Does the NBA own stock in Twitter?

Mark Cuban has found a new way to get fined; criticizing refs on his Twitter page. Shaquille O'Neal gets controversy for using the service at halftime, and asking people to accost him in public. Baron Davis just told the world he's got an ulcer on his page. (Finally, a Clipper has something in common with their ticket holders. That, and the soul-crushing losing.) Charlie Villaneuva has been candid about his coach's displeasure with him on Twitter. Many teams have committed to official feeds.

And that spine-crackling yawn that you just emitted from this knowledge? Well, I'm on the record as loving the Association, but I'm with you on this one.

Personally, I'm one of the far too many Rapidly Aging Americans who use Facebook; I do so for the same reasons that people used to use Reunion or MySpace, which is to say, to look at pictures of women I knew in high school. (Yeah, like you use it for anything else.) That, and trying to casually amuse people, or generate a few extra folks for my poker game, or blog posts, or whatever.

I do not care, and never will, about the not very illuminating or interesting lists or quizzes or applications that people use in the course of their Facebook day. Nor, for that matter, am I all that interested in the building blocks of your thought process, which is to say, the real grist of what Twitter is about.

So why do so many NBA guys do this?

1) They have too much free time. Seriously, at this point in the season, there isn't much in the way of new scouting or coaching going on. It's all about either qualifying for the playoffs, finding out about bench guys, or just playing out the string for the benefit of your statistics. There's a reason why scoring goes up late in the year; there's a tacit quid pro quo of guys more or less going easy on each other.

2) They are young enough to embrace any new technology. Your mom uses e-mail. Parents use Facebook. Twittering is basically a public text messaging service; it rewards a lack of forethought or editing, and that's right in the wheelhouse of folks who are less likely to have set habits and schedules.

3) It's a fad. Kobe Bryant notwithstanding, there really aren't very many NBA players who have been on Shaq's teams that have really disliked the guy. He may be a defensive sieve now, he might have squandered some of his talent and opportunities from not taking his conditioning seriously, and he's left untold thousands of points on the table from being a free-throw liability. But he seems fun to be around, and he keeps the media away from you. So when he starts doing something, other people are going to check it out.

4) Easier to be second than first. Who, really, is going to crack hard on a Twittering NBA guy now? You'd have to crack on Gilbert Arenas first, for opening Pandora's Box with the blogging, then the half dozen folks who've already done this in the last month.

My only real question is this... what will it be next month? 24-hour Web cams carried on the players? Bathroom updates? A cortical implant that will allow us 24/7/365 thought access? Non-inquiring minds do not want to know!

Because You Need Tom Cable Coming Right At You

The NFL will experiment by offering a game next month in 3D in theaters, but the technology may be eventually ticketed for in-home viewing. The Dec. 4 presentation will air a live feed of the Thursday night San Diego vs. Oakland game, available only to "invited guests."

I hear LaDanian Tomlinson is still quick in 3-D. Reality, not so much.

Drugs on a Hanger

The New York Times
The Speedo LZR Racer swimsuit has cannon balled into the consciousness of people who do not know a flip turn from Flipper since it was introduced in February, and swimmers wearing it have sped to 22 of the 23 world records. A coach who has worked with several Olympic gold medalists who are sponsored by Speedo describes the suit as "drugs on a hanger."

"It's exceeded our expectations," says Stu Isaac, a senior VP for sales and marketing at Speedo. Some have suggested that the corset-like fit of the LZR suit not only streamlines the body but also engages the central nervous system in ways that previous suits did not. Others say privately that this new wave of swimwear is enhancing a swimmer's buoyancy to a degree that could be considered performance-enhancing.

"I think people are feeling panicked," says Kicker Vencill, who has qualified for the trials in the 50 and 100 freestyles but does not have a swimwear sponsor. "I've heard people say they're willing to break their contracts with other companies to wear the Speedo suit."

I've written this before in regards to laser eye surgery versus steroids, but honestly... better gear has the same effects on the veracity and integrity of sports records as steroids and HGH and anything else that comes to mind as a Great Satan.

And yes, I know, drugs are bad and addictive and have side effects and hurt children. And if they didn't, which they eventually won't because there's too much money in the pharmaceutical industry to not fix the problems? Would it be all OK then to watch the best players of that generation own the records, because life is just easier for them?

The whole thing reminds me of the fact that IQ test scores keep rising, year after year. As a species, of course, we are not getting that much smarter... but we are getting better at taking IQ tests. Athletes aren't, for the most part, getting better -- but they are getting better at breaking records.

Bow Down Before Us, Jor-Reader

Sharp-eyed reader(s) will notice some Technorati added to the right-hand column. It's all part of our vast plan to conquer Antarctica -- and after that, THE WORLD! -- with the FTT Media Empire.

Oh, and you can also now get our stuff on your feed-enabled home page, or maybe even in your e-mail inbox, because, as we all know, you're just too goddamned lazy to type in the URL or put us in your bookmarks. You make us sick, you know that? When I think of all of the time and money that your mother and I have wasted... wasted!... on you and your... well, anyway.

Try 'em, discover they don't work, complain to us, then tell your friends. (You don't have friends? Well, go out and get some, goddamit! It's a beautiful day outside! When I was your age...)

You Ask, FTT Responds

I just stumbled across your sports blog and I'm really impressed. A lot of good stuff!

I'd like to invite you and your group to write for (NAME WITHHELD), a community sports blog and wiki started by my friends and I... because we have hundreds of people already writing (and thousands reading!) you'll have an instant audience. A lot of our articles get a dozen or more
comments -- and some get many, many more... Skeptical? Feel free to cross-publish one of your recent articles. We don't mind!

(NAME WITHHELD)

What makes you think our site traffic isn't as big as yours, Mr. Name Withheld because we might do and do it later? Is it the sparse comments, the amateurish image selection, or the lack of titty? Hey, wait a minute....

... there we go. All better now!

We'll kindly keep our puerile opinions, weak writing and tasteless insults (that Lidle/Murcer bit a week ago? *still* getting us hammered in Confession, and we're not even Catholic) to ourselves. Along with our Burgeoning Media Empire.

Hey FTT, I just noticed that your site is available as an RSS feed. WTF?

FTT's Mom

Absolutely; it's on the right hand side, in the Links.

You can thank The Techie Truth for that one. Now, instead of going to us via bookmark or personal harangue from our trained staff of starving IM Spammers, new slop can pop on your customized home page. (You say you haven't got a customized home page? Wow. And they let people like you drive?)

Dear FTT,

You have the only updated site on the Web that has not posted about Don Imus in the last 3 days. What's the matter, scared of a similar nappy moment?

Your Only Woman's College Basketball Reader

We answer with a trivia question: the names of any of the players for either team in that championship game.

Wow, who knew the Web had crickets?