Thursday, June 01, 2006
I'm really anxious about this birth. I was fine until the midwife showed me those damn videos! None of the women looked like they were having the spiritual experience of their lives.
I have friends who've had quick and easy natural births. Not me. At every birth I've felt like I wanted to die.
A friend gave me an old N'shei Chabad article, a Jerusalem woman writing about her birth experience. While the cab was taking her to the hospital, ambulances were blaring all around - a bombing. So she gets to the hospital, and there are all the bombing victims. Bloodied faces, missing limbs, cries of pain. And she says to herself; I could have an epidural and not feel anything, but there's no epidural for them. My pain is a joyful one, because I'm having a baby. Their pain is completely senseless. That's how she soldiered on.
And look at those poor women in the Congo, may G-d have mercy on them. They've been violated beyond belief. I'm worried about labor? Look what they suffered through!
There's a part of me that's totally depressed about this. Is this the only way to be cheery about natural childbirth? To say; "Well, at least it's not a bombing. At least it's not vicious rape."
I've been paying my midwife all along, I'm locked in with her. I have to get through this. But I'll tell you what, I'm really starting to regret my choice. I love my midwife and I'd like to have a baby with her, but I feel like I just can't deal anymore. I mean, I've paid my dues. I had 3 babies naturally. I had back labor for 33 hours with Chaya, without drugs.
I'm telling you, I was fine until the videos.
Love, Maven @ 
5 Comments:
At 11:15 AM,
Anonymous said…
I have had two babies (not naturally) and tried one natural.. NEVER AGAIN!@!!! I dont see why anyone would want to do this by choice!!! You dont get anything extra or a a medal.. The outcome of a healthy baby is all we hope for.. Do yourself a favor.. have an epidural!!!!
At 1:16 PM,
Unknown said…
Well, I am sorry to hear you are not feeling cheery about it, and you are right, you have paid your dues, but I am sure if you want they will give you drugs if you ask. I decided natural childbirth because I have a very unhealthy fear of sharp pointy needle like things, and I figure natural childbirth is the easiest way around it. My midwife gave me a whole speech today about natural childbirth and how women need darkness, warmth, and calm in order to have children, so if an epidural will calm you down, take it! Since Shavous is upon us, enjoy some cheesecake and pretend those yucky videos never took place.
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