you`re my one and only

Sunday, November 27, 2005
1:05 AM

my new blog: emilywobbly
got it?

i wish my life is perfect-`

Tuesday, November 15, 2005
11:32 PM

hey peeps. i have moved. have a new blog, new start. those whu put my link on their blog, please delete it. will update on the new blog again.

i wish my life is perfect-`

Wednesday, November 09, 2005
1:06 AM

I guessed most of you should know why i set up this blog in the first place. It is obvious about purpose behind it. Because of that one person.
Time finally passed but not actually that fast. 9 months. It is time to close this chapter. I know I should'nt be doing this. Just let me be childish again. Let me throw tantrum once more.
I don't know whether he did actually see this blog but still there are so many things to say to him, so just this last one.

kan,
I don't know whether you had been viewing this at all in the first place, but still i am going to write it. I still hate you. Till now. I hate you for leaving like that, hate you for not telling the truth, hate you for everthing you said and did. You seriously suck. I can't believed that I was with you for 2 years. Kan, dun u ever feel remorseful of what u had done or rather regret about it? I guessed not. Because not only are you lying to everyone but you are lying to yourself too. Dun ever think i still love you, I don't anymore. To think of the excuses you had tried to say just make me feel like giving you a tight slap. Its like one of my letters to you- I despise you.

The pain you had made me go through all these times. How can it compare to that of your pain in that less than one month? How many things had you lie to me, do u even remember? This is wat you give me after I had forgiven you time and time again? You know why i hate you so much? Why don't you try to remember about asking felicia to forget that edwin becos of wat he did?! And why dun you think you are being like him?

We can't commuicate? do u really need 2 yrs to realise that we can't commuicate at all. that's a stupid excuse! Becos of too much quarrels? you can't take it? Kan, why when i feel that u dun understand me, i wan to leave u you dun let me? and when i finally choosen not to, you decided to let go? Liar! What are you trying to hide or even protect. Since the first day you know me, I am always such a quarrlesome person. Why dun u take into consideration before you pick me!

I definitely feel like a subsitiute of yanjun now. And most likely you had called me a bitch like u did before to her. You gave me all the shit the first months when we are together. Do you even remember?! and all the lies?! If i had never ask u about the bill will u even tell me the truth? i doubt so cos u are always lying to me. and i dunno why i am always so forgiving. i can even forgive you for laying hands on me! To think about it now, nobody will ever slap the person that he love. So you dun love me at all. Besides that, you made me feel like the world's meanest person cos i am always scolding u . wat's with buying all those expensive things to me? to tell ppl that u are a good bf and how fortunate i am? let me tell u this, i dun need all those things at all. in fact, i dun even wan it. wat's with that big bouquet of flowers with choc? u noe why i dun like it? cos u gave it to yanjun b4. let me tell u this. i am not her. and i will never be like her or teresa, still giving u present after leaving you? Hiding from me again right?

So how's being manager over there. Glad that you left me right so as to achieve that post? Issn't that suppose to be my vday gift? wat a nice one indeed. i supposed u are happy with that clarice sim? achieveing wat u are suppose to achieve? in love life and work? me? stuck here all these while going through all the shit. Where were u then when i lost my job? where were u when i go for my exam? where were u when i failed time and time again? where were u when i was being bullied? where were u when i wan to cry? You were everywhere- home, pasir ris, nti, taiwan, australia... everywhere except here. This is how u claim that u love me? Never say you love me. Becos i know its fake one. you just need someone by ur side all the time. You never consider others' feelings. Only you and your 'big' dream.

Guessed you had realised that your frens had distant from you? dun say u expected it after we broke up. They dun do it becos of me. Its just you. You caused these things to happen. I am not the caused of it. You made all your frens leave you. All you had in mind now is your future prospect business plan and findng as much ppl as u can to continue down the line of yours. Why dun you think about the real reason behind why your frens are distanting away?

I hope i can forget all this like you do. but i am not like you. u are definitely not the guy i suppose to know in that 2 yrs. But this is the reality.
i really do wonder how much did u love me in the first place. not at all. U need me at the side to help you with alot of things. This is how much u treasure me. All the messages telling me that you will give up everything for me and asking me to keep them as a promise--- all packs of lies.

I know i had not being giving you support once you join that company and also working with patrick. But had i not given you my support in other things? Had i not help you settle things that you always promise other people but never able to do on time? i guessed you had forgotten then. You can get her support rite? She can help you in many other ways. Utterly disappionted in you.

Kan, i will forget you. i will and i must. But you can't. I want you to live with regrets all the way. Everytime your heart hurts, i wan u to remember how u had hurt me. Everytime it rains, i wan u to remember the pain i go through. And the promise that you had made, you better don't promise the same thing to others. And everytime you are sick, I want u to remember that there is someone out there that will never forgive you.

to clarice,
i dun know whether to hate you or be neutral. I know my relationship with him should not drag you into the picture. But somehow i feel that you are partially the cause to it. Maybe its not your fault and i tried before to think that its not your fault. However I can't pull you out of it. You can't blame me for thinking that way. All girls are selfish. You will be like that too if it ever happen to you. All i can say is that whether you are going to be his last or not, i don't care. Though we may not know each other, but i know who you are and you too know me. I won't want to see you if possible and i guessed you won't want to.

to maria,
i am sorry to say such mean things to your uncle, but let me tell u this, that these 9 mths, wat i went through is not as simple as you can see or think. If possibe, i wish the whole year of 2005 willl be erased. although u had been saying nice things to me and telling me stuff i like to hear and provide support all the time, i greatly appreaciate. Didn't expect to know that we can be in such good terms when i first see u at the hospital visiting your grandma. Maybe the connection started from the first drawing that ur uncle asked me to draw for you.

I know as time passed, i will regret not putting it dwn earlier as its not worth it. But i am happy that our path did cross. I am glad that your uncle had such a nice niece and to see that you are concern about him too. He too talks about you to me before. I wish that you will continue to have the life that you always wanted and may your relationship with the people around you grow in your favour. I will always be happy to know that you will be there to encourage me and you still prefer me. Thanks gal.

to all,
this is not my 'Yi shu' so don't worry. Like i say, i just want to throw tantrum again. I had been doing that for many times i guessed. Today just mark the day that my relationship didn't pass 3 years. No more dates to remember already. Finally it has ended. I have finally decided to close this chapter. Love, emily.

i wish my life is perfect-`

Saturday, November 05, 2005
3:41 AM

I am sad......
She is like me 9mths ago. And i can't do anything. I only can be there and listen. I see myself in her today. Words of anger. Words of sadness and pain. Tears that keep flowing and block the air passage-way. How could i help her? Talk to him? I tried but all i get iwas wat i got 9 mths ago too. I feel sad for her. She dun even want to go home, afraid that her parents will know. She wants to go for drink but i could not accompany her. I really can't stay out late. So how? I persuade her to go home but she refused. Her parents like him so much. She can't bring herself to tell them at all. (Her parents will know anyway).
I woke yang up in the middle of the night and told him this. It was a wrong move. He was asleep when i called him. I didn't check the time at all before making that call! I am sure he is angry cos he got to work the next day. Hai...
I know she will take very long to forget him. But at least she knows the reason behind it. He came to tell her the truth and they talked about it. When i called him, he was in tears too. They loved each other. But it happen anyway. Me? Can only view the closing of their story. Although its a bad ending, I know she will be happy knowing that he still loves her though its hard to continue as friends.
Its time to close one chapter of my story too.

i wish my life is perfect-`

Monday, October 31, 2005
4:10 PM

Gathering!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday was our 'new year' gathering at mich hse. All the sunshine members was there yar. It was suppose to be a potluck thing so everyone was suppose to bring something. However in the end wats on the dinning table are- chicken, potatoe, chicken and potatoe and more chicken. Um... some how everyone likes chicken and pototoes.

After dinner most of us squeeze at the table to watch the tv. The rest started to chat and then play games. Haha anyway jenny was the biggest loser at the game - 'Indian card' game.(opps dun really noe the game name). But anyway the loser had to eat something gross which ate twice-(spicy and disgusting). Poor jenny lose so many times despite changing her card! - No matter how many times she change the cards, she will forever be the loser. The rest laugh until we cannot stop and the sparstic karen keep bringing out all the weird sauces. The best is she never even play the game!!! Anyway the big winner is huihui. She never seems to lose no matter how the "jinx" jenny try to pass all her curse to her- with that soya bean carton. Till now i still dun get it wat has it got to do with that.

Anway after which me and yp spend the rest of our time in mich room trying to sing song and play the guitar.. Weird rite. haha then i had to sing at the top of my lungs cos the song is too high and yp tried to play the music that she is unsure of. yar so we played for quite long and dunno wats going on downstairs. In the ended both of us decided to proceed downstairs and found that the gang is gambling!!! um its like new year lor... all playing blackjack.
Poor anthony (the banker) lost 19 bucks!!! the rest win quite a bit- me - only 30 cents haha. tHE 'Fu, Lu, Shou' win the most lar. Believe it or not jenny' luck changed. She also won alot of money!!! hahah so the new year gathering ended cos the poor cinderella got to reach home. hehe

i wish my life is perfect-`

Sunday, October 30, 2005
1:10 AM

Acting day!!!

Went down to studio wu today... its their anniversary day so decided to drop by. Then went for the acting class workshop. So interesting!!! It was fun and also a lot of comical thing happen. We got to do an activity that require us to act. It goes like this...
First we had to walk in top speed around the studio then when the leader call stop we got to freeze on the stop and then find a partner nearer to us. So it's a random thing. And then we had to act the scene that the leader called out. It's impromptu thing so we won't know what the other party is going to say or act. So there is a lot funny thing that happen. Its like we can't move till the leader point at the partners then we can start to act. Neither can we see the other ppl cos we are in freezing mode but definitely hear them clearly.

1st person I partner with is suman- argument scene.
Me: Its all your fault. Don't come and deny
He: What toking you? Its is then your fault dun blame it on me!

Maybelle- death scene.
Me: I'm sorry. Dun be too sad. Its not your fault
She: *sob* Why? Why? My turtle choke and die? I wan to cry!

Still death scene.
Guy: Where are you? How could you not be sad?
Daniel: What happen?
Guy: My cat had got into an accident while crossing the road.

Again death.
Glady: My gogo died! (that's her real hamster)
Gal: um... ... ... (dunno wat she say)

Lixin- Betrayal scene.
She: How could you! 5 years! We know each other for 5 years!
Me (looking on the ground putting my hand on my head): Sorry... sorry...I don't mean too!
She: But how could you! Why?! Why?!
Me: Don't ask me.. I really don't know.

Still betrayal scene.
Gal: How could you?! You didn't tell me you are gay?!
Rayan: Well, shit happens.

Oh well this is wat all I learnt today. Really funny especially if you see it real life. I mean we are all talented in acting man... All those impromptu acting really bring a lot of laughter and giggles (cos we are suppose to not laugh)

i wish my life is perfect-`

Tuesday, October 25, 2005
3:43 PM

wat a dream...

Can't believe that i dreamt of this guy that i dun even fancy at all... and the problem is that we are rather very close in the dreams... like really close... um dun understand...
my dad is always exaggerating about all the things. He bought dumplings home and then keep asking us to eat(he always force us to eat cos he dun wan to feed the dustbin). The problem is he like to exaggerate the number of dumplings he bought. In actual, he only bought 3 back but he will always say 6(its not the first time already). The best is that my mum will always believe so when she wants to heat it up to eat, she found only 3 on the table. Thinking that there will be another 3 in the fridge for tmr, she will force all of us to eat it for supper. The next day she will search high and low for it cos she had to give to my sis for breakfast. then she will think that she accidentally throw it away the night b4. its too lame already. u must see the whole real life situation then u will really faint.

arghh now i am so pissed. my agent just called me and cancel my assignment... arghh its like my chance to be on stage lor... how could they like that.... oh man..... guys...

i wish my life is perfect-`