On the Subject of Twerking

Since I wrote about bosoms last week in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month, I thought this week I would write about bums, as in gluts. As in our bottoms.

I’m writing about butts because it only seemed fair and because, well, I need to set the record straight on something. As anyone who reads this blog knows, I love to dance. I’m not particularly good at it, but I love it. After the sensational Miley Cyrus twerking incident at the VH1 music awards, I got some very personal questions about my opinion of the whole thing that included the full-out solicitation of my thoughts on the dance move itself. There was even some hinting about whether or not I, myself, have twerked. Let me set the record straight right here and right now…

I think before I twerk. I can twerk. I have twerked. I simply choose not to twerk.

I have nothing against the dance move, which you can see by going to Youtube and typing “twerking” in the search box. FAIR WARNING: This will bring up all kinds of demonstrations of twerking, from the least obscene one can make it to the most bizarrely pornographic. Miley Cyrus’s version, I thought, was fairly tame compared to most I’ve seen. If done correctly, it can be a viable option for choreography, depending on the dancer, audience, venue, and music, but it's not for everyone. Most of the objections to it come from the fact it basically looks very sexual, kind of like the dancer is dry humping air.

To me, it’s not quite so sexual as frightening. When dancers really get going, it looks more to me like someone trying to give birth and failing, kind of like the dancer is desperately trying to expel something from her body. That, coupled with the driving beat it’s usually danced to, give it a horror movie vibe, and I find myself sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to see what will erupt from the dancer, kind of like the feeling one gets when watching Alien movies.

There are some women who can do this move so that it actually looks like their butts are moving independently of the rest of their bodies, which is kind of surreal if you watch it long enough. It ceases to be sexual and instead becomes either comical or optical illusion-ish, so much so that it detracts from the dancing itself.

The other part of twerking is that if you don’t do it correctly, you can really hurt your lower back. You really have to use your core and tilt your pelvic, or you can risk serious injury. In ten years, most of the teens who are at this very minute twerking just to irritate their parents will find themselves at the doctor’s office with lower back pain. Imagine a 20-something hobbling in to see her GP, completely befuddled as to why her lower back is so sore all the time. The doctor will knowingly ask whether his recalcitrant patient ever twerked back in the day, and she will have to sheepishly admit that, yes, indeed, she bowed to peer pressure and did her best Miley Cyrus impression at senior prom, and well, she hasn’t walked quite the same since.

It’s because of the latter, the potential for injury, that I choose not to twerk. I suppose if I really felt the urge to impersonate Grace Jones in that one movie where it looks like she’s giving birth to a bottle of perfume, I would do it, but those urges rarely occur. How about you? Do you twerk? Have you? Come on, do tell!

A Most Romantic Gift

In the past, I've blogged a bit about dancing, and I can't think of a more fitting subject for this week's theme because it's the most romantic gift my husband's ever given me. Because of him, my dream to be able to move to music and enjoy it is a reality and a lifelong passion fulfilled.

We'd been dating for a month when the subject came up offhandedly. I was so excited to hear he'd been dancing for years and wanted to share it with me, and he was so excited to find I couldn't wait to learn some steps. He'd been fully prepared to give up his dancing life to be with me if he discovered I wasn't into it.

Is there anything more romantic than THAT?

Who couldn't love dancing, whether watching it or doing it? Dancing is romantic and passionate, and they say that the way a couple dances says quite a bit about their relationship.

Partner dancing is about knowing yourself and your partner. It's about knowing when to lead and when to follow. It's about knowing when to give and when to take. It's about enjoying the pulse and rhythm of life and sharing that with your partner or the world if you're free-styling. In other words, it about...

Love. Love of life. Love of music. Love of that special someone. Love of humanity.

Those who dance suspend for a moment the inherent vulnerabilities of the human spirit and join in accepting themselves and those around them to come together in a celebration of possibilities. They rejoice in the primal beats that tie modern humankind to their ancestors, a connection transcending thousands of years and passing through thousands of generations.

What's more loving than sharing a dance with someone you care about? Perhaps you waltzed with your papa at your wedding, or perhaps you're first kiss happened at the prom during a slow dance. Dancing can be traditional, and it can unite. It's a way to get to know someone but also a way to share quality time with someone you've known for years.

In my novella, Ride 'Em, Girlfriend, hunky cowboy Randy Stide uses the rumba and tango to further seduce the woman his heart's ached for for months. In some of my other books, dancing or music somehow play a role in the couple's love affair. It's so much a part of who I am that it just sneaks in when I'm least expecting it.

Speaking of least expecting something, why don't you, as a Valentine's Day challenge, ask someone you know to dance with you? It doesn't really matter where you are or even if there's music; if you dance, you'll hear it. I wouldn't just go up to any ole person on the street and ask them--well, I probably would, but I definitely don't recommend that you do it--but maybe hustle your sullen teen off the couch and do the Watusi. Grab Granny and try a little slooooowww foxtrot, or maybe just wrap yourself around your significant other and snuggle in for a close slow dance, the kind where you just hold on and rock back and forth.

Wanting to express oneself through the joy of dance is a natural, wonderful desire, and I'm grateful every day that I'm able to do it, as some folks are not. I dance for those who can't and sometimes for those who won't, but mainly I dance because I have to, just like I have to write.

Right now I think I have to go express myself by encouraging my wonderful hubby to join me for a spin around the living room. Happy Valentine's Day!

D is for Dancing

The Art of Flirting - what could be more important in romance? Today I offer what I've learned about dancing.

Dancing comes in as many forms as there are cultures on the planet. But, in every form, dancing expresses emotion. Whether it's the joy of warriors after a successful hunt, the dramatic beauty of ballet, or the sexual display of couples attracted to each other, dance covers a wide range.

But I want to focus on dance as one of the best ways to flirt. It's romantic, intimate and fun.

The flirting starts before you're even on the dance floor. If you're the brave sort, you can always ask the guy to dance (just don't forget how much they like the chase). But if you want him to approach, you can't just sit there daydreaming. You need to establish eye contact (3-5 seconds; no staring) and give him a smile. Studies have shown that most men only approach women who've already initiated contact through subtle invitations like this. Even though the guys don't realize that's why they've decided to approach you. Yes, it's odd, I know. They think they are the brave ones.

Okay, you're dancing. I hope you have some sense of rhythm, even if he doesn't. Start your moves, keeping in mind the most important move you have is self-confidence.

And here's a key element in cementing your partner's interest. Be sure you make periodic eye contact with the guy whose attention you're seeking. Don't let your eyes dart all over the room as if the place is on fire and you need the exit. If you look like you're scoping out some more appealing target, he may decide to do the same. You don't have to be brazen, but don't be shy, either. Let this guy know that these moves are for him.

Second, even though most dancing today is non-contact dancing, you can still use your dance moves to sneak in some flirtatious touching. Rest your hand lightly on his forearm to get his attention when you want to speak or point something out to him. Accidentally brush his elbow or shoulder when the opportunity arises. (No grabbing; no groping.) Touching him is flirting, even if it appears to be done accidentally. He will get the subliminal message. People touch people they like.

Now of course if you have the opportunity for some "slow" dancing, touching is taken to a new level. Now you get to experience that sublime sensation of his arms around you. (Those prim Europeans who banned the waltz knew what they were doing.)

You get to decide how intimate your touching will be, and you can send all the messages you want. Obviously, the closer you allow your bodies to get, the greater the interest you are showing. But if you want to flirt, don't plaster yourself all over him. Give him a chance to smell your perfume, to feel your hand in his. Give him the thrill of the chase by not letting him pull you quite as close as he wants to. Engage his brain by making him strategize how he can succeed with you.

Most of all, have fun!!!

Since it's game day--meaning THE Super Bowl, as Hubby puts it (like there's any other)--I know what you're all expecting, but I simply could not find any pictures of hot football players to post. I looked, but when I searched, I ended up with bikini-clad chicks holding strategically placed soccer balls over parts of their surgically-enhanced anatomies. Gack. This tells me two things. 1) More guys search for sexy pix of football players than women do and 2) Every other country in the world uses the term "football" to describe "soccer" except the USA.

Because of this, I thought I would write about another sport instead, one filled with passion and romance, and one with which I am intimately familiar. So today I'm posting a little about competitive ballroom dance, one of the most beautiful and artistic sports known to humankind. Can you tell I'm biased? lol

Yes, ballroom dance is a sport. It's called DanceSport, and there are organizations that govern it and everything, just like other organized sports. The nice aspect of DanceSport is that even after a couple quits competing, they can dance socially for the rest of their lives if they want. That's what my husband and I have done.

We started out just interested in social dance, but because of the lack of dance opportunities in our local area at the time, we thought we'd try competing at the novice level, which is for beginners. It gave us the chance to travel to competitions and hear great music, and we did get to dance socially as well because there are sometimes intermissions where everyone is invited to get up and dance and enjoy themselves.

We competed for three years in some rhythm dances (swing, rumba, cha-cha, mambo), moving through the different levels as we learned more patterns, and we loved learning the intricacies of dance, meeting other dancers, and, really, just getting to be involved in a competitive sport. I think most people would love to try a competitive sport, win or lose, just once. We weren't as concerned about placing as we were just getting to participate and be a part of it all. There are some issues with the competitions sometimes, including the judging, and the expense can be overwhelming if you compete at the higher levels. However, if you just enjoy dancing and want to see it from a different perspective, DanceSport may be an option for you. There's quite a bit to learn about it, but overall I'd say it's one of the best experiences I've ever had, and I now have something that I can pass on to others, too. Occasionally, we talk about going back and competing in some smooth dances (foxtrot, waltz, tango, quickstep), but we've not decided yet.

By the way, real ballroom comps don't have much in common with Dancing with the Stars. For one, there are pro/am (professional/amateur) couples AND am/am couples (where the partners are both amateurs). Couples compete according to age and level, which means people of all ages can participate and compete with people in their age group. I've met and seen people in their 80s competing, which was really nice. Another difference is the judges are the only judges--the audience doesn't get to vote.

I'd get more into it, but right now I have some more snacks to fix for the Big Game. If you are interested in ballroom, feel free to drop me a line and ask me questions. If you just want to experience some dancing in your reading, may I suggest my erotica novella, Ride 'Em Girlfriend? Although it's not about dancing per se, it has a scene in it where hunky cowboy Randy Stide teaches Professor Rumani Gladstone how to rumba and tango...while naked. Gooooo team!