Showing posts with label Poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Poetry. Show all posts

Remembering Her

The phone seems useless beside the vase today.
She won't be there to sulk if I did not call.
And I won't be making the call even if I want to tell her 
How my dog bit me last night while playing fetch
It was an accident, I'd say
She'd tell me to see a doctor, quit smoking, and, 
When are you coming home?

I pick up the phone,
useless beside the empty vase, 
and remember you today, 
as I do every day.






The Opening Scene


I strike the letters on the keyboard softly, so I don't wake you. I begin describing the scene but stop and hit backspace before finishing the second sentence. I look down to you and think, "I could be like that. On the floor, resting my head on somebody's sandals, impervious to complexity."


But there are more stories to tell and timepieces to collect. There will be time for making love with the floor later. The opening scene is more urgent.


My audience awaits.





In Your Living Room

In your living room,
in one of those afternoons when
only the breeze,
the occasional barks of dogs
and mothers screaming names
of their children for their afternoon naps
one hears, you sit down.

You wonder
how you got there.
You retrace the turns
of events- you had breakfast, cooked
your favorite fried eggs
and got up from bed. You remembered
how you'd planned
nothing special for the day,
but you dared get up still.
You call this love
for life, sometimes bravery.
I call it mechanistic.

Right around sunset, the quiet
around you comes to halt. The neighborhood
comes to life- children running around,
mothers having their afternoon snack and
some coffee, even the tricycles
are more frequent now. You are
still stuck in your indecisiveness of
whether to get a car or be
a spectator of all the wonders you believe
the world has. I tell you practicality is
the key, sometimes
moderation.





Summer








Holding a glass of some disgusting liquor and with her back to them, she said, 
you should know the sea's never as beautiful as in summer, 
then drank all the disgust of the world 
and left.






Never Stops



Oh, but it does.
Everything does. Even
our star. Long after
we are gone.
Still, it
does.

Coming Home

It takes thirteen steps

up to my place in the sky

where a balcony houses a vase
that is out of place just across
from a guitar that is out of tune.

I get home and sit at the balcony past the thirteen steps,
to take off my shoes and wonder what  music to put on.

It's noisy that is shallow she is bitter classical
is too heavy I need a shower it's dusty here
did i send all the reportsand...where
did i read hurry up now
it's time

I reach for the knob inside
through the window. The door
clicks open and still what  music to put on?

I get in, close the door, open the lights.
The piano is soothing but
that is what I listened to yesterday and
the other day I am full did I have breakfast
I need to take some stress tabs the floor is
dusty

It takes thirteen steps
up to my place in the sky.
I mind only them on my way up and
that store across the street.
What music to put on is the door locked-
they are as fleeting as when I strum
the guitar that is
out of tune. 

Untitled

"I'm leaving."
I pause the movie I am watching and look at him,
standing by the door, holding the handles of his big, red bag.
Why only now after eight long years?
He looks down, lifts the bag, and turns.
Before he closes the door, he says,
"I can't fix the shower knob for you anymore."






A Resolution

For who could stop farewells
One can only let out a smile
pretending to remember the infinite succession
of years
of days
hours, minutes
that had passed before that smile- a child of nostalgia
or a product of one's acceptance
that farewell is the easier way to go
about forgetting.

You marvel at an old friend's recollection
Both of you were trying the bike for the first time
He wanted to go home after the fall
You thought the scratches were painful
But you would never let go
of making it around that waterless fountain.

Now, you only remember the fear of falling.
You are not even sure you can still ride a bike.

Some afternoons, when everything seems busy
the clanging of metals from a house being built
the soft hum of the fan from your living room
some distant shouts of children playing ball, perhaps
You close your eyes for an instant
sip some cheap instant coffee
As you try to notice how it goes down your throat,
your eyes toward where the light of the setting sun
makes the greens of a tree brighter
You remember, you woke up late again.
But even that habitual self-reproach will fade
Like how a friend reminded you
of how you wanted to teach.

I have some years ahead of me.
I will welcome them like a sunny day after weeks of rain
It may be fleeting
before they become fragments
of stories my friends will remind me of
But I will see them pass by
as a child sees
a beautiful, colorful marching band
whose music can be heard even from later years

Oasis

Sometimes, you find yourself eating at a fast-food chain on a Friday night. Y
ou don't mind how late, but you are going to have your lunch.

You look around. You think someone should be sitting opposite you.
You ignore the thought and think about "5 weeks and 6 days".

She must have planned it. Having another kid could not be taken lightly after everything.
But that's her, you tell yourself.

You notice the ID you are wearing. You've worn it proudly for the past 7 years. You scoff at yourself, thinking that, at least, she has done something she has willed.

You remember how, once, you wanted to go to the remotest villages of the north, learn how organic vegetables are grown, and enjoy the peace and quiet in the mountains.
You've done nothing for it.

Tomorrow, you think, I will start with the whites then the colors. Spinning them should not take two hours. After, I'll dust the fan and wait for Monday.

You finish your late lunch and, quickly, you assure yourself, it's not too late to live that other dream. I have time.

You wonder if she is going to ask you for a name for the little one inside her. But you can only think of cabbage to grow in that little village up the mountain.

It has been a long 7 years.

Clothes line


It's as simple as taking a strand of hair from the keyboard.
It should not be more complicated than that.
To be able to choose what to do, to know what to be done next and to discover what matters to be discovered should be simple. There should neither be any fear nor apprehensions. There should only be a series of steps forward leading to an envisioned end.

It sometimes takes so long to know where to go. The destination is something always difficult to decide on. There are a lot of things to consider: is this place going to be cramped, is it going to be windy, will there be parties, will I be able to find a place to stay for three nights, will the bed be soft enough...
Things become blurry, and every day is an endless barking of dogs, and the weather flitting from sunny to cloudy. Then you worry if the clothes you hang will dry. There is always the gray or black or if people will notice the white.

She longs for simplicity. She longs for the joy of knowing that each minute leads her closer to a goal.
I long for the victories of doing things better than I thought I could, better than what has been set.

It is really as simple as knowing what should be desired.

Meanwhile, a blue dragonfly settles on the clothes line outside, and the sky seems to decide between rain or sun.

Shooters

The last time the world turned around in a rather strange way was five years ago.
She downs the Jack Daniels and smiles.
It’s my turn. But the world is turning funny again.
There I am, showing the class how 1 could be equal to 2 through a careless use of a logical contradiction. She is still waiting.
My parents are both saying that it is all up to me. CHOICE...
     Think about it. We are not always able to choose. Do you understand me? I mean, you could be thinking of choosing to become a lawyer. However, could you choose to pass the bar exam? Could you choose to be rich and live a comfortable life of a student learning all this and that of lawyering- Miranda rights, reading nothing beyond what the law says…Hold on, I need to piss.
     I knew it. One way to tell that a bar is cheap is through its restroom. I held my breath for 40 seconds. I should stop smoking.
     I think I can’t do this. This drink may be smooth but it tastes really terrible. How could anyone enjoy this drink!
     "We are drinking hey! This is no place for rationalizing!". Oh great. She is telling me to shut off my brain. Oh shut up! Why don’t you ever rest?, I hiss at myself. It is this noise that prevents me from getting to that favorite spot I have in my mind. What was it? I can’t even remember.
     "It’s just a drink." She is saying something about destiny…
     He knows that in spite of the genial fronts that people display, they hate him. It is not even about familiarity blossoming into contempt. It is the first time they lay eyes on him, when they realize he is condemned to the gutters of being loathed. He is the personification of disgust, of everything detestable.
     Ah shrug them off! You should be you because that is who you want. If you live by the standards of others you don’t even care, then you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Humph! Putting on clothes not even yours. What, for show? If you think you could be better, then there are countless ways to leave the past and see what you can be in the name of love.
     We shake hands. "Thanks…ey get up! Ey!"
     "You ok?" I guess so. She says we had better get home. Five years back, I would have just tucked myself in bed. Now, I have to hail a cab and hope the driver wakes me up when we have arrived. I wish I could choose to say no to her, to them.
Really. CHOICE.
For one, I did choose to take the cab and not the bus.