Profiles in Courage

So the Steelers, after receiving word of wide receiver Cedric Wilson being arrested for punching his ex-girlfriend in the face, have seized the moral high ground and released him.

Good on them. Not only was Wilson a disappointment on the field after being signed away from the Niners, but any guy that punches a girl in the face is reprehensible. Seriously. Aim lower, and there's a much better chance of concealing the damage. (Rim shot.)

Anyway, Wilson's gone, and the Steelers have shown themselves to be a fine and upstanding team that always takes a consistent stance that violence against women is... um, hold the phone. A week earlier, linebacker James Harrison was also handcuffed for smacking the distaff. There must be some mistake, other than the fact that Harrison is, you know, good at football.

"What Jimmy Harrison was doing and how the incident occurred, what he was trying to do was really well worth it. He was doing something that was good, wanted to take his son to get baptized where he lived and things like that. She said she didn’t want to do it." - Steelers team chairman Dan Rooney

Oh, that makes all the difference -- Harrison was trying to force his religion on her. Because when you use force to propagate your religion, that's just peachy!

$30 Million to Reject a Franchise

The Portland Trail Blazers are about to give Steve Francis $30 million dollars to stay the hell away from their team.

This is my favorite new trend in NBA contracts: the buyout of the overrated veteran who might become a locker room cancer. May we all find opportunities in life to be so abundant.

Stevie Franchise (by the way, did we ever nail down which franchise that was? I'm thinking a White Castle near the bus terminal) may have been a bit of a monster for some fantasy teams in his All Star years, but even on his best day and behavior, was never a guy that was going deep into the playoffs. On his worst day, and he's been having a lot of those recently, he's a would-be coach killer who is either injury-prone or a malingerer.

There's only two kinds of reactions that you can have to the buyout, if you are Francis; anger at being dissed translating into a good year (aka, Chris Webber in Detroit), or whooping it up like a soon-to-be-broke lottery winner (Jalen "Max" Rose, come on down!).

Seeing as Stevie is said to be angling for a Clipper reunion with Cut Mobley (another guy who won't be going deep into the post-season, and that's assuming good behavior), I think we all know what path he's choosing. Let the good times roll!

If the Clips sign Franchise, he'll hog the ball and get his numbers on the offensive end while getting eaten alive by the West's really good point guards (Parker, Williams, Paul, Davis, Nash). Meanwhile, clueless Clip fans will get totally fooled, because he'll have numbers, and he's got to be better than the ancient Sam Cassells and the infirm Shaun Livingstone.

Next (perpetual?) stop: the 10 seed in the West. And speaking of the Clips, has anyone else noticed that Elton Brand is starting to look and sound a lot like Boxer from Orwell's Animal Farm?



(Click through to see the finest animated film ever bought and paid for by the CIA, which is up in its entirety on YouTube. 90+ minutes or so.)

Bad Mechanics: MLB Round-Up

1) While having ESPN on the background, I caught an ad for a pitching mechanics tape from Tom House.

Here are some of the MLB pitchers who were cited in the ad: Nolan Ryan (OK, he pitched forever), Rob Nen (whoops, he flamed out early) and... Dave Dravecky (whose arm, some may remember, SNAPPED IN HALF ON HIS FINAL MLB PITCH, AND WAS LATER AMPUTATED).

OK, I get that Dravecky had cancer, and his mechanics were probably not at fault for his loss. Still, when I think Dave Dravecky, I don't think, "Gosh, wouldn't it be great to learn to pitch just like the guy whose arm snapped in the most horrifying moment in modern MLB history?"

All I'm saying -- Mr. House *might* want to update that list. Mark Prior, maybe. (Actually, he was mentioned as well. Maybe we should all just find another tape to teach the kids with.)

2) Jerry Narron, fired as manager of the Cincinnati Reds.

At 20 games below .500 despite a remarkable comeback year from Ken Griffey Jr., I suppose someone had to take the fall. But it's hard to imagine the manager making a heck of a lot of difference to a team with Kyle Lohse as the #2 starter. How this Reds team finished only 2 games below .500 last year is one of the minor miracles of our time.

3) Who got screwed out of the MLB All-Star Game?

For like most of the All-Star Game, I Could Not Care Less, and will mock those who do.

Here's a good rule of thumb to live your life by: if you won't care about something a week from now, that's a pretty good reason to not care about it right now. All-Star snubs work the same way. There's always a half-dozen picks that wind up getting fixed later, as players decide that being named to the All Star team is a lot more fun than actually going.

So, did Jimmy Rollins get hosed? Yes, of course. He also popped off earlier in the year when his team hasn't won in his professional career, and he's got no business hitting leadoff. So Jose Reyes is overrated, because he's a fantasy baseball beast and works in New York? Who the hell cares?

Honestly, we're talking about a game in which Gil Meche -- who will, in time, be the answer to many looks of stunned disbelief for his contract -- is an All-Star. (He's following in the hallowed footsteps of Royal All Star Mark Redman. Please, won't someone take away the one player per team rule?)

Barry Bonds was *VOTED* in by the fans in a popular vote. One can only assume they'd also vote in Paris Hilton, if only she was on the ballot.

You can be an MLB fan and not watch, or care -- especially as it seems many non-MLB fans were doing the voting. In fact, it's kind of encouraged.

4) Later today, Roger Clemens goes for his second win of the year in his 5th start. If he beats the Twins and Boof Bonser at the Stadium, that will get the cost per win this year down to a thoroughly manageable $11 million.

By the way, the Yanks are now 4 games under .500, 11 games out of the East, 9 games out of the wild card, and looking up at Toronto.

But remember, George Steinbrenner is a maniac who fires people without cause.

5) Milton Bradley, traded from the A's to the Padres, is... going to start his days in San Diego on the disabled list.

Somewhere, Chris "Slept on eye wrong; DL" Brown is nodding his head in respect. Milton, you're really proving all of the haters wrong...