obituary of a chicken...

hatched: friday 13th March 2009

untimely death: saturday 27th August 2011

leaves behind 5 feathered friends and a broken hearted mother hen

"to some others perhaps you were just another chicken, but to us you were 'billy-no-mates'. just as your name suggested, you were no sheep, pecking with the pack. no sirree! you were a loner who strutted to the beat of your own tune. usually an ABBA or Elvis number in your head. for two years you did you own thing and you did it well.

as you ascend to the great free range Las Vegas in the sky, perhaps not looking in tip top condition due to your untimely death, we are quite sure you will be welcomed with open wings and indeed find the perfect little scratching patch of ground, somewhat similar to the acre of moss you so freely roamed for your short time on this earth. rest in peace little 'billy-no-mates' for despite what your name may suggest, you were indeed one of the best mates we ever had"

she is thinking Tuesday would be a grand day for a giveaway, yes hurrah hooray for Tuesday ~ Tif

it's a chicken thing...

it has been over a year since the chickie peas came to live at mossy shed,

over a year of being a mother hen...

they were indeed the very reason for moving to the shed and it's acre of moss.

in a year they have been my constant source of daily delights,

in short they are all i had hoped they would be

and so much more.

if you are sitting on the fence,

debating whether or not to bring a feathered friend or two into your life and your backyard,

i would advise you to think no longer and just do it,

and i am quite certain my advice is echoed all around

for many of you already know the joys i'm talking about...

the joy of having a few funny birds,

just doing their thing,

day after day,

never talking back to you,

always happy to see you,

wonderful at keeping secrets

and

never a complaint about your food offerings.

quite simply put,

i hope never to be without a few backyard chickens,

for the rest of my days

she is busy sweating it out with Miss Ethel and trying to keep billy no mates out of the shed ~ Tif

a case of the 'runs'...

i look like a new mum, (unwashed hair and yesterday's clothes),

and i smell like a new mum (sick and diarrhea)...

in the past twenty four hours i have marvelled many times at just how much 'yuck' can come out of one so small as 'little olive'.

at 7 pm last night i marvelled to my man, the volume of the clear up operation that i had started that day,

at 3 am this morning, i marvelled in hushed tones to the silent night, "where does it keep coming from?"...

at 7 am this morning, i marvelled again in my bedraggled smelly state, to anyone who was awake to listen, again the bulk of the situation.

and at 12 pm this lunchtime i re-marvelled to my vet, the 'enormity of the quantity' that had left this little doggie rather sad and tired.

as little olive rests, i have spent way too much time this afternoon, chasing a blimen' chicken.

i am quite sure if someone were to be secretly videoing my moment of 'mass hysteria' and show me at a later date, i might chuckle... but chuckling i was not at the time.

tired, smelling of sick dog and realizing after my man had fixed the hole in the fence that one silly chicken was not where it should be...

and that silly chicken was 'little voice'.

by the time our #1 had got her back in the fold i must confess rather nasty words had left my lips...

"oh, just stay there you flippin' hen" i shouted, "just leave her."

"you don't mean that mum, imagine if she got squidged on the road, then we would all have to hear you wailing for days to come" our #1 shouted back as we tried to corner the frisky thing.

"i do... i do mean it..."

and then i said 'it' dearest readers, the most unforgivable thing to say to a chicken you wish to be friends with and encourage to keep you going in the 'egg department' for several years.

i said the 'C' word...

i know,

a terrible, abusively verbal crime has been committed to one of my chickens and by moi, myself.

i said

"you know chicken..." (actually, i shouted it rather loudly, sounding like a deranged woman with not a lot left to give),

"you know chicken, if ever there was a chicken that deserved to be eaten by a bloody coyote it's you, little blimen' voice."

gasp, shock and a lot of horror...

in my defence, however pathetic it may sound, i must tell you... i was a 'woman undone' by many hours filled with 'shit shovelling' and few hours filled with 'sleep' but it is still unforgivable. and on that note, i turned on my heel and headed indoors to 'wash my hands' of saving 'little voice' from the big bad road or the jaws of a coyote.

our #1 did not however stoop to her mother's level and patiently waited for 'little voice' to 'come to her senses' and go through the gate to the back yard.

and why do i feel so bad about shouting the 'C' word at my chicken, i'll tell you why...

because my 'sweet six' have started 'a laying', the most amazing gift a chicken can give and they started to do this several days ago.

i am a proud mother hen and after i finish up 'tippity tapping' these words i shall go back out to the yard, cup of tea in hand, newly bathed 'olive' in the other and find 'little voice' to apologize...

with a bit of luck (and 'cause she's a chicken with short term memory issues) she will forgive my 'momentary breakdown' and offer up an egg for breakfast tomorrow...

she is hoping her night is not full of 'crap' again and wishing you all a 'crap free' weekend ~ Tif ;)

four days after olive comes to stay...

i don't mind telling you dear readers that i was a wee bit nervous about our little olive 'the other dog' coming to live in our nest...

after all, we have a shed load of critters already and every time i add another i always hear a little voice in the back of my head saying, "this is the one Tif, the one that will rock the boat and all it's contents"...

but so far, i am pleased to report, so good... used dog has decided that olive is way too small to cause her trauma just yet, so instead she has directed her attention upon the chickens in the yard. it's almost too much for a dog to stand, they strut around her territory acting like they own the place, coming right up to the house and 'billy no mates' makes no apology for inviting herself in through the back door if no one is looking... (and whilst on the point of chickens, last night as we were dining al fresco, big bertha made no qualms about hiding her wish to be a cockeral... only time will tell, but it ain't looking good for her).

the cats have looked at little olive as if to say "not again, not another odd smell in the shed" and the tortoise, the mieces and the fish appear completely 'blase' about the whole thing...

and so apart from the first night of 'missing her mummy', little olive has settled in rather nicely...

even enjoying her first bike ride yesterday.

i never saw myself as a small dog owner but i think when she has grown fully, thus being less likely to be stepped on in our busy household, i imagine it all working out rather nicely (as i tippity tapped that last bit, i did knock on wood... just in case)

she is once again gearing up for some serious perspiring as the temps stay high in the sky and in the shed ~ Tif

footynote: and may i just say how lovely your 'little olive the other dog' welcome was... how much kindness has been shown to one wee thing, she is a most lucky of luckiest puppy to have such a welcome :)

a parting of the ways...

i have two gripping pieces of info to share with you today...

gripping piece of info #1:

in my despair at graying rapidly and feeling a frump, i had a close inspection of my coif. i have discovered a small slither of hairline that shows no wisdom yet. this fantastic, ney brilliant discovery has aided me greatly in breaking up my hair wearing routine. for four weeks i shall part my hair on the side, when those pesky gray hairs come back to haunt me i shall then part my hair in the middle, thus adding a eclectic vibe to my 'hair wearing' and a 'will she or won't she' feel to my morning routine.

(doesn't get more gripping than that does it!)

gripping piece of info #2:

my sweet chickies are in the coop.

for mother's day, my gift was a finished coop, i can't think of a nicer gift in the world then a finished duck egg blue chicken coop with some natty bunting...

i am pleased to report, my little chickie peas have settled in most well, and after a day or two have figured out the ladder as well.

she will see you on monday ~ Tif

thrifty thursdays...

we will not focus today on the fact that little eva and orla (my only two speckled sussex chicks) have been pretending to be girls all along...i know this to be true because i burnt the midnight oil trying to find out information that might tell me otherwise...but alas it would appear that at least two of my eight chickie peas are not going to be 'a laying' any eggs. this morning i have discovered that not only are they fond of Elvis but also David Bowie, it was a bitter sweet moment.

we will also not focus on the fact i am fearing for Gladys...thank goodness the rains have stopped, i had visions of her slowly sliding towards the mini lake in our yard and just sailing on down the hill. i half wondered this morning if Maggi my neighbor would wake to find Gladys in her front yard...

so let us find some more uplifting thoughts to focus on and what better than thrifty thursday... i have a list as long as my arm. it would appear i have gone thrifty nuts this week but really i haven't, okay well perhaps i have.

before i begin, can i just tell you that it is the most dangerous thing to discover that one can thrift from one's desk. over the past few weeks i have noted that Etsy is a haven of lovely vintage thrifty finds, if one can't get out and about when being florence nightingale then just peruse the aisles of vintage on Etsy to keep you sane.

so if you are sitting comfortably then i shall begin...

1. a sweet little ceramic deer holder thingy-me-bob from etsy seller karapegg

it caught my eye when i was reading the blog over at papernstitch (worth a read, and the shops featured are just lovely). i never ever have found a ceramic at my thrift store more than two years old, it is complete 'pants' in the ceramic department...so that being said i am most happy to find one on Etsy.

i am waiting for inspiration to hit and figure out what to do with the container bit at the back, i would buy a wee plant to put in it, (this is where my dad will have taken a sharp intake of breath and feared for all little greeneries waiting to be bought near me) but alas i am rubbish at keeping house plants alive. i pride myself on keeping my four children, one man and countless little critters alive, so i forgive myself not being able to maintain a potted plant...

2. pillowcases and napkins for 'summer apron wraps' sigh...my favorite thing. i managed to get started yesterday on some more...

3. a retro tablecloth in the color of _ _ _ _ _ . i am not going to say it for i do not want to put any one off buying my wares. this lovely dogwood table cloth is destined to be made into cushion covers.

4. a lovely pair of retro yellow curtains in minty fresh condition... which i will put in my little vivant store, but of course all in good time.

5. two sweet pictures... i know what you are thinking, Tif has gone off on one, but do not worry yourself laying awake at night thinking i have got it "oh so wrong". no dear readers i intend to butcher the pictures and just use the frames (that does sound rather aggressive, i fear my martial art ways are getting out of control). i shall paint them a lovely glossy color and then figure out what delight to frame with in their beauty.

6. a tissue box... not just any old tissue box but a kitschy, hang it on the wall kind of tissue box in the most perfect granny pink. having reached the adult world at 40 i have discovered apart from things heading southward at an alarming rate, my nose has started to drip (too much info, i know) and i think it rather lovely if one has to deal with a 'drip' to have tissues at hand... usually i just have a toilet roll sitting around. but no, i am all grown up now with a tissue box that i shall attach to the wall so any passers-by, upon being invited in, may admire my tissue box and exclaim "how lovely and sophisticated to have a plastic kitschy tissue box holder upon your wall".

she's off to get busy with the laundry, ahhh the joys of being a homemaker ~ Tif

the day after...

my little heart has been warmed ten times over by the kindness you have shown me, not just here but over at rearrange design and decor8. to know that you have taken the time to post a comment of such 'loveliness' about me really is quite extraordinary and i feel most humble today...

coming back down to earth, our #3 has been home three days now with another cold bug thing (don't think it, and don't even say it).

yesterday i volunteered to repaint his closet doors to cheer him up... i could tell that although he had never voiced it, he was very much bothered by the clashing of his green doors and the orla kiely wallpaper on the wall outside his room. (and if you believe that my dearest readers then i fear you will believe anything).

so while he lay around feeling most sorry for himself (and so he should, having only just got over the flu, four weeks ago) his mother set to work on transforming the 'bright green' to a more subdued 'sludgy charteusey' kind of green.

when i had finished and he chose to inspect it there was silence and then in a hesitant way as not to offend, he pointed out that it did not appear green at all, and more a sludgy browny yucky yellow kind of color...

"aaah," said i "i believe you are describing the color of vomit, dearest child?"

"yes, that is exactly what i was trying to say, but just couldn't quite find the right word."

i then proceeded to let him know that he may not thank me today, tomorrow, or the week after, or perhaps even in a year or more.

but some day in years to come when he is all grown up and my footprints no longer tread this earth, one day he will stop and remember the day his mum painted his closet doors vomit color to match her wallpaper and he will thank me for giving him such a memory to stay with him forever...

of course he is not convinced, even though i said in my 'wisest toned voice' i could muster,

"it will happen, mark my words"

i give it one week and the doors will be covered in his drawings, pinned up to disguise the queeziness of it all.

it is raining cats and dogs here at the mo, once again we are feeling like noah's ark and i am having trouble keeping the eight chickie peas entertained in the garage. i have discovered as one is apt to do when dealing with chickens that they do care about the type of music they listen to... they do not care for my buddha music, that is quite obvious. and of course i know they like radio 2 unless it goes into some nighttime show with classical music.

but they do have a favorite band and every time i pop the cd on for them, they chirp away with such happiness...it is the one and only ABBA. dancing queen starts up and it's just like an early 80's disco going on...it's most contagious, before i know it, they are dancing, i'm dancing...used dog is dancing and licking her lips and i close my eyes and yes, for one minute i could be meryl streep on mamma mia surrounded by those drop dead gorgeous linens hanging on the line and a view that takes your breathe away...

she is off to sort the chickie peas and then get crafty with miss ethel ~ Tif

footy note: whilest cleaning out my chickies, elvis came on the radio and it was mass hysteria, not unlike one of his concerts in the 70's...i'm such a proud mother hen of my chickies and their musical tastes ;)

part 'thrilling' two...

it is such a better day today...several reasons for that.

1. i put my bi-focals away in a drawer and hopefully my short term memory loss will kick in and i will soon forget where i put them and actually, that i even had them in the first place...

i have located an old pair of specs that i use for painting, they are covered in speckles of white and quite frankly i do not care.

my eyes are relieved,

my brain is relieved,

innocent pedestrians are relieved

and my summer wedges are relieved.

2. the sun is shining and it is warming up a treat outside. the chickie peas and i have been out already this morning practising our tai chi.

i fear they are much better at it then myself, although they did get distracted some what by a big slug that happened upon our little gathering. i don't own any tai chi music so i fished out one of my buddha cd's. it's going all rather swimmingly and i actually have retained a few 'moves' in my head now. i am especially good at 'cloud' hands...when i am tai chi-ing, in my little head i could so easily be in 'crouching tiger,hidden dragon'...

i have told my man, he needs to watch out. he may think i am retreating but no, i am taking all his tae kwondo energy and just when he thinks i have weakened and the battle is won, i will retaliate with my 'cloud' hands...

me and my chickies were doing a grand old job but then somebody on my buddha music started doing a 'wailing' thing that was most distracting and i lost my tai chi 'grove' and had to give up.

3. i am finding time today to finish up some apron wraps...the lovely kimberley over at seattle style gave out some 'summer apron wrap' loving last week and it really made my day, perhaps even my week.

but enough of this dilly dallying talk...

and so to 'potholdering'...my latest weakness. i blame the lovely emma lamb, she of the beautiful crocheted granny cushions, of which i am a proud owner. she is also rather nifty with the camera and putting together treasuries on etsy.

she started a lovely flickr group called 'all colours in' and asked me to join...which was most kind as she knows i am totally 'pants' at joining in with most things. but for emma i tried really hard to remember i was part of her lovely group.

i took a wee look a while ago at all the lovely pics that people around the globe were adding to the group.

and there is was, the photo that made me 'gasp', clutch my hands to my chest and exclaim "i need to add to my piddly potholder collection of three, so that i too may have a wall as beautiful as this" (i talk quite a lot out loud these days, it helps if you have furry and feathered friends around because then you feel it's okay)

my little collection is growing but isn't enough to start placing on the wall...so for now i have made myself a 'potholder' tree...

i am most happy with my tree and am thinking it might stop there, just as it is...for i can move my tree from room to room as the mood takes me. for now it is on the mantlepiece bringing a touch of 'potholdering' love to our lounge...

so there we have it...i am not actually quite sure my 'thrilling' potholdering part two was up to much and i know my aunt will be most disappointed as she had high hopes i was making swimwear out of them...the thought of having to model my apron wraps was traumatic enough, the thought of modeling 'potholder' bikinis is just too much for me and quite honestly way too much for the world...

with that thought she will leave you to have a lovely weekend ~ Tif

reasons to be cheerful...

1. at last the sun is out and so are the daffs my dad planted last autumn when he visited

2. i am a mother hen

3. my new wellies that match the chicken coop have been christened

4. big bertha can do tricks

5. little orla and little eva have survived their rocky start and went out to play

6. after weeks of 'what are you thinking' in the clothing department, target come up trumps with a lovely retro top for summer

7. i have a man with a beard building my chicken coop and washing on the line

8. it's so hot i've had to break out the nail polish and razor...a balmy 70 odd degrees

9. pesky squirrels are waiting patiently for their moment to shine

10. a patchwork curtain, a bit wonky but will surfice...never craft late at night, whilst being florence nightingale

she's thinking herself most lucky in life ~ Tif

it's just a chicken coop...

friday i rushed down to our local farm supply shop to pick up Orla and Little Eva...two speckled sussex chicks less than two days old.

as they are over a week younger than the other six i have set them up in a space of their own until they grow stronger. for the first eight hours they cried and cried...

used dog and Bingo were most perturbed by the wee chickies plight. i feared for their little lives and i feared for my studio turning into a mini petting farm.

after a whole day of 'distressing' on everyones part, i found the answer...Terry Wogan and his soothing tones, ever since we have Radio 2 playing day and night.

saturday we started the hen house...my main thoughts were about the color, my man's were about actually constructing a coop that would deter the predators that roam our neighborhood when we are tucked up in bed. he got busy with the 'how to' and i got busy with the 'umming and ahhhing' over a couple of paint chips...

"it's just a chicken coop, Tif" he remarked

"just a chicken coop" i spluttered..."it's not just any old chicken coop, it's THEE chicken coop for all my little chicky peas". that would be

Little Eva

Orla

Big Bertha

Pigpen

Fatty (from the Beano)

Polly

Billy no mates

and

No name

(can you tell the ones i was actually allowed to name and the others that were named by a ten year old?)

i then proceeded to tell him that all the books and websites have told me that chickens do not care what their dwellings look like as long as they are kept dry, clean and fed.

but i have decided that quite honestly how do we really know that, surely a chicken would appreciate a little extra in life, such as colorful bunting on the outside just to jolly the day up and i am thinking also a radio for company...

Sunday we started to put the sides together, i had painted the frames a lovely duck egg blue...i noted my man was not being careful with the paint work and more intent on getting the coop level. (which i do agree can be a tricky job and also quite important, but none the less my paint work was in jeopardy) as i was about to complain that my paint work was not being treated with the respect it was due, he looked up at me with gritted teeth and said

"it's just a chicken coop"...

Monday, my man leaves for work...i shout out to the chickies "oooh, daddies leaving"...as the door closes i hear him mutter "oh Tif, you really are turning into a right old mother hen"

she's hoping you will visit 'paper n stitch' this month ~ Tif