Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood - Lisa Damour, Ph.D.

Title: Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood
Author: Lisa Damour, Ph.D.
Publisher: Ballantine Books, 2017 (Paperback)
Length: 368 pages
Genre: Nonfiction, Parenting
Started: February 11, 2020
Finished: February 13 2020

Summary:
From Amazon.ca:

In this sane, highly engaging, and informed guide for parents of daughters, Dr. Damour draws on decades of experience and the latest to reveal the seven distinct - and absolutely normal - developmental transitions that turn girls into grownups, including Parting with Childhood, Contending with adult Authority, Entering the Romantic World, and Caring for Herself. Providing realistic scenarios and welcome advice on how to engage daughters in smart, constructive ways, Untangled gives parents a broad framework for understanding their daughters while addressing their most common questions, including:

• My thirteen-year-old rolls her eyes when I try to talk to her, and only does it more when I get angry at her. How should I respond?
• Do I tell my daughter that I'm checking her phone?
• My daughter suffers from test anxiety. What can I do to help her?
• Where's the line between healthy eating and having an eating disorder?
• My teenage daughter wants to know why I'm against pot when it's legal in some states. What should I say?
• My daughter's friend is cutting herself. Do I call the girl's mother to let her know?

Perhaps most important, Untangled helps mothers and fathers understand, connect, and grow with their daughters. When parents know what makes their daughters tick, they can embrace and enjoy the challenge of raising a healthy, happy young woman. 

Review:

I've been meaning to read this book for quite a while. Not only do I work with teenage girls every day to the point where it feels like an extension of parenting duties, but I've also got my girls at home. This book has come recommended in a long line of parenting books specifically targeted to the unique needs and concerns of raising girls. The author states that many of the developmental transitions she discusses in her book do apply to both boys and girls, but some of the details differ regarding girls. 

Overall, this is a great general, yet comprehensive guide that covers information that will apply to most girls. Obviously if you're dealing with a child that's experiencing trauma, abuse, mental illness, etc. then this information likely won't address all your concerns, but it's a great place to start. 

One thing I love about books like these are real-life examples and anecdotes that the author has encountered in her practice that puts information in an easily accessible format. The book itself is very easy to read and it could easily be finished in a few sittings or less. 

The developmental transitions the author mentions are the following:

• Parting with Childhood
• Joining a New Tribe
• Harnessing Emotions
• Contending with Adult Authority
• Planning for the Future
• Entering the Romantic World
• Caring for Herself

Parting with Childhood explains why girls all of a sudden act like they're allergic to their families and abandon many of the things they associate with childhood, while still struggling with maturity and can sometimes seem like they're flip-flopping between child and adult ('cause they are). Joining a New Tribe explains why girls attach themselves so strongly to their friends as opposed to their families, and the difficulties this can cause.

Harnessing Emotions was a really eye-opening chapter in that it explains that emotional growth occurs only when people are uncomfortable, so if a girl doesn't have the opportunity to experience uncomfortable emotions she won't be able to grow in this area. For example, if a parent swoops in to solve her problems so she never develops those coping skills, or if she relies on technology to vent and potentially worsen the situation rather than being able to cool down and see the potential consequences of that text message or that social media post. Contending with Adult Authority is about girls becoming savvy enough to see that people are complex and often hypocritical, so rules need to make sense and be about safety first and foremost rather than about controlling their behaviour, because they'll buck that just to prove they can't be controlled...almost like toddlers. It also explains that if authority figures are too lax girls feel insecure, so they actually want rules and boundaries even if they buck them constantly.

Planning for the Future deals with having goals and ensuring success in school, since girls need one to achieve the other and sometimes need help seeing how one directly influences the other. Entering the Romantic World is about dating and sex and the concerns that come with that relating to keeping girls safe while still allowing them some freedom. Finally, Caring for Herself is about drugs, alcohol, and risky sexual behaviours and again about keeping girls safe when they get too over their head.

Recommendation:
Great informative read if you have teenage girls of your own or work with them on a consistent basis. It explains a lot of the things teenagers do that adults often find frustrating that actually end up being quite normal.

Thoughts on the cover:
It's your average parenting book cover.

Fed Up - Gemma Hartley

Title: Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward
Author: Gemma Hartley
Publisher: HarperOne, 2018 (Hardcover)
Length: 252 pages
Genre: Adult; Nonfiction, Parenting
Started: December 3, 2018
Finished: December 10, 2018

Summary:
From Gemma Hartley, the journalist who ignited a national conversation on emotional labour, comes Fed Up, a bold dive into the unpaid, invisible work women have shouldered for too long - and an impassioned vision for creating a better future for us all.

Day in, day out, women anticipate and manage the needs of others. In relationships, we initiate the hard conversations. At home, we shoulder the mental load required to keep our households running. At work, we moderate our tone, explaining patiently and speaking softly. In the world, we step gingerly to keep ourselves safe. We do this largely invisible, draining work whether we want to or not - and we never clock out. No wonder women everywhere are overtaxed, exhausted, and simply fed up.

In her ultra-viral article "Women Aren't Nags - We're Just Fed Up," shared by millions of readers, Gemma Hartley gave much-needed voice to the frustration and anger experienced by countless women. Now, in Fed Up, Hartley expands outward from the everyday frustrations of performing thankless emotional labour to illuminate how the expectation to do this work in all arenas - private and public - fuels gender inequality, limits our opportunities, steals out time, and adversely affects the quality of our lives.

More than just name the problem, though, Hartley teases apart the cultural messaging that had led us here and asks how we can shift the load. Rejecting easy solutions that don't ultimately move the needle, Hartley offers a nuanced insightful guide to striking true balance, for true partnership in every aspect of our lives. Reframing emotional labour not as a problem to be overcome, but as a genderless virtue men and women can all learn to channel in our quest to make a better, more egalitarian world, Fed Up is surprising, intelligent, and empathetic essential reading for every woman who has had enough with feeling fed up.

Review:
I remember when this author's aforementioned viral article released. I eagerly shared it, amazed that there was actually a name for this nagging frustration I experienced as a woman, something that every woman I know has experienced but we often pass it off as "just the way things are."

I remember asking my mom as a teenager why we (the women in the family) always had the job of zipping around the kitchen fetching items for guests at our home on holidays (normally thought of as being good hosts) while my father wasn't expected to do the same. I can't even remember the exact answer she gave me, but I know it didn't satisfy my teenaged self. Now, my father has improved over the years, but there are still so many aspects of emotional labour that my mother is expected to perform on behalf of both of them (especially in our Italian family), and that I am expected to perform as mother to my child that isn't expected of her father.

Emotional labour as a term is confusing to those that haven't heard it before, but all I have to do is describe the ever-present, "Why am I the only person in this house who notices the toilet paper roll/garbage/random bag needs to be changed/taken out/brought upstairs?!" scenario for women to nod their heads in instant understanding. I did this, in fact, in my workroom with my colleagues the other day when they asked about the book I was reading. This led to an entire conversation about emotional labour, which we as a room of female educators (as well as wives and mothers) are intimately familiar.

The author does a great job of describing emotional labour to her readers, with anecdotes that will have many women nodding their heads in sympathy. She also has chapters entailing how we got to this current state (not-so sarcastic hint: patriarchy and misogyny) and how to better achieve balance between the sexes and emotional labour at home and in the workforce. It's true that some men, like many single fathers, do the bulk of or all of the emotional labour in their families because they've been forced to through circumstance; but in order for change to occur for the majority of men, it's the expectation of men not just "helping" but actually "sharing" the work of emotional labour that will help fuel the change in people's relationships.

Recommendation:
This is a must-read (as well as the article linked above), if for nothing else than having a wonderfully cathartic experience. In my case, though, it was a bit rage-inducing when I empathized with nearly all the examples put forth in this book to the point where I wanted to chuck the book against the wall....but it's fine, really, it's fine, I'm fine, totally fine.

Thoughts on the cover:
It's very utilitarian, but it gets the job done.

Differently Wired - Deborah Reber

Title: Differently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World
Author: Deborah Reber
Publisher: Workman Publishing, 2018 (Hardcover)
Length: 278 pages
Genre: Adult; Parenting
Started: August 16, 2018
Finished: August 21, 2018

Summary:
From the inside cover:

Today millions of kids are stuck in a world that doesn't embrace who they really are. They are the one in five "differently wired" children with ADHD, dyslexia, giftedness, autism, anxiety, or other neurodifferences, and their challenges are many. And for the parents who love them, the challenges are just as numerous, as they struggle to find the right school, the right support, the right path.

Written by Deborah Weber, a bestselling author with a twice-exceptional son, Differently Wired is a revolutionary book - weaving together personal stories and a tool kit of expert advice, it's a how-to, a manifesto, and a reassuring companion for parents who can so often feel that they have no place to turn.

At the heart of Differently Wired are 18 paradigm-shifting ideas - what the author calls "tilts," which include how to accept and lean in to your role as a parent (#2: Get Out of Isolation and Connect). Deal with the challenges of parenting a differently wired child (#5: Parent from a Place of Possibility Instead of Fear). Support yourself (#11: Let Go of Your Impossible Expectations for Who You "Should" Be as a Parent). And seek community (#18: If It Doesn't Exist, Create It).

Taken together, it's a lifesaving program to shift our thinking and actions in a way that not only improves the family dynamic, but allows children to fully realize their best selves.

Review:
As soon as I saw an ad for this book on Shelf Awareness (which is an awesome newsletter that everyone should read), I knew I had to read this. Not only was I not neurotypical as a child, I'm raising a daughter who is neurodiverse as well. Being differently wired in an age when people expected me to shut up and deal with it, and raising a differently wired child in an age of increasing awareness to conditions like these gives me a rather unique perspective on things. Not only does this author perfectly capture what it's like raising a neurodiverse child, but she also nails the mindset needed not only to survive the unique challenges children like ours pose, but to help our kids thrive.

This book is an awesome choice for all readers regardless of what diagnoses their children do or don't have purely due to the first section: explaining the different kinds of conditions that fall under the umbrella of neurodiversity, like ADHD/ADD, giftedness, learning differences, autism, twice exceptional, anxiety, sensory issues, etc. Despite the fact that 1 in 5 kids are neurodiverse (a number that is spot-on in my experience as a teacher), stigma and misconceptions still run rampant in regards to these labels, which I've experienced first-hand, to the point where I've had to spell out certain things at my own daughter's IEP meetings, and listened in horror as colleagues would spout the same stereotypes about gifted kids in our workroom. For reasons like these, I'm glad the author included this first section.

Later on in the first section, the author goes on to describe several unique challenges families like these experience. It was as if the author had read my mind and written directly from my own parenting experiences: being afraid your child would get kicked out of pre-school, the financial strain of having to pay for your child's assessment out-of-pocket, the anxiety of worrying how badly others are judging you and your child for behaviour they can't always control, lack of choices enjoyed by other families, and the utter isolation you feel. Reading this chapter would be quite eye-opening if I wasn't already living it, so if anyone is faced with a judgemental individual who dismisses your family's experiences, just direct them to chapter three of this book.

The second part of this book is one that isn't quite as relevant for me at this stage in my parenting journey since I already had to come to terms with most of the "tilts" through baptism by fire so to speak, but would be really beneficial for someone just beginning the process with a toddler or pre-school aged child. The "tilts" are 18 ideas to live by for parents raising a differently wired child:

1: Question Everything You Thought You Knew About Parenting
2: Get Out of Isolation and Connect
3: Let Go of What Others Think
4: Stop Fighting Who Your Child Is and Lean In
5: Parent from a Place of Possibility Instead of Fear
6: Let Your Child Be Their Own Time Line
7: Become Fluent in Your Child's Language
8: Create a World Where Your Child Can Be Secure
9: Give (Loud and Unapologetic) Voice to Your Reality
10: Practice Relentless Self-Care
11: Let Go of Your Impossible Expectations For Who You "Should" Be as a Parent
12: Make a Ruckus When You Need To
13: Align with Your Partner
14: Find Your People (and Ditch the Rest)
15: Recognize How Your Energy Affects Your Child
16: Show Up and Live in the Present
17: Help Your Kids Embrace Self-Discovery
18: If It Doesn't Exist, Create It

Most of these are pretty self-explanatory, but the author does delve into details for each one. She does operate from a place of privilege for some of these though, particularly in regards to talking about options for schooling, but at least she recognizes it in her writing. Almost all the anecdotal evidence comes from parents who either homeschool or send their child to a specialized school that supports differently wired students. Not only do many of these schools simply not exist in many areas (I wish they did in mine), not every family can afford private school or give up an income and homeschool their differently wired child.

Some of the tilts I still haven't completely mastered yet are relentless self-care and finding your people. I still have to make an effort to schedule things for myself so I don't explode from the stress, but I'm working on it. In terms of finding our people, my issue is with the "ditching the rest" part, as I find it hard to let go of past friends or family members who don't care enough to be compassionate about our experience.

Recommendation:
If you're already a seasoned parent of a differently wired child, you'll love the shared experiences to be found in this book. If you're a parent just starting on this challenging journey (or perhaps a concerned friend/family member/teacher), you'll definitely want to pick this up.

Thoughts on the cover:
I love the red and white colour scheme, and the image of the kid going off the path to make a snow angel is an apt metaphor for a neurodiverse kid.

Why Gender Matters - Leonard Sax

Title: Why Gender Matters: Who Parents and Teachers Need to Know About the Science of Sex Differences
Author: Leonard Sax
Publisher: Harmony Books, 2017 (Second Edition) (Paperback)
Length: 384 pages
Genre: Adult; Parenting
Started: May 21, 2018
Finished: May 25, 2018

Summary:
From the back cover:

When first published in 2005, Why Gender Matters broke ground in illuminating differences between boys and girls - how they perceive the world, learn, process emotions, and take risks. Dr. Sax showed that when we overlook their differences, we may end up reinforcing damaging stereotypes and fail to help our kids reach their full potential.

In the years since, the world has changed. An avalanche of new research supports, deepens, and expands Dr. Sax's work. This indispensable guide for parents and educators is thoroughly revised and updated to include new findings about how boys and girls interact with social media and video games; differences in how they see, hear, and smell; and guidance about how to support gender-nonconforming, LGB, and transgender kids. Dr. Sax accessibly weaves the science with stories and insights from his decades of clinical experience to show how to raise happier, healthier kids.

Review:
After reviewing this author's books on parenting, boys, and girls, I finally get to the book on gender differences. Right off the bat, I notice that this book does contain a lot of repeat material from the other three books. The other books definitely go into more detail in each of their subject areas, but there were certain sections that were repeated verbatim in this book. That doesn't necessarily negate the existence of this book, since this particular instalment goes into details that the other three do not: differences in sight, smell, hearing, among others. There are even sections on differences regarding homosexual and transgender kids.

What I found interesting were the points made on sense differences between boys and girls, namely that you need to speak louder to the average boy than the average girl to have him hear you the same. This actually makes sense in the classroom, especially since most boys end up sitting at the back of the room when you let them pick their own seats. Also, boys tend to be more risk-takers than girls, so while you need to give boys a safer channel for their risk-taking, you need to encourage girls more since they tend to be risk-averse. These are points that I definitely see anecdotally in my career, but its nice to see research back it up as well.

The author's chapter on transgender children might be a bit controversial. The author poses that while transgender children definitely do exist, he believes, based on research, that the prevalence we're seeing in recent years is more about restrictive gender roles than about kids actually believing they were meant to be the opposite gender...that if gender roles were more flexible and kids saw that, we'd see less children identifying as transgender. While I do think gender roles are still too restrictive these days, especially for boys, I'm not sure how I feel about the author's point here.

Recommendation:
Definitely worth a read, though you will notice some content repetition if you've read the author's other books.

Thoughts on the cover:
Nice and modern looking.

Girls on the Edge - Leonard Sax

Title: Girls on the Edge: The Four Factors Driving the New Crisis for Girls
Author: Leonard Sax
Publisher: Basic Books, 2010 (Hardcover)
Length: 258 pages
Genre: Adult; Parenting
Started: May 20, 2018
Finished: May 20, 2018

Summary:
From the inside cover:

Many girls today are engaging in self-destructive behaviour: cutting themselves; obsessing over their appearance, grades, sports, and social networking sites; acting sexy when they don't feel sexyMany have a brittle sense of self. A growing proportion of teen and tween girls are confused about their sexual identity, and there is new evidence that environmental toxins are accelerating their physical maturity faster than their emotional maturity. Many girls today may look confident and strong on the outside, but inside, they're fragile.

In Girls on the Edge, psychologist and physician Leonard Sax provides the tools we need to help girls become independent and confident women. He offers parents practical tips on everything from helping their daughter choose a sports team to deciding limits on social networking sites. Sax also shows how and why girls are more likely to reach their potential if they are involved in communities of women, communities that bridge the generations.

Essential and inspiring, Girls on the Edge points the way to a new future for today's girls and young women.

Review:
So after reviewing this author's books on parenting and boys, I've now come to his book on girls, which is fitting and concerns me the most since I'm the parent of daughters.

Similar to the trend with males, the author illustrates that girls are going through a crisis of their own, it's just different from the boys: whereas boys tend to act out their problems, girls tend to turn inward onto themselves. This means girls who don't have a developed sense of self will focus on things that are superficial enough that when they erode and crumble (because they always do), a girl's sense of self crumbles as well, because she chose to focus on ranking and grades, beauty, or intense athleticism. The author identifies four factors driving this crisis in girls: sexual identity (or sexual objectification), the cyberbubble (internet culture), obsessions, and environmental toxins (specifically endocrine disruptors).

I honestly wish this book had been around when I was a teenager, I think it would've saved me some heartache at the very least to be able to put into words all the things I was feeling at the time. I can identify with practically everything the author has compiled here, except for the cyberbubble part since internet culture was in its early days when I was a teenager and I don't believe it had as huge of a formative part of my upbringing as it does for kids nowadays.

The chapter on sexuality is one that echoes a lot of sentiments in other parenting books I've read (specifically on parenting girls). When I found out I was going to have a daughter, one of the first things that hit me was that, based on recent research at the time, my future child would have a fifty percent chance of being molested/sexually assaulted at some point in her life....boys don't come with stats like that. Granted boys have their own toxic gender issues to deal with, and our culture isn't great for boys either, but boys don't have to deal specifically with the sexual objectification and fear of sexual violence the way that girls and women do, so I'm glad there was a chapter devoted to this. Since girls are going through puberty earlier than in the past, girls physically mature long before they mature emotionally, so they're dealing with their "place" in society as this image of sexual gratification before they can even comprehend what this means...and it messes up the psyches of so many girls, I know it did for me.

The chapter on obsessions was really eye-opening for me. I teach so many girls who fall into these various categories: the smart one, the athletic one, the girl who drinks, the girl who obsesses over her appearance (to the point of having an eating disorder), and the girl who cuts herself. The author describes these as "anorexia of the soul," and I can't think of a more poignant word phrase for it. In the absence of a developed sense of self, girls turn to these things to the point of obsession, so the idea is to help girls discover their sense of who they really are by being part of a community of supportive women. The author is also in favour of single-sex classrooms for both girls and boys, which, although backed by research, isn't always a viable option depending on what area you live in.

Recommendation:
Like the author's other books I've recently reviewed, this needs to be read even if you don't have daughters or teach young women.

Thoughts on the cover:
I'm not sure if this particular book received a revised and updated edition like the other ones I've read, but hopefully it does at some point just to receive cover art that matches the other updated editions.

Boys Adrift - Leonard Sax

Title: Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men
Author: Leonard Sax
Publisher: Basic Books, 2016 (Revised Edition), (Paperback)
Length: 341 pages
Genre: Adult; Parenting
Started: May 18, 2018
Finished: May 19, 2018

Summary:
From the back cover:

Something scary is happening to boys today. From kindergarten to college, American boys are, on average, less resilient and ambitious than they were a mere twenty years ago. The gender gap in academic achievement has widened dramatically. While Emily is working hard at school and getting A's, her brother Justin is goofing off. He's more concerned about getting to the next level in his video game than about finishing his homework. Now, Dr. Leonard Sax delves into the scientific literature and draws on more than twenty years of clinical experience to explain why boys and young men are underperforming in school and disengaged at home. Hw shows how social, cultural, and biological factors have created and environment toxic to boys. He also presents practical solutions, sharing strategies that educators have found effective in reengaging boys at school, as well as handy tips for parents about everything from homework and video games to medication. Revised and updated throughout, this new edition of Boys Adrift points us toward a brighter future for America's sons.

Review:
I don't have a son, though I have been privileged to work with some lovely boys and young men, many of whom I would want a hypothetical son of mine to emulate. However, that can't be said for all the boys and young men I have encountered in my teaching career. The author is correct when he says we are facing an epidemic of unmotivated and underachieving boys and young men, I have seen the trend for years now: the girls are fine for the most part academically, but its rare to find a motivated, ambitious boy nowadays.

The author gives several reasons for this trend, all backed by research and studies: schools becoming unwelcoming to boys, video games, prescription drugs (specifically for ADHD), environmental toxins (specifically endocrine disruptors), and the devaluation of masculinity. Again, not every incidence of an unmotivated and underachieving male is a result of these five things, but I do think they heavily contribute in many cases (going purely by anecdotal experience). Reading this book actually makes me fear for boys in general, they have so much stacked against them. For those with sons though, don't worry, the author does offer some decent solutions (not all are viable or realistic though). And I got my own own dose of fear for my own offspring while reading the author's companion book on girls (review to follow shortly).

I do agree that schools have become unfriendly to boys in regards to fears of litigation leading to over-cautious safety rules. I'm all for letting boys be physical at recess and in gym class so long as they understand the risks and don't affect others who don't wish to be affected, but I understand why schools have made this change (damn parents who will sue for things most consider genuine accidents). In terms of content, I try to include action-oriented stories and assignments, or at least offer them as options where available, perhaps because I'm a bit of a mixed bag in terms of the types of content I personally enjoy, so I assume the kids are too. The author's idea of starting in the middle of a text in a particularly appealing scene would totally work for most of the boys I teach, so he does offer some good strategies for making the classroom more boy-friendly.

The author's opinions on ADHD medications can certainly be controversial. Is ADHD a legitimate medical condition? Of course it is. Do some people benefit from medications prescribed for such a condition? Damn straight. Are there people who are prescribed said medication unnecessarily? I believe so, yes. In my experiences with my own daughter, so many conditions can present as ADHD, the symptoms are the exact same. Until we literally start doing brain scans as part of an ADHD assessment, we'll never truly know which kid legitimately has ADHD and which kid might have anxiety, giftedness, sensory processing disorder, or simply sleep deprivation. So I do agree with the author that a thorough assessment needs to be done to eliminate any other possible condition the child might have, and to try other options and therapies before jumping on the medication bandwagon. Again, I've gone through it with my own daughter, so a lot of this area comes from personal experience.

The video game aspect is something I whole-heartedly agree with, especially since my grade 9 class (of mostly boys) is currently obsessed with Fortnite. In the absence of real-world goals, some boys turn to violent video games. Again, not all video games are bad, but I think most people agree that 10 and 11-year-olds shouldn't be playing uber violent games like Grand Theft Auto (or insert random violent game title here), and of course kids should have more varied hobbies and interests than just video games. It doesn't help that many boys (and girls too for that matter) don't have many healthy role models in their lives, and those that do don't often recognize that fact due to being blinded by popular culture.

The endocrine disruptor aspect is an idea I've heard quite a bit of research on over the years, so I don't doubt that hypothesis either. It's just unfortunate that there aren't always a ton of viable solutions to this area.

Recommendation:
Like my previous review on this author's book on parenting, I think this should be a must-read for anyone involved with children period (whether you have sons or not). It not only addresses trends and patterns people working with children have been noticing for years, but it also offers up solutions to help work against these trends.

Thoughts on the cover:
It's a parenting book, so I don't exactly expect it to blow me away, but it is a nice touch that the accent colours used are "stereotypical boy colours."

The Collapse of Parenting - Leonard Sax

Title: The Collapse of Parenting: How We Hurt Our Kids When We Treat Them Like Grownups
Author: Leonard Sax
Publisher: Basic Books, 2016 (Paperback)
Length: 287 pages
Genre: Adult; Parenting
Started: May 11, 2018
Finished: May 12, 2018

Summary:
From the back cover:

In The Collapse of Parenting, internationally acclaimed author Leonard Sax argues that rising levels of obesity, depression, and anxiety among young people can be traced back to parents abdicating their authority. The result is children who have only a slippery grasp of right and wrong, who lack discipline, and who look to their peers and the Internet for direction. sax shows how parents must reassert their authority - by limiting time with screens, by prioritizing the family, and by teaching humility and perspective, among other strategies - to refresh and renew their relationship with their children. Drawing on more than twenty-five years of experience as a family physician and psychologist, along with hundreds of interviews with children, parents, and teachers, sax offers a blueprint parents can use to help their children thrive in a changing world.

Review:
My colleagues and I had a professional development day last week, and this author was one of our guest speakers. We received a copy of this book at the end of the talk, and needless to say, I devoured it within 24 hours.

I've been blessed as a teacher in that up until this year, I really haven't had to deal with difficult parents in particular, but this year alone I've had several incidents related to overbearing parents and administration not willing to stand up to them. After each incident, I remember thinking to myself that neither my parents nor any of the parents of the kids I went to school with (circa late 80s and throughout the 90s) would've had the gall to even consider calling a teacher to complain about or request half the things I've had the privilege of entertaining from modern parents so far in my teaching career. Since I parent my daughter similarly to how I was parented, I wondered if parenting on a large scale had really changed all that much since my childhood, and according to the author the answer is yes.

To paraphrase the author's research, which echoes much of my anecdotal experience, in the interest of giving children more of a say in decisions that affect them, the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction and parents have essentially abdicated their parental authority over their children. As a result of parents neglecting their job to specifically teach cultural values and morals to children, kids turn to their peers and internet culture to learn what is valued and what they should emulate. Which is, in my experience, being materialistic and obnoxious.

The author further goes on to say that most of the problems recognized in kids nowadays: lack of healthy eating habits and general fitness, a larger number of kids being medicated for anxiety/depression/ADHD etc., that America has fallen behind in academic standing compared to the rest of the world, and that kids are so damn fragile compared to previous generations, can be traced back to this abdication of parental authority. While I don't personally believe that every single instance in each of these categories can be chalked up to crappy parenting, I do think the author's hypothesis makes a good overall point that definitely does apply to many modern day families. He argues for a focus on the family that isn't rushed or over scheduled (and without screen-time) in order for kids to get their value systems from their parents rather than peers or the internet. He compels parents to diversify their kids' activities so their identity isn't completely composed of just one thing, and also to help develop empathy by spending time with others from all walks of life. These are things I can completely agree with, and I think following those would facilitate a huge change for many families, but I do acknowledge that even giving this advice comes from a place of privilege and that this isn't possible for all families, especially given our culture's inability to find a good work-life balance.

I especially liked the author's final chapter on what the purpose of life is. Many kids I find (and a good chunk of adults) seem to think life is just about being successful and making money. Many find out later that life should be about more than that, something that gives your life meaning. The author argues that through proper parenting and cultivating values in children throughout their young life, young adults will be well adjusted enough to handle their post secondary lives because they know exactly why they are working so hard at whatever they choose to do, to achieve that personal meaningful existence.

Recommendation:
I think anyone who works with kids in any capacity should read this, it gives a lot of insight into how many modern parents operate and explains a lot of the behaviours we're witnessing in this generation of kids.

Thoughts on the cover:
I like these new updated covers compared to the original releases.

Fowl Language: Welcome to Parenting - Brian Gordon

Title: Fowl Language: Welcome to Parenting
Author: Brian Gordan
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing, 2016 (Paperback)
Length: 128 pages
Genre: Adult; Parenting, Graphic Novel
Started: September 1, 2016
Finished: September 1, 2016

Summary:
From the back cover:

Are you a mom or a dad? How wonderful and annoying for you! Do you know someone who will soon have a baby? How exciting and terrifying for them! Are your friends parents too? Of course they are, those poor sons of bitches...

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then Fowl Language is for you. And if you answered no, then congratulations, and feel free to sleep in this weekend!

Review:
If you're a parent or know people who are, you've probably seen the Fowl Language comic strips floating around the internet. They perfectly capture the frustrations  and joys of being a parent to small children, and every parent can relate to them (while laughing hysterically along the way). The book essentially gathers a large portion of the comics into one volume, and I really hope the author/artist comes out with subsequent books because I will gladly fork over my money if he does. This happens to be one of my favourite ones below:

Recommendation:
If you're a parent, you probably already love these comics and own this book. If you're going to be a parent, then you need to buy this, it will make you feel much better about yourself when mommy/daddy guilt threatens to ruin your day.

Thoughts on the cover:
This evokes the style of all the comics, simple, clean, colourful, and funny.

It's OK to Go Up the Slide - Heather Shumaker

Title: It's OK to Go Up the Slide: Renegade Rules for Raising Confident and Creative Kids
Author: Heather Shumaker
Publisher: Jeremy P. Tarcher (Penguin), 2016 (Paperback) (Review copy is an ARC from the publisher)
Length: 363 pages
Genre: Adult; Parenting
Started: March 10, 2016
Finished: March 14, 2016

Summary:
From the back cover:

With her first book, It's OK Not to Share, Heather Shumaker overturned all the controversial rules of parenting with her "Renegade Rules" for raising competent and compassionate kids. In It's OK to Go Up the Slide, Shumaker takes on new hot-button issues with Renegade Rules such as:

• Recess is a Right
• It's OK Not to Kiss Grandma
• Don't Force Participation
• Safety Second
• Ban Homework in Elementary School

Shumaker also offers broader guidance on how parents can control their own fears and move from an overscheduled life to one of more free play. Parenting can too often be reduced to shuttling kids between enrichment classes, but Shumaker challenges parents to reevaluate how they're spending their precious family time. This book helps parents help their kids develop important life skills in an age-appropriate way. Most important, parents must model these skills, whether it's ;imitating technology use, confronting conflict, or coping emotionally with setbacks. Sometimes being a good parent means breaking all the rules. 

Review:

I believe this author's books came into my life at just the right time. When I read her first book, It's OK Not to Share, which focuses on toddlers and pre-schoolers, I was a brand new mom with an infant, but had my fair share of experiences with kids as a teacher. Now, reading the follow-up book, which is geared to issues of school-aged children, my daughter is four and in school herself (for non-Canadian readers, in Ontario we begin junior kindergarten at age 4), and my teaching experience has increased. Similar to my thoughts after reading her first book, this new instalment puts forth many parenting ideas, some are revolutionary and some are ones you and other parents might already be using. 

This book follows a similar format to the previous one: each chapter introduces a concept such as "It's OK to Talk to Strangers" and "Banish Calendars at Circle Time", shows the typical way most parents approach the issue versus the unconventional "Renegade" way, how children interpret the messages given to them when each way is used, and phrases to use and avoid when experiencing these concepts in your everyday life. 

Some of these ideas are ones that you may already be familiar with depending on your circle of friends. The first section on Risk and Independence with notions about letting kids assess risk, be the boss of their bodies, and not touting the typical "stranger danger" speech from the 80s is one that most parents I know tend to adhere to already. Granted, most parents I interact with are fairly well-educated, liberal, and don't helicopter, so these ideas might be a novelty in your area. 

Of particular interest to me as a teacher were the chapters on Children's Rights at School and More Rights at School. The author is pretty spot-on here, and her insights only reinforced that my gut feelings on these topics have been correct for years. For example, Recess Is a Right is a chapter that focuses on the benefits of recess in elementary school and how research shows that scores plummet when schools remove recess. I know there are schools in the US that have removed recess in exchange for more instruction time to prepare for standardized tests, so this just reminded me how privileged my family is to live where recess is protected. Like the author, I don't believe in taking recess away as punishment, kids need their breaks just like adults do, probably even more than we do. It's counterproductive in my experience as a teacher, so I simply don't do it. 

The chapter on banning homework in elementary school is also something we already have semi-adopted here. Nightly homework, particularly for math, is more common in grades 7-8+ (our elementary schools are mostly K-8 where I live and work), but students do receive ample time in class to complete what would normally be assigned as homework otherwise. 

Some of the ideas presented are a bit more uncommon, even in my experience. The section on More Rights at School discusses the ideas of not forcing kids to participate, changing kindergarten expectations, and getting rid of activities at circle time when they aren't developmentally appropriate. The chapter on kindergarten I agree is very relevant (except for the suggestion to delay kindergarten entrance since many families cannot afford that), especially in the US where redshirting is a huge issue in some communities and the programs are very academic. My daughter is lucky to be in a full-day, play-based kindergarten program in an area with a December 31st cut-off date where redshirting is practically nonexistent. Even as one of the youngest in her class, she is thriving, and our experience has been positive, but I agree it isn't like that everywhere. The "don't force kids to participate" and "no calendars at circle time" concepts are ones I agree with, but aren't used by most teachers I know. It made me wonder why circle time always focuses on dates and times that most kids don't developmentally understand (my daughter is only just starting to grasp time as a concept at not quite 4.5), and why we force kids to do the same activities as everyone else (assuming safety doesn't factor in). 

The chapters in the Sorrow, Empathy, and Disaster section are ones I am sure will be of interest, particularly because we don't encounter them frequently. Don't Remove Ogres from Books is an idea I am passionate about as a reader, I don't believe in censoring "bad" things from children's literature, since I would rather have kids learn about heavy issues from books where they can safely process them and ask questions than learn incorrect information from a friend or see triggering images in the media. Deal with News Disasters and Share Unfair History are really important chapters in my opinion, since they deal with bad experiences and uncomfortable parts of our history that kids need to know about, but that we as adults sometimes struggle with how to convey in an age-appropriate way. 

Recommendation:

Like the first book, this one is a must-read if you're a parent, teacher, or are otherwise around children often. These methods do work (sometimes with needed tweaking) and they result in happier kids and families. 

Thoughts on the cover:

Keeping the continuity from the first book of a single image against a white cover is simple, yet effective. 

The Owner's Manual to Terrible Parenting - Guy Delisle

Title: The Owner's Manual to Terrible Parenting
Author: Guy Delisle
Publisher: Drawn and Quarterly, 2015 (Paperback)
Length: 192 pages
Genre: Adult; Graphic novel, Parenting
Started: January 11, 2016
Finished: January 11, 2016

Summary:
From the back cover:

Guy Delisle knows knows all the worst parenting techniques. Slipping grammar lessons into bedtime stories, picking a favourite child, and experimenting with explosives: it's all in a day's work for Guy Delisle. In The Owner's Manual to Terrible Parenting, Delisle (author of Jerusalem: Chronicles from the Holy City, and A User's Guide to Neglectful Parenting) pays tribute to all the ways parents can drive their kids crazy, and vice versa, making it the perfect antidote to frustrating car rides filled with "Are we there yet?" and epic battles over homework.

Review:
I love parenting books, and I devoured this one since it's a graphic novel as well.

This book is a series of comics drawn in a simple style of two images per page (not a traditional multi-panel type of cmic) about the author's adventures in parenting his two young children. The different scenarios are all pretty laughable, but more about the sarcasm and jaded attitude the dad has in front of his children. One of my favourites was one where walking his daughter to school turns into a "life sucks and then you die" discussion and then he happily drops his daughter off as if the whole prior conversation never took place. Another is where he treats video games like homework and forces his son to play them when he would rather read in an effort to purposely make him hate video games. Here's an example of the art style from the comic where his daughter asks him who his favourite child is:

Recommendation:

Very funny parenting moments, especially if you have a jaded or sarcastic sense of humour. 

Thoughts on the cover:

Simple, but very fitting. 

Raising Your Spirited Child - Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Title: Raising Your Spirited Child
Author: Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
Publisher: William Morrow (HarperCollins), 2006 (Paperback)
Length: 468 pages
Genre: Adult; Parenting
Started: January 27, 2015
Finished: February 7, 2015

Summary:
From the back cover:

The spirited child - often called "difficult" or "strong-willed" - possesses traits we value in adults yet find challenging in children. Research shows that spirited kids are wired to be "more" - by temperament, they are more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, and uncomfortable with change than the average child. In this revised edition of the award-winning classic, voted one of the top twenty books for parents, Kurcinka provides vivre examples and a refreshingly positive viewpoint. Raising Your Spirited Child will help you:

• understand your child's - and your own - temperamental traits
• discover the power of positive - rather than negative labels
• cope with tantrums and power struggles when they do occur
• plan for success with a simple four-step program
• develop strategies for handling mealtimes, sibling rivalry, bedtimes, holidays, and school, among other situations

Review:

As a teacher, after reading this book I now realize I've encountered many spirited children in my classes. I usually like them a lot even though they aren't the easiest to deal with in a classroom setting because I know that their personalities will serve them well in their adult life (I'm a teacher who fully admits the school system is in no way 100% indicative of real life and that the "perfect student" doesn't necessarily succeed in adulthood). I wanted my daughter to be like these kids, I wanted a child with spark in their personality. Turns out I got what I wished for (I actually have quite a few of these spirited traits as well, so she takes after me in this regard), but I never would have realized how difficult a spirited child is to parent. 

We've all encountered spirited kids I'm sure: the ones that are more sensitive than all the others, the ones who don't adapt as fast as the others, the ones that notice everything you don't want them to pay attention to, the ones who are more stubborn and won't give up easily, and the ones who are just so intense. They're also the ones with whom regular parenting techniques and tricks don't really work on, because their temperaments are different than those of most kids. My daughter is like this: oh so smart, incredibly funny, and the sweetest kid ever, but definitely is not a happy-go-lucky, go-with-the-flow kind of child. Every experience with her needs to be planned out with amazing precision, with back-up-plans and exit strategies if things don't go according to plan. I used to blame myself, especially after her daycare would tell us of a particularly trying day, thinking "What am I doing wrong? Why can't I get her to behave like the other kids?" Turns out that she can behave just fine, she just needs some extra considerations the other kids don't, which is outlined in this book.

The author lists the characteristics that most spirited children possess:

• Intensity - powerful reactions regardless of the emotion behind it
• Persistence - assertive, can "lock" into an activity important to them
• Sensitivity - keenly aware of every sensation like noises, lights, smells, textures, even the moods of others; making them easily overwhelmed at times
• Perceptiveness - they notice everything to the point where others think they are not listening 
• Adaptability - uncomfortable with change and unable to shift easily from one activity to another, though this does improve with age

The "bonus" traits, which spirited kids may or may not have:

• Regularity - doesn't keep to much of a schedule in terms of eating, sleeping, etc.
• Energy - high energy levels
• First Reaction - instinctively withdraw from anything new until they can warm up to it, related to the issues with adaptability
• Mood - tendency to be serious and analytical

I realized both my daughter and I possess many of these traits (mostly from the first list), particularly the poor adaptability and sensitivity, plus we're introverts, which doesn't help. It was like a lightbulb moment in my head, I finally figured out why she reacted the way she did when it was time to transition, or why she would do better in smaller groups, or why I need to research and overly prepare for every new thing I do until it becomes familiar. I also realized that my daughter and other kids like her don't do these things to be difficult, they simply can't handle certain things, and no amount of wanting them to "suck it up and deal" will help them improve. It only took some of the suggested  minor changes to how we deal with things to see an improvement in our daughter's behaviour. There's even a few things that I realized I employed almost automatically in my classroom that help with spirited kids: writing the day's schedule on the board, and explaining assignments in small increments rather than explaining the entire huge thing all at once. 

Recommendation:

If you're a teacher, parent, or involved with children in any capacity, you'll want to read this book. It's truly an eye-opener about behaviour patterns in children that we value in adults, but where kids still need help in regulating these intense temperaments.

Thoughts on the cover:

This totally looks like a pose my daughter would be caught in, so I give them credit for realism. 

Kids Are Weird: And Other Observations from Parenthood - Jeffrey Brown

Title: Kids Are Weird: And Other Observations from Parenthood
Author: Jeffrey Brown
Publisher: Chronicle Books, 2014 (Hardcover)
Length: 108 pages
Genre: Adult; Graphic Novel, Parenting
Started: August 20, 2014
Finished: August 20, 2014

Summary:
From the back cover:

Eisner Award-winning author of the bestselling Darth Vader and Son and Vader's Little Princess Jeffrey Brown brings his perceptive humour to everyday parenting, capturing the hilarious, sweetly weird moments parents everywhere experience in the adventures of raising a child.

Review:
The author's "Darth Vader and Kids" books as I call them are well-loved in this house, I've given them as presents to my husband for Father's Day for two years in a row (with the brand new Goodnight Darth Vader book going in his stocking for Christmas, shhhh!). So when I saw he was releasing a generic parenting graphic novel, I figured it was a no-brainer. Unfortunately this particular book didn't make as much of an impression on me as his Darth Vader books.

Perhaps I'm just a huge geek and parenting anecdotes just seem funnier when experienced by the Sith Lord, but while this particular book definitely had it's weird episodes, the weirdness seemed to cross the boundary from "quirky but totally cute" to "so weird and quirky it makes you give the kid the side-eye." Most of the anecdotes just weren't all that funny. I'm sure they're funny to the author in the same way everything my 3-year-old does is hilarious to me, but at least I can admit that not everyone is going to be enamoured with my kid's quirks the way I am.

The image above is one part I did giggle at though, because let's face it, kids embarrassing parents is always funny.

The art style is great just like his other books, I noticed he tends to put a lot of detail into his backgrounds.

Recommendation:
Didn't make as much of an impression as the author's Darth Vader books, which if you haven't read those or bought them for the dad in your life, you need to go do that now. I'll wait...

Thoughts on the cover:
Very bright colour scheme used here, if nothing else it's really eye-catching.

Redefining Girly: How Parents Can Fight the Stereotyping and Sexualizing of Girlhood, from Birth to Tween - Melissa Atkins Wardy

Title: Redefining Girly: How Parents Can Fight the Stereotyping and Sexualizing of Girlhood, from Birth to Tween
Author: Melissa Atkins Wardy
Publisher: Chicago Review Press, 2014 (Paperback)
Length: 225 pages
Genre: Adult; Nonfiction, Parenting
Started: March 13, 2014
Finished: March 18, 2014

Summary:
From the back cover:

All-pink aisles in toy stores, popular dolls that resemble pole dancers, sexy halloween costumes in tween sizes. Many parents are dismayed at how media, marketers, and manufacturers are sexualizing and stereotyping ever-younger girls but feel powerless to effect change. Mother of two Melissa Atkins Wardy channeled her feelings of frustration into activism - creating T-shirts with girl-positive messages; blogging and swapping parenting strategies with other concerned families; writing letters and organizing petitions to corporate offenders; and raising awareness through parent workshops and social media. Now she shares her hands-on parenting and activism strategies with others dedicated to raising a confident and healthy girl in today's climate. She provides tested advice for getting family, friends, and community on your side; thinking critically about sexed-up toys and clothes; talking to girls about about body image; creating a home free of gender stereotypes; using your voice and consumer power to fight the companies perpetuating them; taking the reins to limit, challenge, and change harmful media and products; and much more.

Review:
I've followed this author's blog and business for several years (her clothes are adorable and very appropriate for both genders) and consider her a model for fighting against childhood sexualization, especially that of little girls. She goes through almost every scenario parents can encounter (having conversations with kids while watching certain shows and movies, kids wanting a specific toy that you're morally against) with her 8-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son and posts her responses via articles on her blog. So when I found out she was writing a book, I knew I'd be reading it for sure.

The book begins with the author outlining her initiation into the concept of the new sexualized girlhood when her daughter was born. Her experience resembles mine with my daughter: the pink horde of baby items that suddenly invade the house, the lack of choice in purchasing things for girls, the really inappropriate Halloween costumes, and the toys that look like something out of a porno.

Chapters follow on changing things up in your own home, getting others on board, appropriate toys to have, and proper channels to go through to achieve change. She has little excerpts throughout the book from authors, business owners, doctors, and other key figures in the fight against childhood sexualization that weigh in with their own strategies that readers can use. The best part of the book in my opinion are the real-life hypothetical scenarios that are in every chapter that include very good responses to kids, relatives, teachers, professionals, companies etc. The scenarios presented are incredibly realistic (already encountered a few myself), and the responses are appropriate to get your point across, especially in the dialogues geared towards kids (no honey, we aren't buying you a Monster High doll and here's why), since I find it difficult to come up with lines to use that get the message across to children in an age-appropriate way without making it a complete power struggle.

She also lists a bunch of books (many of which I've already read an reviewed this past month), websites, and films to further your research. Also valuable is the list of companies that carry approved items free of gender stereotypes to help raise a healthy, confident girl (many of which I have bought from already and recommend).

Recommendation: 
A must-read for parents of girls, or anyone involved in a little girl's life (or even a boy's for that matter, since the sexualization of girls effects boys as well).

Thoughts on the cover:
A really nice choice for the main image here, the model looks very natural and her expression has a hint of a spark that I just can't quite identify.

Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls - Rachel Simmons

Title: Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls
Author: Rachel Simmons
Publisher: Mariner Books (Houghton Mifflin), 2011 (Paperback)
Length: 377 pages
Genre: Adult; Nonfiction, Parenting
Started: February 27, 2014
Finished: February 28, 2014

Summary:
From the back cover:

When Odd Girl Out was first published, it became an instant bestseller, igniting a long-overdue conversation about the hidden culture of female bullying. Today the dirty looks, taunting notes, and social exclusion that plague girls' friendships have gained new momentum in cyberspace.

In this updated edition, educator and bullying expert Rachel Simmons gives girls, parents, and educators proven and innovative strategies for navigating social dynamics online, as well as brand new classroom initiatives and step-by-step parental suggestions for dealing with conventional bullying. With up-to-the-minute research and real-life stories, Odd Girl Out continues to be the definitive resource on the most pressing social issues facing girls today.

Review:
This is another of my "issues of raising a girl" books that I picked up recently, the first book done by the author that wrote The Curse of the Good Girl that I read last week. After reading both books, I now realize I should have read this one first, since a lot of he material in the second book is integrated here, and when put in perspective with bullying, it actually makes a lot more sense. This book was originally published in 2002 before technology was a major issue in bullying, so this is a revised edition to include updated information and research.

There is a particular type of girl bullying that the author describes in her book. It isn't a case of girls picking on other girls who are weak and different that they barely know. The cases here are ones about girls on relatively equal footing in terms of social standing that are already friends, and where one either moves up or down in popularity and the other is thus affected. The book claims that since our culture doesn't allow girls to express anger in overt ways like boys, they clam up and their anger and frustration erupts through covert tactics like manipulation and rumour-spreading. The book actually likens some of these 'friendships' to toxic relationships and warns that girls that cannot walk away from them risk setting themselves up for being used and abused in future relationships. She goes into great detail on cliques and the idea that a group will choose a scapegoat to ostracize mainly to divert the negative attention from themselves but it's a vicious cycle because the group then focuses in on another in order to reassure themselves.

The examples the author uses from personal interviews are familiar to me as a teacher hearing stories from students (my experience as a child comes from the first type I mentioned above). I acknowledge that girl bullying and aggression exists. But to me these examples seem a little on the extreme side and are actually more about emotional blackmail. Both parties in the examples contributed to the situation in one way or another, and it seems as if simply walking away and having nothing to do with the other party would help things (aside from cyber-bullying, that throws a wrench in things). The author does list strategies for teachers, parents, and girls themselves for coping with these situations; many of which I do believe work from seeing them in action in schools. The author also has chapters on cyber-bullying and sexting, which complicate matters all the more, and cautions parents to strictly monitor and restrict social media usage during the key bullying ages (10-14).

Recommendation:
An excellent book for parents and teachers to read, especially if they know someone affected by this particular type of girl bullying. If the criteria I listed does not fit your daughter's type of bullying, you might wish to seek out another book, I recommend Bullied by Carrie Goldman.

Thoughts on the cover:
I like the image used together with the green and yellow colour scheme, it's very pleasing to the eye.

So Sexy So Soon -Diane Levin and Jean Kilbourne

Title: So Sexy So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids
Author: Diane E. Levin and Jean Kilbourne
Publisher: Ballantine Books (Random House), 2008 (Hardcover)
Length: 211 pages
Genre: Adult; Nonfiction, Parenting
Started: February 24, 2014
Finished: February 25, 2014

Summary:
From the inside cover:

Thong panties, padded bras, and risqué Halloween costumes for young girls. T-shirts that boast "Chick Magnet" for toddler boys. Sexy content on almost every television channel, as well as in books, movies, video games, and even cartoons. Hot young female pop stars wearing provocative clothing and dancing suggestively while singing songs with sexual and sometimes violent lyrics. These products are marketed aggressively to our children; these stars are held up for our young daughters to emulate - and for our sons to see as objects of desire.

Popular culture and technology inundate our children with an onslaught of mixed messages at earlier ages than ever before. Corporations capitalize on this disturbing trend, and without the emotional sophistication to understand what they are doing and seeing, kids are getting into increasing trouble emotionally and socially some may even engage in precocious sexual behaviour. Parents are left shaking their heads, wondering: How did this happen? What can we do?

So Sexy So Soon is an invaluable and practical guide for parents who are fed up, confused, and even scared by what their kids - or their kids' friends - do and say. Diane E. Levin, Ph.D., and Jean Kilbourne, Ed.D., internationally recognized experts on early childhood development and the impact of the media on children and teens, understand that saying no to commercial culture - TV, movies, toys, Internet access, and video games - isn't a realistic or viable option for most families. Instead, they offer parents essential, age-appropriate strategies to counter the assault. For instance:

• Help your children expand their imaginations by suggesting new ways for them to play with toys - for example, instead of "playing house" with dolls, they might send their toys on a backyard archeological adventure. 
• Counteract the narrow gender stereotypes in today's media: ask your son to help you cook; get your daughter outside to play ball. 
• Share your values and concerns with other adults - relatives, parents of your children's friends - and agree on how you'll deal with TV and other media when your children are at one another's houses. 

Filled with savvy suggestions, helpful sample dialogues, and poignant true stories from families dealing with these issues, So Sexy So Soon provides parents with the information, skills, and confidence they need to discuss sensitive topics openly and effectively so their kids can just be kids. 

Review:

I've been picking up a lot of books like this lately: books on issues that relate to raising a girl in today's modern culture. Granted, I think it's equally hard raising a boy or a girl nowadays, but being a parent to a girl comes with unique challenges that I began to notice when I started teaching and were fully affirmed when my daughter was born. 

Kids are under assault by inappropriate sexual content in today's media, a lot of it actually aimed at their age group. When I had difficulties finding a Halloween costume for my toddler that wasn't a princess or a "naughty kitten" (actual wording on package), I knew this was a major issue. I'd been noticing examples for years: the types of tween shows airing on the Disney channel (which aren't allowed in our house), Bratz/Monster High/Ever After High dolls, the kind of clothing available for girls once they outgrow toddler sizes, the lack of strong female role models in the media, and the prevalence of violent role models for boys. And the consequences are there as well: students exposed to sexual concepts they aren't emotionally ready for (beyond the pure mechanics we are expected to explain to them), early exposure to pornography (try digesting that the first time you hear it from a 10-year-old), children imitating sexual behaviour without knowing the ramifications of that behaviour, and teenagers and young adults having very warped ideas of sexuality and relationships. 

This book begins by explaining exactly how this trend began and examples of it in our culture (from anecdotes as well as research studies). The book then goes on to address the consequences of this trend and how parents can counteract this in both younger children and teenagers. The suggestions are actually pretty good and are similar to ones I've gleaned from other sources, and are ones I can picture myself using with my students or my own daughter. The resources and notations listed in the back of the book are extensive, so anyone who's interested can further their research that way.

Recommendation:

An excellent book on the issue of sexualized childhood in our modern culture and how to combat it on a personal and wider level. 

Thoughts on the cover:

About as good an image that can be used without divulging into questionable content. 

The Curse of the Good Girl - Rachel Simmons

Title: The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence
Author: Rachel Simmons
Publisher: The Penguin Press, 2009 (Hardcover)
Length: 262 pages
Genre: Adult; Nonfiction, Parenting
Started: February 20, 2013
Finished: February 23, 2013

Summary:
From the inside cover:

In The Curse of the Good Girl, Rachel Simmons, bestselling author of Odd Girl Out, argues that in idealizing the Good Girl we are teaching girls to embrace a version of selfhood that sharply curtails their power and potential. Unerringly nice, polite, modest, and selfless, the Good Girl is an identity so narrowly defined that it's unachievable. When girls fail to live up to these empty expectations - experiencing conflicts with peers or making mistakes in the classroom or on the playing field - they become paralyzed by self-criticism that stunts the growth of their vital skills and habits. Simmons traces the poisonous impact of Good Girl pressure on girls' development and provides a strategy to reverse the tide. At once illuminating and prescriptive, The Curse of the Good Girl is an essential guide to contemporary girl culture and a call to arms from a new front in female empowerment.

Using the stories shared by women and girls who have attended workshops, Simmons shows pressure from parents, teachers, coaches, media, and peers erects a psychological glass ceiling that begins to enforce its confines in girlhood and extends across the female life span. The curse of the Good Girl erodes girls' abilities to know, express, and manage a complete range of feelings. It expects girls to be selfless, limiting their expressions of their needs. It requires modesty, depriving them of the permission to articulate their strengths and goals. It diminishes assertive body language, quiets voices, and weakens handshakes. It touches all areas of girls' lives and follows many into adulthood, limiting their personal and professional potential.

We have long lamented the loss of self-esteem in adolescent girls, recognizing that while the doors of opportunity are open to twenty-first century American girls, many lack the confidence to walk through them. In The Curse of the Good Girl, Simmons provides the first comprehensive action plan to silence the curse of the Good Girl and bolster the self, making clear her radical assertion that the most critical freedom we can win for our daughters is the liberty to recognize their authentic voice and act on it.

Review:
As a teacher and a parent to a daughter, these kinds of books always interest me. This book was beneficial in many ways but fell short in others.

The Curse of the Good Girl begins not by explaining what the curse of the Good Girl is exactly or how it forms or presents itself in our culture, but by stating the idea as fact (which I have no qualm about, I know it exists, I just like research to back up anecdotal claims) and how it plays out in interactions between teenaged girls and others. In part two, the author presents ideas of how to undo the damage the Good Girl image inflicts, mainly about how to communicate in ways that are emotionally authentic and not about furthering drama.

The issue I have with this approach is that trying to fix the Good Girl persona seems all well and good, but if a single girl or even a group of girls change their behaviours, they're still going to eventually face the larger world outside of their school where there are still people who think poorly of strong women who advocate for their needs and don't tow the line. Then that girl or group of girls is stuck, because unless we can facilitate a societal shift, which will only come from addressing these misogynistic ideals on a larger level for all girls when they're young, these girls might achieve success amongst their friends or their school, but will eventually be confronted with them at a higher level.

What I would have liked to see is an analysis of how this image of the Good Girl has developed in our culture: how it emerges in parenting practices, how it's furthered by the media, how it's enforced in school and everyday life, and how to curb it while our girls are still young rather than try to undo the damage when they're teenagers.

Recommendation:
An insightful read about the Good Girl image society expects of women and the damage it does, and how to go about rewiring our girls to counter the Good Girl persona.

Thoughts on the cover:
Cute image for the front, definitely embodies the typical teenage girl.

Bullied - Carrie Goldman

Title: Bullied: What Every Parent, Teacher, and Kid Needs to Know About Ending the Cycle of Fear
Author: Carrie Goldman
Publisher: HarperOne, 2012 (Hardcover)
Length: 348 pages
Genre: Adult; Nonfiction, Parenting
Started: August 30, 2013
Finished: September 1, 2013

Summary:
From the inside cover:

Carrie Goldman became an unexpected voice for the antibullying movement after her blog post about her daughter Katie's bullying experience went viral and an online community of support generated international attention. In Bullied, Goldman brings together the expertise of leading authorities with the candid accounts of families dealing firsthand with peer victimization to present proven strategies and concrete tools for teaching children how to speak up and carry themselves with confidence; call each other out on cruelty; resolve conflict; cope with teasing, taunting, physical abuse, and cyberbulling; and be smart consumers of technology and media. As a mother, she calls on us all-families, schools, communities, retailers, celebrities, and media-to fiercely examine our own stereotypes and embrace our joint responsibility for creating a culture of acceptance and respect.

For parents, educators, and anyone still wrestling with past experiences of victimization and fear, Bullied is an eye-opening, prescriptive, and ultimately uplifting guide to raising diverse, empathetic, tolerant kids in a caring and safe world.

Review:
I've been meaning to read this since it came out last year but it unintentionally got pushed to the back of my reading list, but thankfully I got around to it, and just before school starts to boot. I've been following this author's blog since before she even wrote the book, she's an awesome adoption advocate and really knows her stuff about bullying, the media, and sexualization of little girls.

Bullied is an amazing comprehensive resource about bullying that talks about many aspects: the possible sources of bullying and how children get in that mindset to ostracize the "other" (media stereotypes of masculine and feminine, parents treating others disrespectfully etc.), the profiles of children that are typical targets of bullying, exactly what constitutes bullying and the different types; and ways to combat the bullying that help the victim, the bully, and the community. The author includes a lot of first-hand accounts from stories sent to her after sharing her daughter's experience with bullying, interviews from prominent experts in the field, as well as celebrities and activists.

Bullied is an excellent book that all parents, teachers, and anyone that interacts with kids on a consistent basis needs to read. Not only does the author touch on the huge issue of the media and stereotypes that kids are exposed to on a daily basis (that isn't addressed as often as it should in my opinion), it offers practical solutions that keep both the victim and the bully in mind (because typically the bullies are victims in their own right too). Also, the author has lists of other resources in the back of the book: books grouped by age level, movies, etc. She actually lists several books I've read and recommended on bullying, as well as some pretty good documentary films too, so I can tell she's done her research.

Recommendation:
Anyone who deals with kids on a daily basis needs to read this, it's just an amazing resource that dispels the myths about bullying that people have been perpetrating forever and offers practical solutions.

Thoughts on the cover:
Kinda plain but most of the cover is taken up by the title anyway.

Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures - Amber Dusick

Title: Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures
Author: Amber Dusick
Publisher: Harlequin, 2013 (Hardcover)
Length: 224 pages
Genre: Adult; Parenting, Humour
Started: April 6, 2013
Finished: April 6, 2013

Summary:
From the back of the book:

Of course you love being a parent. But sometimes, it just sucks. I know. I'm Amber Dusick and I started my blog Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures because I needed a place to vent about the funny (and frustrating) day-to-day things that happened to me as a parent. Turns out, poop is hilarious! At least when you're not the one wiping it up.

This book won't make your frustrating moments any less crappy. But these stories about my Crappy Baby, Crappy Boy, and my husband, Crappy Papa, will hopefully make you laugh. Because you're not alone. And sometimes the crappiest moments make the best memories. Parenting is wonderful! And also, well, you know.

Review:
I've been reading the author's blog for about as long as I've been a parent, and her observations are always spot on (except for the ones about babies who never sleep, I lucked out and got one of "those" babies who are awesome sleepers), not to mention hilarious. Plus, I love the fact that her illustrations look like ones I would make, like the horrible MS Paint experiments from when I was 11 and got my first computer.

The book is divided into several sections based on common parenting themes: lack of sleep, food issues, poop, sickness, traveling, etc, complete with the section at the end titled "The 50 Crappy Laws of Parenting". Each section has several anecdotes based on the author's life with her husband and two boys, with text as well as the illustrations. A lot of the content is taken directly from the author's blog, so if you find yourself wanting more you can always spend a few hours reading her back-posts.

This book is perfect for parents (and parents-to-be) because it's so truthful. I found myself nodding my head as I was reading and laughing, thinking, "yup, been there done that." It was also good to hear that the whole "eat practically nothing but still be okay" phase that my toddler is going through does happen with other kids, and that it's okay that I freak out when she goes a day eating just crackers and oranges, because the author did that too (and made it funny by likening it to a cavewoman instinct to make our kids eat so they won't die). And the little section on "Things I Do When I Should Be Sleeping" is something I can totally relate to.

Recommendation:
If you're a parent or need to buy a gift for a parent-to-be, you need to pick this up. It's a quick read but a very satisfying one.

Thoughts on the cover:
I like the primary colour scheme and how the font and illustrations keep with the feel of the rest of the book.