Mommy's Bed 
Brotherly Love
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Spider Man
Lately Lucas is obsessed with Superheros. It's so cute, I absolutely love it. Today Jeremy had some time in between classes and went to Target to drop off his time sheet from when he filled in at another store. While there he stumbled upon some Spider man goggles, they must have been returned, because surly something this cute wouldn't have still been around this long at 75% off. He had a few dollars left on a gift card so he purchased them, along with a spider man shirt. He was already wearing Superman though, so we had a Super-Spider man on our hands today.
Being the good big brother he is, he wanted Benjamin in on the action too.
Thank You ???
Today as I was unloading groceries I was greeted by a delivery man. A special delivery for Lucas.
An adorable cookie bouquet from Cookies By Design.
The card just said "Congratulations Big Brother!"
The happy boy showing off his loot
I'm hoping that whoever sent it reads my blog, since there was no name attached. Whoever you are, thank you for making him feel special. He was VERY appreciative. He enjoyed one already and can't wait till we let him eat another.
Our First Week
Well we did it! We survived our first week as the parents of TWO boys! Looking back, I can't remember what life was like with only one child. Benjamin is such a joyful addition to our family and makes our hearts so full of love and happiness. We're all enjoying him so much. Lucas is still crazy about him, and is constantly asking to hold him, telling us to pick him up if he squeals (he doesn't cry, he squeals), asking to hold his hand and offering him toys. These boys are going to be the best of friends.
Lucas seems huge, and when I snuggle him in my arms, he suddenly looks like a little boy and not a baby. I makes me a bit sad.
Benjamin is growing quickly. I wish I could just freeze time and keep him this little forever. Since he's our last until school is finished in four years, I wish that I could just keep him tiny. I know it's not possible though and so I'm trying to just enjoy every second. He's sleeping so well, and therefore allowing me to get some decent rest at night. He's decided that nursing is his favorite past time when he's awake, and sometimes thinks he's hungry every thirty minutes. I don't mind one bit.
Did I mention I've had to clip this kid's nails THREE times already. He has the longest little fingers and toes, and his nails grow so fast I'm clipping them every few days. Yikes!
Yesterday we took the boys to Olan Mills to have pictures taken. I had a free newborn package. I had done this exact same thing with Lucas when he was a week old. We put Ben in the same outfit that Lucas wore and the photographer did the best she could to make them as close as possible. It turned out so cute! I can't wait to get them back in a few weeks. I took a few at home too. Here is a comparison shot of them. There definitely related
Lucas seems huge, and when I snuggle him in my arms, he suddenly looks like a little boy and not a baby. I makes me a bit sad.
Benjamin is growing quickly. I wish I could just freeze time and keep him this little forever. Since he's our last until school is finished in four years, I wish that I could just keep him tiny. I know it's not possible though and so I'm trying to just enjoy every second. He's sleeping so well, and therefore allowing me to get some decent rest at night. He's decided that nursing is his favorite past time when he's awake, and sometimes thinks he's hungry every thirty minutes. I don't mind one bit.
Did I mention I've had to clip this kid's nails THREE times already. He has the longest little fingers and toes, and his nails grow so fast I'm clipping them every few days. Yikes!
Yesterday we took the boys to Olan Mills to have pictures taken. I had a free newborn package. I had done this exact same thing with Lucas when he was a week old. We put Ben in the same outfit that Lucas wore and the photographer did the best she could to make them as close as possible. It turned out so cute! I can't wait to get them back in a few weeks. I took a few at home too. Here is a comparison shot of them. There definitely related
Lucas / Benjamin
Monday, September 28, 2009
Sweetness
I'm the luckiest mom. I have two of the sweetest, most beautiful little boys!
Yesterday Lucas walked up to me and says in the sweetest little voice, "Mom, I wuv him."
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Poor Jeremy
Jeremy and Lucas July 2007 
Jeremy and Benjamin September 2009
Poor Jeremy. Always studying :(
So In Love...
I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I'd ever fall in love with someone so wonderful. Then I met Jeremy and we were married.
I never imagined that I could love another as much as him, and then we had our first child and my heart grew.
I never imagined that I could love another child as much as I loved my beloved first born and then he was born and I do.
I'm so in love with my boys!
Lucas
Lucas has been such a wonderful big brother. He loves to help get diapers, wipes, blankets, pacifiers (that we don't need) and every other possible item we might need for little Benjamin. So far the 'jealous' outbursts have been kept to a minimum and usually only take place when he's tired. I feel so lucky!
He's recently become interested in taking pictures, and to our surprise is actually really good at it! Jeremy isn't thrilled with me letting him use the camera, but somewhere around here I have an extra (remember when I broke ours and my dad fixed it for me?). I know I need to be careful with letting him use our good working one, but I hate the thought of suppressing his creative outlet and talent. Okay, maybe it's just luck, after all he is only two. But... I'm his mom, and it's definitely talent to me!
Photos by Lucas 
I've really enjoyed watching him adore his new little brother. I've mostly though enjoyed that I still am able to manage my snuggles with him at nap time and bed time. I'm grateful for such a good new baby that it's possible to leave him wherever and have that much needed time with Lucas.
Things he does to keep himself busy while I'm busy....
Sports. Lots and lots of sports. He loves his popper ball too. ( a little foam gun that shots balls)
Trains, cars, trucks.
Coloring, stickers, books.
He likes to watch movies too. Curious George, Caillou, Clifford the Big Red Dog...etc
He's also been doing well with potty training himself. He's been working on it for several months. I never push the issue. But for the past two days he's been pooping in the potty...without being asked too. He'll just go do it, then come out and ask for candy!
He's still funny as ever, and we're enjoying his comedic personality more than ever. Neither of us are quite sure where he gets his wit from, but we're not complaining.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Days 4 & 5: Life Is Beautiful
Do you remember that movie? I can't remember what it was about, just that through all of life's adversity he would always say, 'Life is beautiful'. What a true statement.
Morning finally rolled in and Lucas came crawling into bed with me. I was soooo tired. Luckily he's a great cuddler, and just snuggled up with his mama and brother for a while. He eventually became bored and went to do his own thing. When I finally got up he'd turned on every light in the house, gotten into all the bathroom cabinets and made a huge mess. Ahhh, life was become more real by the moment! We made breakfast and began our very first day of doing things all by ourselves.
Amy came back early that afternoon to spend time with us. Lucas wanted popcorn and I needed a few things from Target that couldn't wait on Jeremy to get home. (I did not prepare well before Ben's arrival). We packed up both boys and ventured out again. We stopped off for popcorn and a soda and immediately the meltdown began. I completely lost my patience with Lucas. I ended up having to carry his flailing body while he screamed. I would have left if I wasn't in such need of a few things, and so every one there just had to deal with the drama. I eventually calmed down, so did he. And as we walked by the pharmacy I even let him have a sucker. We always let him have a sucker from the pharmacy, and meltdown or not, it's his little treat when we go. We ended up staying to look at a few more things and wait out a random downpour of rain. Then headed home for lunch.
Jeremy and Lucas had a guys night later on. Jeremy had a few errands to run. Lucas was unsure about leaving his mom and brother home, but eventually decided it was a good idea to get out of the house. Several hours later they returned and we spent the rest of our night enjoying each others company and relaxing. Lucas played a new game he got and I caught up on blogging. Again I was overwhelmed with how smooth the transition was. With each passing hour I was growing more and more grateful for what a wonderful family I have. I'd been blessed to have been given a very mellow baby. One who only cries if he's hungry and loves to be held, but who also doesn't mind being put down. 
As I look around my house that is full of boys and all they stand for, I'm grateful to be a woman. I'm grateful that I am the one in the home who was able to carry these beautiful little boys deep inside me and to have experienced that bond from the beginning. I'm grateful for my wonderful husband, who despite his lack of sleep and increasing work load, is supportive of me, and who is just as much in love with these little boys as I am. I'm grateful for the mess, for the scattered toys and for the laundry that piles up as quickly as I put it away. It means that I am well taken care of. I'm so grateful that I'm able to be home with my children. That I'm the one who gets to see all the firsts and experience the vast variety of emotions and feelings and they experience and that I do as well. There is nothing more precious in the world than to watch life through the eyes of a child. Especially when that child is your own.
Yes, Life IS Beautiful!
Wednesday night I slept on the couch with Benjamin. I have a hard time putting my babies to bed in a crib when so tiny. But after the previous nights crying, and with Jeremy having school early in the morning, I figured I'd play it safe.
I guess there is something about preparing for the worst. But our first night home went surprisingly well. He still didn't nurse well, but took his pacifier just fine. I woke up about 8:00 feeling pretty refreshed. As refreshed as one can after only getting minimal sleep for several nights in a row. Benjamin let out a squeal and I heard Lucas' bedroom door open. He came running out and the first thing he said was "Where's Benjamin?" He couldn't see him because all the couch cushions where piled up on the floor blocking his view. I had an instant sigh of relief as I realized in an instant that Lucas was just as in love with this new baby as I was. Already, after only spending a few hours with him he was a protective, caring, and concerned big brother. After lots of snuggles shared between the three of us, Etta came out to say good morning. Bless her heart, try as she might to help us out, Lucas only wanted his mommy to do everything. Luckily for me I came home without pain and feeling pretty mobile. I missed him so much that doing little things like getting his breakfast was exciting for me.
While changing Ben's diaper early that morning, I thought I spotted some blood in his urine. So I called to make him an appointment to be seen. I had planned to make it a quick uneventful trip out, leaving Lucas home with Grandma, but he was having nothing to do with it. And so, with a three day-old baby, I made my first trip out of the house as a mom of two. I wish I could report that it was smooth, but it didn't. We arrived at the doctors and Lucas began having a meltdown because I forgot to bring him a drink. I was trying to fill out a hundred forms and hold a new baby and deal with him. We were finally called back, and I had to wake up Ben to get him stripped down to be weighed and measured and all that. He was screaming and Lucas was growing more impatient for his mommy's attention. I grew more impatient for some peace and quiet. Benjamin lost almost a full pound, he was down to 6 lbs 7 ounces. I figured he'd lost some weight since he wasn't eating anything. I knew my milk wouldn't come in as long as he wasn't nursing. The doctor finally came in and by then Lucas was having a complete meltdown. I found myself trying to console two children at once. It was definitely NOT easy. BUT.... I managed. Lucas eventually settled down, so did Benjamin. It didn't end up being blood, but a chemical reaction of some sort with his diaper. It was orange not red. I felt a little dumb, but it's always better safe than sorry. They rechecked his bilirubin levels while there and they'd climbed from 7.2 on Wednesday to 11.4. It wasn't too much of a concern, he'll just have to be rechecked on Monday.
On our way out Lucas got two suckers. I always tell him he can ONLY have ONE, he ALWAYS takes TWO. And I always let him. It's easier to let him have an extra sucker on occasion that to listen to him scream the whole way to the car. I typically don't give in to things that he wants, but at the doctors, why not?
We left there, the car ride home was great. Ben slept, Lucas almost fell asleep. I had one more stop to make though. I needed to stop and get something to try to help me nurse my baby. We stopped off at Babies 'r Us and got a few things we needed. More money than we intended to spend later and we were finally on our way home. We ended up being gone for two or three hours. I couldn't believe it!
Soon my friend Amy stopped by to visit and to hold Ben. She was out of town when he was born and hadn't met him yet. Etta went home when she got there. She had planned to stay till the next morning, but I was doing well on my own, and now had help for at least the rest of the day. Soon Jeremy came home too. I was surprised by how well the rest of our day went. Life felt so normal. So comfortable. And best of all so complete.
Nursing began to go smoothly immediately upon getting home and by the end of the day my milk was coming in. I had begun to think that nursing was going to be impossible this time around which really saddened me because I loved nursing Lucas and it was one of the things I most looked forward to with having a new baby. That special bonding and closeness. I felt so much relief and so much happiness as I was finally able to experience this with Ben. By the end of the day he was hooked and I was falling more and more in love.
That night, since things had gone so well, I took him to bed with me. He started out in the bassinet next to me, and then once he woke up I just brought him to bed with me. I woke up at one point in the night and Jeremy was holding onto him. It was so sweet and in my delirium I remembered back to when Lucas was first born. People used to say we shouldn't get in the habit of letting him sleep in our bed or we'd never get him out, but with Jeremy working and going to school full time, bedtime was the only time he had with him. He loved having him in the bed so that he could at least be near him, even if they were both sleeping. Things this time are much of the same. While this time Jeremy is blessed to only have to work a few hours a week, his school work is very time consuming. We're lucky that he has more time for holding babies, but it was still sweet to see him reaching out to his little boy in the middle of the night. With every little gesture like that, I realize more and more how life is beginning to come together for our new family.
Morning finally rolled in and Lucas came crawling into bed with me. I was soooo tired. Luckily he's a great cuddler, and just snuggled up with his mama and brother for a while. He eventually became bored and went to do his own thing. When I finally got up he'd turned on every light in the house, gotten into all the bathroom cabinets and made a huge mess. Ahhh, life was become more real by the moment! We made breakfast and began our very first day of doing things all by ourselves.
Amy came back early that afternoon to spend time with us. Lucas wanted popcorn and I needed a few things from Target that couldn't wait on Jeremy to get home. (I did not prepare well before Ben's arrival). We packed up both boys and ventured out again. We stopped off for popcorn and a soda and immediately the meltdown began. I completely lost my patience with Lucas. I ended up having to carry his flailing body while he screamed. I would have left if I wasn't in such need of a few things, and so every one there just had to deal with the drama. I eventually calmed down, so did he. And as we walked by the pharmacy I even let him have a sucker. We always let him have a sucker from the pharmacy, and meltdown or not, it's his little treat when we go. We ended up staying to look at a few more things and wait out a random downpour of rain. Then headed home for lunch.
When Jeremy got home, Amy went with me to my WIC appointment. I had cancelled it because Lucas was going to need a nap, but with Jeremy getting out of class early, I was able to go alone. Well, with one child. Those appointments always take forever, and just as we were leaving, Jeremy called to say that Lucas woke up from his nap and was a bit upset that Benjamin was not at home. I had to chuckle to myself. I love that he misses him! As soon as I walked in the door, Lucas was anxious to help me carry the car seat and then for me to take him out so that he could hold him. We spent the next little while taking lots of pictures. Lucas was the photographer, Ben, Jeremy and I were the subjects.
Jeremy and Lucas had a guys night later on. Jeremy had a few errands to run. Lucas was unsure about leaving his mom and brother home, but eventually decided it was a good idea to get out of the house. Several hours later they returned and we spent the rest of our night enjoying each others company and relaxing. Lucas played a new game he got and I caught up on blogging. Again I was overwhelmed with how smooth the transition was. With each passing hour I was growing more and more grateful for what a wonderful family I have. I'd been blessed to have been given a very mellow baby. One who only cries if he's hungry and loves to be held, but who also doesn't mind being put down.
As I look around my house that is full of boys and all they stand for, I'm grateful to be a woman. I'm grateful that I am the one in the home who was able to carry these beautiful little boys deep inside me and to have experienced that bond from the beginning. I'm grateful for my wonderful husband, who despite his lack of sleep and increasing work load, is supportive of me, and who is just as much in love with these little boys as I am. I'm grateful for the mess, for the scattered toys and for the laundry that piles up as quickly as I put it away. It means that I am well taken care of. I'm so grateful that I'm able to be home with my children. That I'm the one who gets to see all the firsts and experience the vast variety of emotions and feelings and they experience and that I do as well. There is nothing more precious in the world than to watch life through the eyes of a child. Especially when that child is your own.
I'm looking forward to many more wonderful days. I know life will have it's ups and downs, but without the downs, we couldn't appreciate the ups.
Yes, Life IS Beautiful! Friday, September 25, 2009
Days 2 & 3: Reality Sets In
I didn't sleep much Monday morning once I was transferred to recovery. I just wanted to stare at my new baby and kiss and hug and cuddle. I did drift in and out of sleep as best I could with nurses coming in constantly to check my bleeding.
Jeremy and Lucas arrived, with a Sonic Chiller in hand. It was like a little bit of heaven. They are so delicious. Lucas spent some time holding his brother and getting acquainted before he was off to play with the trucks that Benjamin gave him the night before. Every time someone walked into the room he'd say, "look...the baby!" He was very excited to show him off.
A few hours passed and our friend Angela stopped by for a while. After holding Ben a bit she played with Lucas before heading off to class. She also took our first "family" picture. Shortly after it was time for Jeremy to take Lucas home. He was beginning to get restless and hyper. Poor little guy fell asleep in the car on the way home and slept about 12 hours that night.
I eventually began to get sleepy and as I tried to sleep that night, my once perfectly quiet non-crying baby began to cry. I was having a great deal of difficulty trying to get him to nurse. I remained calm but as the hours ticked on with getting five minutes of sleep here and ten minutes there I began to grow increasingly more exhausted. My nurse kept coming in to check on me and kept offering to take him to the nursery, but I was determined to figure things out. I didn't want to send him off crying and I hated the thought of sending him off once he was calm and not get that quiet time to cuddle with him. I learned that if I stood by the sink with the bright lights on, he'd settle down. I'd try to nurse him while standing, he'd latch on for a few minutes but then stop. Once he'd settle, I'd carefully lay down. I'd get in a little sleep before he'd begin to fuss again. I assumed he was hungry, but he wouldn't nurse.
As the night turned to morning, I grew more exhausted and more swollen.
By the time breakfast made it to my room at 8am I had already eaten two sandwich trays and two bowls of cereal. I was SO hungry! Hospital food is so gross!
I made a few phone calls and waited around for Jeremy to get there with Lucas. In the meantime my relief society president came to visit. I felt so bad, because right when she got there they had to take Ben for an ultrasound. There was some concern that he might have a deformity in his spine. Then finally brought him back and she was able to hold him for a while.
Jeremy and Lucas arrived, with a Sonic Chiller in hand. It was like a little bit of heaven. They are so delicious. Lucas spent some time holding his brother and getting acquainted before he was off to play with the trucks that Benjamin gave him the night before. Every time someone walked into the room he'd say, "look...the baby!" He was very excited to show him off.
A few hours passed and our friend Angela stopped by for a while. After holding Ben a bit she played with Lucas before heading off to class. She also took our first "family" picture. Shortly after it was time for Jeremy to take Lucas home. He was beginning to get restless and hyper. Poor little guy fell asleep in the car on the way home and slept about 12 hours that night.I enjoyed more quiet time with my new son. As I laid there reflecting on the day's events and thinking back to the same time period after Lucas was born, I couldn't help but to thank my Heavenly Father for all that he'd blessed me with. I thought about how by that point the postpartum depression had already been settling in with Lucas, I couldn't even talk on the phone for a few minutes before I began sobbing so hard I had to hang up. But this experience was so different. I felt so happy and like the luckiest person in the world. Knowing that I could be plagued with depression again, I began preparing for it months ago, and that was one of the things I had to help help with a few months ago when I was in counseling. I'm not anti medicating, I just think that in my situation it wouldn't help because I would worry constantly about the side effects. I felt a sense of pride in myself that I was able to fight it off, even before it even began.
I eventually began to get sleepy and as I tried to sleep that night, my once perfectly quiet non-crying baby began to cry. I was having a great deal of difficulty trying to get him to nurse. I remained calm but as the hours ticked on with getting five minutes of sleep here and ten minutes there I began to grow increasingly more exhausted. My nurse kept coming in to check on me and kept offering to take him to the nursery, but I was determined to figure things out. I didn't want to send him off crying and I hated the thought of sending him off once he was calm and not get that quiet time to cuddle with him. I learned that if I stood by the sink with the bright lights on, he'd settle down. I'd try to nurse him while standing, he'd latch on for a few minutes but then stop. Once he'd settle, I'd carefully lay down. I'd get in a little sleep before he'd begin to fuss again. I assumed he was hungry, but he wouldn't nurse.
5:30am rolls around. My nurse comes in to take him to the nursery for his newborn assessment testing. She asks me if I want him back when they are done. I tell her that if I'm sleeping to keep him. I was desperate for sleep by then. I hadn't really slept since Sunday night and here it was Wednesday morning. About 6:30 she comes in and wakes me again. She tells me that he's sound asleep in the nursery and since I was resting she wanted to leave him there, but to here, take your pain medications before you're in a deep sleep. I took them and she left. I laid there burden with exhaustion and confusion. Why would he sleep for them and not me? The tear began to flow. Suddenly I was scared that maybe I had jumped to conclusions to soon yesterday. Just as suddenly as the thoughts came, I pushed them out convincing myself that I was just tired and I'd be fine with some sleep. And with that I was out.
Throughout the course of the morning several doctors and nurses came in to ask questions and to check on me. I'm pretty sure I was slurring my words, giving one word answers and just nodding at them. I left Benjamin in his little crib and slept curled in a ball in hopes this was all a bad dream. Eventually he began to stir and so I picked him up and snuggled up with him in my bed. There we slept for several more hours until eventually I had been woken so many times I couldn't fall back asleep again. Ben still was not nursing well, and so I began to giving him a pacifier. That calmed him enough to get us through the day. I eventually ate my breakfast just as my lunch was arriving, then ate my lunch as it was time to start preparing to go home. Jeremy arrived about 1:00 and by about 3:00 I was finally released. After going over stacks of paperwork, I buckled my tiny little boy into his car seat for the first time. Ready to embark on a brand new adventure.
I drove myself home. I know, naughty naughty, but I had driven myself there and didn't want to leave my car there. I had been off all pain medication for almost 12 hours by that point, so I knew I'd be okay. Once home I tried to rest but couldn't. I felt so behind on everything at home that I quickly started a load of laundry. Etta held Ben while I spent some much needed time with Lucas.
When it was bed time, I was anxious to read to and snuggle with my baby. My big boy baby. As I laid there in his bed, lights out and story books put away, I began to get weepy again. Thoughts of how I'd do this began creeping in again. So I snuggled in closer and thought about how lucky I am to have these two wonderful, beautiful little boys to love and call my own.
How will I do it?
The same way I did it with one child.
One day at a time.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Day 1: A Labor of Love *edit*
Monday started out on the wrong foot. I woke up knowing that Jeremy wanted me to attempt labor and delivery again. I wasn't sure I could handle being sent home again. I was certain that that is what would happen. In the morning I went about my regular routine. I cleaned the house, started laundry and then went to the grocery store. I stocked up on enough to make meals for the entire week, you know, since I'd be home to cook.
I loaded my groceries into the trunk, and then proceeded to lock my keys in there too. Feeling defeated already, I pushed my buggy with Lucas back inside to ask for help. I figured they'd at least let me used their phone. As luck would have it, the manager was standing there and was willing to help me. He sent someone to get a wire hanger to pop my locks. While waiting this woman approaches us, asks what we intend to use to get into the car (I guess my situation must have been pretty obvious) and then tells us that her husband is a mechanic and carries the tool in his car to open doors. He was on his way to get it. The good Samaritan saved the day. After a few tears on my part, and many many thank yous to strangers of whom I don't even know their names, I had the keys out of my trunk and was on my way home.
After the groceries were unloaded, and Lucas' lunch was packed we were on our way out the door for our fate to be decided for us. Upon arrival, a close parking spot. Maybe my luck was turning! I parked, packed everything I needed into the diaper bag, Lucas' lunch included since by now he was in a deep slumber, I climbed out of the car (with my big belly weighing me down, it feels like climbing) and went to unbuckle my sweet little boy. As soon as I began to undo his buckle, making sure I'm careful NOT to wake him, I heard a boom and felt a shove. It all happened so fast I'm not exactly sure exactly what happened. Just that the woman who was parked next to me was in too big of a hurry to wait for me to move and close the door and backed out while I was bent over into the car. Her mirror hit my door, which in turn hit me, and I fell on Lucas. He woke up. I started to cry...again. The lady stopped, and only after explaining that I'm 9 months pregnant and on my way in to have my baby did she apologize, never got out to check on me, or offer me insurance information. By that point I was having deep pains in my abdomen and decided I didn't have time for her and walked off. The damage wasn't bad enough to my car that I needed to stand there fussing with it. (Remember, I sold my car and now have an old car.) Again, feeling defeated and like my luck just went from bad to worse, I headed to the eighth floor.
I was scare to approach the desk, but didn't recognize any of the nurses from my previous visits and so I took the last few steps. I explained that I was there on Friday, dilated to 4cm and that I'd been having contractions and cramping since I left. I needed to be checked. The nurse took me to my room, and began asking me questions as she hooked me up to the monitors. I told her what happened in the parking lot, and my emotions got the best of me. I began sobbing. My stomach was hurting worse by now and I couldn't tell if it was just pregnancy or if it was from the little accident I'd just had. Either way, I was scared and the nurse was acting like I was annoying her. It made me feel more scared and suddenly I just wanted to go home. Only just then I began having this extremely painful dull throb in my right leg. It hurt so bad and no matter how I turned or squeezed I could not get rid of the pain. I told my nurse who said it was just nerves and went on with what she was doing. The pain continued to get worse until eventually I began feeling sick. I got hot, had nausea, felt dizzy and then started to feel like I might black out. I was having trouble breathing and tried to explain to my nurse. She just looked at me, told me to calm down and went back to trying to ask me questions. Next came my cervical exam. She said I was a "good 4". I asked what that meant and she said between 4 and 5 cm. That means I'd made progress. She adjusted my contraction monitor and said she'd be back. Jeremy called and I told him what happened and to please hurry.
An hour later when checked again, I was still a good 4, but was contracting every one to two minutes. She called my doctor who was supposed to be on call, but turns out she wasn't. Her dad, who she is in practice with, was. He wanted the nurse to hook me up to an IV fluid bag and check me again in an hour. The reasoning behind that is the fluids will stop my contractions, then he'll have reason to send me home. I took my monitors off and told her I was leaving. An IV was stupid, when I can drink water to have the same effect. Jeremy said he wanted to talk to the doctor. She left, called him, he called our room. I explained where I was coming from and he started into me about how "your chart this, your chart that. I'm not going to argue with you. You chart says this... yada yada" I began to cry, I explained to him that I'm not just another chart and that he wasn't listening to the person who was talking. I hung up, grabbed my things and proceeded to leave. The nurse from Friday night was out there, and when I saw her I told her I needed my discharge papers. Just then my nurse comes with a big glass of water for me. They try to talk me out of leaving. I start to cry again. (are we seeing a theme here?). They tried to explain that I hadn't been discharged and couldn't leave. When I asked what would happen if I tried anyway, they said nothing would happen, but tried to talk me into staying anyway. Jeremy tried to explain the other part of the story. I was schedule to be induced Thursday, just a few days away. It would have been Tuesday morning if they had any appointments, but they didn't. So technically it was less than 24 hours from the time my doctor was ready to induce me. I didn't have a say in the Thursday date and it wasn't going to work for us. Jeremy wouldn't be able to be there. By now we're starting to catch on to the fact that the on call doctor didn't want to induce me then because it would mean a late baby and he probably didn't want to be there all night. I was an inconvenience to him.
As I turned to leave, the nurse from Friday offered to call the head over nursing to see if she could help. I finally agreed to go back to my room, drank the water because all that crying dried me out, and waited. When she came in to talk to us, we just explained all the run around that I'd been getting for the last two weeks from my doctor and her office. About how even if I was admitted at this point I didn't feel comfortable with the doctor who was on call because he was rude to me on the phone and asked what the big deal was with keeping me. After all, I was almost 5cm dilated and contracting regularly. Jeremy threw in the bit about school again. She left to see what she could do and returned with the head of the hospital. Together they'd come up with a solution if I'd be willing to accept it.
They told me that the hospital has an on call doctor. They could ask him if he would be willing to take me on as a patient and induce me that night. If he did, they would call my doctors office to let them know that I would no longer be using them for my care, and then I'd have a baby by the end of the night. The catch was, there was no guarantee that he'd be willing to take me. Jeremy left the decision up to me. I didn't make the decision out of desperation to get the baby out right then, I made it based of feelings of intuition. For weeks my anxiety had been building up about my delivery. I was losing my trust and faith in my doctor and her honesty and I didn't feel comfortable with either of her partners delivering me either. This was the first time that I felt a glimmer of hope, and so I jumped at the opportunity.
They left and I looked at Jeremy and we both breathed for the first time.
A few minutes later they came back to give me the good news. I began to cry again. I know, so pathetic. I blame the pregnancy hormones. A few minutes later doctor Melkin walked in. I didn't know what to expect, I'd only heard he was really nice. He was probably in his mid to late 60's, and wore a hearing aid. However I had no doubts and as soon as he opened his mouth to introduce himself I felt complete peace. I knew instantly that I'd made the right decision and that my Father in Heaven had provided me a way to have a peaceful delivery after all.
He checked me again, by now I was a full 5cm dilated. He wrote orders to have me transferred to the labor floor and within a few minutes I was on my way. Jeremy left to take Lucas home. He'd been such a good boy the entire three hours we'd been there to that point. Etta was on her way to watch him. But by the time Jeremy got home with him, dr. Melkin said it was time for them to all head back over. His prediction was that Benjamin would be born around 9 or 10 that night. It was about 4:00 when I was admitted. I could only hope his guess would be right. A quick labor was just what I needed. 
Once admitted, I was started on pitocin, then given my epidural. About an hour later my contractions were strong and every two minutes. He came to check me again and I was at 6cm, he then broke my water. He explained that if he broke my water before I was having strong contractions that I'd end up with a c-section. Interesting. So my water broke and I was left alone to wait. About an hour and a half or so later my nurse came in to check me again, called me an 8 and said that I was completely thinned. She'd be back in an hour to check on me again. No make that 30 minutes, things were happening fast.
When she came back thirty minutes later, by now my family had returned, she said I was ready to push. She went to get help, Etta took Lucas to the waiting room and within a few minutes my room was completely prepped and so was I.
It was less than 10 minutes of pushing before Benjamin made his debut. Labor was such a wonderful experience this time. We were all laughing and having a wonderful time while I pushed. The support and the aura in the room were amazing. Before he was born I expressed my interest in having him placed on my immediately. The blood and mess didn't bother me. I didn't get that chance with Lucas and I didn't want to miss out again. My wish was granted and he was placed my my chest, down inside of my gown. The nurses worked on him, wiping him off and suctioning out his mouth. All the while I got to love on him and have that instant bond. It was so amazing. 
Jeremy was able to cut the cord! Another milestone miracle that we didn't get with Lucas. 
The best part, aside from my beautiful son, was that I didn't feel like I was dying. I felt wonderful!
I heard the nurse asks if it was a second degree or if he wanted to call it a third. I asked if I tore again, and as it turns out, I did. I tore the same way I did with Lucas, but for whatever reason this time my body cooperated and I didn't have trouble clotting. I believe I had four or five stitches. I had forty or fifty with Lucas. They only had to use eight pieces of gauze to help control bleeding, with Lucas I lost count after eighty. Once again Heavenly Father blessed me.
After bonding for a few minutes, they weighed him and diapered him then gave him back. I nursed him for the first time. I couldn't believe I was able to nurse him and not have any problems when he was only a few minutes old. Afterward, Etta and Lucas came in to see the new addition. Lucas was soooooo tired that he had no interest, so I handed him off to Etta and I snuggled with Lucas for a while. Eventually Jeremy took them home. All my fears about being without Lucas quickly vanished. Just like every one told me, I had something sweet to focus on. I'd be lying though if I said I didn't miss him. 
After Jeremy left, the took Ben to the nursery. I began to bleed again. It was determined it was my uterus, and so I was started on another round of pitocin, giving a shot to help and lots of uterine massages. Ouch! I had to stay on that floor for a few more hours for careful monitoring. I had a few scares, but nothing serious in the end and eventually around 3:30am I was taken to recovery and reunited with my new love.
I loaded my groceries into the trunk, and then proceeded to lock my keys in there too. Feeling defeated already, I pushed my buggy with Lucas back inside to ask for help. I figured they'd at least let me used their phone. As luck would have it, the manager was standing there and was willing to help me. He sent someone to get a wire hanger to pop my locks. While waiting this woman approaches us, asks what we intend to use to get into the car (I guess my situation must have been pretty obvious) and then tells us that her husband is a mechanic and carries the tool in his car to open doors. He was on his way to get it. The good Samaritan saved the day. After a few tears on my part, and many many thank yous to strangers of whom I don't even know their names, I had the keys out of my trunk and was on my way home.
After the groceries were unloaded, and Lucas' lunch was packed we were on our way out the door for our fate to be decided for us. Upon arrival, a close parking spot. Maybe my luck was turning! I parked, packed everything I needed into the diaper bag, Lucas' lunch included since by now he was in a deep slumber, I climbed out of the car (with my big belly weighing me down, it feels like climbing) and went to unbuckle my sweet little boy. As soon as I began to undo his buckle, making sure I'm careful NOT to wake him, I heard a boom and felt a shove. It all happened so fast I'm not exactly sure exactly what happened. Just that the woman who was parked next to me was in too big of a hurry to wait for me to move and close the door and backed out while I was bent over into the car. Her mirror hit my door, which in turn hit me, and I fell on Lucas. He woke up. I started to cry...again. The lady stopped, and only after explaining that I'm 9 months pregnant and on my way in to have my baby did she apologize, never got out to check on me, or offer me insurance information. By that point I was having deep pains in my abdomen and decided I didn't have time for her and walked off. The damage wasn't bad enough to my car that I needed to stand there fussing with it. (Remember, I sold my car and now have an old car.) Again, feeling defeated and like my luck just went from bad to worse, I headed to the eighth floor.
I was scare to approach the desk, but didn't recognize any of the nurses from my previous visits and so I took the last few steps. I explained that I was there on Friday, dilated to 4cm and that I'd been having contractions and cramping since I left. I needed to be checked. The nurse took me to my room, and began asking me questions as she hooked me up to the monitors. I told her what happened in the parking lot, and my emotions got the best of me. I began sobbing. My stomach was hurting worse by now and I couldn't tell if it was just pregnancy or if it was from the little accident I'd just had. Either way, I was scared and the nurse was acting like I was annoying her. It made me feel more scared and suddenly I just wanted to go home. Only just then I began having this extremely painful dull throb in my right leg. It hurt so bad and no matter how I turned or squeezed I could not get rid of the pain. I told my nurse who said it was just nerves and went on with what she was doing. The pain continued to get worse until eventually I began feeling sick. I got hot, had nausea, felt dizzy and then started to feel like I might black out. I was having trouble breathing and tried to explain to my nurse. She just looked at me, told me to calm down and went back to trying to ask me questions. Next came my cervical exam. She said I was a "good 4". I asked what that meant and she said between 4 and 5 cm. That means I'd made progress. She adjusted my contraction monitor and said she'd be back. Jeremy called and I told him what happened and to please hurry.
An hour later when checked again, I was still a good 4, but was contracting every one to two minutes. She called my doctor who was supposed to be on call, but turns out she wasn't. Her dad, who she is in practice with, was. He wanted the nurse to hook me up to an IV fluid bag and check me again in an hour. The reasoning behind that is the fluids will stop my contractions, then he'll have reason to send me home. I took my monitors off and told her I was leaving. An IV was stupid, when I can drink water to have the same effect. Jeremy said he wanted to talk to the doctor. She left, called him, he called our room. I explained where I was coming from and he started into me about how "your chart this, your chart that. I'm not going to argue with you. You chart says this... yada yada" I began to cry, I explained to him that I'm not just another chart and that he wasn't listening to the person who was talking. I hung up, grabbed my things and proceeded to leave. The nurse from Friday night was out there, and when I saw her I told her I needed my discharge papers. Just then my nurse comes with a big glass of water for me. They try to talk me out of leaving. I start to cry again. (are we seeing a theme here?). They tried to explain that I hadn't been discharged and couldn't leave. When I asked what would happen if I tried anyway, they said nothing would happen, but tried to talk me into staying anyway. Jeremy tried to explain the other part of the story. I was schedule to be induced Thursday, just a few days away. It would have been Tuesday morning if they had any appointments, but they didn't. So technically it was less than 24 hours from the time my doctor was ready to induce me. I didn't have a say in the Thursday date and it wasn't going to work for us. Jeremy wouldn't be able to be there. By now we're starting to catch on to the fact that the on call doctor didn't want to induce me then because it would mean a late baby and he probably didn't want to be there all night. I was an inconvenience to him.
As I turned to leave, the nurse from Friday offered to call the head over nursing to see if she could help. I finally agreed to go back to my room, drank the water because all that crying dried me out, and waited. When she came in to talk to us, we just explained all the run around that I'd been getting for the last two weeks from my doctor and her office. About how even if I was admitted at this point I didn't feel comfortable with the doctor who was on call because he was rude to me on the phone and asked what the big deal was with keeping me. After all, I was almost 5cm dilated and contracting regularly. Jeremy threw in the bit about school again. She left to see what she could do and returned with the head of the hospital. Together they'd come up with a solution if I'd be willing to accept it.
They told me that the hospital has an on call doctor. They could ask him if he would be willing to take me on as a patient and induce me that night. If he did, they would call my doctors office to let them know that I would no longer be using them for my care, and then I'd have a baby by the end of the night. The catch was, there was no guarantee that he'd be willing to take me. Jeremy left the decision up to me. I didn't make the decision out of desperation to get the baby out right then, I made it based of feelings of intuition. For weeks my anxiety had been building up about my delivery. I was losing my trust and faith in my doctor and her honesty and I didn't feel comfortable with either of her partners delivering me either. This was the first time that I felt a glimmer of hope, and so I jumped at the opportunity.
They left and I looked at Jeremy and we both breathed for the first time.
A few minutes later they came back to give me the good news. I began to cry again. I know, so pathetic. I blame the pregnancy hormones. A few minutes later doctor Melkin walked in. I didn't know what to expect, I'd only heard he was really nice. He was probably in his mid to late 60's, and wore a hearing aid. However I had no doubts and as soon as he opened his mouth to introduce himself I felt complete peace. I knew instantly that I'd made the right decision and that my Father in Heaven had provided me a way to have a peaceful delivery after all.
He checked me again, by now I was a full 5cm dilated. He wrote orders to have me transferred to the labor floor and within a few minutes I was on my way. Jeremy left to take Lucas home. He'd been such a good boy the entire three hours we'd been there to that point. Etta was on her way to watch him. But by the time Jeremy got home with him, dr. Melkin said it was time for them to all head back over. His prediction was that Benjamin would be born around 9 or 10 that night. It was about 4:00 when I was admitted. I could only hope his guess would be right. A quick labor was just what I needed.
Once admitted, I was started on pitocin, then given my epidural. About an hour later my contractions were strong and every two minutes. He came to check me again and I was at 6cm, he then broke my water. He explained that if he broke my water before I was having strong contractions that I'd end up with a c-section. Interesting. So my water broke and I was left alone to wait. About an hour and a half or so later my nurse came in to check me again, called me an 8 and said that I was completely thinned. She'd be back in an hour to check on me again. No make that 30 minutes, things were happening fast.
When she came back thirty minutes later, by now my family had returned, she said I was ready to push. She went to get help, Etta took Lucas to the waiting room and within a few minutes my room was completely prepped and so was I.
It was less than 10 minutes of pushing before Benjamin made his debut. Labor was such a wonderful experience this time. We were all laughing and having a wonderful time while I pushed. The support and the aura in the room were amazing. Before he was born I expressed my interest in having him placed on my immediately. The blood and mess didn't bother me. I didn't get that chance with Lucas and I didn't want to miss out again. My wish was granted and he was placed my my chest, down inside of my gown. The nurses worked on him, wiping him off and suctioning out his mouth. All the while I got to love on him and have that instant bond. It was so amazing.
Jeremy was able to cut the cord! Another milestone miracle that we didn't get with Lucas.
The best part, aside from my beautiful son, was that I didn't feel like I was dying. I felt wonderful!
I heard the nurse asks if it was a second degree or if he wanted to call it a third. I asked if I tore again, and as it turns out, I did. I tore the same way I did with Lucas, but for whatever reason this time my body cooperated and I didn't have trouble clotting. I believe I had four or five stitches. I had forty or fifty with Lucas. They only had to use eight pieces of gauze to help control bleeding, with Lucas I lost count after eighty. Once again Heavenly Father blessed me.
After bonding for a few minutes, they weighed him and diapered him then gave him back. I nursed him for the first time. I couldn't believe I was able to nurse him and not have any problems when he was only a few minutes old. Afterward, Etta and Lucas came in to see the new addition. Lucas was soooooo tired that he had no interest, so I handed him off to Etta and I snuggled with Lucas for a while. Eventually Jeremy took them home. All my fears about being without Lucas quickly vanished. Just like every one told me, I had something sweet to focus on. I'd be lying though if I said I didn't miss him.
After Jeremy left, the took Ben to the nursery. I began to bleed again. It was determined it was my uterus, and so I was started on another round of pitocin, giving a shot to help and lots of uterine massages. Ouch! I had to stay on that floor for a few more hours for careful monitoring. I had a few scares, but nothing serious in the end and eventually around 3:30am I was taken to recovery and reunited with my new love.
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