The Courageous Mommy: Fall

I had to laugh as I read the invitation on my friend Sue Aughtmon's "Confessions of a Tired Supergirl" blog this morning. She was inviting any bloggers that want their blog to be added to her "League Of Tired Supergirls". This is how she phrased it: "There is one major requirement for getting your blog listed - you must be tired. All perky people who have clean houses and can function on 5 hours of sleep, while helping to improve literacy in our country and becoming fluent in Mandarin, need to find another link list to be on. But, if you love Jesus, need a truckload of grace, long for 9 hours of sleep each night and hanker after a cup or 12 of coffee or strong tea to get you going in the morning, this list is for you!" I said, "Sign me up Sue, 'cause I am one tired Mama!"

I love summer, but it sure does make me tired. In Wyoming we don't get much of a summer because stormy weather can last until June 1st and begin again on Labor Day; as a result we try to cram as much as we possibly can into a three month period. Every weekend had something packed into it whether we were at home or out of town. No wonder I am so tired by the time Fall hits.

There is something restful about Autumn to me; I think that its the combination of cooler weather, lighter schedules, and the fact that God is preparing the land for a time of rest. I've been watching all summer as our neighbors have been working all hours of the day and night to harvest their hay and now their field corn, and I've been enjoying the "veggies of labor" out of the gardens of friends and patients from the PT clinic (no garden of our own yet, but I have great plans!). Nature has been hard at work producing and blooming and bursting forth with life during the Spring and Summer months, and now it's preparing for a rest. More than anything right now, that's what I desire, a rest.

A couple of Sundays ago Pastor Bob gave a great sermon about rest. He shared with us how we strive for so many different things, material possessions, success, significance, pleasure and redemption, and all of this striving has us worn to a frazzle, longing for rest. His sermon has had me thinking all week because I am weary and I am burdened; and I am left to ask myself, what am I striving for that has me so tired and lacking peace?

Is it "stuff"? It sure could be, it seems like I stress over financial problems mainly because it means that I'm unable to get more "stuff". And yet keeping up with all of the "stuff" that we already have is part of what wears me out! Pastor Bob made a very good point that our stuff in and of itself is not bad, its just a matter of whether we have our possessions or if our possessions have us.

Could the thing that's wearing me out be the fact that I am striving for success and significance in this world? I don't think that I am because after all, I'm simply a mom and a part time Physical Therapy Aide, I'm not trying to climb any ladders of success in a high paying career. And yet don't I strive every day to please others, to seek their approval and acceptance, wearing myself out trying to be the perfect image of a wife and mother and yet falling painfully short. Because the more that I try and make things in my life look perfect to others, the more weary and burdened I feel and the more uptight and short tempered I am with those that I love the most. Who am I trying to impress anyway? God isn't impressed at all by the way that I wear myself out trying to do it all, or trying to be someone that I'm not. God has blessed us with different gifts and talents, and I think that it brings Him great joy when we find success in using those talents. There is nothing wrong with pursuing excellence in the job or career that He's placed us in, but is our pursuit of excellence and success wearing us out? And ultimately, shouldn't our significance not come from what our job title is or how big and well kept our house is, and instead come from who we are in Him?

Maybe what is causing me to be so exhausted is a pursuit of pleasure. This can be exhausting, because the pleasure that we pursue is so short lived! Buying that new outfit, or gossiping about that other mom, or watching that TV show that isn't exactly rated G or eating that entire big bag of M & M's can bring a momentary sense of pleasure, but it is so short lived and then replaced by guilt (along with a little extra weight around the middle!). That's the problem with pursuing pleasure, it doesn't last and before it completely fades away we are already seeking another source of it. No wonder it's so exhausting, it's a never ending cycle of pursuit because we are forever discontent. Seeking pleasure in the simple things of life, and allowing God to open our eyes to what true pleasure is, pleasure that lasts a lot longer than the time that it takes to wear an outfit one time or eat an entire bag of M & M's, this kind of pleasure brings peace and rest not exhaustion.

The last thing that is possibly causing me to be weary is the pursuit of redemption. When Pastor Bob mentioned this one I was confused; isn't redemption what we all need? Isn't this something that we should be pursuing in order to find peace from a life of sin? But then Pastor Bob made it more clear by sharing with us that we become weary from seeking redemption when we try and find it on our own, in our own strength, when we pursue redemption and think that we need to find it before we can approach God, this is when we become overwhelmed with the burden of weariness. Because finding redemption without God will never happen. Redemption is something that comes from God and God alone, not anything that we do for ourselves; it's the ultimate gift of grace - receiving something that we haven't done anything to deserve. Because of this I don't need to become overwhelmed or exhausted because it isn't up to me or within our my strength that I find redemption, I rely solely on God.

I love Matthew 11:28 because it speaks right to my weary heart: "Come to me, all you who are

weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I

am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my

burden is light." To exchange the burdens that are weighing me down for his yoke that is easy

and light, this is what I yearn for, and a gentle and humble heart is what I want to be focused

on, not all of this struggling and striving!

I plan on welcoming Autumn by enjoying a cup of hot cider, baking something with pumpkin &

spice in it, bringing out my Fall decorations, taking a drive up on the mountain to take in the

changing colors and just enjoying the rest that God offers. That and getting ready for a bbq to

celebrate my little guy turning 2 - but I plan to be restful & full of peace while doing it and not

attempting to pull off the best 2-year-old birthday party in the history of birthday parties!

Happy Fall Y'all!

I love Fall!! I know that I wrote a few months ago about how much I love summer, and it's true, I do love summertime. I love all of the seasons, mainly I love the change of seasons, which means that Wyoming is the perfect state for me to live in! In my heart of hearts, though, Fall is my favorite time of the year. I love the colors and the smells and the cool, crisp feel of Autumn. Now that Fall is almost over, I find myself reflecting over how many firsts we experienced in the last three months. There have been a lot of 'em!

The "first 1st" was Kade's birthday! He turned 1 on September 28th. What a celebration that was! To think that a year earlier my little man came into this world in a burst of energy! The doctor told Mike and I that it was the first time in the many years of delivering babies that one fought so hard to make his way out into the world!

For those of you who don't know our story; Mike, Hannah, and I waited and prayed for 9 1/2 years for this newest member of our family. He was a much anticipated baby! When people realize the 11 year span between our two kids, they give me a knowing smile and want to know if Kade was an accident. I love telling them that he was an amazing surprise, but in no way was he an accident! God knew exactly what He was doing making us wait for this answered prayer! At the beginning of my pregnancy we also had quite the scare when I had a cyst on my ovary that burst. Mike rushed me to the ER two days after we found out that I was finally pregnant. The doctor initially thought that I was suffering from an ectopic pregnancy and we were told that it wasn't a viable pregnancy. We were broken hearted. But rather than administering the medication that would terminate the pregnancy, the doctor on call (I refer to him as one of Kade's Angels!) chose to send me to Sheridan and my regular OB/GYN, where it was discovered that I had the cyst and it was not a tubal pregnancy. What cause for celebration that was! Struggling with infertility for all of those years was heartbreaking for both Mike and I, but it gave us the opportunity to choose to trust in God. My faith grew and was strengthened because of my heartbreak, not in spite of it. And that day when I finally held my baby boy in my arms was the end result of years of choosing trust over despair.

Kade's 1st birthday was a big event, complete with cupcakes and birthday hats and gifts. The thing that struck me the most, though was the fact that my little boy was surrounded by people who love him and who had spent years praying with us for this beautiful little boy! He was completely enveloped in love.