My heart grew three sizes the day she was born. It was a full heart to begin with, it's hard to believe that more love could fit in there, that's why our hearts grow I guess. It feels to me as if she has always been a part of me. Maybe someday, when this life is over and I can clearly see and remember my entire existence, I will recognize that she has, that all of my sweet babies and Ken and I have always known each other, that we chose each other, that we wanted to be together forever. Whether or not I ever get to experience that future moment, I can and will savor the feeling of it now. She has always been a part of me. We have always loved each other, and now that she is finally, physically here, I can't imagine how I could ever feel happier.
Right now she's sleeping peacefully about 2 feet away from me. The sweet girl, she takes her current job very seriously- she eats, and sleeps and wets and messes diapers. Sometimes she eats and then stares at me for a while with deep, knowing eyes, but then within 30 minutes to an hour she's sleeping again. Sometimes I think that she is trying to tell me something, in fact when she stares at me this is what pops into my head "Remember this Mommy, in a couple of weeks when I'm fussy just to be fussy, remember how perfect I am right now". I will try to remember.
We will be staying away from large crowds for the next month or two, which means no Church. But just because Baby Girl and I didn't go to church last Sunday doesn't mean that we sat around the house in our pajamas all day. That's right, we got dressed up! What I learned- 0-3 month tights are the equivalent to 0-3 month clothes.....and skinny, skinny newborn legs drown in them. Also- headbands should only be worn for short periods of time, but she will be super cute during those times!I'm quickly learning that as a mother of 3 very loving children, I can expect to be needed by more than one at a time. Luckily B is happy just to be near me most of the time, and when he does need to be in physical contact with me, he's willing to find space. For example, laying across my knees while I feed and burp his sister.
Big Brother J takes his new responsibility, of watching over his baby sister, very seriously. If only he protected his brother this well, mostly he does his best to annoy and pester his little brother. I guess that is also the job of the Biggest Brother.
When I saw this picture on the camera I thought-
THIS is what the baby sees when her brothers visit her.
Speaking of Visitors, we had a fun visit with Aunt Donna and Uncle Weldon.
And here is a picture of my new life, my family, it's not so little anymore. If you had told me on the day after my 31st birthday, as I held my first child in my arms, that 5 & a 1/2 years later Ken and I would be the parents of 3 amazing children, I probably WOULD HAVE believed you, BUT I wouldn't have ever believed how much my heart would have grown between then and now. We are truly blessed.
For the past year of my life I've been in the middle of a storm, a storm of doubt and fear that this little baby of ours might never join our family. Well, after the storm is over there often comes a beautiful rainbow. That is what this sweet baby of ours is, our Rainbow Baby. I hope and pray that she will be healthy and strong and that she will grow and develop into the amazing woman I feel that she is destined to be.
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