The Tale of "The Tent of the Anti-Christ"

And so the story starts about 3 years previous to this day...

As we all know, free is better than not free. Who cares what you're getting as long as it's free, right?...Wrong. Sometimes those free items are free for a reason and are better left being free to someone else. Are you following me?

I must say that I am a strong supporter of free and I frequent craigslist.com's free section quite often. I, myself have found some cool free stuff. Not only do I regularly check it, but my wonderful, free seeking husband does as well.

One particular evening (while I was out of town) Nate was doing his regular check of craigslist free section when he came upon the title, "The Tent of the Anti-Christ... FREE". Anything that says Anti-Christ can't be good, but it does say the word FREE and how bad can free be? And so the internal struggle continues with Nate. To click or not to click, that is the question. Finally, the word "FREE"became too compelling for Nate's inner free seeker and he clicked.

The page opens up and in front of Nate is a long detailed story about this tent that a man had bought and how this tent has brought him much grief and pain. Not only was this story long and drawn out, but it was also written in scripture form; something to the effect of, "And it came to pass that there was a tent. And this tent had wrought much sorrow and grief against his owner, for this tent was called the tent of the Anti-Christ". This man goes on to explain how he's tried, on several occasions, to set this tent up and each time he's failed miserably.

Due to the fact that this tent is un-set-up-able he wants to give it away to someone, anyone, who'd be willing to take this devil tent away. The only catch to getting the free tent was to respond back to him in scripture form why you deserve the tent.

Now Nate, being the son of his Father, has an inherited love of tents. And Nate, being a man who likes free, could not deny his desire for a free tent. And Nate, not having much to do and trying to fill the void missing his wife came up with an awesome and clever response which still makes me laugh to this day.

Needless to say, Nate "won" the tent and he became the new proud owner of the "tent of the Anti-Christ".

The "tent of the Anti-Christ" has found a new home at the bottom of our storage room and it has been sitting there patiently waiting to be set up for about 3 years... that was until Nate became inspired by his brothers blog . So Nate decided to pull out the massive tent and try to set it up. After all, it can't be that hard to set up, could it? I'll let you be the judge.

5:30 pm- Nate pulls the tent out eager and excited to face the challenge of the "tent of the Anti-Christ".
Status of the tent: Out and ready to go. The score: Nate- 0, the tent- 0

6:00 pm- my brother in law walks over to get in on the tent action. After all, two heads are better than one.
Status of the tent: piled up on the ground. Score: Nate- 0 points, the tent- 1 point

6:30 pm...7:00 pm...
7:30 pm...
8:00 pm- despite what it may look like, Nate is not tying a noose. He's frustrated, but not that frustrated. My brother in law has given up, but my honey is bound and determined... this tent will go up.

Status of the tent: still on the ground. Score: Nate- 1 point for determination, the tent- quickly climbing to 5 points

8:25 pm-Nate threatens me with my life if I don't put away the camera. So I kindly oblige, but not before I take another picture.

8:30 pm- Nate decides to try the aerial approach and steadies the poles with a rope hanging from the tree. Of course it would be much easier to set this tent up with two sets of hands instead of one, but if I was helping set up the tent who would be taking the pictures. I play a very important role in this whole ordeal. I shout words of encouragement to let Nate now he has my full support.

Status of the tent: flat on the ground.

Score: Nate- 2 points for his skills and ingenuity, and 1 extra bonus point for bending over (wink, wink. Nudge, nudge), plus another 2 points for having to be married to me. The tent- 6 points. Me: negative 2 points for sexual harassment and untimely sarcasm.

9:00 pm- Daylight's fading fast and the sprinklers are about to come on. Nate reaches the sad realization that this tent might never fulfill its full potential as a tent and may forever be used as a tarp or (if we don't have any money) curtains. In defeat, he packs away the tent after 3 and 1/2 hour battle.

Final score: Nate-5 points. The tent-7 points

Nate may have lost the battle with the "tent of the Anti-Christ", but the war is definitely not over. I'm sure Nate still has some more fight left in him. And for those of you who are interested in reading Nates response to the craigslist add that won him this cursed tent just let me know. I have it saved and I'll post it.

Ask and You Shall Recieve

For those who requested (and those who didn't) this post is for you.

Before reading this I recommend checking out the below post for this to make sense, and even after reading the below post it still probably won't make sense. I get a little confused myself.

The first story is the craigs list ad and the second is Nate's response. In my opinion the mans ad was a little odd and borderline crazy. He lost me at, "And it came to pass". Nate's, on the other hand, I thought was pretty funny and clever. He was most likely inspired by the spirit.

This ad caused a little controversy due to it's title "the tent of the Anti-Christ" and sacrilegious content. Apparently I wasn't I offended, just entertained.

The craigs list ad:
And it came to pass in the days of Steven and Nancy that a voice came unto him compelling him to go forth from the domicile provided unto him by hand of Nancy and purchase unto himself a tent……….

A tent of prodigious proportions created by the masters of the Far East who stood unto 8 feet tall in the manuscript that came with the tent, even though the residents of the area and the regions around that area where known to be men of smaller stature. And the tent was to be of an unusual shape with a domed center like the common and well known yurt of the local herdsmen, and yet it had unto itself three strange projections that made the tent to be of the shape of half of a star and to be yet larger than 6 cubits by 6 cubits by 6 cubits.

And this did make him feel uneasy. For it was of an unholy shape and of unholy numbers, yet the directive in the manuscript did promise him much ease of erection and whiles of repose in the close comfort of the tent for lo, it was made with it’s skeleton within it not unlike a large spider. And thus was the web spun………….

For the 7 foot tall Oriental of the manuscript demonstrated through pictographs that the tent should be easily erected by the mere grasping of the head point and the proper movement of force would indeed place the skeleton of the tent into it’s proper structure supporting the tent and it’s projections of 6 cubits by 6 cubits by 6 cubits for the comfort and ease and repose of all the affluence of the loins of Samuel and Dora and Moishe and Ruth lo unto even and including Steven and Nancy and any effluence that they may yet produce.

And thus was he led into darkness of the valley of the tent of the anti-Christ, where no comfort is given, and no respite is found and all the days of his life where spent cursing the progenitors of the race of 8 foot tall Orientals and all the ancestors and progeny of the 8 foot tall Orientals, for in the rain and the wind and the darkness of all the campgrounds of his wandering he could not bring the tent to fruition with out much vexation and abuse of the many names of the Lord, and lo did he wrestle long with the tent and the manuscript even like Job and the Angel of the Lord with no satisfaction, till he did crawl onto an Irish reclining lounge [patty o’furniture] and pull unto himself a large tarp and bottle of spirits where he did recline in his misery and vow to give unto any who would take it away from his abode forever the Tent of The Anti-Christ.

Come and get it if you dare

remember,
Jesus loves you!
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the Tent of the Anti-Christ has chosen it's next victim

a man known at Nate,

read now his story and be forewarned

Please turn with me now, to Nathan Chapter 1: 1-7

Nate wrote:

To the one with a burden... For in the days of the Great Depression there was a man called Franz Guztav. And Franz begat Amos, and Amos begat, Scott who is the husband of Kelly. And so it was that Kelly, who obtained a normal uprising of goodly parents through the Lord, at the time of Woodstock met her one and only, Scott.

And Kelly begat a son who is Nate. A son that through his father learned the ways of the tent.

And it came to pass that in those days, Nate gained a special understanding that all tents are good. And those that are bad, with recompense and Godly sorrow may also become good. For there are none that are not loved in the eyes of the Lord (and Nate.) And so it came to pass that the years past and Nate met a woman a fair and begat sons and daughters of his own.

And thus it was that Nate and his family traveled afar to seek knowledge and understanding in the ways of Dentistry. And he came unto the “Temple” (University) to be taught on high of those with a greater understanding that would bring unto him the knowledge beyond our understanding and so great they cannot be written.

And being warned of God, at this time twenty and seven years since his birth, Nate was told that any shelter used in the forces of nature must circumscribe his wife, and son and daughters, and any other children that may come to pass. For, for this cause Nate had much concern for his family and the need for natural shelter.

And the answer came in the form of a dove descending saying, “Please, please take it away… for it is the Anti-Christ.” And Nate knew that this was not his natural mind speaking but that this was the answer from on high, not only was he able to provide shelter, he was herby presented a soul in need of recompense. A tent who’s life was led by the adversary and was about to abruptly come to a halt through change by one who was learned in the ways of the tent. For it was inspiration that this tent be presented a loving home.

And lo, this was the man’s, called Nate, request. That he be given the tent for unto him is given the ability to make it work and to provide peace unto those who have been so burdened. May your life never be burdened by fallen tents that are misled. Amen

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Now that we've been edified and purified by the spirit can I get an amen?! How about a hallelujah?! Now raise your hands in the air and say, "I believe, I believe!"

Join us next week at the church of Nate where we will discuss how cleanliness is next to Godliness and only those who fold their socks, not roll them, will make it to heaven.

Tent of the Anti Christ, No More

(For this to make sense you should probably click here)

Please turn with me to Ginnie, Chapter 1: 1-7

Ahem...

1. And it came to pass that on the 26th day of the 6th month of the year 2008, Ginnie's husband, Nate, was wrought with much frustration and anger.

2. Nate being raised by his Father and learned in the ways of the tent, had received a tent. This tent had been forsaken, being labelled the tent of the Anti Christ due to its unholy nature and failure to become erect. Not even Viagra could helpeth this tent.

3. For Nate, believing that all tents were good, had faith. Being humble and lowly in heart Nate sought the counsel of his Father and brothers.

4. And it came to pass that the brethren did meet and there was a great council. And the words they spoke I cannot write, for I was not there. For behold Ginnie's husband Nate said, "Woman, get thee hence" in fear that Ginnie would have her camera in hand to document the event.

5. Ginnie being some what wise, obeyed the demands of her husband and did walketh away.

6. And it came to pass that several hours did pass and Ginnie returned to the place of her husband. And lo and behold, there in front of her stood a miracle. For this tent that had caused much stress and confusion, had been made whole through the faithfulness of Nate. The erection of this tent was only possible with the many hands to help and the skillfulness of the brethren.

7. And it came to pass that there was much rejoicing. For where there was doubt, there is now hope; and where there was chaos, peace is now felt. And the tent of the anti Christ is no more, but the legacy of its conversion shall live on forever. And thus it is said, Amen.

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Nate, his dad, and his brother, flexing their tent muscles

Kaleb, flexing his inherited tent muscles

A little R&R after the battle

Tent of the anti Christ, what? Boo-ya!3 thumbs up!