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Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Bitter Half


Bitter half!
Every Wife is a “Mistress” for her Husband.
“Miss” for one hour & “Stress” for the rest 23 hours!
 
There are 2 times when a Man doesn’t understand a Woman.
Before Marriage and After Marriage.
 
My Husband And I Divorced Over Religious Differences.
He Thought He Was God, and I Didn’t. 
 
Marriage Is Like A Public Toilet.
Those Waiting Outside Are Desperate To Get In & Those Inside Are Desperate To Get Out.
 
Why Hurricanes Are Usually Named After Women?
Because When They Arrive, They’re wet and wild,
But When They Go, They Take Your House And Car… 
 
A Man Goes To The Wizard To Ask If He Can Remove A Curse He Has Been Living With For The Last 40 Years.
The Wizard Says, “Maybe, But You Will Have To Tell Me The Exact Words That Were Used To Put The Curse On You.
“The Man Says Without Hesitation, “I Now Pronounce You Man And Wife.”
 
Husband Searching Keywords on Google.  ‘How to Tackle Wife’?
Google Search Result, “Still Searching”.
 
A Man Goes To A Shrink and Says,
“Doctor, My Wife Is Unfaithful To Me. Every Evening, She Goes To Larry’s Bar And Picks Up Men. In Fact, She Sleeps With Anybody Who Asks Her! I’m Going Crazy. What Do You Think I Should Do?”
“Relax,” Says The Doctor, “Take A Deep Breath And Calm Down. Now, Tell Me, Exactly Where Is Larry’s Bar?”
 
Husband Throwing Darts at His Wife’s Photo and Not Even a Single One Hitting the Target…
From Another Room Wife Called The Husband: “Honey What Are You Doing…
Husband: “MISSING YOU”…
 
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY………
Women are like phones: 
They like to be held,
talked to and
touched often.
But push the wrong button
and you’re disconnected……

Jokes

Ajab desh ki gajab kahani 
1.   We live in a nation where Rice is Rs.40/- per kg and Sim Card is free.
2. Pizza reaches home faster than Ambulance and Police.
3. Car loan @ 5% but education loan @ 12%.
4. Students with 45% get in elite institutions thru quota system and those with
90% get out because of merit.
5. Where a millionaire can buy a cricket team instead of donating the
money to any charity. 2 IPL teams are auctioned at 3300 crores and we
are still a poor country where people starve for 2 square meals per
day.
6. Where the footwear, we wear, are sold in AC showrooms, but
vegetables, that we eat, are sold on the footpath.
7. Where everybody wants to be famous but nobody wants to follow the
path to be famous.
8. Assembly complex buildings are getting ready within one year while
public transport bridges alone take several years to be completed.
9. Where we make lemon juices with artificial flavors and dish wash
liquids with real lemon.
Think about it!
If you cross the The North Korean border illegally, you get ….. 12
years hard labour in an isolated prison …..
If you cross the Iranian
border illegally, you get ….. detained indefinitely …..
If you cross the Afghan border illegally, you get ….. shot ……
If you cross the Saudi Arabian border illegally, you get …… jailed ……
If you cross the Chinese border illegally, you get ….. kidnapped and
may be never heard of – again ….
If you cross the Venezuelan border illegally, you get ….. branded as a spy and your fate sealed ……
If you cross the Cuban border illegally, you get ….. thrown into a political prison to rot …..
If you cross the British border illegally, you get ….. arrested, prosecuted, sent to prison and be
deported after serving your sentence …..
Now ….
if you were to cross the Indian border illegally, you get …..
1. A ration card
2. A passport ( even more than one – if you please ! )
3. A driver’s license
4. A voter identity card
5. Credit cards
6. A Haj subsidy
7. Job reservation
8. Special privileges for minorities
9. Government housing on subsidized rent
10. Loan to buy a house
11. Free education
12. Free health care
13. A lobbyist in New Delhi , with a bunch of media morons and a bigger bunch of human rights activists promoting
your cause
14. The right to talk about secularism, which you have not heard about in your own country !
15. And of-course ….. voting rights to elect corrupt politicians who will promote your community for their selfish interest in securing your votes !!!
16. and right to fight election for MLA or MP Hats off ….. to the ……
A. Corrupt and communal Indian politicians
B. The inefficient and corrupt Indian police force
C. The silly pseudo-secularists in India , who promote traitors staying here
D. The amazingly lenient Indian courts and legal system. That’s why people like Afzal Guru are still alive, same will happen with Kasab.
E. WE self centered Indian citizens, who are not bothered about the dangers to our own country.
F. The illogically brainless human-rights activists, who think that terrorists deserve to be dealt with by archaic laws meant for an era, when human beings were human beings.
INCREDIBLE INDIA!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

JOKES


1)    God -bete, mannat maang.
Man -please mujhe phir se unmarried kar do.
God – beta ‘mannat’ maangne ko kaha hai, “Jannat” nahi !

2)    A man was granted two wishes by God,
He asked for the best drink & the best woman ever.
Next moment he got mineral water & Mother Teresa.

3)    Wife to Santa: “You don’t love me at all”
Santa points towards their five children and says “Do you think

I downloaded them from Google? “

4)    Beta: Papa meri teacher kitni mast hai na!
Father: Beta teacher maa ke baraber hoti hai.
Beta: Aap to hamesha apni hi khushi dekhte ho.
5)    There are 3 kinds of men in this world.
Some remain single and make wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
Rest get married and wonder what happened!

6)    Wives are magicians.
They can change anything into an argument

7)    Women live a Better, Longer & Peaceful Life, as compared to men. WHY?
A very INTELLIGENT Sardar replied: Women don’t have a wife!

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1 Sharabi Ankho ka Dan karne ke liye gaya

Doctor ne Pucha : Kuch Kahena Chahate Ho

Sharabi : Jise Lagao Use Bata Dena Ye Do Pek k Badd hi khulti hai

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Train me ek Sardar ka 50 Rs Kho Gaya

Tabhi ek Musalman Bola

"Yaa Allah Bismillah"

Sardar :  Abe 20 Tuje mila to baaki ka 30 Kaha Gaya ?

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Sardar ki Beti : Papa kal Apke Ghar se 1 Member kum ho jayega

Next Day Sardar ki beti bhag gayi

Sardar : Ladki ne kam to galat kiya per thi wo jyotishi
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Ameer ne Gareeb se Puchha

Sex mahenat he yaa maza ?

Gareeb bola

Sahebji Zarur Maza hi hoga

Warna Mehnat hoti to aap log ye b humse hi karwate

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Santa  :  Ye sent message kya hota hai ?

Banta : kar di na bewakufo vali bat ?

Sent msg ka matalab hota hai " khusbu wala message"
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