she scold me before? i don't remember at all
sometimes she just catch me tucking out my shirt
did she scold? i don't care anymore
i want to get this misery done and over with
i can't stand this madness around me
what was i thinking?!
~~should i? or shouldn't i?~~

5:15 PM

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

i don't get parents you know?
it's like, sometimes when you're really really not hungry
they will keep forcing you to eat
they may thought that you just want to go on a diet or whatsoever
it's either they don't understand the word not hungry,
or they don't want to waste their precious food
if we're not hungry, then what's the use of eating?
grow fat, get angry at them, unhappy
is there any good things?
anyways hope to have fun tomorrow at the farm
farm?! i know it's funny, but it's complusary to go
no choice, no choice
you can also say that i'm very upset about my results which i got back today
things which make me mad are,
i left half more marks before i can pass my physics!
that teacher wouldn't even pity me and give me that half mark
what is this world coming into?
joking joking, hope for a better tomorrow
wrote this dumb poem/ paragraph/ or as you can say, lame stuff in class,
when the teacher's not around and i can't be bothered to do her homework
*kids don't follow this bad example*

People moved on, so why haven't I?
I lay there and thought back.
Back to the past, on and on.
I was happy in the past.
The present had ruined me.
Yet the future is unpredictable.
What's infront of me? What's behind those doors?
I can't change the past, it's history.
But I can change the future.
What is going to happen next?
This scars reminded me, back to the past where my misery begins.
And how will it ever end.
Look at yourself, what have you turned into?

~~outmanoeuvre~~

9:58 PM

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

you can't blame others
blame yourself for what you've done

4:21 PM

Monday, May 15, 2006

didn't know what came over me today
became so damn upset and at the same time so furious
i practically blew up infront of everyone
you must be looking at this
let me just say that i'm plain disappointed alright?
i don't care what excuses you give me
i don't want to speak of this matter again
just disappointed, plain disappointed
don't know why i'm losing my temper so easily this few days
tend to spill out vulgarities
which is hurtful to the ears, bad to us
somebody help me please.
i don't want to be badly influenced by others around me
well anyways did had alot of fun with sis, pf and sam
went to westmall, go there slack
really had alot of fun there,
guess they thought me not to be introvent after all
xie xie! thank alot, really appreciate it
but there's still something inside me that's just plain lazy
anyways! we got back some of our exams marks
and let me tell you, it really made me puke blood you know?
well just let me tell you the marks
our english only got back paper 2,
paper 1 is our composition plus letter writing
my paper 2 scored 37 half our of 80
and i was like what the?!
my A math got 35/70
i finally passed my math! it's a miracle!
A math is harder than E math and yet i passed my A math
guess what mdm chang said was really true
she wants to let us know our E math marks just to wake us up before A math exams
guess i was half awake by now, not totally thou
and my chemistry scored 28/55 for section B and C
oh my freaking goodness, i know i'll feel my section A for sure
hope for the best i guess
thanks ivan, appreciate it =]
~~so sorry~~

10:41 PM

Sunday, May 14, 2006

sometimes, i just can't understand you
you know? i just have mixed feelings for you
and now, both of us really hated you
you have really really bad attitude
seriously you do have attitude problem you know?
and your attitude really did brought you some serious problems with the teachers right?
everyone saw it, even i tried not to laugh you know?
sometimes it really scares me to see you in this state
and sometimes, it just makes me laugh
why must you interfere with my life?
leave me alone will you?
i don't want to see infront of me
i don't want to hear your voice
i hate you so much!
i won't forgive you!
~~blame me for all you want~~

9:43 PM

Saturday, May 13, 2006

sorry for what i'm going to say later
it's kind of a... you know what

YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH
YOU MOTHERLESS CHILD
BLOODY ASSHOLE
IDIOT ARROGANT GAY
GO TO HELL LAH
NOBODY BOTHERS IF YOU ARE DEAD
NOBODY! EVEN ME
I DON'T EVER WANT TO CALL YOU BY WHAT I SHOULD CALL YOU
WHY SHOULD I RECOGNISE YOU?
ALL YOU KNOW IS MAKE MY MOOD DOWN
YOU KNOW MY MOOD IS ALREADY DOWN
AND YET YOU STILL WANT TO PISS ME OFF
YOU KNOW I HAVE A BAD TEMPER
YOU KNOW THAT YOU SHOULD NOT EVER TEST MY PATIENCE
YOU KNOW WHAT WILL BE THE OUTCOME AND YET YOU STILL WANT TO CONTINUE DOING IT
I HAD BEEN KEEPING MY ANGER FOR YOU FOR SO LONG INSIDE OF ME
I DON'T WANT TO SHOW IT OUT
WELL A FEW TIMES WHERE I REALLY CAN'T STAND IT
WHY MUST YOU TALK BACK AT ME
YOU KNOW I LIKE TO ARGUE
IF YOU DON'T LIKE TO ARGUE,
THEN DON'T START AN ARGUMENT WITH ME IN THE FIRST PLACE
YOUR AN IDIOT YOU KNOW
FUCKING JERK, GO AND DIE YOU MOTHERLESS CHILD
I KNOW YOUR SICK THEN WHY BOTHER QUARRELING WITH ME TO MAKE IT EVEN WORST FOR YOU
AND LATER ON BLAME ME FOR MAKING YOU EVEN MORE SICK
WE HAD BEEN PRACTICALLY ROTTING AT HOME
AND YOU DIDN'T WANT US TO GO OUT
IS PLEASURE MORE IMPORTANT THAN COMPLUSARY THINGS?
WHY DIDN'T YOU WANT US TO GET THIS THING OVER AND DONE WITH
INSTEAD OF PUSHING THE DEADLINE FURTHER AND FURTHER AWAY
AND SAY THAT THIS PLANNING IS SO LAST MINUTE
YOU ALSO SAY THAT WE TOLD YOU THIS NEWS LAST MINTUE
BUT WHEN WE'RE SUPPOSE TO HAVE "PLEASURE"
YOU ALSO TOLD US LAST MINTUE
IF THIS CASE IS LAST MINTUE
WHY SO MANY PEOPLE WENT LEAVING LESS THAN 10 PEOPLE BEHIND
THAT'S BECAUSE SOME PARENTS ARE MORE UNDERSTANDING THAN YOU PEOPLE
RATHER THAN SEEING THESE FUCKING BLOODY BLACK FACE OF YOURS THE WHOLE DAY
AND HEARING THOSE FUCKING NOISE; FUCKING VOICE; FUCKING WORDS
I CAN'T STAND YOU IDIOTS; MORONS ANYMORE
GET OUT OF MY LIFE OR I'LL GET OUT MYSELF
~~fuck~~

10:13 PM

Friday, May 12, 2006

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME?!
WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO US?!
WHY CAN'T YOU HEAR US EXPLAIN?!
WHY DIDN'T GIVE US TIME TO EXPLAIN?!
WHY MUST THINGS TURN OUT THIS WAY?!

why does my attitude turn out this way?
i'm sorry, i'll try my best to change.
sorry sorry sorry...
i'm so damn pissed off with them
seriously i am
i've been keeping my anger inside me all this while
i didn't want to expose them out
well, sometimes i did explode
SCREW YOU ALL
~~bitch! bastard!~~

10:17 PM

Thursday, May 11, 2006

don't know whether to go out anot
never mind, decided not to go out
i'm just plain lazy :D
anyways, just maple all day long
and let me tell you, it's really all day
it start from late morning till midnight
confirm midnight, feel like watching a midnight show.
should i? i just feel like it
smiles...
i'm getting so worried day by day
so worried about my handphone problem
how am i going to tell my parents?
how am i going to relate to them?
i'm not prepared, i'm never prepared for anything
i'm just being a paranoid
~~evil intentions~~

10:49 PM

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

well, today went to school because there's chinese oral,
which i practically suck at it
because my chinese so jialat already.
feel alot of mixed feelings,
some feelings just can't be explained.
anyways today's chinese oral,
didn't need to wait so long
because there's only 3 people infront of me
and yet they also didn't take so long in the conversation!
one thing i can say about the passage is that,
i didn't know how to read alot of words.
and i think the coversation with her went pretty well
anyways, went and asked mr faizal when can i get back my phone,
he refuses to give it back and told me to wait for another term
i think he's okay,
but you see, i was trembling like mad when i was talking to him
imagine talking to mr rafeek, what do you think?
i'll be shaking like a leaf
what am i going to do?!
i don't know,
and something happened in maple today
i was supposed to marry this guy
but when i heard that he was sad
i just ran off, also didn't expect that guy to do anything
because i ran before
then, this megaphone message suddenly appeared infront of me
i was so damn shocked!
then later jianhao told me what happened
he said that they were talking in the guild
they said he was sad and i was like 0.0
i wasted my 2k on cash just to buy a megaphone back
i said i didn't want to marry him
and guess what?
I WAS FLOODED! scary but fun
~~can't you just understand me?~~

10:05 PM

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

EXAMS ARE OVER,
well at least, i mean left oral and CME paper,
which i won't be preparing!
this few weeks, full of bitterness
full of sourness
full of hate
and filled with tiredness,
every night slept at 12~4am
suffering from sleep loss.
i feel like... dying
well i don't know if the 7pm thing is true anot,
well hope it's true.
but i don't want to spoilt his heart,
guess i will do that without anyone knowing about this.
it sounds ridiculous but it's very important to me.
i won't tell you i won't,
be it that way i don't care.
i'm so damn worried about what's going to happen next,
i'm not god i can't predict the future,
change the way people think
the past is ancient
the present is full of sorrow
the future is unpredictable.
you give me the impression, something i didn't want
an impression that spoils your future.
they talk behind your back,
it's either you do not know,
or you just didn't want to change.
you told me before that i can't change people,
but i can only change myself.
i tried, i tried, i tried.
it started our fine, but ended in a different way.
a way i don't think it turn out well at all
a way which no one wanted it to be.
breakthrough
feel so demoralise after what he had said
i feel like giving, feel like losing it
sometimes talking to him,
is like talking to a vegetable
~~saddness is my middle name~~

5:53 PM

Monday, May 08, 2006

said i wouldn't blog till 9th may,
oh never mind i can't stop my fingers from blogging.
well, i got to know one of my results already
i failed my stupid E math!
just as i predicted.
fucking hell.
then there's another thing,
my mum wouldn't let pierce a second time!
what the,
i want, i want to change her mind
the more she say no,
the more i want to do it.
stop me!
~~don't give a fuck if i cut my arm bleeding~~

12:52 AM

Thursday, May 04, 2006

finally, art exam is over
this preparatory studies is making me getting so freaked out
i'm so worried,
cause i had pushed and pushed and pushed the deadline for myself
from 3 weeks, i dragged it to 1 day
just imagine, 1 day to do 3 weeks' homework
idiots can't do that
genius can't do that
what am i?
anyways i tried to draw something,
and i think it suck!
sat at the same chair for 2 and a half hours
whole body so numb
and especially my arms
shit i also did something wrong today too
i'm not going to tell, so don't force me
i feel embarassed.
yah 4 subjects down, and 4 more to go!
HELL how am i going to drag this any longer?
my mum and maid had been asking where's my handphone
what am i going to reply to them after the exams?!
they will think that i lost my handphone and refuse to tell them
shit what am i going to do?
i can't drag this any longer
i can't drag this problem till after my holidays
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!
~~advices are for squares~~

12:42 PM

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

confirm,
i'm going to fail my E math
~~watch me die~~

5:42 PM

Monday, May 01, 2006

express math tomorrow,
first word.
DIE
second word,
FAIL
third word,
SHIT
=]
~~you gave me a reason to smile~~

6:01 PM