"I List"

The "I" List (I did this backwards, just for fun. Start at the bottom and then move up. It's way better that way.)

I am: so happy with life in general. I am able to have a home that I come home to and feel at peace and sheltered from the world. I have a little boy that I would do anything for to make him smile and happy. And I have loving friends and family that support me and listen to me through my life. I am blessed and am continually amazed that I am just so happy, plain and simple. :)

I think: that regardless of the decisions that people make or the paths they head down, that you can continue to love them for who they are. You shouldn't alienate them from you, but hold them close and pray for them.

I know: I have the best son my Father could give me. I know that my family will stick by me through good and bad and love me regardless of whether they agree or disagree with my choices, they are the best and I couldn't ask for better.

I want: to finally get my tax return so I can have a cushion and pay off all but 1 credit card debt I have as well as get Landon some much needed jeans.

I have: to start planning what I want to plant in my garden and walkway area. I am so excited to have the summer come around because of these things because I hate the heat!

I dislike: people who lie or act like someone they are not and those who betray the trust that was placed in them.

I miss: the companionship of someone and falling asleep cuddled next to them, I miss being loved by someone and loving the real them in return... but hopefully time will bring me the things I miss.

I fear: being unprepared for the second coming. With out food storage and not studied up enough with my scriptures.- this answer was on this when I inputted my own, but it definitely articulates my fear too!

I feel: tired! Landon ate toothpaste yesterday at my sister's house while I was at Mutual and he was up last night for a good portion whining because his belly hurt... I think he won't do that again... hopefully!

I hear: me typing at the keyboard, the heating system blowing warm air here, and cars driving by outside the window.

I smell: my stinky feet (last night, not today) as I took off the ballet-slipper-type shoe I was wearing yesterday that I've had for almost 4 years... I am throwing those shoes away!

I crave: Rolos (chocolate covered carmel candies) and sleep!

I usually: have to have something sweet throughout the day at least once maybe more...

I search: for the generic low priced things in grocery stores, for the person in the room that looks lonely or out of place, and for answers to unanswered questions that only seem to be answered with time.

I wonder: how things work. I walk around throughout my day and constantly am asking myself how MP3players can hold so many songs in these tiny encasing, how digitally amazing the plasma screens are and how they are able to be so thin but show HUGE images, how airbags get triggered to open when in an accident? I also wonder about what ancestors need me to still do their work and when I'll find time to finally get that work underway.

I regret: some things that I put off in my relationship that I should have seen what they really were (reality) rather than the lies I was telling myself.

I love: My family, friends, and my ward in church who uplift me every week! also love bright colors, walking into a house that has some amazing decor, and reading on the grass during the summer with a good book as Landon plays with the water hose.

I care: About my family and friends so much!

I always: am finding things around my house that need to get done. I think I've dusted or vacuumed and the moment I put the cleaning supplies away I will find something I missed or other...

I worry: about the world and people in it are being swayed more and more to the vain and vile things of this life and I worry about Landon and the trials and temptations he will have to go through and overcome. I worry about the economy and whether things will continue to get worse and worse and we find ourselves with a huge percentage of the nation out of work... and I worry about whether I will be single the rest of my life (which I can endure and be happy with, just don't want to have to).

I am not: one who likes to fight or create contention and I am not good with articulating my feelings/thoughts when I have them. Instead I find I need a few minutes or hours to put my thoughts and feelings into words... weird I know, but me.

I remember: that short hair seems to have more time to tame down in the morning, to say my prayers at night, and when I have to give lessons for the MiaMaids (although you can't hold me to the meetings before church!). *wink*

I believe: in the gospel of Jesus Christ, in my Father in Heaven, in the resurrection and eternity. I know that my Redeemer lived and continues to live and that I will return to him one day.

I sing: church songs/primary songs in the shower when I want to lean my head against the wall and still try to sleep. At work I sing along to my play list on myspace all day long when no one is here.

I don't always: eat right, work out often, or rest adequately. I seem to munch when I'm at work and bored, I have Tues/Thurs. set up to work out with a co-worker but find myself canceling time with my sister to do that, and I don't sleep well at night and never have been able to sleep completely through the night without tossing and turning (with the exception of once this year).

I write: in my journal. This is my online life journal, but my deep thinking and really personal things go in my journal at home... I also love to write down recipes and keep them... will they ever be tried out?... who knows, but I have them in case I have time and finances to!

I win: at making people laugh and staying serious during it if I really try. I am able to make people happy when they are having bum days and during those instances I figure I win against the world. :)

I wish: I could not have to stress about finances week to week.

I can usually be found: driving to and from Pasco daily, cleaning the house, talking on my phone or reading a book when I finally get some precious minutes to myself...

I am scared: of having Landon experience some things that I had to while growing up, of something happening to me and Landon going with his father... right now I don't think he can be the kind of dad I know he wants has to be if that happened.

I need: to spend more time on my knees in sincere prayer, not just rushing through the typical things because I need sleep, but praying long and hard.

I forget: to stop and take some time for myself and do things for myself.

I am happy: When I hear my son tell me he loves me, when I hear him laugh in his sleep, and when I feel the Spirit working on me while I am doing something good.