its been a long while..
feels like a dream though.
thought of changing blog, but decided not to.
its been sweet, sour, bitter, bland, everything u can think of.

i wonder if im happy now, i wonder if your happy too.
when u said u still wanted to be frens, u still wanted to listen to my problems,
i believed u. but u proved me wrong again.
i guess it shows, ur really happy with her now. :)

wifey dotes on me a lot,
i really feel so loved.
but i feel disappointed with myself,
i wanna listen and be good,
but i cant.
thanks for givin in to me all the time,
sending me back though ur damn tired,
making me smile when im down,
supporting me in what i do.
yesterday i laughed a lot,
but deep down in my hrt,
i was crying.
feeling so emo, trying so hard to laugh the tears away.
i wish i could hug u now.

going to chamber feels so crappy at times.
maybe i did offend some ppl unintentionally.
but i didnt know it.
i cant help but feel irritated at times.
u go there to drink and relax, not to make trouble,
not to watch out for ppls flaws.
last time everyone used to be so friendly.
and all of a sudden, u hear tt ppl are sayin bad things about u.
and the worst thing is, everyone says ITS COMMON for peeps there to backstab each other.
seriously, wads wrong?!?!?!?!
so we are paying to go there and get attitude from ppl for nth?
really ridiculous.
argh. forget it.

last night was fun, really drink drank drunk. lol
we didnt even dance! just ran up and down all night.
met conan and alvin at o bar. forgot the other names.
i puked, and puked, and puked. haha
liang had to keep stopping on the highway..
den after tt xiang picked me up.
same thing. stop and puke, stop and puke.
come home also puke puke and puke.

i'm so sorry... u missed ur super duper impt soccer match.
and u always have to clear up the shit i created.

and im sorry sab and liang, >.< sigh x100000

went to interchange, wanted to get groceries for steamboat. i actually forgot tonight he had a dinner appt!!! lol sadded. spent my entire morning talking to auntie.. wow, really talk nonstop man. but halfway i felt sad. she was telling me about the good good girls around him.. den she said i very bu ting hua. always go drink when theres work the next day. then talk about throwing away things.. growing up.. emily's cooking.. steamboat.. his didi.. his frens.. religion.. she really talked A LOT! den uncle saved me, hahah helped him write cheques.. but he went to bathe, den auntie continued talking and talking and talking...... from 9am i wanted to bathe, she talk til 12+ den i finally bathed lol.

wanted to take bus, but ez link no money. ended up taking cab. dar called me to tell me he asked her to eat with me cos tonight he got dinner. i wanted to faint! since i was already on the cab, i thought i would just go and get his drinks and my bubba tea =D BUT the uncle dropped me at those hdb carpark, asked me to walk over to interchange -.- finally found shop and save, but didnt know what to buy. just bought his carrot juice and ah peh water. lols. and i spent 30mins walking in circles trying to find the interchange to top up my card. but cannot find!!!! ended up taking cab. the idiot cabbie drove into the carpark, made a 3 point turn and drove back to the main road to drop me. -.- actually go straight den reach alr!!!! and u noe wads the best thing?

I SAW A MAMA SHOP BESIDE HIS HOUSE. WTH!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY DIDNT I NOTICE IT BEFORE?!?!!?!??!?!?!? *bang wall*

zhiwei was listening to this song, i think its quite meaningful.

以为只看小说就能看到爱的颜色
这算是什么生活
我们留在自己的沙漠开始魂不守舍
等待时间流过
如果你像天气总对我不冷也不热
我不能选择沉默
爱情只是个泡沫脆弱得一触即破
你要好好把握

错过我们都有过错
在幸福的角落还要再奢求什么
直到一天遗憾开出它的花朵
谁都会明白从前才是最快乐

错过上天都有过错
创造悲欢离合要我们承担结果
每一个人是另一个人的景色
在寂寞的时候什么比爱更赤裸裸
曾经停泊过就已很值得

i didnt know it would hurt so badly.
thanks for listening to me ramble on continuously
thanks for being understanding and scolding me
reality is so so so harsh.
wad i've always believed in throughout the past year has come to nothing.
and i've gotta face the fact.
everything is different now.

im so free that i'm reading my archives.
you noe, theres this saying that when u look back at ur memories, u'll laugh at ur tears, and tear at ur memories of laughter. its not true. why am i still tearing over the tears i shed for u?
sigh.

i feel like im being torn apart now.

working at uobam til 15th june.
have withdrawn from school.
broke up with my tan le.

its a brand new beginning for me, i guess.
this time, i've been the selfish one.
i'm sorry. i just wanna be happy.
u'll always be a part of me though.
:) buddies, ya?
*muacks*

gonna move on.
gotta move on.
i'm thankful for those around me.
especially those who have been by my side silently supporting me.
all in all, bev is definitely a blessed girl. :)
and she wants to cherish those around her.

PS:::::: im very very sorry angel darling! sigh happy birthday my dear!

damn tired.... zzz... duno who were u drinking with last night, anyways u like den go ahead ba. at least i told u the truth.. i guess i cant take care of anyone well, things always end up wrong. can't even settle work stuff properly. argh.

im not a player, i never meant to play with anyone's feelings. its just hard to say no to someone. 1yr and 4mths of memories together, how do u say bye and let go just like tt? its my longest longest r/s ever.. and i tried to put everything i have into it. it was so hard to initiate a breakup. no more smelling u, hugging u, playing with ur paws, digging ur ear, no more da bao and po lo bao. but still, its time to let go le my dear.. i'm sorry..

Things have changed now. It all feels so weird. When I was desperately trying to grab your attention, you just didn’t bother. Now you reply me even before I can lock my phone. Why wait til I’m gone, then start to cherish me?

There’s certain things u hope I don’t tell anyone, and I guess I’ll give in and shut up about it. I noe recently you’ve really been very very very nice towards me again. But how long can this last? How many months before you push me to one side again?

You don’t need me, not as much as I needed you. My life practically revolved around you. Everywhere I went, I talked about you, thought about you. Every holidays I went, I put your stuff as top priority instead of mine. I ended up shopping for you and you and you. I used to stare at my phone during work, just to wait for your calls and texts, but they never came. Even when u met me, u were still texting with your colleague, gossiping about work. I just wanted a small part of your time, where I didn’t have to watch you turn away, talking to someone else, leaving me there alone. Where u absentmindedly walked off without me, forgetting to make sure I was following behind u.

Ur a good girlfriend, u dote on me a lot, buy things and bring me out when u can afford it. but that’s all the material stuff. U didn’t notice, its been about 3 months since I stepped into your house. Even when u were sick, u wanted me to meet u downstairs. If ur ashamed of bringing me home. Den just say it. anyways I wont go up already. I noe where I stand, I wont be so shameless.

I just wanna be single, I wanna find the right one for me. I’m tired of trying to fit in, trying to alter myself to fit others. I just wanna be myself. The good old happy-go-lucky Bev.

=) my nissin cup noodles are on discount now at 7-11!! hahah $1.50 only woot! went to stock up cup noodles in my drawer. just in case, for rainy days =)

i think i shldnt have eaten tom yam, now my stomach feels like a washing machine.. urghhh -.- going to dbl o tonight to celebrate dar's birthday! hohoho but i feel like going home to change clothes T.T shouldnt have worn dress today, veryyyyy auntie!

my dear is at camp, bro is in hospital, life has been sooooooo boring.. haha but last night abby went down to chambers with me, so not bad! =)

been super duper late for work everyday, i think im still in my holiday mood. every single day i meet new cabby uncles, i hear different stories, and i go by different ways. lol amk, braddell, potong pasir, all go before le. hahah i duno why im typing rubbish, i think i need a break.

bev is tired..