Chasing Chelsea

Chasing Chelseas Thoughts has returned...
www.chasingchelseasthoughts.blogspot.com

oil & turpentine

sometimes i let myself think of what is going on and what is happening and i am devastated....
i don't understand how certain individuals can make a portrait of another human being they have met once and base the oil colours they choose to paint with based on turpentine lies.

i am trying my hardest to avoid perseverating on what others choose to hear, see and believe, because i know my heart, my actions and what has gone on. i know who i am and i know the truth.

it doesn't change that what others say and do affects me, i am human and not stone.

Twas The Night Before Christmas....

Twas The Night Before Christmas...

My four awesome churrins

Grandpa and Noni

Rylie gymnasticing up the treadmill

Oh dear....

The great grand kids with their great grandad

Great Grandma Klohn with 6 of her 28 great grand children!

Christmas Eve jammies and ornaments (the boys jammie pants seem to fit more like leggings LOL)

Great Grandad and Ty

Me and the nonster

Livie is just slightly excited for tomorrow morning!

Rylie has been attached to titi since she came home from Uni to spend Christmas with the fam.

Ty has Wii radar and can find one at any location he frequents!

Me n my baby who is not such a little baby any more :(

I love this little nugget of mine

As for my Christmas Eve excitement it is still as grandiose as when I was a child. There are no presents under the tree for me this year, no stocking filled with goodies. My excitement is for my children, to see their faces and their giggles. To enjoy in this moment with them and create happy memories and continue on with our traditions.

Merry Christmas

Parakeets and Snowglobes

Coulson, Ty and Billy, in 10 years these buds will still be grooving friends! Its so nice to see, I moved around so much I wasn't able to have a friend all through school. However those I made in High School are still in my heart :)

Ty and his bud Coulson post play.. Ty is a parakeet and Coulson is a turtle! They were grooving dudes! I am so proud of Ty he memorized all the songs and all of his lines! He even surprised the audience with a parakeet accent!

Family meetings are a nightly occurrence, typically Rylie is upset no one is taking her concerns seriously... Oliver farts and Ty tries to contain his giggles and Livie is keeps her cool while applying lip gloss.

Moustache's make me laugh

This dude makes me laugh and smile and wonder where he gets his mischievousness from?

Ty posing next to our homemade snowglobes:) What a great activity!

Ty's snowglobe contains a t-rex skull, which he placed next to his dino's on display.

Rylies were placed next to her angel display in her room.

Not too sure where they are looking or why Rylie looks slightly possessed?

Baby food jars, glitter galore and ornaments dab a little hot glue add some water and VOILA

Snowglobes

Over the past few days I have began to feel more calm, when the glitter settles in my jar and I am able to see more clearly I realize that no matter how I choose to conduct myself there will always be obstacles, the difference is when I am doing things that bring me peace, I am able to shake off the bigger flakes. I am able to show more peace and feel more comfort. I love my children and I love that I am the one that gets to raise them and show them the way, teach them right from wrong and love their little cheeks. I am weeks away from finding out my final placement and a little bird has let me in on a secret....

While out in the community nursing and caring for my brain injured clients, I ran into a nurse I worked with at CRT which is my dream job, and she gave me a big hug and said they would love for me to do my placement with them. It made me cry and squeal at the same time. I put my heart and soul into nursing and I feel a sense of accomplishment when I am doing it. My prayers are pleading I get this placement, no night shifts, right by my house and amazing people to learn from.

I have learnt more from my brain injured clients then I could ever have imagined, my one patient has agnosia of objects, names and faces. So basically he has no memory of an object after he turns away from it, the same goes for names and faces, so each time he looks at you, you are new and unfamiliar.
I cannot imagine literally living in confusion every waking minute of my life, not knowing what a hot dog is and what you do with it, not knowing my name, not knowing a fork from a cat. And yet he smiles and says he is blessed, he knows he lives somewhere where people act like they know him, even though he doesn't remember them. All he asks is that he has root beer and chips... So simple yet pure.

We had an adventure yesterday, he told me if i kept a (held up a fork) didn't know the name, in my hand instead of the ''black thing that vibrates'' (my phone), i would never have to say to the (fork), ''why didn't you call me back''. I laughed so hard, he has what I consider to be a very sad life and yet he tell me all the time mine is too busy and I need to nap more, so I don't stretch my mouth (yawn).

Times and Meanings

Why is Chelsea becoming all secretive and mysterious? Only because I feel I have to.

When Todd left 43 days ago without saying goodbye, without hugging the children, he vanished. POOF! Gone 100% not in our lives accept for the heaping pile of crap he left at the front door, which was a daily reminder of how I felt; wearing a snowsuit, toque and steel boots treading water in shark infested territory...

I will not let his manipulation of some of the people I used to hold dear, people I thought were friends and loved ones. I know the truth and I will keep treading, I know the truth will come out and when the universe, karma, Heavenly Father and the grand ole justice system hand it to him on a platter I will smile.

I am not the vindictive type, but one can only handle lies for so long, financial control to a whole new level and the ability to be one person behind closed doors. I don't have much time in all honesty to wallow in my own pity, I am too busy trying to console my children, listening to them cry, making worry boxes, using worry boxes with them and feeling awful for not having any answers.

Of all the awful things he has done in the past 40 odd days some blessings have come out of it... My children have been referred to art therapy, I have been referred to therapy at no cost, I am no longer in his control and living at his will. I feel like I am coming back and that feels good.

As for the privacy of my blog, he is very hurtful, passive aggressive and narcissistic (in my humble opinion) and I don't feel safe with him knowing any of my comings and goings.

As for the awesome pics Darcy was going to take, a few of the kids began to sob when they found out we were having family pics and he was no longer here, so I have postponed them until they are more healed. I do not have the capability to ignore the hurt and pain that he has caused my children, Ill get over what he has done and is doing to me, but my kids are not doing so well. It breaks my heart that they are going through this because I married him, I married someone who is not the man he presented as.

As for me and the kids we will keep smiling, making snow globes and laughing that our female cat is actually a male!

oh and I failed as the tooth fairy last night, however I recovered with 'she had to fly from China and was worried she would not get here till 6 am and didn't want you to see her, so she entrusted me to leave the toonies and....... I fell asleep and forgot.......'

Enter tears and mum how could you's? so after some alone time Ty decided my love based fib made sense and he would forgive both she and I if we rectified it while he was at school. Which means I need to retrieve a letter from the tooth fairy, candy and something dinosaurish.

Privacy and School Pictures

Ty is miffed shall we say that I did not give him a pre picture hair cut! I however think he rocks the doo....

Grade 2

Rylie loves all things glitz and was upset they did not take a stand up shot that showed her bangels and bling. And she cannot understand how you cannot see her yellow dangling earings, I love it!

Grade 1

Privacy

I am not the private blog type, however there have been things that have happened this past month that have made me aware that a certain individual is highly deceitful and manipulative and so I need to protect our comings and goings.

So send me an email on here if you would like to view my blog send me your email on here or to my email at oliole@live.ca

ciao

Wii What When Where Why

Wii

Ty and Alex rockin out at a sleep over to a Wii dance game

Enter What...
Chelsea bought a Wii? Yes I did I caved and I love it, however the junk in my trunk is reducing its levy as I workout to Zumba Wii Fitness (no photo :))

Enter When...

When Ty and I were grooming miss Azlan, I noticed two tumors directly above her uterus....I ran to my neighbours house and she looked at me like I had lost my marbles and explained that it seemed a lot like the topography of a MALE cat! Enter major laughs.... Azlan is not a girl she is a boy... I may not recover

Enter When...

When Noni smile rubs his tummy and says I gotta fart with a yogurt mustache I love him more.

Where...

Where nativity scenes are placed happiness follows.

When Christ is kept in Christmas glad tidings come.

I've done a lot of sole searching as of recently and I have decided that I need to do the things that I know will bring me comfort, I need to pull my mis matched socks up and realize that my cards are high and my blessings large. I know some feel I have this 'thing' with being divorced, I do not, I have a 'thing' for happiness and I simply have not found that with a husband. It makes me sad, I cry and ask a lot of questions. All I know is I don't know much but what I do know can and will get me through my difficult times.

Going about motherhood on my own is hard, really hard, I know cause I have been here before... I swore I would never be here again however I am only in control of myself and I cant make people want to change and work together.

I have come to realize during these past few months that I am blessed with friends and family far and near who have supported me, taken my kids for play dates and brought chicken noodle soup to my door. I thank you, for listening, for helping and for caring.

For the first time in a long time I feel the need to be closer... Closer to the temple

Birds of Paradise & Worry Boxes

This month has been a month of digger proportions, I felt like I was running in quick sand only to have the universe digging my grave at the same time.

However as much as husband leaving, clutch going, brakes kaput, new tires needed, end of the semester = way too many essays to count, starting my new clinical placement, play dates, 4 very very sad and confused children...

There were always birds of paradise flying by to give me a helping hand, whether it be financially, emotionally or dinners at my door.

With the advice of a professional I put together worry boxes for each child.

Contents:

1. hand crocheted animal stress ball from Austria (Thanks Etsy)

2. note pad to write of color the negative feelings and emotions onto paper

3. crayons for expressing emotions

4. wintergreen mints, cause they rock

5. a pen for my writing savy children

6. a family picture to make them smile

The boxes have been a hit and Rylie is even using hers at school and is having an easier time expressing herself.

When the above flower arrangement arrived at my door, I was at a brain injured clinic working and my mum phoned to tell me about the beautiful flowers waiting for me :) I reconnected with my birth father in August and he has been a daily support both emotionally and financially and the flowers took the cake, he knew I had had the worst day so far and wanted to send me a 'floral hug'.

My parents here have been wonderful as well and I am blessed to have 3 parents who love me and the kiddos.

I have a lot of support from people and friends and I am grateful, I am grateful I am starting to like myself again, I am grateful my house is peaceful and decorated for Christmas since the beginning of November! I am grateful for the daily reminders my children give me to smile and enjoy life. I am grateful I write my nursing exams in May!!! Only one last semester WOOHOOO

I am sad, devastated and confused, however I know my Heavenly Father is looking out for me and I will come out on top of the mountain that seems to have collapsed.

Printable Blogs

For a Christmas present for yourself i suggest you type your way over to www.thecutestblogontheblock.com and have them print your blog in a beautiful book:) That is what I am getting myself this year and some internal happiness:)

The Mystery of Crystal Cove

The Mystery of Crystal Cove....

Velma was feeling rather 'otherwise' as the team set out on its latest mission.

While Scooby Doo was going for his morning stroll he noticed the towns formaldahyde supply had been stolen! *enter oohs and ahhhs*

Scooby called Shaggy and Velma gave Daphne a ring and then they all paused.... Where was Freddie? (The sign reads 'Freddie was unable to join us as he is getting his hair cut').

Shaggy with his best pal Scooby! Buds for life

Daphne, loves the camera. Velma would much rather be solving the case.

Daphne was happy to discover that Freddie had accidently put the formaldahyde in the Mystery Inc. club house cupboard instead of in the fridge! Oh geeez silly Freddie.

And so the mystery was solved and their bellies were filled with candies...

Tragedy

I am very heartbroken today, a young man with mental health issues has been charged with his fathers murder and the attempted murder of his mother. I knew him, I cut his hair and we laughed and joked about life and it truly breaks my heart. Mental illness is something even the most intellectuals in the field will never understand, my prayers and concerns are going out to him and his family members.
As much as my current situation feels crippling and horrible, I feel blessed to have the people, friends and family in my life and especially my children. I am grateful for my own mental health and know that my situation of pain is temporary whereas his and his families is now everlasting.

A very sad Chelsea....

2 weeks down the rest of my life to go...

If I can make it through the past two weeks and still smile I have a feeling I will be just fine :) No I WILL be just fine!

One broken clutch, 2 broken brakes, no voice, four kids, 5 essays, cleaning and reorganizing my house, dump runs, kids class parties, play dates and rice krispie treats, picking money from money trees...

Now just to finish the two essays I have left to do by Sunday night and then 2 more weeks of book work and VOILA a 2 week break....... from school that it

Then onto psychosocial rehabilitation clinical for 8 weeks and in between that I have been given the opportunity to be flown to Vancouver for 3 days for mental health seminars :) and then Christmas.... Which the kids and I decorated for last week while listening to a barenaked holiday album, it brought our spirits up thats for sure.

We are just going to enjoy our nightly family meetings, Tuesday morning colored pancakes and Sunday night movies and cross our fingers it doesnt snow until after my appointment for tires that arnt bald as beanies.

Where Theres 4 Theres More

6 ish yrs ago I never thought I would be a happy single mother to four kids, I would have never thought I would have encompassed the self esteem that I did... I also never thought I would meet Todd fall in love and share a life, I would never have thought that 3.5 yrs later he would tell me he got a house in Lake Cowichan and was moving out in 3 days. I cant control him leaving, I cant control any of what he chooses to do. I however will keep going to marriage conselling, and change the name to personal counselling, I will keep going to school, keep loving my children, and try to recover the parts of my soul and wellbeing that have become lost.
On a side note I have learnded that people may think they know what has gone on behind my closed doors, however they do not . And I am ok with that, I know what has gone on, and I know what my truth is. I truly thought I was worthy of a happy marriage, i know my children are however that is apparently not in store for me, and soon I will be ok with that to.

Penelope and Count-Pumpcula

madame penelope and count-pumpcula have made their debut! mardi gras decorations you think... no no they are a pumpkin and a squash that shall be entered in the carve for a cause at the kids school

Count Pumpcula is a hansome devil submitted by Ty

Madame penelope is an outgoing peacock who is just bedazelled

Her feathers are fierce and if she deosnt win I shall be devastated... yes I am entering my creation as my daughters LOL I dont have much excitement so I have to create it where I can

Hopefully these two earn enough quarters to win big

Interpersonal Learning and Insight

Rylie- Precious and full of emotions

Ty- Intelligent and kind

Olivia- Sweet and soft

Oliver- Hilarious and strong willed

While in school there are multiple times a week we look inward, evaluate our beliefs, keep our behaviors and ethics in check and continually strive to seek insight and grow through our own interpersonal learning.. I am now doing that in my own life, what I learn might not please the masses, however I seek peace and safety for me and my children.

Sometimes the attributes and 'tendencies' we learn about ourselves are hard to learn...
Sometimes the truth about what is in front of us is even harder to see...
Sometimes the voices of others say things that we cannot control and in turn hard to hear...

I am nearly 30, learning what I actually like, actually think and actually feel. During Elder Zivics visit with me and my kids he said that Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways, I have seen this before in my life, events that seemed to only have a devastating result have turned into experiences that have shaped me. I am unknown of what is to come that is out of my control, but what is in my control will be happy calm and spent with my children and once they are asleep my textbooks... Only 8 more months till I am a Registered Psychiatric Nurse....woohooo