What really matters..

Sometimes we all need a little reminder of what really matters in life.

I let people get to me at times. Listening to someone brag about how much money they make, what they have in their IRAs or what big vacation they are going on can leave me feeling a little beat down.

I'm not good being around superficial people and try to avoid them at all costs, but that's not always possible. I get lost in conversations about designer purses and expensive perfume, day dream while people chatter on about trendy labels and martini bars and find ways to escape when the talk turns to savings accounts and W2s. I'll use self deprecating humour to get off of a subject that I can't relate too; how can a conversation about yearly income go any further when I mention that my income is considered below poverty level? (I try really hard to not insult myself, but the shock of hearing my situation usually shuts the braggers up.)

I chose my life style and so I try not to complain. I don't like working nine to five; I abhor it actually. It's not that I'm lazy. I don't mind if I'm working on my art 12 hours a day. it's just that I haven't found a job that I love so much I'd like to be there 8 hours a day. So I work part time and I plug away at my art, and like many "starving artists" I have bouts of suffering. There are highs and lows when one is trying to make it with their art.

But sometimes I question my sanity and my purpose. When I hear those around me talk about $100 hair cuts, $30 manicures and $1500 house payments, I start to doubt myself and my choices. I know I'm skilled enough and smart enough to get a better job and work more hours. I start to wonder..."what am I doing wrong?"

Just when I'm about to completely beat myself up though, something happens. Like a sign from God, I'll receive a compliment or an extra hug and then I know I'm doing exactly what it is I should be doing.

Two things happened to me this week that made me realize that I know what really matters.

Firstly, I asked for my instructor to critique my graphic design ability. Here is part of her wonderful advice....

I think you have great ideas, and I think learning the other graphics programs is a very smart thing to do. Photoshop is great, but it really benefits a designer to know Illustrator, InDesign and web applications. I think you have an excellent attitude, although you could try to be more self confident. (Fake it until you feel it.) I have had several students approach me with wonderful compliments on projects you presented over the semester, that you yourself seemed to think were terrible. I don’t think you are messy at all. I think you can practice your mounting skills, but I don’t think you are a messy person. (If you want messy-step into my office!) I think if you could practice your computer skills in other programs, practice your mounting skills, and try to practice speaking of yourself and your ideas in more confident terms, you would be amazed at how much better you will do and feel.

So here in a nutshell;
Strong points
-Good attitude and ideas
-Good at giving your personal spin on a project
-Good at meeting deadlines
-Good at Photoshop
-Good entrepreneurial spirit (very brave and sense of adventure!)
-Good work ethic...you never blow things off

Can get stronger
-Can practice other programs to widen the services you will offer as a designer
-Can practice cleaner mounting (straight edge, sharp blade, flat surface, a full 2” or so of evenly spaced black matt around image on all 4 sides)
-Can practice speaking in public with more confidence (Your mother can’t get you here. This is Debbie territory...so own it!)

You better believe that I printed this out and hung it close by, to remind me of the things that I am good at and the things I need to improve on. (Boy, that self confidence issue is a biggie!)

Secondly, I received a letter in the mail the other day from a former customer. She purchased something from me two years ago.

Here is part of the letter....

Dear Debbie, This note is long over due and I'm not even sure if you remember me or my family, but I came across your address over the weekend and saw it as a "sign" that I should still write you a note!

Two years ago you made a cake topper for my mom and stepdad's wedding that was a wolf and a rabbit holding pansies. It was incredibly beautiful!!! Both my mom and I had intended on writing to you after their wedding but time got away from us and so sadly, my mom passed away last year. I just wanted you to know though that your cake topper art meant so much to my parents! And thank you for putting it together and sending it out so quickly. Your kindness has never been forgotten. The cake topper remains in a place of honor in my parent's house and has the ability to put a smile on our face, even through the sadness. So thank you....

This note brought tears to my eyes and made me realize, amidst all of the self doubt, self ridicule and, sometimes even envy that I carry around, that it's not about how much money I make, or what kind of a house that I live in that matters, it's about leaving a positive mark in this world.
It's about nurturing and inspiring those around me. It's about being happy and spreading happiness. It's about being grateful for what I have.

Tomorrow, when I'm sitting in my little back yard, drinking tea and listening to nature, I'll think of this quote...Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy -- because we will always want to have something else or something more. Brother David Steindl-Rast

100 Years to Live

Today, as I was working on a cake topper, I had music playing in the background.
The song, "100 Years" came on by Five for Fighting. That song is so beautifully written that it makes me cry every time I hear it. It also makes me think. I think about my life and those around me, the time we spend together and how much time is left. I ask myself, am I living each day to the fullest? Am I doing everything I planned on doing in my lifetime? How can I make each day the best that it can be? What is next for me to accomplish?

I'm 53 years old and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to live another 47 more years. I'm just being realistic. The biggest reason I won't live to be 100 is that I'm overweight and I don't see a lot of overweight centenarians running around. Also, I don't have good insurance, and I think people with better insurance live longer. That being said, it doesn't mean I'm going to be fat forever and have poor insurance. I do have some goals in mind.

In the meantime, while I'm waiting to lose weight and get great insurance, what am I doing to really live my life?

At this moment, getting my 4 year (really 34 year) degree is my biggest goal. It certainly involves a lot of my time and energy, but I love every minute of it. I went out in -12 degree weather this morning to get to class. I could barely breath the cold bitter air, but I was there.

Tapping in to new creative thoughts and ideas is another way I'm "living my life." The whole process of re-inventing myself is another. I've been a red head for most of my life, and I'm thinking that maybe it's time to change the color and the style. Well, maybe just the style as I think I look good as a redhead :)

I'm trying to face my fears as I get older. I've done that in a few areas. For instance, I used to be more timid in public. I'm starting to speak up, crack jokes and ask questions without hesitation. It's not much, but every time I do it, it's empowering to me.

One fear that I can't seem to face is the fear of flying. That has really held me back. That and money. There are places I want to see where I just have to fly. My dream is to visit Great Britain. The fastest way to get there is by plane. But, just in case I never get over that disabling fear,I periodically get brochures from Cunard about transatlantic cruises. In fact, I received an email today that quoted prices beginning at $745 on the Queen Mary 2. I think a trip to England would be a great gift to myself after I graduate!

Everyday I watch less TV. I think positive thoughts. I try to be nice to everyone around me. Yes, I do get cranky. I have mild road rage. I have less patience. But, I'm working on myself. I practice self talk. When it comes to my clay business, I ask myself, "Would you hire yourself?"

This is it. There are no "do overs"..You've heard, no doubt, the expression, "Your life is not a dress rehearsal." The older I get, the more I realize the wisdom in that. I want to make the most of each day so that when I lie down each night, I won't have any regrets. May the word "bored" never cross my lips. May I seize the day!

Again, my favorite quote...

"I went into the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." Henry David Thoreau

Lyrics and Video

Below are the lyrics to the song "100 Years". Below that is a bittersweet video made by someone other than the Five for Fighting. His name is Filmaker Mike.

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
Half time goes by
Suddenly you�re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you're on your way
Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live