Tuesday, December 04, 2007
We're looking for a house, and I find it very draining. Yaakov and I have different perspectives on the matter, different needs. Yaakov looks at houses dispassionately. I, on the other hand, get emotionally involved. Maybe it's a man-woman thing?
House hunting creates mixed emotions: Hopeful (Could we live here?). Disgusted (How could you show a house with a dead roach on the floor?). Incredulous (you want 300k for this? Are you on crack?). Loathsome (I hate the disgusting house we live in now!!!). Scared (Will we ever find a house?). DRAINED.
The other night, after a day of house-hunting, I called my mom and started to cry. The first thing she said was, "Calm down, Maven." I got pretty indignant, let me tell you. "Mom, it's not like I constantly break down and cry, this is stressful for me!" I felt abandoned. I needed support, and I felt like she was basically telling me to shut up.
The next day, she sent me an email apologizing. She was sorry for not sympathizing with my feelings, she said. She wrote comforting words and signed off with "I LOVE YOU!!!" That was nice. The whole email made me re-evaluate some long-held feelings I've had towards Mom. It helped me look at her in a more positive way, and forced me to acknowledge my own judgmental-ness.
So that's where it's at. Looking at houses, healing the parent-child relationship. Now if Yaakov and I can survive (without killing and/or psychologically maiming the other), everything will be just dandy.
Happy Chanuka!
Love, Maven @ 
6 Comments:
At 1:57 PM,
Unknown said…
I agree, and I empathize.
At 10:07 PM,
Ayelet Survivor said…
I'm trying to empathize, but sometimes I wish I had your problems.
At 8:21 AM,
shy_smiley said…
That whole emotional thing is the reason my DH abandoned selling residential real estate to sell commercial real estate. He felt the stress between husband and wife when looking at houses... women are way more invested in home than men are. You are not alone!
I'm re-evaluating the parent-child relationship with my mom, too. Adult relationships are far more complicated, and burdened by a shared past and differing perspectives.
And a little psychological maiming is part and parcel of marriage, don't you think? ;-)
Happy Chanukah!
At 9:22 AM,
Maven said…
funkyfrum - thanks!
ayelet - you generally remind me to keep things in perspective.
shy_smiley - holy cow girl, where ya been?!! nice to hear from you! your comment about your husband's real-estate experiences was VERY validating, thank you for mentioning that. it's nice to know that this is an average experience between couples.
At 11:02 AM,
Anonymous said…
Mave -
If your real estate agent is not accommodating you re: what you are looking for in a home, your price range, the neighborhood etc. you need to find a new agent. I had my house here in Orlando on the market and I went through 4 agents. Now it is a buyer's market. There are so many homes available that it should be fun to look for a house. Ya wanna talk stress, talk about showing your home. Strangers walking through looking in all your closets and cabinets, commenting on everything - oy I almost had a nervous breakdown.
You and Ya'akov are bound to find a home that suits both of your wants and needs. Your real estate agent should be informed (by you of course) that you and your spouse see from different perspectives. Most good agents will already know this, as shy smiley said. But there are so many agents out there now that the market is so flooded with homes for sale that you should be able to find a good one even if you have to go through 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 however many it takes.
Hashem will quide you to your perfect home.
Chappy Chanukah !!!!!
At 3:38 PM,
Wendy said…
It's hard, but you'll find a home. Good luck!
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