A Post To You

This is a "letter" to you, I won't hide your identity, I want my friends to know you. Why? Your my special someone, that is why.

Dear Chloe,
How have you been? Sorry I can't be there with you at that special moment, that special environment, that holy moment, the moment of new birth. Sorry I can't touch you, hug you, kiss you, let you feel my love towards you, but you will always have a special place in my heart.
I don't know how far I will go for you, but I will do whatever in my strength for you. Yes, for you. I know haven't played my part. Sorry, I'm too far from you, unreachable. It's a lame excuse. Yeah I know but I haven't been too good lately. Again, sorry. I mean it, can you forgive me?

Prayers for you :

1) Would you blossom into someone great, pretty, and smart.
2) Would happiness always be along with you.
3) Would you find another guardian angel, other than me.
4) Would ancients be with you.

Your Dearest,

Aiven

I hope this message will be delivered to you. Truly.

Thoughts

The most mysterious part of human, thoughts. It's so powerful that it actually ruined someone's life and days, confusing them, chafing them.

I asked her : "Why is girls so hard and tough be be understanded?"

She replied : "Yeah, I think so too, but i think guy's is even harder..."

Too bad i just can't agree with her, since as I know guys are just too easy, even though sometimes they might be hard to predict.

I still couldn't understand why just a simple statement could led me thinking for days, weeks and months. Torturous. Have I applied Visual Basic's into my mind? The "Endless Loop"?

You have been tough, I can't seems to understand you. A suddenly warm and cold of you - painful. A sudden anger of you - irritates. Others of it and adds up to be a fear, a fear where i would start to protect myself and distant you. I might just sail so far away where you can't hear me as i shout, you can't see me from the shore, you can't detect with satelites, you can't prove my existence anywhere.

Probably this is called even, you keep it to yourself, I keep it to myself. Though, I feel funny when we pull back as we go into that area.

Thoughts, mysterious =) Cheers "stranger"

BAKA !! IDIOT !! BITCH !!

DOES MY FACE/VOICE SOUNDS LIKE I "SHOULD" BE FFK? U F***ING BITCH !!!

CAN'T YOU SY SO???? I've BEEN WATING FOR SO LONG...........

I SWEAR I WILL SLAP YOUR FACE IF I KNOW WHO ARE YOU !!! IDIOT !!

Choices

Today, received an unexpected call. Impulsive reacted and answered "Yes why not"



As the day passes, as I think about it more and from a different angle, I started to feel regret. As I calculated the oppoturnity cost I've learnt about it doesn't seems right and doesn't seems to worth. If I accept it, does it mean I've occupied myself and have to stick to it? Do I have a choice? Do I have a so called plan B?



It don't seems like I have a choice at the moment. As my current condition it don't seems that I can continue choosing from 1 to another. 2 more days until it is set or should I just be an ass when the time comes?



Some said, " No matter what you do, you always have a choice." Is that so? Why can't I see the choice. What is my choice?

Dark Age

The dark age arised. Everything in front of me seems dark, wheres my light, my guidance and my hope?

As I see every opening, every opportunity, I see another dissapointed, another rejection.

It almost got me thinking liching of someone else is alright, stealing off someone directly or indirectly is fine. Almost, as my core value stands strong, it stopped me from going there.

Have I not prepared for these days? Or just my life was so perfect before?

Shall I just find a way out no matter what it is or should I patiently awaits my Renaissance.

Pace

Don't understand what happened today. It just felt like to slower my pace, walk at a speed which is a much slower pace that it used to be.

Seems new to me as people who used to walk behind are now so far ahead of me. I leave it as it is, had old age got into me? Had the confusion affecting me? Had I lost the pace i used to bear? Or it just that I'm trying to see the world at a different sight?

Thinking back, me with a different outlook compare to before seems strange. Keep having in mind, "What if I'm like how I used to be?" Not sure why do I think that, had the studying stress finally got to me? Had the stress of being jobless overtook my mind?

Why can't I just be at the pace I used to be......

4th July 2007

Seems like a usual day but not usual at all. Start off with a rush as I overslept as usual. Having class from 9-3 then 4-6. Tired, but worth to have an extra day off each week.

You, sometimes people's vision often clouds by their emotion, they judge, they act following their emotion and feeling. Don't blame that poor guy, forgive him, yet find way to fix it. Can't give much advise since I'm not good at managing myself, wish you all the best anyway.

I wanted it to happen again, but i didn't put in any effort nor I didn't even tried. Guess "nice try" can't be use in this case. Don't know why I want it to happen again, it's still a mystery maybe you(2) can try to help me find out.

It start off from a plain sentence : " 吃吾吃饭啊？"

Then the munching spree begins. Start from "Sambal Kampung", ordered two dishes i) Char Kuey Teow Spicy, ii) Stir fried cashew nut with chicken and vegies.

Maybe it's still a foreign country, a Spicy Char Kuey Teow doesn't taste spicy at all. Really missed the hometown Char Kuey Teow, nostalgic.

Second stop, Lygon St, IL Dolce Fredo is the shop name if I'm not wrong. Durian tag Roche, rich durian taste and rich chocolate taste, yums ^^. Hers Green Tea tag Roche rox as well . *Can't even finish even though ordered the smallest size.*

Last stop Greco, Crown Casino. Berry Cheesecake and breakfast tea. As I finished the cake, torturously yet fun, I swear I puke if I eat anything else. Guess tomorrow's lunch is cancelled.

What a day. Huge question, "How to keep in size?"

Friends

Received an e-mail earlier today and had this pic. Got me wondering. You might say that the "cow" is not helping, but from my point of view, the "cow" tried and failed. Hence he seek another solution.

I appreciates those who tried to help, but sometimes there are things that we need to seek the solution ourselves. No end in learning, as we solve our own problems, we learned, we get cautious and we don't do it again.

This might be contradicting but there are times that people are just trying help. Don't get it the wrong, some people do have a pure intention to help. Give them a chance, don't just put a no entry or no through road sign at your door. Somes friends do care for you, don't hammer them when they are trying to help or questions their intention. "Friends will always try to help, at least they won't let you fall".

You(2), don't feel ashamed/shy to ask for help. Just ask if u need help, theres always people that will volunteer to help. It's what friends do, they help each other out, they look out for each other and most importantly they want to help.

To Others :
Don't whine if you got no friends, go look for some.
Don't comment on others unless you are doing damn good.
Don't ask for comments if you can't take it.
Don't be cocky if your good in doing something, theres always better.

Birth Date

Date : 4th July 2007

Today, I had given birth to my own blog. It is a space of my own, writing things that i felt, i saw, i observed.

How long will this last?

She said this won't last long, where people have no determination in blogging and lead to a dead blog space.

Yet it is still a mystery how long it will last. How far would an impulsive move bring me? How strong is the determination formed by an impulsive action? Guess this could only be revealed bit by bit as time flows